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The Difference Between Being Successful and Being Happy

The Difference Between Being Successful and Being Happy

Understanding the difference between being successful and being happy is vital. Success is great, but not if it costs your happiness. If you are meeting the challenges of your life with a light, free heart, then you’re doing it right. Keep going! But if you find yourself dragging along with your heart behind you every step of the way, it is time to stop and rethink. Here are some vital differences that will change the way you see success and happiness.

1. Success is meeting deadlines. Happiness is working toward your goals.

Meeting deadlines is a good thing, but if you are regularly unhappy while you’re doing it, it’s time to figure out why and fix it. Could it be that you are meeting other people’s deadlines, i.e. taking on work that is not yours? Are you working in a field that is in line with your gifts and natural strengths? If not, you may feel like you are swimming upstream. Living from deadline to deadline can be a hamster wheel that will exhaust you.

Goals are stepping stones that take you to your dreams. They aim your life in the right direction–closer to what makes you come alive inside. When you live towards your purpose, you will find an energy bubbling through that will carry you. Goals will have also have deadlines, and meeting those deadlines will bring success–the happy kind.

“Happy people plan actions, they don’t plan results.” -Dennis Waitley

2. Success is working your way to the top of your field. Happiness is flowing in your purpose and gifts.

You may be climbing the corporate ladder, aiming to be top of your class, or be the fastest in your running club. If success for you is a single achievement, a destination you are aiming at, you may find yourself living in transit; stuck on a gray train between “here” and “there.” You could feel as if life is passing you by, a messy blur past your window. The aim of getting to the top is not just reaching it, but rather the growth you experience as you go.

When you figure out what you’ve been created for, and start doing it, you will find a satisfaction and contentment that you never imagined possible. Opportunities that you’d dreamed of will find you, instead of you sweating to make them happen. Start doing what you were created for and watch the doors fly open.

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“Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.” -Andy Rooney

3. Success is focusing on accumulating wealth. Happiness is focusing on improving your life.

Money is useful, and having enough of it sure makes life a bit easier, but it never brings a guarantee of happiness. Some of the most miserable people on our planet are those who have the most money.

There is wealth that far outweighs a fat bank balance. Investing in relationships brings a return of love and shared experiences that money can never buy. In the same way, spending time perfecting your abilities will bring an increase in your natural talent. Ask any pianist what an hour a day at the piano can bring. Invest your time into more than just making money.

“Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.” -Franklin D. Roosevelt

4. Success is promotion above your peers. Happiness is being respected by your peers.

Being promoted is a good thing to work towards. But clawing your way ahead, no matter who you have to step on to get there, will not bring you lasting satisfaction or peace.

Being kind and valuing the people in your circles costs you nothing and will earn their respect. It doesn’t matter if they are above or below you in rank; treating everyone as unique individuals worth your time and love will carve you into their hearts.

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“Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

5. Success is lying awake at night, worrying. Happiness is sleeping at peace.

If you climb a ladder built only by your own hands, you’ll spend a lot of time hoping it is strong enough to hold you up. But when you build with others, and start to climb higher, they will gather around ready to catch you should you fall. This will bring a security that means you can sleep easy at night.

There is a deep peace that comes with being where you’re meant to be, doing what you’re meant to be doing. Happy people are able to put their heads on the pillow at night and don’t carry the weight of tomorrow by themselves.

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.” -Winston Churchill

6. Success is staying ahead of the pack at any cost. Happiness is thriving in everything you do.

Successful people tend to work themselves beyond what their bodies can cope with. The put their health on the line, feeling they can’t spare time towards eating right, getting enough exercise, drinking water and getting sufficient sleep. The only thing that matters to them is staying ahead.

Happy people thrive. They enjoy their lives and will grab opportunities with both hands. They understand the value of looking after themselves and, because of this balance, are able to achieve more.

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“If you are too busy to laugh, you are too busy.” -Proverb

7. Success is finding a life partner. Happiness is keeping your partner for life.

It is a remarkable thing to find the one who gets you. That soul who shares your hopes and dreams, can make you feel better when you are sad or disappointed; the one who loves you just as you are. With so much in common, it is easy to think that a long term relationship should be effortless, yet the truth is, in fact, the opposite.

The first step is deciding that your partner is a keeper, and then spend the rest of your days building on that foundation. Be generous and hold nothing back of your love, patience, generosity and kindness. Remember everything that you pour into your significant other, will come back at you through them.

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” -Robert A. Heinlein

8. Success is keeping the knowledge you glean to yourself. Happiness is sharing your expertise freely.

You’ve worked hard to get where you are. You’ve put in the time, paid money to do the courses and it shows in your achievements. Many people at this stage will hang onto their know-how out of fear that others will surpass their accomplishments. Insecurity will hold you back from the joy of seeing your abilities multiplied in those who learn from you.

There is something beautiful in having your student outdo you. Being brilliant at what you do is one thing, but to be willing to pass everything you know on and to see your students soar higher than you? That is when you know you have mastered your craft. It takes confidence not to be intimidated by the success of others. Their success does not take away from your talent; in fact it amplifies it.

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“Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is.” -Maxim Gorky

9. Success is striving for more. Happiness is contentment with what you have.

Are you living in a rut of “not enough”? A life spent chasing bigger, better and more will leave you empty and tired. Shift the focus and, instead of being an accumulator, start living as a distributor and watch your happiness sky rocket.

Open your eyes to the blessings surrounding you. Live aware of how much you have. If you can’t see it, take a day off and hang out with someone who has less than you. Choose to be grateful and appreciate every tiny detail of what you have.

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” -Frederick Keonig

10. Success is to live driven. Happiness is to live fueled by passion.

For each mountain you climb, there is another waiting for your feet. There will always be another deadline, another urgent matter that can’t wait. If you live in waiting for the sound of a whip crack from behind you, it is time to re-evaluate. If fear is your greatest motivator, take it as a warning light on your dashboard. You can’t keep running at that pace; something has to change or your health and relationships will suffer.

From the outside, a driven person and a passionate person might look equally busy, but they are running on different fuel. When you work with what you feel most passionate about, you will have energy, a love for life that is infectious and a productivity level that gets stuff done. Your instincts will be sharp and there will be fresh initiative for everything you tackle. It’s worth taking the time to get to know yourself and figure out what you are passionate about. Then do that thing!

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” -Albert Schweitzer

Featured photo credit: 066 006.jpg/butkovicdub via mrg.bz

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Last Updated on April 14, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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