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Fighting Can Help Improve Relationships, Even If You Don’t Feel Like It

Fighting Can Help Improve Relationships, Even If You Don’t Feel Like It

When we’re young we think of the perfect relationship. Everyone is always smiling and things are going well. Your partner knows exactly what to say and do to make you feel good and vice versa. Those of us who have been in relationships know better. Couples can and will fight for just about anything. The key is to understand that fighting can help improve relationships. Here’s how.

1. You air your dirty laundry

improve relationships

    An argument may start over anything. You two may not know what to do for dinner. One of you may have taken that turn a little fast and loose while out driving. Problems in a relationship are like dynamite and little things like not deciding on a place to eat are nothing more than a fuse. Eventually, these little things will open up the table to what is really going wrong. Once you can identify what’s really going on, it’s just a matter of figuring out how to fix it.

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    2. You will be more comfortable around one another

    The classic sign that a couple is comfortable with each other is when the “embarrassing” bodily functions fly even when the other person is in the room. Believe it or not, fighting can actually do the same thing. Couples who fight are not only working out their issues but also showing each other how they deal with problems. It forces you to talk about yourselves and what you think. By the end of it you’ll know the other person way better than you did before and vice versa because both of you will be expressing yourselves, often for the first time.

    3. You will have confirmation that both of you want the relationship to work

    improve relationships

      People will fight for things they believe in. It doesn’t matter if they’re joining the military to fight for their country or shouting at you across the kitchen table to fight for your relationship. A lot of people think that anger means discontent but it actually means that you care so much that when something goes wrong, you get upset about it. Fighting with your partner shows them that you’re upset and that you want to fix things to make them better. If you don’t want to fight or if your partner doesn’t want to fight to make a relationship right, then there might be a problem.

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      4. You and your partner will restore your sanity

      Anger means that you care. Unfortunately, being angry can also drive you insane if you don’t express it. Bottling up those kinds of emotions can be dangerous. It can cause you to have irrational thoughts and eventually you start thinking things that aren’t true. Letting out that anger can help reset your insanity button and get those negative thoughts out of your head. Not fighting and letting those feelings get bottled up is never good. Ever.

      5. You will get an honest answer for once

      improve relationships

        Emotions flying around like witches on broomsticks often means that the truth is also flying around. Have you ever noticed that people in fights make statements they wouldn’t otherwise make. “I never liked it when you did this.” Couples in an argument often air their dirty laundry but more importantly they’re doing it honestly. Those small things you keep bottled up and lie about (“Sure, honey, I don’t mind watching Sex in the City…again”) can be set free because angry people no longer care about the consequences. As long as you’re not hiding anything ridiculous like cheating or something irreparable, chances are that your little issues are fixable.

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        6. You get to have sex

        As long as your relationship survives the fight (and chances are that it will) you get to have make up sex. By the time the argument is over everyone is stressed out. Things are a little tense. There are few better ways our species has access to than a good rumble between the sheets to get some of that tension out. We’re not saying you should pick a fight but plenty of people who are in relationships go through a dry spell that ends after a fight.

        7. You get a reminder of what you’re doing wrong

        improve relationships

          Relationships take work. Sometimes you have to stop doing something or start doing something to keep your partner happy. Not doing those things can result in a fight. During that fight you will be reminded (many times) of what you’re doing wrong. This can seem tedious and awful but sometimes we need a push in the right direction because we don’t always know what the other person wants. A good fight can put those needs into focus.

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          8. You can understand yourself better

          I can’t even remember how many epiphanies I’ve had during fights anymore. It doesn’t always happen but sometimes you are just wrong. It happens to all of us and there is nothing to be ashamed of. The problem is that you don’t know that you’re wrong until someone points it out. In today’s society, telling someone they’re wrong is fighting words. The important part is admitting that you’re wrong after you get caught being wrong. Otherwise this entire point is worthless.

          Of course, we are coming at this from a specific point of view. Arguing and fighting is healthy but only if it’s done in a specific way. If your partner is hitting you, abusing you, bullying you, or otherwise hurting you or making you feel unsafe, you should do something about that immediately. There is no fixing that kind of behavior. Otherwise, keep these tips in mind the next time your partner blows up at you (or vice versa) and prepare to work on your relationship the old fashioned way.

          Featured photo credit: No Cookie via img1.wikia.nocookie.net

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          Joseph Hindy

          A writer, editor, and YouTuber who likes to share about technology and lifestyle tips.

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          Last Updated on October 17, 2019

          How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

          How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

          You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

          But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

          Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

          What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

          Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

          So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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          1. Recognize the Signs

          If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

          Some telltale signs include:

          • You’re always on your phones.
          • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
          • You aren’t together during important events.
          • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
          • You don’t make plans or date nights.
          • You’re not happy.

          If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

          2. Try New Things Together

          Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

          Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

          Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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          Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

          3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

          Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

          Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

          Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

          4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

          One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

          Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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          5. Cook Meals Together

          Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

          One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

          Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

          If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

          6. Have a Regular Date Night

          Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

          The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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          Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

          • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
          • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
          • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
          • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
          • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
          • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
          • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

          Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

          Final Thoughts

          The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

          • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
          • Lowers divorce rates
          • Improves communication
          • Reduces marital boredom
          • Bonds couples closer
          • Improves friendship
          • Boosts health
          • Reduces stress

          These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

          It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

          These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

          Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

          Reference

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