Advertising
Advertising

10 Tips To Boost Your Child’s Confidence (And Not Their Arrogance)

10 Tips To Boost Your Child’s Confidence (And Not Their Arrogance)

A recent study by The Ohio State University suggests that increasing narcissistic development in children may be attributed to parents’ over-valuation of their child’s abilities and achievements, consistently over time. That is, parents believing that their children are more deserving and special compared to others. The findings also suggest that the development of narcissistic traits stem partially from socialization experiences, and in the case of children, how their parents interact with them. There is a difference in the way “narcissism” is defined, and how it is different from a person who has high or healthy “self-esteem” though.

For starters, the study defines narcissistic individuals as those who “feel superior to others, fantasize about personal successes, and believe they deserve special treatment.” On the other hand, “confidence”, may be simply referred to as “a measure of one’s belief in one’s own abilities…”, according to Kansas State University professor, Candice Shoemaker. Based on anecdotal evidence and empirical studies, it would also appear that individuals who’ve a healthy degree of confidence in their abilities also tend to perform better in their chosen areas of application.

In a nutshell, the confident person has realistic beliefs in his/her own capabilities and enjoys higher chances to succeed, whilst the other holds an inflated belief that they better than the rest, often feel entitled to receive a (positive) result, but tend to perform poorer than the former.

Whilst it is natural for many of us to think the world of our flesh and blood, and go the extra mile to support them during their formative years, praising them to the high-heavens doesn’t help. In fact, over-praising was found to be the largest predictor of narcissism in children – and that had no effect on the self-esteem levels (i.e. self-respect and confidence in their abilities).

How can parents and caregivers help nurture confidence in children and minimize the risk of arrogance then?

Here are ten tips to help you to do so:

1. Allow them to fall (and be there for them when it happens)

I’m starting with probably the biggest and hardest point to swallow – how to let them fall.

Advertising

Falling and failing hurts. It’s a natural way our mind alerts us to danger… and motivates us to do better. Pain is a survival instinct that reminds us that we need to skill up and adapt to our environment.

When our children fall, parents feel the pain twofold – one because they can relate to the pain their children are going through.

Two, when they see their baby cry – and out of love and concern, they become all too eager to put a smile back on their children’s faces.

Sometimes, the pressures of the world also mean that some parents want to “fix things”, stop the crying and move on as well. Unfortunately, we won’t be with our children forever, so it’s better for us to teach our kids how to pick themselves up after a fall and recognize areas for improvement rather than to dismiss it or blame others for it.

I learned a great way to teach kids how to pick themselves up from losing, from seeing my nephews and nieces playing with board games.

Games being games, there’s going to be a winner and losers. Yes, plural. Seeing them attempting and playing together starting at the tender age of three showed me the best and worst (then) sights of child. The periods of competition, victory, joy, disappointment, gloating – the good and bad – became teachable moments for these young minds, and parents want to be there reinforce positive traits and guide them through negative behavior when that happens.

As the adage goes, “when one hits rock bottom, the only way is up.” Funnily enough, when we’ve become experienced enough with our initial fears and difficulties, we learn to handle them better – and with that comes a deeper sense of confidence.

Advertising

2. Teach them to be accountable for their actions

By teaching our children to be accountable for their actions, they begin to appreciate the power of their choices and develop greater sensitivity to the consequences of those choices. Our children begin to learn and see that life is what they make of it, and not merely subjected to the actions of other people – parents, society etc. Naturally, there will always be things beyond our control, but that’s what all of us are subjected to in this world. Some of the world’s richest and most accomplished individuals are shining examples of how they struck gold when they strove to make “lemonade from the lemons” they were given.

Some famous names that come to mind are, Richard BransonSteve Jobs and Chris Gardner. Teaching our children to be accountable for their actions helps them learn about the power that’s in their hands. It’s the power to shape and chart their future in spite of the environment and competition surrounding them. It challenges them to see things in perspective, to see opportunities, their strengths, and potential pitfalls. It’s a skill they will continue to learn and hone long after we’re gone.

3. Let them help around the house (and celebrate milestones)

A large part of confidence comes from having a sense of competence, and children also need opportunities to build and demonstrate their skill and competency levels as well, and a great place to do that is when they’re at home. Getting them to help, even when they’re to little to help with cooking, setting the table and making beds helps everybody see tangible results of their actions, and provides an avenue for them see and feel that their contribution is valuable.

Too often, many parents are afraid of the mess that might come about during the early days, and rush to rescue their children when they fall. Yet that “mess” is merely a small and temporary problem to a larger and longer-term solution

4. Challenge them

As our children make progress in the various aspects of their lives – be it setting the tables or making the soccer team, it’s not sufficient to merely validate their achievements. The nurturing role of the parent also requires them to challenge the children to push their boundaries and strive for the next challenge. This could mean our children graduating from making the bed they sleep in, to sweeping the bedroom floor (conquering their bedroom!) before moving into helping out the living room and finally into the kitchen.

Similarly, they may do well to make the soccer team as a striker or defender, and whilst we celebrate that achievement, we’ll be encouraging them to actually score a goal or keep a clean sheet.

After all, there’s only so much one can rave about and commend our kids for actually kicking the ball and encouraging them to become better also helps them keep their feet on the ground.

Advertising

5. Put your child in charge

Every so often, put your child in charge of family activity. This could be what the family might be having for dinner, movie, or where to go as a family. Putting your child in charge provides them with the opportunity to make decisions, not only for themselves but with their family (and others) in mind. It may be prudent to rotate this privilege between each member, so that more assertive siblings do not dominate

6. Encourage play and the pursuit of their passion

Like so many of the points above, inculcating a sense and desire to learn is not only a great way to build competency (and hence confidence in their skills), but also keep your child’s feet on the ground. Helping our children find and encouraging them to pursue their passion not only helps them nurture their love for learning, but also liberates them to explore freely and find their feet in the world.

Like many of the greatest discoveries of our world, many were found by accident. Who knows what talents they might unearth when they’re having fun?

7. Encourage them to express themselves

Encourage them to take part in discussion, be open and respectful to disagreement and be open to every member’s right to share their opinions and emotions about a particular matter. Sharing and challenging each members’ opinions help our children understand that more than one opinion has the right to exist in our world, and that there’s never a clear-cut solution to life’s sophistication.

In turn, showing respect for another’s opinion also shows our children how to be respectful towards others as well; and in certain instances, what it means to be assertive and passionate in one’s stand and perspective as well.

8. Listen and and help them relate to emotions

When your child is trying to tell you something, stop and listen to what he/she has to say, even if you don’t understand all his words. They need to know that their thoughts and feelings matter.

Help them recognize and get comfortable with their emotions by acknowledging them. You may say, “It sounds like you are sad because you have to say bye to your friends.”

Advertising

Doing so helps them recognize emotions such as sadness, frustration, anger, and shows that you are accepting their emotions without judgment. It shows that you validate their their emotions, and show that you value what they have to say.

Likewise, when you share your own feelings, like “I’m excited about going to your play”, they’ll gain confidence expressing their own.

9. Don’t be afraid of calling them out their strengths, values and negative emotions

Every so often your child might get frustrated because they can’t do things their friends can, like painting as well as Peter (for example). Empathize with their disappointment by saying, “I can see that you are feeling frustrated, and I’m glad to hear that you are determined to do better”.

You may also remind them they’re good at “building things / putting things together” (again, for example), something which Peter really isn’t good at. This can help your child learn that we all have unique strengths and limitations, that there are other values worth acknowledgement, and that they don’t have to be perfect to feel good about themselves.

10. Resist sweeping comparisons

When we make comments such as “Why can’t you be as hardworking like Alice?”, we are more often than not making our children feel bad about himself. For some, it’s a hope that shame inflicts enough pain for them to take action.

Interestingly, even positive comparisons, such as “You’re the best player in your team” could be damaging – not only because a child now has a skewed idea of reality without taking into account the contribution of others, it can also be hard to live up to this image.

Better it would, when we learn appreciate our children for the unique individuals they are rather than how they measure up against others generally.

In that way, it’s more likely that they will learn to value themselves too.

Featured photo credit: Petr Dodek via flickr.com

More by this author

13 Things You Need to Forget If You Want To Be Likable How to Set Up Your Child for Success in Life 10 Tips To Boost Your Child’s Confidence (And Not Their Arrogance)

Trending in Family

1 25 Super Fun Things to Do With Family to Strengthen Your Bond 2 25 Fabulously Fun Family Activities To Bring You Closer Together 3 How to Set Family Goals to Build a Happy Family (With Examples) 4 15 Best Father’s Day Gifts Your Father Won’t Buy On His Own 5 6 Ways to Care For Your Aging Parents From a Distance

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 11, 2021

11 Hidden Benefits of Using Oil Diffusers

11 Hidden Benefits of Using Oil Diffusers

Affordable, relaxing, and healthy, oil diffusers are gaining popularity with people everywhere due to their extensive benefits. Oil diffusers work through the simple process of oil diffusion, which uses heat to turn oil into a vapor that is then spread around a living space. Diffused oil can have several relaxation and health-related benefits, including safe scent-dispersion, mosquito and mold defense, stress relief, and more!

Read on for 11 hidden benefits of using oil diffusers.

1. Safe Scents That Make Sense

Unlike candles or air fresheners, oil diffusers release cleansing molecules into your air that work to purify it, not overload it with unhealthy chemicals. Electronic diffusers also do not pose the fire risk that candles do. Plus, they contain the added feature of interchangeability, which means you change oil types for different scents and health benefits.

Advertising

2. Stress Relief

Several lab studies have confirmed that diffusing essential oils like lavender have been shown to reduce stress and help relieve anxiety in medical patients. Preliminary studies have also shown that oil diffusers can help alleviate symptoms of depression.

3. Improved Sleep

Diffused oil has relaxing properties that can help people of all ages fall asleep quicker and sleep more soundly. Electronic diffusers not only have the option to mix and match different oil blends (Try a lavender, Bulgarian rose, and Roman chamomile blend to help with insomnia), they also run at a gentle hum that helps relax an agitated mind. Many also come with an auto shut-off feature to help conserve oils once you have fallen asleep.

4. Appetite Control

Much like gum, oil diffusers can help stimulate the senses in a way that works to curb appetite. New research has shown that diffused peppermint oil can help curb appetite by inducing a satiety response within the body. Diffused peppermint oil has also been shown to increase energy.

Advertising

5. Bacteria and Mold Killing

When essential oils are diffused in the air, they break down free radicals that contribute to the growth of harmful bacteria. Eucalyptus, thyme, and tea tree oils are especially good for this purpose. Diffused oil is also highly effective when it comes to combating fungal yeast threats, as the oil help makes the air inhospitable for yeasts such as mold. Pine and red thyme essential oils are best for combating mold.

6. Decongestion and Mucus Control

Ever tried Vick’s Vapo-Rub? Its decongesting powers come from active ingredients made from the eucalyptus tree. In principle, oil diffusers work the same way as Vapo-Rub, except they diffuse their decongesting vapor all around the room, not just on your chest or neck. Oil diffusers have been known to cure pneumonia in lab mice.

7. Mosquito Repellant

Nobody likes mosquitoes — but when the trade-off means using repellants full of DEET, a toxic chemical that can be especially harmful to children, mosquito control can often seem like a lose-lose. However, scientists have shown that oil diffusers can be used as a safe and highly effective mosquito repellant. Studies have shown that a diffused oil mixture containing clove essential oil and lemongrass essential oil repelled one type of Zika-carrying mosquito, the Aedes aegypti mosquito, at a rate of 100%.

Advertising

8. Pain Relief

While applying oils directly to areas of your body may be the most effective way to alleviate pain, diffusing essential oils can also be an effective means of pain relief. When we inhale healthy essential oils, they enter our blood stream and can help internally relieve persistent pain from headaches, overworked muscles, and sore joints.

9. The New Anti-Viral

Research into the anti-viral effects of oil diffusion is now just gaining steam. A recent study showed that star anise essential oil was proven in medical experiments to destroy the herpes simplex virus in contained areas at a rate of 99%. Another study showed the popular DoTerra oil blend OnGuard to have highly-effective influenza-combating powers.

10. Improved Cognitive Function

Diffusing essential oils has also been shown to improve cognitive function. Many essential oils have adaptogenic qualities, which can work twofold in soothing us when we’re stressed, and giving our bodies a pick-me-up when we’re feeling down or sluggish. By working to level out an imbalanced mood, diffused oils also help us to focus. There are also several essential oils which have been shown to help balance the body’s hormones. With prolonged use, these oils can work to repair the underlying causes responsible for hindering cognitive function.

Advertising

11. Money Saving

With ten clear benefits of oil diffusers already outlined, there is one more that should now be obvious: using an oil diffuser will help you to save money. As an anti-viral, bug repelling, and stress-relief solution rolled into one safe product, an oil diffuser used with the proper oils will save you money on products you might otherwise be buying to help cure those pesky headaches or get your kids to fall asleep on time. If you’re wondering just how affordable oil diffusers can be, check the buyer’s guide to the best oil diffusers — you’ll be sure to find one that fits your budget!

Featured photo credit: Jopeel Quimpo via unsplash.com

Read Next