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These 10 Simple Things You Do Are Making Your Marriage Last, Even Though You’re Not Aware Of It

These 10 Simple Things You Do Are Making Your Marriage Last, Even Though You’re Not Aware Of It

A happy, healthy, and lasting marriage is the goal of every couple. We have all heard that half of all marriages end in divorce, and nobody wants their marriage to be another statistic. But take heart! It’s probable that many of the small daily things that you’re already doing are helping strengthen your marital bond. So don’t take these activities for granted, because they are ensuring that your relationship remains satisfying for the long haul. Here are the main ways you’re already putting your marriage first.

1. You kiss.

More frequent kissing has been linked to increased relationship satisfaction, particularly for women in long-term relationships. So make sure you kiss hello, goodbye, and a few other times each day for good measure. Not only does kissing have emotional benefits, it even improves immunity and physical health!

2. You express gratitude.

Couples who express appreciation reciprocally are less likely to break up, according to relationship researchers. So make sure to let your husband know how much you appreciate him mowing the lawn, or let your wife know how happy you are with the way she keeps track of all the kids’ activities.

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3. You touch each other.

Marital satisfaction isn’t linked with how often you touch, but how reciprocal the touch is. This means, when your spouse touches your arm, do you respond by touching their arm, hugging them, or moving your body next to theirs? Hopefully so, because this is correlated with increased marital happiness.

4. You talk.

A study of 1,000 married Americans found that having 10 emotionally meaningful conversations a month is linked with marital satisfaction. This doesn’t mean just checking in about how the kids are doing at school. Why not try asking some questions that you don’t know the answer to, like when your partner’s first kiss was, or what they wanted to be when they grew up when they were a child, or when the first moment was that they knew they loved you.

5. You go on date nights.

According to research, one way that date night helps your marriage is that you’re experiencing something new and different with your spouse. Couples who engage in a range of new and exciting activities report higher marital satisfaction than those who do the same old activities all the time. When you engage in something new, your brain releases more dopamine and norepinephine, which is the same thing that happens at the start of a new romantic relationship. So, you’ll feel like you’re in the honeymoon phase again, and who doesn’t want that?

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6. You fight.

Fighting can be cathartic, and is a good way to get issues out on the table where they can be examined and discussed productively. As long as you resolve your fights, you can count arguing as a way you may actually be helping your marriage.

7. You plan things.

Whether vacations, dinners out, having friends over, or anything else, having events to look forward to is a great thing for your marriage. Your anticipation can build together, and you have something fun to talk about besides the mundane minutiae of house and kids.

8. You do nice things.

Research shows that, in order to have a happy marriage, you must do five positive things to balance out every negative thing you do. These can be as small as putting a note in your wife’s lunchbag, or making sure to make your husband’s favorite dessert. Anything that shows that you really care and are taking time out of your day to acknowledge your partner’s needs and wants.

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9.  You laugh.

Couples who use humor have happier marriages than those who don’t. Humor can defuse stressful situations and allow a couple to feel close even during times of tension. Laughing together can make you feel connected even during conflict.

10. You grow together.

When one partner takes up a new interest, the other is not only supportive, but becomes interested as well. This growing and sharing has been shown to be linked to happy and long-lasting marriages. So when your partner finds a new TV show they really like, why not try it and see if you get hooked too?

If you’re already doing these things, pat yourself on the back for keeping your marriage alive and happy. And if you’re not doing them, what better time to start than now?

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Featured photo credit: Indiscreet camera via mrg.bz

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Last Updated on December 10, 2019

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

Here’s the truth: your effectiveness at life is not what it could be. You’re missing out.

Each day passes by and you have nothing to prove that it even happened. Did you achieve something? Go on a date? Have an emotional breakthrough? Who knows?

But what you do know is that you don’t want to make the same mistakes that you’ve made in the past.

Our lives are full of hidden gems of knowledge and insight, and the most recent events in our lives contain the most useful gems of all. Do you know why? It’s simple, those hidden lessons are the most up to date, meaning they have the largest impact on what we’re doing right now.

But the question is, how do you get those lessons? There’s a simple way to do it, and it doesn’t involve time machines:

Journal writing.

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Improved mental clarity, the ability to see our lives in the big picture, as well as serving as a piece of evidence cataloguing every success we’ve ever had; we are provided all of the above and more by doing some journal writing.

Journal writing is a useful and flexible tool to help shed light on achieving your goals.

Here’s 5 smart reasons why you should do journal writing:

1. Journals Help You Have a Better Connection with Your Values, Emotions, and Goals

By journaling about what you believe in, why you believe it, how you feel, and what your goals are, you understand your relationships with these things better. This is because you must sort through the mental clutter and provide details on why you do what you do and feel what you feel.

Consider this:

Perhaps you’ve spent the last year or so working at a job you don’t like. It would be easy to just suck it up and keep working with your head down, going on as if it’s supposed to be normal to not like your job. Nobody else is complaining, so why should you, right?

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But a little journal writing will set things straight for you. You don’t like your job. You feel like it’s robbing you of happiness and satisfaction, and you don’t see yourself better there in the future.

The other workers? Maybe they don’t know, maybe they don’t care. But you do, you know and care enough to do something about it. And you’re capable of fixing this problem because your journal writing allows you to finally be honest with yourself about it.

2. Journals Improve Mental Clarity and Help Improve Your Focus

If there’s one thing journal writing is good for, it’s clearing the mental clutter.

How does it work? Simply, whenever you have a problem and write about it in a journal, you transfer the problem from your head to the paper. This empties the mind, allowing allocation of precious resources to problem-solving rather than problem-storing.

Let’s say you’ve been juggling several tasks at work. You’ve got data entry, testing, e-mails, problems with the boss, and so on—enough to overwhelm you—but as you start journal writing, things become clearer and easier to understand: Data entry can actually wait till Thursday; Bill kindly offered earlier to do my testing; For e-mails, I can check them now; the boss is just upset because Becky called in sick, etc.

You become better able to focus and reason your tasks out, and this is an indispensable and useful skill to have.

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3. Journals Improve Insight and Understanding

As a positive consequence of improving your mental clarity, you become more open to insights you may have missed before. As you write your notes out, you’re essentially having a dialogue with yourself. This draws out insights that you would have missed otherwise; it’s almost as if two people are working together to better understand each other. This kind of insight is only available to the person who has taken the time to connect with and understand themselves in the form of writing.

Once you’ve gotten a few entries written down, new insights can be gleaned from reading over them. What themes do you see in your life? Do you keep switching goals halfway through? Are you constantly dating the same type of people who aren’t good for you? Have you slowly but surely pushed people out of your life for fear of being hurt?

All of these questions can be answered by simply self-reflecting, but you can only discover the answers if you’ve captured them in writing. These questions are going to be tough to answer without a journal of your actions and experiences.

4. Journals Track Your Overall Development

Life happens, and it can happen fast. Sometimes we don’t take the time to stop and look around at what’s happening to us at each moment. We don’t get to see the step-by-step progress that we’re making in our own lives. So what happens? One day it’s the future, and you have no idea how you’ve gotten there.

Journal writing allows you to see how you’ve changed over time, so you can see where you did things right, and you can see where you took a misstep and fell.

The great thing about journals is that you’ll know what that misstep was, and you can make sure it doesn’t happen again—all because you made sure to log it, allowing yourself to learn from your mistakes.

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5. Journals Facilitate Personal Growth

The best thing about journal writing is that no matter what you end up writing about, it’s hard to not grow from it. You can’t just look at a past entry in which you acted shamefully and say “that was dumb, anyway!” No, we say “I will never make a dumb choice like that again!”

It’s impossible not to grow when it comes to journal writing. That’s what makes journal writing such a powerful tool, whether it’s about achieving goals, becoming a better person, or just general personal-development. No matter what you use it for, you’ll eventually see yourself growing as a person.

Kickstart Journaling

How can journaling best be of use to you? To vent your emotions? To help achieve your goals? To help clear your mind? What do you think makes journaling such a useful life skill?

Know the answer? Then it’s about time you reap the benefits of journal writing and start putting pen to paper.

Here’s what you can do to start journaling:

Featured photo credit: Jealous Weekends via unsplash.com

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