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It’s Okay To Be Unsure About What You Want In Life Once In A While

It’s Okay To Be Unsure About What You Want In Life Once In A While

Perhaps it comes with growing up.

Feelings that used to be simple became a myriad of complications. Directions that used to be clear gradually merged, twisted, and dispersed into thin air.

We used to whistle a tune before we head to work and get there feeling refreshed. Now most of the time we just feel numb. Apathetic, even. Work is dull, boring. We operate like a machine, never sparing more effort than what is needed.

Sometimes we feel drained, exhausted. It ceased to be “us”, and became “you” and “me”. You and I say the same things, only they come without the tinge of love or happiness.

We tried so, so hard to be perfect, and now we are lost, unsure about how to go on.

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We got lost when the harsh reality hit us.

Perhaps we lost ourselves when we stopped believing in the beauty of dreams, stunted by the harshness of reality, the burden of responsibility and locked them up with maturity as the jailer. So we started working at a place that constantly fills us with dread with our red, tired eyes staring back at me from the slightly reflective screen as our fingers flash over the keyboard.

Perhaps we lost ourselves when we started to care less about the person we love. What used to be a time to talk and share was filled with arguments or complete silence. We withdrew into ourselves, staring at the dying embers of love because we don’t know how to rekindle the flames anymore.

I am terrified. We are terrified of these gradual shifts in our lives when things no longer seem to make sense. That’s because deep down, we don’t want to give up. We all want to do something and change. We want to live happier, become someone important and create something of value. That is unanimous.

But taking an initiative could be just as scary. Could you live with yourself if what you did and changed, in the end, was a mistake?

To that, I would say boldly – so what?

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Cheers to our mistakes.

Years from now, we will be more disappointed with the things we didn’t do than the things we did. If we don’t have the courage today to explore, dream and discover new things and choose to stay in the depressing cage we are in right now, then what is the point of living?

Remember what got you here in the first place.

Ask yourself: why did you start doing what you are doing now? Is it because you enjoyed the thrill, the challenge of your job? Or is it because it has a decent pay, good benefits, and everyone else feels like you’re the perfect fit for this job?

“Oh God, the terrible tyranny of the majority. We all have our harps to play. And it’s up to you to know with which ear you’ll listen.” —Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

If you started off being passionate about it, figure out what changed and find out how to take it back.

If you are doing something because it was what everyone thinks you should do and you don’t necessarily agree, then take a deep breath, and drop it. Life is too short to be doing what you don’t like.

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Once you decided to do something, do it till it’s done.

“Don’t try. Do. Or do not. There is no try.” – Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back, Star Wars.

Commit yourself fully. It is too often that we leave buffer after buffer to make sure we are safe even if we fall. Adult eagles would push their kids down a cliff so they could either learn flying or die. It may sound cruel, but sometimes we need to just close our eyes and learn to take that leap of faith. Whatever it is that you have decided to do, do it cleanly and don’t look back.

It’s okay to be not okay.

Asking for help is often portrayed as a sign of weakness. But who is strong all the time? So many of us mask our insecurities, our fear of being lost and confused with a stony façade and an iron will. Unconsciously, we have pushed the ones who care about us further away with this twisted strength.

But perhaps being weak occasionally is what makes us human. It’s okay to feel unsure about what you want to be. It’s okay to fall and sob. It’s okay to be vulnerable and tender after being hit by a sudden loss.

No one should carry the burden of being strong all the time. So share your story with your family. Shed some tears with your friends. Find your direction with your partner. It’s okay to say “I’m not okay”.

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It’s all about being honest to yourself.

We’ve all been lost and come across crossroads before, not knowing which way is the right way to choose. The thing is, it really isn’t about being right. It’s about being honest to yourself. It’s about doing what you want to do deep inside your heart. It’s about looking at what you have and who you have and be grateful. It’s about being proud of yourself no matter what you chose in the end.

Therefore, there is just one more thing to say –

Good luck.

Featured photo credit: Picjumbo via picjumbo.com

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Eamon Suen

Student, The Hong Kong University of Science and Technology

Life Is Not Supposed To Be Fair, We’re Supposed to Learn To Live With It If You Want To Be Successful, You May Need To Cut Off Something From Life The Earlier You Understand These Truths Of Happiness The Better Your New Habits Will Stick With These 5 Killer Strategies Accept Where You Are And Happiness Is At Your Fingertips

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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