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If You Are Affected Emotionally By The World Around You, Read This

If You Are Affected Emotionally By The World Around You, Read This

Negative emotions left untreated result in fear, anger, frustration, loneliness, depression, and helplessness. Even the best of us wear down emotionally. Negativity surrounds us, and over time you become like a sponge and soak up all the negative energy around you.

No matter what goes on around you, you’re still in control. You can’t control all the situations around you, but you can choose how you respond to each of them.

Here are a handful of situations where negative emotions appear.

1. The terrible boss

I get it. Your boss sucks. He’s unappreciative, a douche, unfair, and not as smart as you. Quitting seems the logical choice. Yet, not everyone has that option.

When it comes to handling your boss, you need to develop a shield that would make Captain America proud. Don’t take the easy way out and blame your boss for everything. Don’t be juvenile and bad mouth him or her to all your coworkers. Take the high road and don’t slack off. Your personal brand is on the line.

Use your horrible boss as motivation to create a better opportunity in the future for yourself. If you must quit, research your options before doing so.

2. Annoying coworkers

Unless you are lucky enough to work from home or have minimal contact with people, you’re likely to have dealt with a shoddy coworker. Coworkers can ruin the best of situations.

From lame water cooler jokes, to the pick up artist, to the overbearing health guru (no one cares about your juice cleanse), coworkers are stressful.

Imagine that your negative coworkers have the plague. It’s infectious and deadly, so stay away from these people at all costs. Avoid them in the break room, go outside and appreciate nature, or read a book.

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3. Work is draining

Do you work to live or live to work?

Society is obsessed with productivity and time is the easiest metric to measure it by. You end up having to do more and more each day to feel like a success.

Lower your stress and don’t get caught up in the rat race. How long you work isn’t important. It’s about the quality of the work that you perform in the time you have.

4. Clients are a nuisance

Being your own boss is awesome and rewarding. Chasing payments from people … not so much.

Instead of seeing a bad client, view it instead as a terrible situation. Bad clients are people who you continue to work with despite their substandard behaviors.

If you’re losing sleep, eating extra ice cream, or dreading the meeting, it’s time to end the relationship. It takes two to tango, so part of the blame is on you for not taking action. No amount of money is worth your sanity.

5. News is a waste

Eight out of ten stories in the news are negative. Letting the news (an outside source) invade your personal space is easier than you think. Whether you turn on the television or read articles on the Internet, the news is filled with negativity. Negativity sells.

When was the last time someone donating to charity or community building was the main story compared to the latest scandal?

Do yourself a favor and turn the TV off and close your browser. If it’s important, you’ll hear about it through your friends since everyone will be mentioning it.

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6. Society loves to judge

People are quick to share their opinions on how you should live your life. Have you had dreams of living abroad, running your own start-up, or going back to school? At some point, you’ve heard someone say, “You’re too old,” or “You need to quit dreaming and be realistic.”

If you let people’s opinion influence your decisions, you’ll forever be a prisoner and full of regret. We’re all meant to be different. Don’t be a sheep and follow blindly. Have some belief in yourself. There is more right with you than wrong with you despite what ‘everyone’ might say.

emotinally affected by the world
    No mater what society tells you…You can do whatever you please

    7. Friends can bring you down

    Friends, at times, are a heavy burden and negative influence on you. Friends can emotionally weigh you down with their problems and negative outlook on life. You want to be there for them, but their attitude over time will start to affect your life.

    Learn to recognize friends who make you feel blue. Separate yourself from their problems. You don’t have to join in on the negativity and absorb their problems to be a good friend.

    8. Let go of the comparison game

    We all compare ourselves to others. When comparing ourselves, we only see what the other has that we want, not what they’re missing.

    These people are human just as you are. They have no super powers. They’re imperfect people trying to figure out this thing called life, just as you are.

    Let go of the comparison and realize you’re awesome enough already.

    9. Body image issues are unnecessary

    With magazines, marketers, and shady fitness companies, it’s easy to get down on yourself. Relying on these for your measuring stick is a recipe for disaster.

    Though you may feel terrible or tell yourself you look out of shape, thoughts are just thoughts. The mind can be tricky at times.

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    Don’t let deceptive advertising or unrealistic images determine your self-worth. Love yourself for who you are and you’ll soon be on your way to not only a better place mentally, but you’ll exude a confidence that will change your career and social life for the better.

    10. The past doesn’t control you

    Regret can haunt us for years. “What if … ,” “I wish … ,” and “I should’ve … ,” are expressed when reminiscing about the past.

    Before you are able to move ahead, you must accept the past for what it is. Embrace who you are, treat the past as a lesson that will serve in the future to make you a better person.

    11. The present is all that you can control

    Your current situation isn’t what you expected. Perhaps you aren’t where you thought you’d be at this moment.

    Walking around and feeling like a failure isn’t going to bring success any closer. Telling yourself you’re worthless and this dream life is a pipe dream isn’t going to make you any more motivated.

    Live in the moment, appreciate it, don’t take it for granted, and don’t allow self-loathing to enter the picture. This moment is all there is.

    You can’t change your past, but you are in charge of your present. So take control of it and steer your future in the direction you want it to go.

    12. Social media is not as it seems

    Social media is one giant fantasy land.

    Take a look at your Instagram feed or Facebook timeline. Most likely what you’ll encounter are pictures of people smiling and having the time of their lives. Looking at this might make you question why your life isn’t exciting.

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    Here’s the truth.

    Their life isn’t that exciting. Social media is a platform where people can pretend to be something else by picking and choosing what to share.

    Don’t fall for this trap. Realize people use social media as a highlight reel for the best moments in their life.

    13. Just say no to drama

    It’s never a dull moment with the drama crew. They’ll make the smallest issues into something large.

    Do yourself a favor and cut them out of your life. The only people that deserve to be in your circle are people who are positive and make you want to be a better person.

    14. The people closest to us can be the toughest

    Sometimes those closest to us are the hardest people to deal with. You want to become healthier and join a gym, while your significant other is content being lazy.

    Don’t argue with them, that’s a waste of time. Try to empathize with them and see their viewpoint, then you can use the middle ground as a starting point.

    15. Family can be overbearing

    Families can be annoying, especially if you’re doing something outside the norm. As difficult as it might be, you need to stick to your guns and follow through with your goals. They have their life and you have yours.

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    Julian Hayes II

    Author, Health & Fitness Coach for Entrepreneurs, & Speaker

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    Last Updated on January 15, 2019

    How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward

    How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward

    Many of us feel awkward talking to strangers. I’m a very outgoing person, even though I sometimes feel uncomfortable walking up to someone and asking a question or starting a conversation. I consider myself pretty high up on the extrovert meter. So what is it that makes us pause and become worried or anxious about talking to people we don’t know?

    In this article, we will discuss why we feel this way as well as some tips on how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

    Step right up, don’t be shy!

    Why We Feel Awkward Talking to Strangers

    The next time you feel uncomfortable talking to a stranger, tell yourself that’s completely normal. There are numerous reasons why it’s actually natural to feel awkward talking to strangers:

    Our Stress Levels Rise Around Strangers

    Numerous studies have show that our levels of cortisol go up when we are around strangers.[1] Cortisol is the hormone inside of us which produces stress responses.[2]
    So there you go, right off the bat you can see part of your standard response to strangers is due to a chemical reaction!

    A very interesting by product of increased cortisol is that it makes us less empathetic. More than likely this can be traced to our evolution. The increase in the cortisol and the corresponding decrease in empathy makes us want to stay away from strangers. We are biologically wired to feel concern around strangers.

    Evolution Taught Us to Be Wary

    Evolution has also taught us to be wary of strangers in general. Humans as a whole have spent a large chunk of their history banded together in small protective groups. We did this in order to help protect each other and maximize resources.

    When you think about it in this context, outsiders to our small groups or strangers are considered potential threats. Fear of strangers is common across almost all human cultures.

    Culturally Conditioned

    We can also thank our society for helping us feel uncomfortable and sometimes afraid of strangers. The term “stranger danger” is something most of us can relate to either growing up or raising kids. Or both.

    I remember hearing this from my parents, mostly about not getting in someone’s car I didn’t know. And as the father of 2 teenage girls, you can be sure I’ve talked to them about this very concept more times that they want to hear.

    The thought that strangers can be dangerous is built into us as it is. Toss in the amplification of the media on strangers doing things such as kidnapping kids and it takes it to an even higher level.

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    Now that we’ve reviewed some of the reasons why we are nervous, let’s look at why you should talk to strangers more.

    Benefits of Getting over the Awkwardness

    Let’s take a quick look at some of the advantages of how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward. These are some high level benefits of talking to strangers.

    1. Broadens Your Network

    After you talk to someone, you didn’t know previously they become someone you know at least a little bit. This alone helps broaden your network of people you know. This is helpful in many ways whether it is work related or socially related.

    2. Improves Your Communication Skills

    I am a huge proponent of the value of solid communication skills and have written about it often. The more you talk to people, especially people you don’t know, the better your communication skills become.

    Interacting with a wider variety of people will bring the added benefit of improving your communication skills.

    3. Continually Learning

    So many of us don’t actively seek to learn new things. This is one of the primary keys to staying engaged in life and our own personal self fulfillment.

    Almost every time I speak to someone I didn’t know previously, I’ve learned something new. When we speak to strangers, it pushes us out of our comfort zones and we tend to learn new things.

    4. Increases Self Confidence

    Every time we learn to do something we were previously anxious about, we feel better about ourselves.

    Forcing ourselves to talk to strangers will lead to increased self confidence. As we get more and more comfortable doing something that previously made us feel awkward, our self confidence will go up and up.

    So, how to talk to strangers to reap these benefits?

    How to Talk to Strangers

    Here are some tips to on how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

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    1. Say Hello

    Putting “say hello” first may seem a bit obvious but let’s take a deeper look. Much of the social awkwardness when speaking to strangers is simply breaking the ice. The first words that will engage someone.

    Most people will respond when someone says hello or hi to them. And those that don’t, you probably don’t want to talk to anyway.

    Practice being the person that opens the door to a conversation. Say hello.

    2. Ask About Them

    Something that I have noticed over the years is that people love to talk about themselves. Even fairly private people tend to open up when asked about events in their lives.

    You can ask leading questions that get people to talk about themselves and recent events. Things like recent movies watched or the summer vacation are great to get someone talking.

    As a father, I also know that people love to talk about their kids. Asking about kids is a fairly easy topic to bring up and in general, most people will expound upon all the great things their kids do or are involved with.

    3. Just Do It

    One of the biggest reasons we don’t do things we want to or know we should is because we overthink it. Quit thinking about it so much and just do it.

    When you give yourself the time to analyze every little angle about a situation, you also give plenty of time to talk yourself out of it. You’ll wind up thinking what if this happens or what if that happens.

    Try to force yourself to jump right in without thinking about it too much. Whenever I have done this, I always feel great about it afterwards, no matter how it turned out.

    4. Don’t Take It Personal

    One of the greatest lessons in life I ever learned was don’t take anything personally. We all go through life with our own sets of experiences and see things through our own lens. The way people react to different situations has almost nothing to do with us. It has to do with previous experiences and the way people feel about things other than us.

    When someone’s reaction isn’t what you’d hoped or expected, chances are it has nothing to do with you. Remember that and keep it in context.

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    5. Get a Chuckle If Possible

    I used the word chuckle purposely because it makes me laugh. In my opinion, it’s one of those funny words. We all like to laugh because it makes us feel good. And when someone makes us laugh, we typically remember those people in a positive light.

    One of the best ways to make a conversation easy and free flowing is to get some laughter going. It doesn’t mean you have to be the master joke teller or anything. See if you can work in a way to make the person you are talking to get a smile or some laughter in. In fact, laughing at yourself maybe a nice try.

    6. Detach

    A great feeling is when you don’t mind which way something turns out, that you will be fine no matter what happens. Kind of like when I watch my two favorite football teams play against each other. I don’t really care who wins, I just want a fun game.

    Treat talking to strangers the same way. You don’t really care how the conversation goes because you are detaching from the outcome. Make it a fun time with yourself and if the conversation goes well, awesome! If not then no big deal, move on.

    7. Share Your Stories

    Well, all like to feel connected to other people. And many times we wind up hanging out with people that we have things in common with. No surprise here.

    To help with how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward, tell stories that have commonalities with the person you are talking to. Kids are an easy one. I have a daughter who was a competitive cheerleader and now plays club volleyball. I have instant connection and stories with strangers I speak with who have kids that play sports. It’s easy to relate to.

    So when you are speaking to a stranger and you have a story or mutual connection point, bring it up.

    8. Give a Compliment

    Almost everyone likes hearing a compliment, whether they admit to it or not. As a general rule, we don’t give out enough compliments. It’s amazing how one small remark someone tosses your way about how good you look can literally make your entire day.

    When you are speaking with someone you don’t know, see if you can work a compliment in. Nothing creepy here. Not a good idea to tell someone you just met that they are the prettiest or handsomest person you ever met. However, if you can share how you like their tattoo or shoes or something like that, it will help put the conversation into an easy going, smiling place.

    9. Relax Your Body Language

    If you go into a situation all worried and nervous, it shows on your body. Your shoulders are tensed up, there’s a look of consternation on your face, things like that.

    When you engage a stranger in conversation, make it a point to relax your body language. Take a deep breath before you engage the person, let your body relax, and put a smile on your face. This will help relax you and it has the added benefit of putting the other person more at ease.

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    If they see that you are relaxed, it helps them relax. Plus having open, engaging body language is very conducive to inviting someone to open up into a conversation with you.

    10. Practice, Practice, Practice

    Like everything else in life, talking to strangers gets easier with practice. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

    Make it a point to talk to several strangers each week and it will definitely help you relax as you do it more and more.

    After a while, it will become something you don’t even think about, you just do it. And that takes all of the awkwardness out of being in these type situations.

    The Bottom Line

    As we have seen, it is perfectly natural to feel awkward talking to strangers. We are biologically built that way and we have our own society constantly warning us how dangerous it is. It’s no wonder we feel awkward talking to strangers!

    There are numerous benefits to learning to be more comfortable talking to strangers. See if you can employ some of the techniques mentioned to learn how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

    Once you start practicing speaking with strangers more often and utilizing some of the tips, you will become more comfortable doing so. This in turn will lead to a learned new skill and increased self confidence.

    Remember, everyone you know was a stranger at one time. Now get out there and make some new friends.

    More Resources About Strengthening Communication Skills

    Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

    Reference

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