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How Not to Ruin Your Relationships When You’re In a Rotten Mood

How Not to Ruin Your Relationships When You’re In a Rotten Mood

You know that yucky feeling when you can’t even look at yourself in the mirror, when you want to turn your phone on silent, pull the covers over your head and hide from the world.

You can do that if you live by yourself, never leave your house, and live in the remote mountains of Mt. Kilimanjaro. But if you’re like the rest of us and have a job, go to the grocery and stop at Starbucks every morning, you have to face people every day- no matter what mood you’re in.

Bad moods are a part of life. They come on fast and hard. They happen without warning. Everything is fine and then BAM! Before you know it, you’re yelling at your cat for walking between your legs, you’re eating a pint of ice cream, or your thoughts are dark and your words disappear. Unfortunately, rotten moods are a reality you must learn to live with.

During that time, here are 12 tips to help you cope with your gloomy thoughts and not hurt people you love, live with or work with.

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1. Admit to yourself that you’re in a bad mood.

Deceiving yourself by going into denial will only prolong and deepen the darkness. Identify your crankiness, even if you can’t find the source of it. Waking up after a restless nightmare-filled night makes you snap at everyone who comes near you. Be gentle with yourself, especially when you feel out of sync.

2. Ask for a time-out.

Be considerate of the people in your orbit. Tell them you need some time alone. You may not know what’s going on but you know it’s best to be alone for an hour. Remove yourself to either a bathroom, a car, the local deli, or Starbucks. Go for a walk, get some fresh air. Breathe and give yourself time to reframe your negative thinking or physical discomfort.

3. Cry like a baby.

Crying is cleansing. Listen to a sad song or turn on The Notebook, bring those tears out from your soul. Let it all out. Yes, guys can cry too.

4. Tell someone else.

Be honest it might make you feel better. If you can, tell whomever you come in contact with so they don’t think you’re mad at them. Share your worries with someone you trust. Someone who won’t judge you, but will stand beside you with a shoulder to lean on.

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5. Beware of your stress levels.

if you have an appointment, get ready 30 minutes earlier, text them and tell them you’ll be a little late. Don’t make it worse, by adding more stress to your already stressed-out state of mind.

6. Have a sense of humor.

LOL. Laugh if you can. Try to joke about how crummy you feel. Just be sure to make fun of yourself (not anyone else).

7. Silence is a good thing.

Pause before you speak. When your thoughts in a negative space, your words often match. You end up saying things you soon regret. During your darkness, it is especially important to watch your words.

8. Break the silence.

After you’ve had a good cry, gone out for a walk, and had a chance to reframe your mood, share your thoughts with someone who loves you. If no one understands, hire a therapist who will listen and help you through your abyss.

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9. Realize you don’t live in a bubble.

Bad moods make us self-absorbed. No one else exists but you. Everything is about you. Give yourself a gentle slap and realize that people who love you are close to you. They don’t know how to handle you. They don’t know what to say. You may not be able to communicate what you feel, but just look at them and see how much they love you.

10. Understand yourself.

Take a personal inventory. Don’t get lost in over-analyzing yourself but just take a step back (if you can) and think about what is upsetting you? Are your feelings hurt from something your boss said? Are you holding in anger? Is there a decision you need to make but don’t want to make? Give yourself time to process what you feel. Think lovingly of yourself. Be your own best friend.

11. Look for the message.

After the darkness clears and the sun comes out, see if there is a lesson to be learned. Often in your hardest moments, the greatest wisdom comes to you. Maybe not immediately, but soon after. Keep your mind open to the possiblity that your bad mood might be filled with wisdom you need to have about yourself.

12. Write it, if you cannot speak about it.

The words in your head are often hard to verbally process. Writing is an excellent method of communicating the thoughts you cannot speak. Write about what you feel. Writing is private. Writing is an expression of your soul.

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Being in a bad mood is certainly unpleasant but it doesn’t have to become a monstrous event that destroys your relationships, or gets you fired. Yes, it can have a huge affect on your day but it happens to everyone. We all know life can be tough but the good thing is that we all know it. It’s what bonds us together.

Everyone will understand; if you are true to yourself, your feelings and the people around you.

It’s okay if you need a little time to be alone and cry but when you’re finished, share your feelings with that one special someone who will love you, wait for you, and be there for you in your darkest hour, no matter what.

We’ve all been there before. Remember… you’re never alone. Somebody loves you.

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June Silny

ADHD Coach, Writer, ADDitude Magazine featured contributor

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Last Updated on April 14, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

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