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When You Stop Texting and Start Talking, These 10 Things Will Happen

When You Stop Texting and Start Talking, These 10 Things Will Happen

Remember when people owned black and white TVs? Bought soda for a nickel? Went for Sunday drives? Who would have thought face-to-face conversations would one day share the label “old school”? Here are 10 reasons you should keep practicing this largely abandoned art.

1. You’ll avoid accidental insults.

It’s hard to communicate clearly in writing. Body language and tone are valuable pieces to the puzzle. Face-to-face conversations make it easier for the listener to tell when you’re being sincere, or sarcastic, or cracking a joke.

2. You’ll feel more validated and understood.

Minimal encouragers are one way listeners can show they’re paying attention. These shorts sounds such as “hmm” and “I see” politely interrupt the person speaking and show we’re listening. That’s basically impossible in a text.

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Facial expressions are another way we validate people’s feelings. Some of this can be accomplished with emojis, but what about feelings like sympathy or attraction? The human face can express these better than a tiny cartoon.

3. You’ll connect more deeply by being more focused.

Meaningful conversations take time, thought, and complete sentences – all of which are rarely found in texting. By taking the time to focus on an in-person conversation, you’re giving a relationship the attention it deserves. You’re also more likely to venture into complex subjects you wouldn’t try to cover in a text. These subjects are often the ones where input is valuable, and talking about them builds trust.

4. You’ll get to hear laughter.

Laughter is contagious. And laughter is healthy. A study shows that “humor, with its associated mirthful laughter, can reduce stress and cortisol, a stress hormone.” Replacing a few LOLs with an old-fashioned chuckle is good for your body and your relationships.

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5. You’ll get to keep your conversations private.

Some people like to voice harsh opinions via text, but this is a big mistake because it creates a written record of your conversation. That may sound paranoid, but successful people know that putting criticism in writing is a recipe for disaster. Forwards and screenshots snatch your thoughts from their proper context, damaging your reputation and your relationships. Avoid unnecessary drama by talking in-person or at least making a phone call.

6. You’ll engage multiple senses, making conversations more memorable.

Text is visual, but talking is audible. Face-to-face conversations use more of your senses. And a study shows multisensory input “can stimulate and activate multiple sites in the brain, thereby increasing attention, processing, and retention of information.”

7. You’ll avoid getting sucked into the bottomless phone void.

Phones are giant attention traps. Check one text and you’ll soon be checking the rest. Then your emails, your push notifications, Facebook, and Instagram. By the time you’re done, you’ll have more texts to respond to.

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A 2014 study at Baylor University found that “women college students spend an average of 10 hours a day on their cellphones and men college students spend nearly eight…”

8. You’ll experience life more fully.

Texting makes you miss out on two moments – the moment in which you’re physically present and the moment you’re having with the person you’re texting. Give each moment the attention it deserves. When you try to do too much, you miss what’s happening right in front of you.

9. You’ll get immediate responses.

Texts can go unanswered for hours, even days. Face-to-face conversations offer much quicker responses. So when you’re talking about something meaningful, where you need answers, take the time to sit down face-to-face.

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10. You’ll be treated more fairly.

We’ve all heard the classic challenge, “Say that to my face.” It’s hard to disrespect someone who’s looking you in the eye. While some people rant and rave in a thoughtless text, they’re more likely to tone it down when talking to you in person, which means you might actually work out the conflict instead of trading verbal blows.

Bonus Reason: You’ll meet new people.

You don’t have to know someone to talk to them. In fact, this article suggests “people are happier after a conversation with a stranger.” Food for thought!

Featured photo credit: Beautiful young hipster woman using smart phone via shutterstock.com

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Kyle Young

Operations Manager, GoinsWriter

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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