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9 Beliefs That Make Unhappy People Stay Unhappy

9 Beliefs That Make Unhappy People Stay Unhappy

How we think has a huge effect on how we feel. When we’re feeling down, it can be hard to imagine that we’re capable of pulling ourselves out of the slump. We can do it, however, and this post highlights nine beliefs that make unhappy people stay unhappy, plus how you can change them.

1. It needs to be perfect.

Perfection is rarely an obtainable standard, yet it’s the standard that so many of us strive to meet (and feel miserable when we don’t).

Rather than striving for perfection, we can make life a lot easier for ourselves by deciding in advance what “good enough” looks like for any given task and give ourselves permission to be satisfied with that.

2. I shouldn’t be feeling [X].

Nothing will bring us unhappiness faster than trying to convince ourselves that we shouldn’t feel a certain way. Whenever we say something that is shouldn’t be the way it is, we’re denying reality.

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Every feeling we experience occurs for a reason, even if that reason isn’t rooted in the present moment. While we might not enjoy the full spectrum of our emotional experience, we’ll be a lot happier if we stop trying to change things we can’t change.

Next time you feel an emotion and hear an internal voice saying you shouldn’t feel that way, tell yourself that you’re feeling exactly the way you’re supposed to feel and see how that alters your experience.

3. I don’t deserve [X].

While it’s true there might be times when we don’t deserve this or that, the moment this phrase stops being situational and becomes a belief, it’s going to affect our happiness.

The belief that we don’t deserve something doesn’t usually exist on its own. If we unpack this belief, we’ll usually find that several beliefs around our sense of worthiness feed it, for example, “I’m only worthy if I’m always busy,” or, “I’m only worthy if I make a lot of money.”

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4. If someone doesn’t like me, there must be something wrong with me.

When we try to please everyone, we end up pleasing no one, especially ourselves. Yet many of us still feel unhappy when someone indicates that they feel neutral or negatively towards us. We’re evolutionarily driven to seek out community and group acceptance, but it’s in the interests of our long-term happiness to recognize that we’re not necessarily going to find these things in every place we look.

Rather than focusing on whether other people like you, shift your focus to thinking about whether you like them.

5. I’ll be happy when…

The grass might always be greener on the other side, but if we wait for certain conditions to arise before we allow ourselves to feel happy, we’re missing the point of happiness altogether.

Whether you believe it or not, you can be happy now. Instead of focusing on the future, shift your focus to what you can feel gratitude for and enjoy in the present.

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6. Other people are just lucky.

Believing that other people are lucky when we’re not leaves us feeling more helpless than happy. Although other people might seem to have better circumstances than us, or to have effortlessly achieved things we’re struggling with, in reality they’ve usually worked very hard for those things.

The sooner we recognize that good fortune is rarely due to chance, the sooner we can start taking small steps towards our own good fortune.

7. Other people should see the world in the same way that I do.

Like point number two, if you believe that everyone should see the world in the same way you do, you’re going to be very unhappy whenever you come into contact with other people. We’re all individuals with our own experiences, our own histories, and our own ways of looking at the world.

Instead of believing that other people are somehow wrong if they don’t have the same world view as you, try appreciating the value that their different perspectives can offer you.

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8. I’m never going to be happy.

This belief is an example of a wider mindset that will lead to unhappiness: black and white thinking. While some things in the world are black and white, many more are varying shades of grey.

Happiness in particular is a skill, rather than a state of being we either experience or don’t. We can overcome this belief by practicing gratitude for what we have right here, right now, and accepting that our happiness might wax and wane over our lifetimes.

9. No one understands me/I’m the only one who feels [X].

When we’re feeling down, it’s tempting to look at everyone around us and imagine that we’re the only ones who feel this way or who are having this experience right now. While this can exacerbate the feeling, in reality, feeling sad, angry, hurt, or other typically ‘negative’ emotions is part of the normal human experience.

Remember, however you’re feeling, that you’re human and that the feeling will pass.

What are your tips for overcoming beliefs that keep people unhappy? Leave a comment and let us know.

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Hannah Braime

Hannah is a coach who believes the world is a richer place when we have the courage to be fully self-expressed.

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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