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Quick Test: What Is Your Forgiveness IQ?

Quick Test: What Is Your Forgiveness IQ?

It’s not easy to forgive when you feel slighted or wronged, yet we know that the inability to forgive makes us hold onto bitterness and negativity. For some, forgiving oneself for past actions and choices proves to be the most challenging of all. It is important to keep in mind that forgiveness is a choice and reflects a personal, conscious decision. The first step is to identify the essential elements of forgiveness, which can provide you with a basis to focus on the areas that need the most attention in order to boost your “Forgiveness IQ.”

For the following 10 questions, rate each item from 1 to 10 to find out your “Forgiveness IQ.” Rate your responses on a continuum from 1 (Strongly Disagree) to 10 (Strongly Agree).

____________________________________________________________________

Strongly Disagree  1   2    3    4    5    6    7   8   9   10    Strongly Agree

 

1. ________   I will not forgive someone if they are not sorry and do not admit what they have done.

2. ________   Those who have wronged or slighted me but take no responsibility for hurting me do not deserve to be forgiven.

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3. ________   I find that my lack of ability to forgive makes me stuck thinking about what happened in the past.

4. ________   I cannot forgive because I do not want to condone bad behavior.

5. ________   A difficulty in forgiving makes it hard for me to trust others.

6. ________   It is hard to forgive, because forgiving is letting someone off the hook and makes them no longer accountable.

7. ________   Forgiveness is something that you just feel; it is not a trainable skill.

8. ________   Since there is nothing I can do about things now, I tend to keep things in and do not share my hurt with others.

9. ________   If I forgive, that means I will be vulnerable again so I need to protect myself.

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10. _______   I cannot forgive myself for past mistakes, choices and failures.

 

Total Score: ________ How did you do?  The lower the score, the better is your Forgiveness IQ.  The following is a rough guideline on what your score means:

 

15 or Lower — You are a Forgiveness Genius: Congratulations!

 

16–29 — Strong Forgiveness Competency: You have given yourself the gift of forgiveness and you usually stay positive.

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30–49 — Moderate Forgiveness Competency: You have some work to do on becoming less negative and stuck in past resentments.

 

50–69 — Moderate Forgiveness Impaired: A difficulty with forgiveness has limited your ability to stay positive and live fully in the present

 

70–84 — Severely Forgiveness Impaired: Consider seeking professional help to give yourself the gift of forgiveness.

 

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85–100 — DANGER ZONE: A lack of forgiveness impairs your mental health. Seek psychological help.

 

The questions for this quick test identify the major stumbling blocks people often have when overcoming resentments, grudges and their own self-recriminations. Some major points to take away from this quick quiz are that forgiveness is a skill you can choose to develop; an inability to forgive holds you back from living a happy and healthy life; being unforgiving makes you a prisoner of your past, and forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.

For the self-recriminators, work on forgiving yourself for not having the foresight to know what you now know in hindsight. We are all works in progress, and it’s time to let yourself off the hook and build on your regrets rather than live in them. Life is all about evolving and learning. If you made a mistake in the past, learn from it instead of living in it. Those who are defined by their past can not immerse themselves in life at present.

For those hurts from the past, make the choice to let lessons learned deepen you instead of weaken you. As you work on these points, take this quick test occasionally so you can remind yourself to keep on working to boost your Forgiveness I.Q!

Featured photo credit: http://pixabay.com/en/ via pixabay.com

More by this author

Judy Belmont

Mental health author, motivational speaker and psychotherapist

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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