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Why You Should Stop Taking On Other People’s Feelings And How To Do It

Why You Should Stop Taking On Other People’s Feelings And How To Do It

You are not responsible for other people’s feelings. Don’t let other people convince you otherwise. The five dreaded words, “You make me feel like…,” are nothing but trouble. What’s simply happening here is that someone is making you responsible for their emotional baggage. This baggage has nothing to do with you. What you are is just a ‘trigger’ for deep-seated, emotional, childhood issues that they haven’t addressed. It takes repeated experience of being on the other side of taking on other people’s feelings to get that it is never about you, and always about the other person. Here are some ways to protect yourself and still keep the other person in your life:

1. Stop Making Other People Happy

Are you the one who seems the bring all the goods to a relationship, and the other person is just ‘so happy’ to be with you? Do you beam when someone tells you how happy you make them? Stop. These are red flags that you’re about to get sucked into another relationship time warp where nothing ever changes. Keep an eye out for anyone who claims that you are their source of happiness. It is a burden you never want to carry because you will disappoint them, and they maybe never let you forget it.

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2. Keep Healthy Boundaries

Protect yourself from oversharers. These are the type of people who tell you their life story on first meeting. There is something about you they see that can help them. They either need a friend or a therapist, of which you are neither to a complete stranger. If you cross the line too early you’ll find yourself solving and fixing their problems when you should be attending to your own.

3. Be Honest Early

Speak up when you start getting that weird, heavy feeling that happens when you start to feel guilty or worn out by other people’s feelings. Clearly state that you are uncomfortable, and remind them that they are the one responsible for their own actions and decisions. Respectfully decline their attempts to speak on your behalf and tell you what you should feel. Deflect and let them know they are sharing their own perspective and ideas, not yours.

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4. Don’t Push

Establishing these types of boundaries with loved ones can be a challenge. Too much too soon can backfire and make you look like you don’t care. With each conversation, take another step back and establish emotional distance. Actions speak louder than words in this case. Avoid making a big song and dance about not taking on their feelings and emotional drama. Just do it. In a firm but gentle tone, affirm that their choices, decisions, and reactions are theirs alone. Make a promise to yourself that whatever they decide you won’t automatically take it on.

5. Stop Advice Giving

It is so easy to want to help a friend, and make them feel better. You take on the feelings with hopes the other person will feel better. Yet, they never do. You give advice, but they rarely use it. You’re then left wondering what you did wrong, or if you hurt them more. Ask the person what it is that they need. Listen intently. They will start to consider their own problems, and find a way to deal with them. Let others do the heavy lifting and learn to empower themselves. If they want your advice they will ask for it.

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You can’t cut out everyone from your life who makes you uncomfortable. You may learn more from them about yourself than anyone else. Taking on other people’s feelings produces similar feelings of despair, guilt, and depression in the receiver because we all share the same feelings. Some are more easily triggered than others. Learn to honor your own feelings first, and it will be a lot easier to allow others to do the same.

Featured photo credit: http://mrg.bz/b8Mejz via mrg.bz

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

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