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How To Deal With Disappointment

How To Deal With Disappointment

Learning to deal with disappointment is part of a fulfilling life. Disappointment is natural and normal, and everyone will experience it to some extent in their life because our expectations often don’t align with what actually happens.

Sometimes life deals us a difficult hand, and events and trials arise that we have no control over. In other cases it is our own actions themselves that cause our trials. Regardless of the nature of our trials, difficulties and disappointments are a part of life’s journey and how we deal with them will largely determine the quality of our life. This article will help us to effectively deal with disappointment by setting out four simple, easy-to-remember strategies to make our journey more enjoyable. I call them the four Rs.

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Redefine Our Rules

It is very possible that our disappointment is due to the fact that we have an internal “rule” that is disempowering. An internal rule is a set of circumstances that must be present in order for us to feel happy or successful. For example, if we have a rule that says we need to be perfect, it is likely that we will spend a large amount of time feeling sad, disappointed and frustrated, since no one is ever perfect. Also, if we have a rule that requires something that is out of our control in order to feel happy or successful, then it is very likely that we will end up being disappointed. So when we feel disappointed, it is wise to review, and possibly redefine, our rules. Want an example of an empowering rule? Try this one: I am happy and I am successful when I give my best effort.

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Remember Our Why

Our “why” is the reason that we are seeking a particular goal. Often a why is multilayered and multidimensional. There is more than just one reason why we want to accomplish a particular goal. Our why gives us internal strength and persistence. It also gives us courage to face disappointment and start again. When we feel down, or disappointed, or discouraged, it is helpful to remember the reasons why we are committed to a path in the first place. When we revisit those reasons, we will likely renew our commitment and not get hung up on the disappointment of the moment.

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Recommit to Our Vision

Disappointment is the not the end of the road, it is merely a setback on what will eventually be a great and inspiring journey. So when we have those momentary setbacks, when we feel disappointed or discouraged, it is helpful to think about our larger vision and recommit to it. A larger vision isn’t defeated by a momentary disappointment. In fact, a disappointment can be a very valuable experience because it serves as education, thereby making us more capable of dealing with what the future may bring.

Reset and Start Anew

Resetting, and starting anew, is a powerful behavior habit. What happens when we reset is that we accept what has happened, and then we commit to moving forward. We don’t live in the past, we take what the past has taught us, but otherwise we move along. We wake up the very next day as if our whole life is ahead of us and we have the chance to start fresh, and nothing that happened in the past prevents us from creating the life that we have always desired or from accomplishing the goals that we are seeking. Resetting and starting anew prevents us from wallowing in self-pity—a very disempowering activity—but rather forces us to get up, and move forward.

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More by this author

Ryan Clements

A lawyer turned marketing professional, entrepreneur and writer who writes about entrepreneurship, career and personal development.

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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