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Have Mindful Conversation in 9 Easy Steps

Have Mindful Conversation in 9 Easy Steps

Connection.

You want it. You need it. You have to have it.

In today’s high-information and digitized world, finding meaningful, personal connection through the noise is challenging. It requires focus, intention, and above all, mindful conversation with those around you.

This is how you can get back to that connection you crave through your interaction with others:

1. Turn off all media devices.

Yes. That includes your phone, computer, tablet, or whatever it is you don’t think you can put away. You can.

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If you want mindful conversation, eliminate the temptation of looking at any of these things for even a millisecond. By ridding yourself of distractions, you clear your attention for meaningful interaction with another. This temporary sacrifice will be worth the connection you are preparing yourself to experience.

2. Listen using your eyes.

Look the other person in the eyes. Remember to blink. And, for goodness sake, don’t stare!

A person’s eyes tell you what is happening in their heart. Your awareness that your conversation partner might be feeling certain emotions allows you to adjust your communication appropriately. To do this, however, you must make eye contact which requires you to have your eyes open.

Having open eyes also will allow you to observe the other person’s posture and gestures. These movements can indicate an emotional wall (crossed arms or legs), a desire to leave or disengage (fidgeting), an inclination to say something (by an opening mouth or a hand that is raised), and many other things.

By not watching for these cues, you might miss an opportunity to dig more deeply into the psyche of the other. You might also deprive your partner of the chance to feel fully heard. This lack of expression will rob you both of the connection you seek.

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3. Listen to the tone of the other person’s voice.

Some individuals are able to put on a happy face even when things aren’t going so well for them. A skilled communicator can detect what is bubbling below the surface not only by observing non-verbal cues, but also by listening to changes in the tone of the other person’s voice. These tonal changes could belie the words the other individual is sharing which, in turn, allow the conversation partner to respond to what is really being said and felt.

4. Say “no” to thoughts that have nothing to do with the conversation you are having.

To have a mindful conversation with someone else, you must control your wandering mind–not let it control you. This will involve practice. It will involve re-training your brain.

This is how you do it: each time you find your mind wandering while you are talking with the other person, (mentally) just say “no.” Bring yourself back to the present moment. Focus on the words that are being said.

5. Attempt to truly understand what the other person is saying without judgment, criticism, or defensiveness.

In the event you are involved in a conversation in which the other person says something that offends you, before going off the rails, clarify. Make sure you actually heard what the other person meant to say (or vice versa). If, in fact, the person did say something which hurt you, don’t react immediately. Attempt to understand the true motivation behind the statement.

6. Be aware of how external conditions impact the complexity of your interaction.

Culture, sex, and geographic location affect how individuals interact with one another. A person’s mood will also affect how they approach and receive communication. On top of that, outside circumstances (such as environment) will allow for a clear, uninterrupted exchange… or not.

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Just as a tennis player must adjust his or her style based upon the other person’s approach, the composition of the tennis court, and the weather, you should do the same each time you seek to have a mindful conversation with someone else.

7. Respond vs. react.

When you react without forethought, you are jumping to conclusions. When you are jumping to conclusions, you are not really listening to what is being said by the other person. When you aren’t listening to what is being said, you aren’t having a mindful conversation.

When someone makes a statement you would normally be inclined to react to, do this:

Listen. Take a breath. Respond.

8. Make your conversation other-focused.

During many conversations, rather than listening to what the other person is saying, people are more concerned with what they are going to say next. The individual who can’t wait for the other person to stop talking so they can start isn’t focused on the other. When your communication becomes other-focused, you really are trying to understand what your partner is communicating.

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This is called listening. Listening helps create mindful conversation. Listening leads to the deepest sort of connection we all seek.

9. Immerse yourself in every word that is spoken and each feeling that arises.

If you would like mindful communication, bathe in the words as they are revealed. Allow yourself to drown in the emotions that are unveiled. Fully express yourself without self-censorship or fear of judgment. Immerse yourself in every instant as it is happening.

As you heighten your awareness during every conversation, every conversation will be elevated to a new level. It will become mindful. It will become mind-blowing.

You will want it. You will need it. You will have to have it.

Each and every single day.

Featured photo credit: Two heads of people with mechanisms via Big Stock Photo

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

3. Get comfortable with discomfort

One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

4. See failure as a teacher

Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

5. Take baby steps

Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

6. Hang out with risk takers

There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

10. Focus on the fun

Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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