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Have Mindful Conversation in 9 Easy Steps

Have Mindful Conversation in 9 Easy Steps

Connection.

You want it. You need it. You have to have it.

In today’s high-information and digitized world, finding meaningful, personal connection through the noise is challenging. It requires focus, intention, and above all, mindful conversation with those around you.

This is how you can get back to that connection you crave through your interaction with others:

1. Turn off all media devices.

Yes. That includes your phone, computer, tablet, or whatever it is you don’t think you can put away. You can.

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If you want mindful conversation, eliminate the temptation of looking at any of these things for even a millisecond. By ridding yourself of distractions, you clear your attention for meaningful interaction with another. This temporary sacrifice will be worth the connection you are preparing yourself to experience.

2. Listen using your eyes.

Look the other person in the eyes. Remember to blink. And, for goodness sake, don’t stare!

A person’s eyes tell you what is happening in their heart. Your awareness that your conversation partner might be feeling certain emotions allows you to adjust your communication appropriately. To do this, however, you must make eye contact which requires you to have your eyes open.

Having open eyes also will allow you to observe the other person’s posture and gestures. These movements can indicate an emotional wall (crossed arms or legs), a desire to leave or disengage (fidgeting), an inclination to say something (by an opening mouth or a hand that is raised), and many other things.

By not watching for these cues, you might miss an opportunity to dig more deeply into the psyche of the other. You might also deprive your partner of the chance to feel fully heard. This lack of expression will rob you both of the connection you seek.

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3. Listen to the tone of the other person’s voice.

Some individuals are able to put on a happy face even when things aren’t going so well for them. A skilled communicator can detect what is bubbling below the surface not only by observing non-verbal cues, but also by listening to changes in the tone of the other person’s voice. These tonal changes could belie the words the other individual is sharing which, in turn, allow the conversation partner to respond to what is really being said and felt.

4. Say “no” to thoughts that have nothing to do with the conversation you are having.

To have a mindful conversation with someone else, you must control your wandering mind–not let it control you. This will involve practice. It will involve re-training your brain.

This is how you do it: each time you find your mind wandering while you are talking with the other person, (mentally) just say “no.” Bring yourself back to the present moment. Focus on the words that are being said.

5. Attempt to truly understand what the other person is saying without judgment, criticism, or defensiveness.

In the event you are involved in a conversation in which the other person says something that offends you, before going off the rails, clarify. Make sure you actually heard what the other person meant to say (or vice versa). If, in fact, the person did say something which hurt you, don’t react immediately. Attempt to understand the true motivation behind the statement.

6. Be aware of how external conditions impact the complexity of your interaction.

Culture, sex, and geographic location affect how individuals interact with one another. A person’s mood will also affect how they approach and receive communication. On top of that, outside circumstances (such as environment) will allow for a clear, uninterrupted exchange… or not.

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Just as a tennis player must adjust his or her style based upon the other person’s approach, the composition of the tennis court, and the weather, you should do the same each time you seek to have a mindful conversation with someone else.

7. Respond vs. react.

When you react without forethought, you are jumping to conclusions. When you are jumping to conclusions, you are not really listening to what is being said by the other person. When you aren’t listening to what is being said, you aren’t having a mindful conversation.

When someone makes a statement you would normally be inclined to react to, do this:

Listen. Take a breath. Respond.

8. Make your conversation other-focused.

During many conversations, rather than listening to what the other person is saying, people are more concerned with what they are going to say next. The individual who can’t wait for the other person to stop talking so they can start isn’t focused on the other. When your communication becomes other-focused, you really are trying to understand what your partner is communicating.

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This is called listening. Listening helps create mindful conversation. Listening leads to the deepest sort of connection we all seek.

9. Immerse yourself in every word that is spoken and each feeling that arises.

If you would like mindful communication, bathe in the words as they are revealed. Allow yourself to drown in the emotions that are unveiled. Fully express yourself without self-censorship or fear of judgment. Immerse yourself in every instant as it is happening.

As you heighten your awareness during every conversation, every conversation will be elevated to a new level. It will become mindful. It will become mind-blowing.

You will want it. You will need it. You will have to have it.

Each and every single day.

Featured photo credit: Two heads of people with mechanisms via Big Stock Photo

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Last Updated on December 10, 2019

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

Here’s the truth: your effectiveness at life is not what it could be. You’re missing out.

Each day passes by and you have nothing to prove that it even happened. Did you achieve something? Go on a date? Have an emotional breakthrough? Who knows?

But what you do know is that you don’t want to make the same mistakes that you’ve made in the past.

Our lives are full of hidden gems of knowledge and insight, and the most recent events in our lives contain the most useful gems of all. Do you know why? It’s simple, those hidden lessons are the most up to date, meaning they have the largest impact on what we’re doing right now.

But the question is, how do you get those lessons? There’s a simple way to do it, and it doesn’t involve time machines:

Journal writing.

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Improved mental clarity, the ability to see our lives in the big picture, as well as serving as a piece of evidence cataloguing every success we’ve ever had; we are provided all of the above and more by doing some journal writing.

Journal writing is a useful and flexible tool to help shed light on achieving your goals.

Here’s 5 smart reasons why you should do journal writing:

1. Journals Help You Have a Better Connection with Your Values, Emotions, and Goals

By journaling about what you believe in, why you believe it, how you feel, and what your goals are, you understand your relationships with these things better. This is because you must sort through the mental clutter and provide details on why you do what you do and feel what you feel.

Consider this:

Perhaps you’ve spent the last year or so working at a job you don’t like. It would be easy to just suck it up and keep working with your head down, going on as if it’s supposed to be normal to not like your job. Nobody else is complaining, so why should you, right?

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But a little journal writing will set things straight for you. You don’t like your job. You feel like it’s robbing you of happiness and satisfaction, and you don’t see yourself better there in the future.

The other workers? Maybe they don’t know, maybe they don’t care. But you do, you know and care enough to do something about it. And you’re capable of fixing this problem because your journal writing allows you to finally be honest with yourself about it.

2. Journals Improve Mental Clarity and Help Improve Your Focus

If there’s one thing journal writing is good for, it’s clearing the mental clutter.

How does it work? Simply, whenever you have a problem and write about it in a journal, you transfer the problem from your head to the paper. This empties the mind, allowing allocation of precious resources to problem-solving rather than problem-storing.

Let’s say you’ve been juggling several tasks at work. You’ve got data entry, testing, e-mails, problems with the boss, and so on—enough to overwhelm you—but as you start journal writing, things become clearer and easier to understand: Data entry can actually wait till Thursday; Bill kindly offered earlier to do my testing; For e-mails, I can check them now; the boss is just upset because Becky called in sick, etc.

You become better able to focus and reason your tasks out, and this is an indispensable and useful skill to have.

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3. Journals Improve Insight and Understanding

As a positive consequence of improving your mental clarity, you become more open to insights you may have missed before. As you write your notes out, you’re essentially having a dialogue with yourself. This draws out insights that you would have missed otherwise; it’s almost as if two people are working together to better understand each other. This kind of insight is only available to the person who has taken the time to connect with and understand themselves in the form of writing.

Once you’ve gotten a few entries written down, new insights can be gleaned from reading over them. What themes do you see in your life? Do you keep switching goals halfway through? Are you constantly dating the same type of people who aren’t good for you? Have you slowly but surely pushed people out of your life for fear of being hurt?

All of these questions can be answered by simply self-reflecting, but you can only discover the answers if you’ve captured them in writing. These questions are going to be tough to answer without a journal of your actions and experiences.

4. Journals Track Your Overall Development

Life happens, and it can happen fast. Sometimes we don’t take the time to stop and look around at what’s happening to us at each moment. We don’t get to see the step-by-step progress that we’re making in our own lives. So what happens? One day it’s the future, and you have no idea how you’ve gotten there.

Journal writing allows you to see how you’ve changed over time, so you can see where you did things right, and you can see where you took a misstep and fell.

The great thing about journals is that you’ll know what that misstep was, and you can make sure it doesn’t happen again—all because you made sure to log it, allowing yourself to learn from your mistakes.

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5. Journals Facilitate Personal Growth

The best thing about journal writing is that no matter what you end up writing about, it’s hard to not grow from it. You can’t just look at a past entry in which you acted shamefully and say “that was dumb, anyway!” No, we say “I will never make a dumb choice like that again!”

It’s impossible not to grow when it comes to journal writing. That’s what makes journal writing such a powerful tool, whether it’s about achieving goals, becoming a better person, or just general personal-development. No matter what you use it for, you’ll eventually see yourself growing as a person.

Kickstart Journaling

How can journaling best be of use to you? To vent your emotions? To help achieve your goals? To help clear your mind? What do you think makes journaling such a useful life skill?

Know the answer? Then it’s about time you reap the benefits of journal writing and start putting pen to paper.

Here’s what you can do to start journaling:

Featured photo credit: Jealous Weekends via unsplash.com

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