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These 7 Most Important Truths Can Find You the Partner For Life

These 7 Most Important Truths Can Find You the Partner For Life

One of the most difficult things in life is to find the perfect person to spend it with. It’s hard knowing what to look for in a person, and what you should expect from them. Many people find “love” several times throughout their life, but this “love” you feel doesn’t necessarily mean that this person is meant to be your life partner—you know, the person you grow old with. However, there are a few basic truths you need to discover to help you find that perfect person.

1. Choose Someone Who Makes You Smile

Smiling is an important part of being in a relationship. It shows that you are happy, and that this person is the one making you happy. A person with this quality could potentially be your life partner.

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2. Choose Someone Who Keeps You Focused

Everybody has certain goals in life that they want to achieve. You want to make sure that the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with will help you strive to achieve those goals. You don’t want someone who’s going to distract you, or keep you from living your dreams.

3. Choose Someone Who Supports Your Ideas

Many times in a relationship, one of you will come up with an idea, whether it’s which movie to see, or what color to paint the kitchen, or what restaurant to eat at. Trying new things and supporting one another’s thoughts is definitely a key to having a partner for life.

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4. Choose Someone Who Has the Same Morals & Values

Another component of a healthy relationship that will last a lifetime is one where the two of you share the same morals and values. While there are relationships that work where some of these aspects may be different, in order to be truly happy, you need to believe in what they believe in, and they need to believe in what you believe in.

5. Discover a Mutual Reality

This could mean several different things. Essentially, it’s important for the two of you to be on the same page. Whether that means living within your means, or striving for a better life. Whatever town, city, or country you live in, you want to make sure you’re living a realistic life. This could also include the number of children, if any, that the two of you want to have. If you want two and they want six, but you “settle” on three, it’s possible one of you will not be happy, or will resent each other for the decision later in life.

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6. Choose Someone Who Respects You

Respect is a major component of a relationship, especially one that is long-lasting. Your thoughts, opinions, feeling, and person all need to be respected in order to be truly happy. In addition, you’ll want to be able to return the gesture and respect the one you’re with. If this cannot be accomplish on one side or the other, then you have not found your partner for life.

7. Find Someone On Your Level

Finding someone who is on your level is not about finding someone from the same financial background. This could mean just finding someone who has the same education level, or personality level, or adventurous attitude. If you are an adventurous person, you would not find true happiness with someone who is a home-body. If you are an avid reader of classic literature, you may not find happiness with someone who reads only magazine articles.

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When looking for your life partner there are many aspects of personality to consider. You want to make sure you can both be equally happy for a long time. Although opposites attract, so they say, being so different from someone could really put a strain on your relationship and damage your dreams that this person could be your life partner. Take the time to focus on what you want out of life, what your goals are, and where you see yourself in the future. Find someone who can complement who you are and wish to become.

Featured photo credit: mikebaird via flickr.com

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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