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How To Deal With Disappointment

How To Deal With Disappointment

Joy is sometimes a blessing, but it is often a conquest. Our magic moment helps us to change and sends us off in search of our dreams. Yes, we are going to suffer, we will have difficult times, and we will experience many disappointments—but all of this is transitory it leaves no permanent mark. And one day we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we have taken.
Paulo Coelho

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Learning to deal with disappointment is part of a fulfilling life. Disappointment is natural and normal, and everyone will experience it to some extent in their life because our expectations often don’t align with what actually happens.

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Sometimes life deals us a difficult hand, and events and trials arise that we have no control over. In other cases it is our own actions themselves that cause our trials. Regardless of the nature of our trials, difficulties and disappointments are a part of life’s journey and how we deal with them will largely determine the quality of our life. This article will help us to effectively deal with disappointment by setting out four simple, easy-to-remember strategies to make our journey more enjoyable. I call them the four Rs.

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Redefine Our Rules

It is very possible that our disappointment is due to the fact that we have an internal “rule” that is disempowering. An internal rule is a set of circumstances that must be present in order for us to feel happy or successful. For example, if we have a rule that says we need to be perfect, it is likely that we will spend a large amount of time feeling sad, disappointed and frustrated, since no one is ever perfect. Also, if we have a rule that requires something that is out of our control in order to feel happy or successful, then it is very likely that we will end up being disappointed. So when we feel disappointed, it is wise to review, and possibly redefine, our rules. Want an example of an empowering rule? Try this one: I am happy and I am successful when I give my best effort.

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Remember Our Why

Our “why” is the reason that we are seeking a particular goal. Often a why is multilayered and multidimensional. There is more than just one reason why we want to accomplish a particular goal. Our why gives us internal strength and persistence. It also gives us courage to face disappointment and start again. When we feel down, or disappointed, or discouraged, it is helpful to remember the reasons why we are committed to a path in the first place. When we revisit those reasons, we will likely renew our commitment and not get hung up on the disappointment of the moment.

Recommit to Our Vision

Disappointment is the not the end of the road, it is merely a setback on what will eventually be a great and inspiring journey. So when we have those momentary setbacks, when we feel disappointed or discouraged, it is helpful to think about our larger vision and recommit to it. A larger vision isn’t defeated by a momentary disappointment. In fact, a disappointment can be a very valuable experience because it serves as education, thereby making us more capable of dealing with what the future may bring.

Reset and Start Anew

Resetting, and starting anew, is a powerful behavior habit. What happens when we reset is that we accept what has happened, and then we commit to moving forward. We don’t live in the past, we take what the past has taught us, but otherwise we move along. We wake up the very next day as if our whole life is ahead of us and we have the chance to start fresh, and nothing that happened in the past prevents us from creating the life that we have always desired or from accomplishing the goals that we are seeking. Resetting and starting anew prevents us from wallowing in self-pity—a very disempowering activity—but rather forces us to get up, and move forward.

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

3. Get comfortable with discomfort

One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

4. See failure as a teacher

Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

5. Take baby steps

Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

6. Hang out with risk takers

There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

10. Focus on the fun

Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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