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10 Advantages That Comes With Divorce

10 Advantages That Comes With Divorce

Divorce is viewed as a taboo by many people. This is because you vowed to stick with each other for better or worse and sometimes couples do fear on how the public will judge them. Well, here’s the thing… divorce can happen to anyone! Yes, it is quite painful and difficult to live apart with someone you loved, had a family with and lived with as well, and it gets even nastier when there are property, children, and businesses involved, as there is chaos on who should take what and who should have the custody of the children. Well, if your marriage is not working there is no need to stick around as there is an option of getting a divorce. Some advantages come with divorce include:

1. You get the chance to relax.

Marriage comes with so many responsibilities whereby you end up not getting enough time for yourself. You have to worry on what to prepare for dinner, how your children will get to school and if the children did their homework. After a divorce, you will realize that you have the time for yourself whereby you can invite your friends over for some drinks or even go hiking on the weekends.

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2. You get your freedom.

When was the last time you went out to have some drinks with your friends or go to a spa or even go to the salon to have your hair done? When married, all you think about is your family and on how to save money, so your family does not lack anything. If you cannot get the chance to enjoy such activities especially with your spouse, you might consider getting a divorce. No one is going to limit you whether or not you come home late from your painting lessons or judge you if you drink the tequila the proper way or not. Everyone deserves to be happy, and if you are not satisfied while married, you can always ask for a divorce.

3. You can realize your dreams.

You might realize that your dreams are conflicting with the desires of your spouse. With divorce, you can work on making your dreams come true since you have the time and freedom to do your things.

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4. You get your happiness back.

You may find that while married you were not happy, especially if you were in an abusive marriage. What is the problem of one pursuing their happiness? If divorce is the only way out of the abusive marriage and the key to your happiness you should not fear to get a divorce.

5. The person is not right for you.

You may have stuck with a person with the belief that they are the right person for you. Even after the many issues you have you still believe the person will change. After a divorce, you can realize and know what you expect in a marriage and how you should be treated as well.

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6. There is always a person for you.

There is no need to stick in a marriage that is not working. If you are not happy in your marriage, it is okay to file for a divorce as there is always the right person for you out there. You might even end up meeting the person who makes you happy and complete.

7. You get to love yourself.

Due to the many chores that you have to do in the house, you may find that it ‘s hard to get the opportunity to work out or even cook healthy meals. You completely forget about yourself and all you think about is your family, and yet it is not a happy marriage. The divorce will lessen the chores you were performing making it easy for you to get enough time to take care of yourself.

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8. You reunite with your friends.

It can be a lonely life, especially when you don’t get time to meet up with your buddies. You might find that your spouse does not allow you to go out and all you have to do is stay at home. After a divorce, you get the opportunity to meet up with your friends and play Uno cards or try out foosball.

9. Better relationship with your ex.

Did you know that some people get to have a better relationship with their ex-husband or wife after a divorce? This is because there is a mutual respect that is developed and you realize that you are better off being friends than married, as it works better for you.

10. You become a better parent.

Bad marriage drains away your happiness and energy whereby you are not able to look after your children as all your thoughts are on your marriage. After the divorce, you may realize that you have time to take care of your kids as you can get time for yourself as well.

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Junie Rutkevich

Game Developer of iXL Digital

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Last Updated on September 10, 2018

Overcoming The Pain Of A Breakup: 3 Suggestions Based On Science

Overcoming The Pain Of A Breakup: 3 Suggestions Based On Science

We thought that the expression ‘broken heart’ was just a metaphor, but science is telling us that it is not: breakups and rejections do cause physical pain. When a group of psychologists asked research participants to look at images of their ex-partners who broke up with them, researchers found that the same brain areas that are activated by physical pain are also activated by looking at images of ex-partners. Looking at images of our ex is a painful experience, literally.[1].

Given that the effect of rejections and breakups is the same as the effect of physical pain, scientists have speculated on whether the practices that reduce physical pain could be used to reduce the emotional pain that follows from breakups and rejections. In a study on whether painkillers reduce the emotional pain caused by a breakup, researchers found that painkillers did help. Individuals who took painkillers were better able to deal with their breakup. Tamar Cohen wrote that “A simple dose of paracetamol could help ease the pain of a broken heart.”[2]

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Just like painkillers can be used to ease the pain of a broken heart, other practices that ease physical pain can also be used to ease the pain of rejections and breakups. Three of these scientifically validated practices are presented in this article.

Looking at images of loved ones

While images of ex-partners stimulate the pain neuro-circuitry in our brain, images of loved ones activate a different circuitry. Looking at images of people who care about us increases the release of oxytocin in our body. Oxytocin, or the “cuddle hormone,” is the hormone that our body relies on to induce in us a soothing feeling of tranquility, even when we are under high stress and pain.

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In fact, oxytocin was found to have a crucial role as a mother is giving birth to her baby. Despite the extreme pain that a mother has to endure during delivery, the high level of oxytocin secreted by her body transforms pain into pleasure. Mariem Melainine notes that, “Oxytocin levels are usually at their peak during delivery, which promotes a sense of euphoria in the mother and helps her develop a stronger bond with her baby.”[3]

Whenever you feel tempted to look at images of your ex-partner, log into your Facebook page and start browsing images of your loved ones. As Eva Ritvo, M.D. notes, “Facebook fools our brain into believing that loved ones surround us, which historically was essential to our survival. The human brain, because it evolved thousands of years before photography, fails on many levels to recognize the difference between pictures and people”[4]

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Exercise

Endorphins are neurotransmitters that reduce our perception of pain. When our body is high on endorphins, painful sensations are kept outside of conscious awareness. It was found that exercise causes endorphins to be secreted in the brain and as a result produce a feeling of power, as psychologist Alex Korb noted in his book: “Exercise causes your brain to release endorphins, neurotransmitters that act on your neurons like opiates (such as morphine or Vicodin) by sending a neural signal to reduce pain and provide anxiety relief.”[5] By inhibiting pain from being transmitted to our brain, exercise acts as a powerful antidote to the pain caused by rejections and breakups.

Meditation

Jon Kabat Zinn, a doctor who pioneered the use of mindfulness meditation therapy for patients with chronic pain, has argued that it is not pain itself that is harmful to our mental health, rather, it is the way we react to pain. When we react to pain with irritation, frustration, and self-pity, more pain is generated, and we enter a never ending spiral of painful thoughts and sensations.

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In order to disrupt the domino effect caused by reacting to pain with pain, Kabat Zinn and other proponents of mindfulness meditation therapy have suggested reacting to pain through nonjudgmental contemplation and acceptance. By practicing meditation on a daily basis and getting used to the habit of paying attention to the sensations generated by our body (including the painful ones and by observing these sensations nonjudgmentally and with compassion) our brain develops the habit of reacting to pain with grace and patience.

When you find yourself thinking about a recent breakup or a recent rejection, close your eyes and pay attention to the sensations produced by your body. Take deep breaths and as you are feeling the sensations produced by your body, distance yourself from them, and observe them without judgment and with compassion. If your brain starts wandering and gets distracted, gently bring back your compassionate nonjudgmental attention to your body. Try to do this exercise for one minute and gradually increase its duration.

With consistent practice, nonjudgmental acceptance will become our default reaction to breakups, rejections, and other disappointments that we experience in life. Every rejection and every breakup teaches us great lessons about relationships and about ourselves.

Featured photo credit: condesign via pixabay.com

Reference

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