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The Unwritten (Now Written) Golden Rules of Friendship

The Unwritten (Now Written) Golden Rules of Friendship

A best friend is someone you’re not only going to love all your life, they are also your biggest critic and strongest supporter. They are your late-night mentors, daylight umbrellas, and midday co-conspirators. Not only do best friends adore you, they also make it a point to let the world know that they do. You feel secure with them, but more importantly being vulnerable never felt as comfortable as it does when you’re with them.

Best friends calm your deepest fears and tickle all your funny bones. They are truly a blessing you stumbled upon and here are some unwritten rules of friendship that every best friend follows! So grab your best friend and be ready to grin in merry excitement as you guys check off these rules together!

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The 40 Golden Rules of Friendship

  1. They’re always there for support.
    • They point out your mistakes truthfully.
    • They care about you but don’t smother you.
    • They don’t try to escape when things get hard, instead they become your pillar and help you find a way through the mess.
    • They can’t bear to see you cry and they know your quick fixes.
      • They help you stare down that creepy person at the bar.
        • They listen to you repeat the same story over and overand still have the patience to advise you.
        • They’ve seen you at your worst and your best and yet they love you unconditionally.
          • They aren’t afraid of your crazy moods and ideas. (Or lack thereof!)
          • They know all your cues so you don’t have to bother explaining it to them yet again.
          • They don’t shy away from tough love.
          • They are brutally honest yet heart-wrenchingly warm.
          • They tell you when you’re being unreasonable and yet stand with you even if they don’t agree with you.
          • They are your partners in crime and behind-the-screen directors to your crazies.
            • They help you succeed and celebrate your successes and/or the lessons you learn from your failures.
            • They know how to make you smile and don’t mind being judged while doing so.
              • They notice every change about you—the haircut, the new color, the goatee—and report it to you with a prompt, sassy response.
              • They are your go-to guy when nothing is right and your first call when everything is right.
                • They make you laugh hysterically especially at all the wrong moments.
                • They know all your evil plans and are often your right-hand guys.
                  • They are always there to give you advice, ice cream or a beer.
                  • They are your biggest advocates and loudest fans.
                    • They are your travel buddies and even your yoga buddies.
                    • They are your personal movie critics and can often tell whether or not you’ll like the movie.
                    • They never try to change you, even early in the morning when you look or behave like The Hulk on a diet.
                      • They encourage all your dreams and aspirations and fend off those who don’t.
                      • They are always a phone call away no matter how far apart you are in person.
                        • They laugh with you and at you, but glare at anyone else who does.
                        • They help you pick out hideous Halloween costumes just so they can laugh at you.
                          • They can tell your mood just by the way you text.
                          • They accept your differences graciously but only after laughing at them first.
                          • They are invariably a part of at least 75% of the selfies you take.
                            • They are your personal photographers armed with iPhones and maybe even a DSLR.
                            • They are ever-ready for an adventure with you, no matter how crazy or scary or boring. (But can adventures ever be boring with your friends?)
                              • They are your excuse when you get busted.
                              • They listen to you—truly, deeply and fully.
                              • They can talk to you about anything, and can often recite how many time you did that thing you regretted the minute after you did it.
                                • They are fiercely loyal.
                                • Silences aren’t awkward with them, most conversations, by conventional standards, are.
                                • They become your chosen family, and more importantly, they do so willingly.

                                Featured photo credit: Lara Cores via flickr.com

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                                More by this author

                                Sanah Rizvi

                                Sanah is an influential public speaker and a devoted advocator of female rights.

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                                Last Updated on September 18, 2020

                                13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

                                13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

                                For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

                                “We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

                                “It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

                                Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

                                You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

                                Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

                                1. Take a step back and evaluate

                                When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

                                1. What is the problem?
                                2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
                                3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
                                4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
                                5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

                                Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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                                2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

                                If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

                                At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

                                Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

                                3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

                                Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

                                4. Process your thoughts/emotions

                                Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

                                1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
                                2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
                                3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
                                4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

                                5. Acknowledge your thoughts

                                Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

                                By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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                                Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

                                6. Give yourself a break

                                If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

                                7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

                                A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

                                Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

                                After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

                                8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

                                As Helen Keller once said,

                                “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

                                Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

                                9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

                                In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

                                1. What’s the situation?
                                2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
                                3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
                                4. Take action on your next steps!

                                After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

                                10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

                                A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

                                Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

                                For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

                                11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

                                No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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                                12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

                                No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

                                13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

                                There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

                                After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

                                Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

                                Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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