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The Unwritten (Now Written) Golden Rules of Friendship

The Unwritten (Now Written) Golden Rules of Friendship

A best friend is someone you’re not only going to love all your life, they are also your biggest critic and strongest supporter. They are your late-night mentors, daylight umbrellas, and midday co-conspirators. Not only do best friends adore you, they also make it a point to let the world know that they do. You feel secure with them, but more importantly being vulnerable never felt as comfortable as it does when you’re with them.

Best friends calm your deepest fears and tickle all your funny bones. They are truly a blessing you stumbled upon and here are some unwritten rules of friendship that every best friend follows! So grab your best friend and be ready to grin in merry excitement as you guys check off these rules together!

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The 40 Golden Rules of Friendship

  1. They’re always there for support.
    • They point out your mistakes truthfully.
    • They care about you but don’t smother you.
    • They don’t try to escape when things get hard, instead they become your pillar and help you find a way through the mess.
    • They can’t bear to see you cry and they know your quick fixes.
      • They help you stare down that creepy person at the bar.
        • They listen to you repeat the same story over and overand still have the patience to advise you.
        • They’ve seen you at your worst and your best and yet they love you unconditionally.
          • They aren’t afraid of your crazy moods and ideas. (Or lack thereof!)
          • They know all your cues so you don’t have to bother explaining it to them yet again.
          • They don’t shy away from tough love.
          • They are brutally honest yet heart-wrenchingly warm.
          • They tell you when you’re being unreasonable and yet stand with you even if they don’t agree with you.
          • They are your partners in crime and behind-the-screen directors to your crazies.
            • They help you succeed and celebrate your successes and/or the lessons you learn from your failures.
            • They know how to make you smile and don’t mind being judged while doing so.
              • They notice every change about you—the haircut, the new color, the goatee—and report it to you with a prompt, sassy response.
              • They are your go-to guy when nothing is right and your first call when everything is right.
                • They make you laugh hysterically especially at all the wrong moments.
                • They know all your evil plans and are often your right-hand guys.
                  • They are always there to give you advice, ice cream or a beer.
                  • They are your biggest advocates and loudest fans.
                    • They are your travel buddies and even your yoga buddies.
                    • They are your personal movie critics and can often tell whether or not you’ll like the movie.
                    • They never try to change you, even early in the morning when you look or behave like The Hulk on a diet.
                      • They encourage all your dreams and aspirations and fend off those who don’t.
                      • They are always a phone call away no matter how far apart you are in person.
                        • They laugh with you and at you, but glare at anyone else who does.
                        • They help you pick out hideous Halloween costumes just so they can laugh at you.
                          • They can tell your mood just by the way you text.
                          • They accept your differences graciously but only after laughing at them first.
                          • They are invariably a part of at least 75% of the selfies you take.
                            • They are your personal photographers armed with iPhones and maybe even a DSLR.
                            • They are ever-ready for an adventure with you, no matter how crazy or scary or boring. (But can adventures ever be boring with your friends?)
                              • They are your excuse when you get busted.
                              • They listen to you—truly, deeply and fully.
                              • They can talk to you about anything, and can often recite how many time you did that thing you regretted the minute after you did it.
                                • They are fiercely loyal.
                                • Silences aren’t awkward with them, most conversations, by conventional standards, are.
                                • They become your chosen family, and more importantly, they do so willingly.

                                Featured photo credit: Lara Cores via flickr.com

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                                Sanah Rizvi

                                Sanah is an influential public speaker and a devoted advocator of female rights.

                                32 Things You Should Be Grateful For The Unwritten (Now Written) Golden Rules of Friendship Top 7 Things Managers Look For What My Introverted Best Friend Taught Me 13 Truths You May Not Know About Domestic Violence

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                                Last Updated on December 9, 2019

                                What Makes a Good Leader: 10 Critical Leadership Qualities

                                What Makes a Good Leader: 10 Critical Leadership Qualities

                                The word “leader” makes you think of people in charge. High-ranking people – your boss, politicians, presidents, CEOs…

                                But leadership really isn’t about a particular position or a person’s seniority. Just because someone has worked for many years doesn’t mean he has gained the qualities and skills to lead a team.

                                Getting promoted to a managerial position doesn’t automatically turn you into a leader either. CEOs and other high-ranking officials don’t always have great leadership skills.

                                So what makes a good leader? What are the characteristics of a leader?

                                Good leadership is about acquiring and honing skills. Leadership skills enable you to be a role model for a team in any environment. With great leadership qualities, successful leaders come in all shapes and sizes: in the home, at school, or at the workplace.

                                The following is a list of characteristics of a leader who successfully leads a great team:

                                1. Stay Positive, Even in the Worst Situations

                                Great leaders know that they won’t have a happy and motivated team unless they themselves exhibit a positive attitude. This can be done by remaining positive when things go wrong and, by creating a relaxed and happy atmosphere in the workplace.

                                Even some simple things like providing cupcakes or beers on Fridays can make the world of difference. An added perk is that team members are likely to work harder and do overtime when needed if they’re happy and appreciated.

                                Even in the worst situations such as experiencing low team morale or team members having made a big mistake at work, a great leader stays positive and figure out ways to keep the team motivated to solve the problems.

                                Walt Disney (1901-1966), had his share of hardships and challenges; and like any great leader, he managed to stay positive and find new opportunities. In 1928, Disney found that his film producer, Charles Mintz, wanted to reduce his payments for the Oswald series. Mintz threatened to cut ties entirely if Disney didn’t accept his terms, and Disney chose to part ways. But in leaving Oswald, Disney decided to create something new: the iconic Mickey Mouse.

                                  What Can You Learn from Walt Disney?

                                  Break down huge challenges into smaller ones and find ways to tackle them one by one.

                                  Think about the lessons you can learn from the mistake and jot them down — Because sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.

                                  2. Exhibit Confidence Everywhere

                                  All great leaders have to exhibit an air of confidence if they’re going to succeed. Please don’t confuse this with self-satisfaction and arrogance. You want people to look up to you for inspiration, not so they can punch you in the face.

                                  Confidence is important because people will be looking to you on how to behave, particularly if things aren’t going 100% right. If you remain calm and poised, team members are far more likely to as well. As a result, morale and productivity will remain high and the problem will be solved more quickly.

                                  If you panic and give up, they will know immediately and things will simply go down hill from there.

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                                  Elon Musk is a great example of a leader with confidence. He truly believes that Tesla will be successful, which he has shown many times through his actions. He converted 532,000 stock options at $6.63 each, their value on Dec. 4, 2009, before Tesla went public. It was a hefty bargain considering Tesla’s stock price stood at around $195 per share at that time. He doesn’t apologize for his beliefs and has drawn fire from just about everyone for his political actions.

                                    What Can You Learn from Elon Musk?

                                    You can’t instantly become a very confident person, but all the small things you do every day will gradually make you more confident:

                                    • List 10 things you like about yourself every day (something different every day), and you’ll be more confident about yourself.
                                    • Work on your strengths, do your best to enhance them.

                                    3. Have a Sense of Humor

                                    It’s imperative for any kind of leader to have a sense of humor, particularly when things go wrong. And they will.

                                    Your team members are going to be looking to you for how to react in a seemingly dire situation. It would probably be best if you weren’t stringing up a noose for yourself in the corner. You need to be able to laugh things off, because if staff morale goes down, so will productivity.

                                    Establish this environment prior to any kind of meltdown by encouraging humor and personal discussions in the work place.

                                    As president, Barack Obama exuded confidence and calm during stressful situations. But he was also known for his “dad jokes”,[1] his genuinely funny speeches at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, and appearing on Zack Galifianakis’s Between Two Ferns.[2] Obama’s sense of humor made him grounded, realistic, and honest – no doubt that helped during some tense moments in the White House!

                                      What Can You Learn from Barak Obama?

                                      Laugh at yourself. Confident people laugh about their own silly mistakes, others will also trust you more because you’re willing to share your experiences.

                                      Be observant and learn from the jokes others make. You can also get a lot of inspirations from the internet.

                                      4. Embrace Failures and Manage Set Backs

                                      No matter how hard you try to avoid it, failures will happen; that’s okay. You just need to know how to deal with them.

                                      Great leaders take them in strides. They remain calm and logically think through the situation and utilize their resources. What they don’t do is fall apart and reveal to their team how worried they are, which leads to negative morale, fear and binge-drinking under desks.

                                      Great leaders do in fact lead, even when they’re faced with setbacks.

                                      Henry Ford experienced a major setback after designing and improving the Ford Quadricycle. He founded the Detroit Automobile Company in 1899, but the resulting cars they produced did not live up to his standards and were too expensive. The company dissolved in 1901. Ford took this in stride and formed the Henry Ford Company. The sales were slow and the company had financial problems; it wasn’t until 1903 that the Ford Motor Company was successful and put the Ford on the map.

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                                        What Can You Learn from Walt Disney?

                                        Get to the root cause of any problem so you can prevent it from happening again and learn from the mistake.

                                        To do this, use the 5 Whys problem solving framework.

                                        By asking “why” for 5 times (or more) on why something happened, you can find out the key factor that caused the problem and can find the best solution to tackle the problem.

                                        You’ll also learn how to prevent this from happening again in the future after finding out a problem’s root cause.

                                        5. Listen, and Give Feedback

                                        This is far more complex than it actually sounds. Good communication skills are essential for a great leader. You may very well understand the cave of crazy that is your brain, but that doesn’t mean that you can adequately take the ideas out of it and explain them to someone else.

                                        The best leaders need to be able to communicate clearly with the people around them. They also need to be able to interpret other people properly and not take what they say personally.

                                        The Dalai Lama, as a symbol of the unification of the state of Tibet, represents and practices Buddhist values. The Dalai Lama’s leadership is benevolent and aims toward truth and understanding, alongside the other Buddhist precepts. This is a great example for all leaders: if you want to give good directions to others, you have to get feedback from others to understand the situation properly.

                                          What Can You Learn from Dalai Lama?

                                          Encourage communication between team members and establishing an open door policy.

                                          Practice not to interrupt team members when they’re talking.

                                          Summarize what they say and ask for feedback every time after you have talked about your ideas.

                                          6. Know How and When to Delegate

                                          No matter how much you might want to, you can’t actually do everything yourself. Even if you could, in a team environment that would be a terrible idea anyway.

                                          Good leaders recognize that delegation does more than simply alleviate their own stress levels (although that’s obviously a nice perk). Delegating to others shows that you have confidence in their abilities, which subsequently results in higher morale in the workplace, as well as loyalty from your staff. They want to feel appreciated and trusted.

                                          Although Steve Jobs is known for focusing in on the smallest of details, he knew how to delegate. By finding, cultivating, and trusting capable team members – like Tim Cook – Jobs was able to make Apple run smoothly, even while he had to be absent for extended periods of time.

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                                            What Can You Learn from Steve Jobs?

                                            To know when and how to delegate work to team members, you have to be very familiar with each of them:

                                            • List out all of their strengths, weaknesses and personalities.
                                            • Talk with your team members more too to know more about their passion and interests.

                                            Take a look at this guide and learn more about delegation: How to Delegate Work Effectively (The Definitive Guide for Leaders)

                                            7. Inspire and Grow People Around

                                            Any good leader knows how important it is to develop the skills of those around them. The best can recognize those skills early on. Not only will development make work easier as they improve and grow, it will also foster morale. In addition, they may develop some skills that you don’t possess that will be beneficial to the workplace.

                                            Great leaders share their knowledge with the team and give them the opportunity to achieve. This is how leaders gain their respect and loyalty.

                                            Pope Francis has been unusually popular with many Catholics and many non-Catholics. His position isn’t totally traditional, which is part of his appeal, but he also has admirable leadership skills. Pope Francis’s TED talk drew attention, because he encouraged leaders to be humble and to demonstrate solidarity with others. This inclusive, kind, and respectful style of leadership is incredibly important for any situation.

                                              What Can You Learn from Pope Francis?

                                              Spend time to talk with other team members individually to understand them.

                                              Find out team members’ current challenges and try to give feedback and encouragement so they will grow and do better.

                                              8. Take Responsibility and Never Blame Others

                                              Great leaders know that when it comes to their company, work place or whatever situation they’re in, they need to take personal responsibility for failure. How can they expect employees to hold themselves accountable if they themselves don’t?

                                              The best leaders don’t make excuses; they take the blame and then work out how to fix the problem as soon as possible. This proves that they’re trustworthy and possess integrity.

                                              Howard Gillman is the chancellor of UC Irvine. You might have heard of how the university rescinded a bunch of acceptances, and then changed its mind.[3] This past spring, an unusually high number of accepted students decided to matriculate; the school initially responded by rescinding offers over things like missed deadlines. But the college realized this was a mistake and reversed its decision. Gillman and the university accepted responsibility and decided to move past their earlier bad decision.

                                                What Can You Learn from Howard Gillman?

                                                Ask yourself what you could have done better to prevent this from happening.

                                                Take the responsibility and think about what you can do better to prevent this from happening next time.

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                                                9. Make Decisions Based on Lessons Learned in the Past

                                                It’s safe to say that all great leaders will have to enter unchartered waters at some point during their career (figuratively, of course). Because of this, they have to be able to trust their intuition and draw on past experiences to guide them.

                                                Great leaders know that there’s always something to learn from everything they have experienced before. They are able to connect the present challenges with the lessons learned in the past to make decisions and take actions promptly.

                                                You can either recall what you’ve learned from your memories, or search from your notes (ideally, a software that you can access anywhere with things well-organized).

                                                Warren Buffett, one of the richest people in the world, has mostly made the right calls. But in dealing with huge amounts of money, Buffett has also made several multi-million (and sometimes multi-billion) dollar mistakes. He has stated that buying the company Berkshire Hathaway was his biggest mistake.[4] From that poor choice, he realized that it was unwise to pursue “improvements” and “expansions” in the existing textile industry. Despite mistakes like this, Buffett has invested wisely – and it shows.

                                                  What Can You Learn from Warren Buffett?

                                                  Write down lessons you’ve learned from any mistakes you’ve made.

                                                  Have all the lessons well organized and  when similar things happen again in future, take these lessons as references.

                                                  10. Lead by Example and Commit to Do the Best

                                                  Great leaders stick to their commitments and promises, and they are the most committed and hard working ones on the job. All great leaders lead by example.

                                                  Why should your staff and team members give it their all if you don’t bother to? By proving your own commitment, great leaders will inspire others to do the same, as well as earn their respect and instill a good work ethic.

                                                  After 15 years of house arrest, Aung San Suu Kyi was voted state counsellor in Myanmar – one of the highest-profile and most powerful positions in the country. She became a symbol of peaceful resistance when she attempted to bring democracy to her country.[5] In the early years of her detention, she was often in solitary confinement. Suu Kyi is a perfect example of committed and belief-driven leadership, which she openly demonstrated during her many years of house arrest.

                                                    What Can You Learn from Aung San Suu Kyi?

                                                    Some people learn by observing the way you perform a task, some need more detailed guidelines.

                                                    So dedicate time to demonstrate your work to team members, let them observe how you do it. Summarize the skills you use and let team members know how you make difficult things work.

                                                    The Bottom Line

                                                    Leadership traits are learnable. If you practice consistently, you can be a great leader too.

                                                    Make small changes your habits when you work with your team – wherever that may be. Most of us aren’t presidents or CEOs.

                                                    But we all work with other people, and our actions always impact others. This gives every person the chance to develop leadership skills and to stand out from the crowd.

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                                                    Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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