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8 Myths About Feminism Debunked

8 Myths About Feminism Debunked

Myths about feminism are everywhere. Feminism has been dismissed as all sorts of horrible things. The misconceptions perpetuated about the cause as a whole are sometimes so ridiculous that it’s hard comprehend how they came to be, let alone how so many people believe them to this day. So let’s debunk some of these myths about feminism and tell people what the movement is truly about.

1. Feminism is misandry (or, feminists hate men)

How about we start this with a definition, since it seems that most people are confused when it comes to the basic meaning of “feminism”:

Feminism (noun)—The advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.

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This myth isn’t even worth discussing, to be honest, because it would be a huge oxymoron if a feminist was a man-hater: someone who wants equality can’t hate the people with whom they want to be equal. True, you can’t deny the presence of a few extremist feminists who are misandrists. But we can’t a radical minority to create a reputation for the rest of the movement.

2. Feminists can’t be feminine

Feminism is essentially about giving women choice and autonomy over their bodies, not about limiting them. The feminist movement opposes the perpetuation of the idea that women must conform to the distorted concept of femininity that is considered socially acceptable. But they don’t oppose a woman’s choice to act or look however way they want.

3. Feminists are offended by gallantry

Contrary to popular beliefs, not all feminists will give you a lecture about systematic oppression when you open a door for them! This myth is often used to claim that feminists cannot differentiate between genuine politeness (or romantic endeavors) and pure sexism that is disguised as chivalry. I appreciate it when someone offers to open doors for me, or insists on driving me home, or offers to pay for dinner—as long as they’re doing it because they want to, not because they feel obliged to. At the same time, I should be allowed to return the favor if I want to!

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4. It’s the 21st century so there’s nothing left for feminists to fight for

We’ve come a long way when it comes to the fight for the equality of the sexes, but if you take one look at any popular media outlets, you will either see feminism being discussed under a false light, or the perpetuation of rape-culture. In other words, you’ll see rape, victim-blaming, child brides, sex trafficking, genital mutilation, honor killings, infanticide, domestic violence, forced prostitution and other crimes predominantly happening to women.

In addition to that, men are being targeted by these social outlets too, either by making them out to be rampant animals that cannot control their sex drive, or by spreading unrealistic and purely damaging expectations that affect their lives as well. Feminism aims to eliminate both in order to allow both men and women to live without objectification or oppression.

5. Feminists don’t believe in marriage

It’s hard to understand where this myth came from. Wanting to get married and start a family with somebody does not change your view on gender equality. Marriage and equality shouldn’t be opposed to one another.

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6. Feminism benefits women at the expense of men

Do I need to refer you back to the definition explained in the first myth? True feminism aims to liberate both men and women by breaking down the societal standards that harm both men and women. In our current patriarchal society, men are taught to be as emotionally disconnected as possible because that represents strength or leadership. These standards are not only unhealthy but socially and emotionally confining. Feminism is supportive, not exclusive.

7. Feminists are hysterical

Here are some words you often hear associated with feminism: “hysterical,” “crazy,” “feminazi.”

Those terms have been thrown at women throughout history in order to silence them. It only strengthens the patriarchal idea that whenever a woman complains or raises her voice, she’s not being proper and needs to shut up and sit back down. Everything women say is dismissed as overly emotional, exaggerated, or “hormonal.” But it’s not hysteria, it’s common sense.

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8. Feminism is only for middle-class white women

Feminism has always been a multicultural cause. However, I fully acknowledge the fact that women of color and white women may have different priorities when it comes to what needs to be addressed. We should accept this as part of the movement because today’s feminist activists are women and men of all backgrounds who seek to combat discrimination. If different social or ethnic groups are addressing the issues that concern them, then the movement as a whole will be both inclusive and effective.

Featured photo credit: Beyonce & Sophia: Feminism or Sexism? via chasegod.tv

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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