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Fighting Can Help Improve Relationships, Even If You Don’t Feel Like It

Fighting Can Help Improve Relationships, Even If You Don’t Feel Like It

When we’re young we think of the perfect relationship. Everyone is always smiling and things are going well. Your partner knows exactly what to say and do to make you feel good and vice versa. Those of us who have been in relationships know better. Couples can and will fight for just about anything. The key is to understand that fighting can help improve relationships. Here’s how.

1. You air your dirty laundry

improve relationships

    An argument may start over anything. You two may not know what to do for dinner. One of you may have taken that turn a little fast and loose while out driving. Problems in a relationship are like dynamite and little things like not deciding on a place to eat are nothing more than a fuse. Eventually, these little things will open up the table to what is really going wrong. Once you can identify what’s really going on, it’s just a matter of figuring out how to fix it.

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    2. You will be more comfortable around one another

    The classic sign that a couple is comfortable with each other is when the “embarrassing” bodily functions fly even when the other person is in the room. Believe it or not, fighting can actually do the same thing. Couples who fight are not only working out their issues but also showing each other how they deal with problems. It forces you to talk about yourselves and what you think. By the end of it you’ll know the other person way better than you did before and vice versa because both of you will be expressing yourselves, often for the first time.

    3. You will have confirmation that both of you want the relationship to work

    improve relationships

      People will fight for things they believe in. It doesn’t matter if they’re joining the military to fight for their country or shouting at you across the kitchen table to fight for your relationship. A lot of people think that anger means discontent but it actually means that you care so much that when something goes wrong, you get upset about it. Fighting with your partner shows them that you’re upset and that you want to fix things to make them better. If you don’t want to fight or if your partner doesn’t want to fight to make a relationship right, then there might be a problem.

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      4. You and your partner will restore your sanity

      Anger means that you care. Unfortunately, being angry can also drive you insane if you don’t express it. Bottling up those kinds of emotions can be dangerous. It can cause you to have irrational thoughts and eventually you start thinking things that aren’t true. Letting out that anger can help reset your insanity button and get those negative thoughts out of your head. Not fighting and letting those feelings get bottled up is never good. Ever.

      5. You will get an honest answer for once

      improve relationships

        Emotions flying around like witches on broomsticks often means that the truth is also flying around. Have you ever noticed that people in fights make statements they wouldn’t otherwise make. “I never liked it when you did this.” Couples in an argument often air their dirty laundry but more importantly they’re doing it honestly. Those small things you keep bottled up and lie about (“Sure, honey, I don’t mind watching Sex in the City…again”) can be set free because angry people no longer care about the consequences. As long as you’re not hiding anything ridiculous like cheating or something irreparable, chances are that your little issues are fixable.

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        6. You get to have sex

        As long as your relationship survives the fight (and chances are that it will) you get to have make up sex. By the time the argument is over everyone is stressed out. Things are a little tense. There are few better ways our species has access to than a good rumble between the sheets to get some of that tension out. We’re not saying you should pick a fight but plenty of people who are in relationships go through a dry spell that ends after a fight.

        7. You get a reminder of what you’re doing wrong

        improve relationships

          Relationships take work. Sometimes you have to stop doing something or start doing something to keep your partner happy. Not doing those things can result in a fight. During that fight you will be reminded (many times) of what you’re doing wrong. This can seem tedious and awful but sometimes we need a push in the right direction because we don’t always know what the other person wants. A good fight can put those needs into focus.

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          8. You can understand yourself better

          I can’t even remember how many epiphanies I’ve had during fights anymore. It doesn’t always happen but sometimes you are just wrong. It happens to all of us and there is nothing to be ashamed of. The problem is that you don’t know that you’re wrong until someone points it out. In today’s society, telling someone they’re wrong is fighting words. The important part is admitting that you’re wrong after you get caught being wrong. Otherwise this entire point is worthless.

          Of course, we are coming at this from a specific point of view. Arguing and fighting is healthy but only if it’s done in a specific way. If your partner is hitting you, abusing you, bullying you, or otherwise hurting you or making you feel unsafe, you should do something about that immediately. There is no fixing that kind of behavior. Otherwise, keep these tips in mind the next time your partner blows up at you (or vice versa) and prepare to work on your relationship the old fashioned way.

          Featured photo credit: No Cookie via img1.wikia.nocookie.net

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          Joseph Hindy

          A writer, editor, and YouTuber who likes to share about technology and lifestyle tips.

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          Last Updated on June 3, 2020

          19 Definitions Of Success You Should Never Ignore

          19 Definitions Of Success You Should Never Ignore

          What is success?

          Is it wealth? Is it happiness? Is it fame?

          The late Zig Ziglar was one of the most respected modern day experts on success, motivation, and leading a balanced life. In his book Born to Win!, he argues that success cannot be defined in one sentence, but instead it is comprised of many things. One could argue that the definition depends on the individual and that one size does not fit all[1].

          Here are 19 different definitions of success. Not all of these will resonate with you, but chances are at least a few of them will. Use these or find inspiration here to create your own definition of success that can be applied to your unique life.

          1. Success is always doing your best.

          Success can be achieved when you try your best in all aspects of everything you do, even if that doesn’t lead to big results. If you’ve done your best, you should feel proud of your efforts.

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          2. Success is properly setting concrete goals.

          Be realistic and concrete when setting goals. Success does not come from setting abstract goals. If you know where you’re heading, that is a success in itself, even if you don’t ultimately arrive to the planned destination.

          3. Success is having a place to call home.

          Home is where your heart soars. You are always successful when you can call a place home. Home doesn’t have to be a specific structure. It can be a country, a city, or even a person. If you have a place you feel comfortable and safe, you’re already achieving something great.

          4. Success is understanding the difference between need and want.

          If you can meet your monthly obligations and fulfill your basic needs, you are successful. Being able to identify when you absolutely need something and when you can do without it often leads to financial stability and is a great way to succeed.

          5. Success is believing you can.

          If you believe you can, you will succeed. Self-belief doesn’t come naturally to everyone, so if you’re able to tell yourself that you can achieve the goals in your plans, you’re doing great.

          6. Success is remembering to balance work with passion.

          Work without passion creates undue stress and empty achievements. Focus on what excites you. If you’re happy at your job, that’s great. However, even if you aren’t, you can balance your formal job with hobbies or volunteer work you’re passionate about.

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          7. Success is taking care of your needs.

          Remember to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. Self-care is essential if you want to have any meaningful impact on the world around you.

          8. Success is learning that you sometimes have to say no.

          Success only comes with a balanced life. Part of balance is learning to say no. Saying no doesn’t mean you are selfish; it simply means you have priorities and know what you need to give your attention to at any given time.

          9. Success is knowing your life is filled with abundance.

          Love, health, friends, family…life is filled with abundance. Recognizing this is an important step to feeling grateful for all life has given you. If you can feel this, you are already experiencing success.

          10. Success is understanding you cannot keep what you don’t give away.

          You will only succeed if you help others succeed. Learning to give instead of always take is part of creating a world we all want to live in. When you help others, you will also create an environment where others want to help you.

          11. Success is overcoming fear.

          Conquering a fear makes you feel invincible. Even if it’s confronting just one small fear each week, that is certainly something to feel proud of. The bigger fears will take more time, but any work you do to overcome fear will lead to success.

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          12. Success is learning something new each day.

          Successful people understand that learning never stops. Take time each day to converse with someone with opposing views, read an interesting article on a topic you know little about, or watch a TED talk on new research. It doesn’t take long to learn, so get started now.

          13. Success is learning that losing a few battles can help you win a war.

          Successful people choose their battles wisely. When you know which battles will ultimately help you achieve your goals, you will be successful.

          14. Success is loving and being loved back.

          Opening your heart to others is difficult and can produce fear. Having the courage to love and accept love from others is a step toward a fulfilling life and great success.

          15. Success is standing your ground when you believe in something.

          Successful people never give up on things they believe with all their heart. You may hold views that many people disagree with, but if you’ve done your research and know that it’s the right belief for you, you shouldn’t let it go without a fight.

          16. Success is not giving up.

          Perseverance creates grit, and grit achieves success. Even if it takes years to achieve a goal, persisting is key if you want success.

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          17. Success is celebrating small victories.

          Anytime a goal is reached or an obstacle is overcome, take time to celebrate, even if it’s something small. All goals require smaller objectives to be achieved first, so each time you complete one, take time to appreciate the work you put into it.

          18. Success is never letting a disability hold you back.

          Disabilities do not define a person’s success. The body and mind will compensate. Just because you can’t do absolutely everything doesn’t mean you can’t do something. Do what your body and mind allow and always push yourself. That is true success.

          19. Success is understanding that you control your destiny.

          Your destiny is controlled by you and you alone. Take responsibility for your actions and their consequences and you’ll find that you naturally become more successful.

          The Bottom Line

          Success can be defined in many ways. If you are experiencing happiness, love, or adventure in this moment, you’ve already found success. Keep it up.

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          Featured photo credit: Dino Reichmuth via unsplash.com

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