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How You Should Communicate with Cat-People and Dog-People

How You Should Communicate with Cat-People and Dog-People

A few weeks ago my partner and I were having one of those deep, tough discussions between two very different personalities who were trying to harmonize and understand each other as our lives were changing.

As we talked, the subject of our pets came up: How have they been faring as our lives have been evolving?

“The cats are fine.” I said. “It’s Bowser I’m worried about. It’s the difference between cats and dogs.”

And thus the inspiration for this article . . .

Are you a cat-person or dog-person?

Here are some characteristics of cats and dogs and the people who love them, followed by suggestions of how to make it all work!

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Cats

Cats are independent and low-maintenance. They don’t need to be taken out. All you need to do is keep up with the litterbox, feed them, and clip their nails when they start getting sharp. Cats are touch-and-go, sometimes cozying up to you and sometimes nowhere to be found.

They are sometimes curious about new people, sometimes indifferent, and they don’t ask for attention – they take it! They’ll sit on you, nuzzle you, walk across you, and love on you (or your laptop) – unless they are busy doing something else, of course.

If they haven’t seen you for a long while, they may come and greet you, but they don’t dwell on it. They’re cats.

Cats can be relatively persnickety about cleanliness – but if they’re upset about something, they’ll let you know with an unpleasant mess outside their box.

Cats do things their own way. They may come and sit on your lap — but don’t try to pick them up and put them there yourself — they are not in the mood just now. And if you get up from your chair, expect it to be the cat’s seat when you get back. Cats are easily bored but also easily entertained if you give them access to a window or a box.

They are great hunters but play around with their prey. Cats are also very sensitive and keenly intuitive. When I’m agitated, my cats get agitated and fight each other. When I’m depressed, they tend to come and cuddle. They seem to see and understand things beyond our human capabilities – but the joke is that they may not care enough to do anything about it.

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Are you a Cat-Person?

Cats work for me because they are independent and low-maintenance. As long as a person can stand the litterbox, cats are great.

I am not a homebody and like to get out often. I got two cats so that they can keep each other company and don’t need me around.

I like that I can stay out late or leave town for a bit, and the cats will still be calm and content when I return (as long as someone pops in once or twice to clean the litterbox and top off the food and water).

So then one day, I, the cat-person, got a dog . . .

Dogs

I discovered dogs can be dependent and high-maintenance.  I was dismayed to discover that there is a “puppy phase” – there is nothing like that for cats – and that’s when I began to refer to our pup as “your dog” and had nightmares that he would never ever grow up. (Thankfully he eventually did.)

Dogs need to be taken out many times a day. They also need to be fed — and once they get a taste of human food — they will hover around the kitchen and sniff around at your feet, in case some tasty morsel should fall.

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Dogs are loyal and loving and feel a need to be around you and know where you are at all times. My dog will follow me up and down the stairs and will bark at me frantically if I walk out the front door and get the mail without him.

Dogs are protectors, barking at anyone who comes within yards of the house and may go absolutely crazy if someone actually approaches the door — until they know for sure that you’ve accepted this person. Dogs may feel abandoned when you leave the house and are ecstatic when you return.

Dogs smell until you bathe them. And then they are quick to get dirty again. But they are incredibly loyal and loving.

They want to please you and will do whatever they can to get in your good graces. They can take a great amount of loving from kids and just want to play with you and love you – always.

If they could, they would sit on your lap — and some actually do, even though they shouldn’t. Dogs may not be as intuitive as cats, but they’re pretty smart, and some have been known to save lives.

Are you a Dog-Person?

Dog-people are content to be home. They like people, but they don’t need to be out and about, and they don’t understand why you would want to be away so much – there’s plenty to do in the house!

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Dog-people are caring, empathetic, and loyal. And like dogs, they just want to be around you, even if you’re both doing your own thing, not interacting with each other.

So, how do you keep from fighting like cats and dogs?

It’s easier than you might think!

If you’re living a cat-person, be sure to give your partner some space. The cat-person will want to go out and explore – but will want to cozy up to you, too.

Make sure to plan some exciting things to do together and be prepared for the occasional hijinks and drama. Be sure to give your cat-person attention . . . and be patient.

If you’re living with a dog-person, schedule some regular time together (date night!), and stay in communication about your outside activities as much as possible.

Be sure to show your appreciation for your partner’s loyalty, give positive feedback . . . and be patient!

Featured photo credit: Victor Hanacek via picjumbo.com

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Last Updated on August 19, 2019

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

We live in a world that constantly tells us what to do, how to act, what to be. Knowing how to be true to yourself and live the life you want can be a challenge.

When someone asks how we are, we assume that the person does not mean the question sincerely, for it would lead to an in depth conversation. So telling them that you are good or fine, even if you’re not, is the usual answer.

In an ideal world, we would stop and truly listen. We wouldn’t be afraid to be ourselves. Instead, when we answer about how we are doing, our mask, the persona we show the world, tightens. Sometimes even more so than it might have been before. Eventually, it becomes hard to take off, even when you’re alone.

Imagine a world where we asked how someone was doing and they really told us. Imagine a world where there were no masks, only transparency when we talked to one another.

If you want to live in a world that celebrates who you are, mistakes and all, take off the mask. It doesn’t mean you have to be positive or fine all the time.

According to a Danish psychologist, Svend Brinkman, we expect each other to be happy and fine every second, and we expect it of ourselves. And that “has a dark side.”[1] Positive psychology can have its perks but not at the expense at hiding how you truly feel in order to remain seemingly positive to others.

No one can feel positive all the time and yet, that is what our culture teaches us to embrace. We have to unlearn this. That said, telling others you are ‘“fine”’ all the time is actually detrimental to your wellbeing, because it stops you from being assertive, from being authentic or your truest self.

When you acknowledge a feeling, it leads you to the problem that’s causing that feeling; and once you identify the problem, you can find a solution to it. When you hide that feeling, you stuff it way down so no one can help you.You can’t even help yourself.

Feelings are there for one reason: to be felt. That doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling. It just means that you start the process of problem solving so you can live the life you want.

1. Embrace Your Vulnerability

When you are your true self, you can better self-advocate or stand up for what you need. Your self-expression matters, and you should value your voice. It’s okay to need things, it’s okay to speak up, and it’s okay not to be okay.

Telling someone you are simply “fine” when you are not, does your story and your journey a great disservice. Being true to yourself entails embracing all aspects of your existence.

When you bring your whole self to the table, there is nothing that you can’t beat. Here’re 7 benefits of being vulnerable you should learn.

Can you take off the mask? This is the toughest thing anyone can do. We have learned to wait until we are safe before we start to be authentic.

In relationships especially, this can be hard. Some people avoid vulnerability at any cost. And in our relationship with ourselves, we can look in the mirror and immediately put on the mask.

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It all starts with your story. You have been on your own unique journey. That journey has led you here, to the person you are today. You have to be unafraid, and embrace all aspects of that journey.

You should seek to thrive, not just survive. That means you do not have to compete or compare yourself with anyone.

Authenticity means you are enough. It’s enough to be who you are to get what you want.

What if for the first time ever, you were real? What if you said what you wanted to say, did what you wanted to do, and didn’t apologize for it?

You were assertive, forthcoming in your opinions or actions to stand for what is right for you, (rather than being passive or aggressive) in doing so. You didn’t let things get to you. You knew you had something special to offer.

That’s where we all should be.

So, answer me this:

How are you, really?

And know that no matter the answer, you should still be accepted.

Bravery is in the understanding that you still may not be accepted for your truth.

Bravery is knowing you matter even when others say that you do not.

Bravery is believing in yourself when all evidence counters doing so (i.e. past failures or losses)

Bravery is in being vulnerable while knowing vulnerability is a sign of strength.

It’s taking control.

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2. Choose Your Attitude in Adversity

You can take control of your destiny and live the life you want by being true to yourself. You can start anytime. You can start today.

You can start with one day at a time, just facing what happens that day. Most of us get overwhelmed when faced with the prospect of a big change. Even if the only thing we change is our attitude.

In one instant, you can become a different person with a change of attitude. When you take control of your attitude, you become able to better understand what is around you. This allows you to move forward.

Originally, you may have had a life plan. It could have started when you were little; you were hoping to become a mermaid, doctor, astronaut or all three when you grew up. You were hoping to be someone. You were hoping to be remembered.

You can still dream those dreams, but eventually reality sets in. Obstacles and struggles arise. You set on a different path when the last one didn’t work out. You think of all the “shoulds” in your life in living the life you want. You should be doing this…should be doing that…

Clayton Barbeau, psychologist, coined the term “shoulding yourself.’[2] When we are set on one path and find ourselves doing something different. It becomes all the things you should be doing rather than seeing the opportunities right in front of you.

But in all this disarray, did you lose sight of the real you?

It may be in our perceived failures and blunders that we lose sight of who we are, because we try to maintain position and status.

In being who we really are and achieving what we really want, we need to be resilient: How to Build Resilience to Face What Life Throws at You

It means that we do not see all possibilities of what might happen, but must trust ourselves to begin again, and continue to build the life we want. In the face of adversity, you must choose your attitude.

Can attitude overcome adversity? It certainly helps. While seeking to be true to yourself and live the life you want, you will have to face a fact:

Change will happen.

Whether that change is good or bad is unique to each person and their perspective.

You might have to start over, once, twice, a few times. It doesn’t mean that everything will be okay, but that you will be okay. What remains or should remain is the true you. When you’ve lost sight of that, you’ve lost sight of everything.

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And then, you rebuild. Moment after moment, day after day. We all have a choice, and in this moment, that matters.

You can choose to have a positive attitude, seeing the silver lining in each situation and, where there is none, the potential for one. Maybe that silver lining is you and what you will do with the situation. How will you use it for something good?

That’s how you can tap into yourself and your power. Sometimes it happens by accident, sometimes on purpose. It can happen when we aren’t even looking for it, or it can be your only focus. Everyone gets there differently.

You can rise, or you can remain. Your choice.

When the worst happens, you can rely on your authenticity to pull you through. That’s because Self Advocacy, speaking up to let others know what you need, is part of finding the real you.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Or sometimes, helping others can help us deal with the pain of a hurtful situation. You decide how you’re going to help others, and suddenly, you become your best self.

3. Do What Makes You Happy When No One’s Looking

Being the best version of you has nothing to do with your success or your status. It has everything to do with your Character, what you do when no one’s looking.

In order to create the life you want, you have to be the person you want to be. Faking it till you make it is just a way to white knuckle it through your journey. You have the fire inside of you to make things right, to put the pieces together, to live authentically. And Character is how you get there.

If you fall down and you help another up while you’re down there, it’s like you rise twice.

Along with attitude, your character is about the choices you make rather than what happens to you.

Yes, it’s about doing the right thing even when obstacles seem insurmountable.  It’s about using that mountain you’ve been given to show others it can be moved.  It’s about being unapologetically you, taking control, choosing your attitude in adversity and being the best version of you to create the life you want.

How do you know what you really want? Is it truly status or success?

Unfortunately, these things do not always bring happiness. And aspects of our image or “performance driven existence” may not achieve satisfaction. Materialism is part of our refusal to accept ourselves as enough. All the things we use to repress our true selves are about being enough.

“Enoughness” is what we truly seek, but ego gets in the way.

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Ego is the perception of self as outer worth. It’s not REAL self worth.

Ego represses our true self with a new self— the self of chasing ‘“Am I ever enough?”’ questions. And instead of filling our true selves with self-love and acceptance, when we “should ourselves” and chase “enoughness,” we feed the ego or our image.

It’s important to realize YOU ARE ENOUGH, without all the material trappings.

Stanford psychologist Meagan O’Reilly describes the damage of not thinking we are enough. One of her tactics for combating this is to complete the sentence,[3]

“If I believed I were already enough, I’d ____”

What would you do if you felt you were enough?

By believing you are enough, you can live the life you want.

So many fake it to try to get there, and they end up losing themselves when they lose more and more touch with their Authenticity.

Final Thoughts

By being yourself, you are being brave. By acknowledging all you can be, you tell the universe that you can until you believe it too. The steps are easy, and you are worth it. All of it is about the purpose you are leading and the passion that is your fuel.

Being true to yourself is all about mastering how to live life authentically rather than faking or forcing it. Having the life you want (and deserve) is about being trusting in yourself and the purpose you are living for. Both need passion behind it, fueling it each second, or you will experience burn out.

When you are authentic, you can call the road you walk your own. When you live your life for you and not just the results of all your actions (faking it till you make it), you can let go of what you don’t need. This clarifies and pushes purpose to you, living for something that is greater than you.

You will find that making decisions based on what will actually achieve your goals, will help you attain the life you want, and your success with each step, will allow you to enjoy the process. Good luck!

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Featured photo credit: Ariana Prestes via unsplash.com

Reference

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