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Why You Should Stop Taking On Other People’s Feelings And How To Do It

Why You Should Stop Taking On Other People’s Feelings And How To Do It

You are not responsible for other people’s feelings. Don’t let other people convince you otherwise. The five dreaded words, “You make me feel like…,” are nothing but trouble. What’s simply happening here is that someone is making you responsible for their emotional baggage. This baggage has nothing to do with you. What you are is just a ‘trigger’ for deep-seated, emotional, childhood issues that they haven’t addressed. It takes repeated experience of being on the other side of taking on other people’s feelings to get that it is never about you, and always about the other person. Here are some ways to protect yourself and still keep the other person in your life:

1. Stop Making Other People Happy

Are you the one who seems the bring all the goods to a relationship, and the other person is just ‘so happy’ to be with you? Do you beam when someone tells you how happy you make them? Stop. These are red flags that you’re about to get sucked into another relationship time warp where nothing ever changes. Keep an eye out for anyone who claims that you are their source of happiness. It is a burden you never want to carry because you will disappoint them, and they maybe never let you forget it.

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2. Keep Healthy Boundaries

Protect yourself from oversharers. These are the type of people who tell you their life story on first meeting. There is something about you they see that can help them. They either need a friend or a therapist, of which you are neither to a complete stranger. If you cross the line too early you’ll find yourself solving and fixing their problems when you should be attending to your own.

3. Be Honest Early

Speak up when you start getting that weird, heavy feeling that happens when you start to feel guilty or worn out by other people’s feelings. Clearly state that you are uncomfortable, and remind them that they are the one responsible for their own actions and decisions. Respectfully decline their attempts to speak on your behalf and tell you what you should feel. Deflect and let them know they are sharing their own perspective and ideas, not yours.

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4. Don’t Push

Establishing these types of boundaries with loved ones can be a challenge. Too much too soon can backfire and make you look like you don’t care. With each conversation, take another step back and establish emotional distance. Actions speak louder than words in this case. Avoid making a big song and dance about not taking on their feelings and emotional drama. Just do it. In a firm but gentle tone, affirm that their choices, decisions, and reactions are theirs alone. Make a promise to yourself that whatever they decide you won’t automatically take it on.

5. Stop Advice Giving

It is so easy to want to help a friend, and make them feel better. You take on the feelings with hopes the other person will feel better. Yet, they never do. You give advice, but they rarely use it. You’re then left wondering what you did wrong, or if you hurt them more. Ask the person what it is that they need. Listen intently. They will start to consider their own problems, and find a way to deal with them. Let others do the heavy lifting and learn to empower themselves. If they want your advice they will ask for it.

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You can’t cut out everyone from your life who makes you uncomfortable. You may learn more from them about yourself than anyone else. Taking on other people’s feelings produces similar feelings of despair, guilt, and depression in the receiver because we all share the same feelings. Some are more easily triggered than others. Learn to honor your own feelings first, and it will be a lot easier to allow others to do the same.

Featured photo credit: http://mrg.bz/b8Mejz via mrg.bz

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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