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Being Kind to Control Freaks Is Being Cruel to Yourself

Being Kind to Control Freaks Is Being Cruel to Yourself

Does any of these situations reminds you of anyone around?

You wanted to hang out with your newly met friend but he insisted that you shouldn’t go because he didn’t know your new friend.

She wanted you to tell her exactly where you’d be going every day, at what time and with whom, and always kept her posted.

These people could be your partner, your friend, or your family member.

Dealing with control freaks is not fun at all. No matter how much they “mean well” or their “heart is in the right place” when all said and done, a control freak in your life is a toxic force to be dealt with.

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But what is a control freak exactly?

Control freaks are usually perfectionists who feel vulnerable to anything uncontrollable.

The term “control freak” is a psychology-related slang. It describes a person who wants to dictate what everyone does and how everything is done around them. People who have an extremely high need for control over others are considered as control freaks.

Control freaks are often perfectionists who attempt not to expose any of their inner vulnerabilities by making sure everything around them is under their control. To avoid having to change themselves, they always manipulate and pressure others to change and do what they want.

We can spot a control freak in every walk of life, it’s about how to deal with them.

With a few key strategies up your sleeve, dealing with that control freak in your life right now – be it a family member, colleague, or otherwise – can be a lot easier to do.

Difficult people need some extra care in the approach you take, so here is your guide to being free of the control freak.

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1. Spend as little time with them as possible

Firstly, get away from them. Controlling people exert stress, which can make you more vulnerable to their habits.

Keep your distance and create a gap between you. Letting this person think they are your friend offers a space of opportunity for them to jump in and attempt to control you.

Step back from the relationship as far as you can, be polite but not friendly, and make it clear by your actions that you don’t wish to spend time with them. If they ask why, you have the perfect chance to explain to them.

2. Use strong body language

Body language is a clear signal and can speed up better communication; get acquainted with unspoken assertiveness to aid your message of no messing.

3. Remember why they are controlling

Most controlling people can be charismatic, witty, energetic and wonderful when you meet them, it’s on the micro, on- to-one level that their behavior is apparent.

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Remember that they are controlling due to a personal insecurity, paranoia, or deep set emotional issue. None of this justifies their behaviour, but remembering that they are vulnerable beneath the veneer can help in addressing the issue of their behaviour.

4. Practice saying NO

Controlling people use the façade of persuasion to hide what is, actually, pressure. When you do not submit to what they are “encouraging” you to do, there is often a display of emotional behavior.

Do not submit in appeasing them because it’s easier. Practice saying “no” without feeling the need to justify it. You don’t need to do things that you do not want to do and under no circumstances should you be made to feel as though you must.

Be clear and firm in your communication; practicing stock phrases and replies to their suggestions can help. Using a mirror, practice saying ‘no’ without expanding more with excuses.

5. Find an ally and sounding board

If the controlling person is close in your family or workplace, it can often be hard to decipher what is and is not acceptable behavior.

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Find someone who can see the situation clearly and who can act as a sounding board for you. Controlling people typically select targets that pose as potentially vulnerable personalities, so if you are depressed or emotionally vulnerable, they hone in on that potential for exploitation. Buddy up if you are struggling and stand your ground.

6. Work on your own self esteem and confidence

If someone is causing stress to your life by being controlling, work on your own self confidence and sense of self.

Equip yourself with the NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) techniques to deal with their games better:[1]

  • Dissociation — Imagine yourself encountering the same negative situation, but play back like a mental movie with a funny soundtrack. This can help to get rid of the negative emotion.
  • Content reframing — Shift your attention on negativity to other sides of the same issue. This can help you see the bigger picture more clearly.
  • Anchoring yourself — Identify the positive emotion you want and try to remember the scenario in which you felt that same emotion. Choose an anchoring phrase like “I am _____ when I ____ .” and tell yourself this every time when you experience negative emotions.

It could be challenging at first, but you deserve a free life, not a manipulated one.

When a control freak makes you stressful and doubt about yourself, be brave enough to pick yourself up and do whatever you can to keep a clear boundary with them.

If you’re in love with a control freak, it maybe time for you to think about ending the relationship and move on for a better life.

Reference

[1] The Law of Attraction: 5 NLP Techniques That Will Transform Your Life

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Jo Gifford

Design Guru, Writer, and Founder The Dexterous Diva and the Killer Content Academy.

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Last Updated on February 18, 2019

Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself

Why It’s Never Too Late To Redefine Yourself

The ability to reinvent and redefine yourself is a bold, daring and purposeful choice. It doesn’t just happen. You have to make a conscious, intentional choice and then follow through.

If the thought of forging a new path, changing habits, thought patterns and your inner circle of friends scares you – you’re not alone. Change can be a very scary thing. It takes courage, fortitude and a bit of faith to decide to shed your old self and don a new persona. However, it is one of the most critical processes one must repeatedly endure in the pursuit of destiny. Change unlocks new levels of potential.

The Need for Change

Everyday when we wake up, we make a decision. We decide to follow our routine or we decide to go off script and shake things up a bit. For those who are creatures of habit, routine is comfortable, easy and produces very little stress. The problem with this is, after a while you stop growing.

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We all reinvent ourselves at some point in our lives. It is absolutely necessary to achieve certain levels of success.

Reflect back on who you were as a teenager and then who you were at 25. Those are two very different people. Most of us are completely different. Your thought patterns changed, your appearance, job, level of education and even your friends– changed. We like to refer to this as “growing up” or maturing and consider it to be one of life’s natural progressions. However the changes you made were purposeful and deliberate.

This process must be a lifelong and continuous cycle. You are never too old to refresh yourself.

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Happy_old_man

    Signs It’s Time to Redefine

    “Just as established products and brands need updating to stay alive and vibrant, you periodically need to refresh or reinvent yourself.”– Mireille Guiliano

    So how do you know when it’s time for a system upgrade? There are signs along the way that alert you that it is time for an overhaul. The first sign is the feeling of being stuck. If you feel like you are in a rut, you’re bored with life or you need some newness and excitement, a self reinvention may be in order. Re-evaluate your life vision and your goals. Is that vision still valid and are your goals consistent with your vision and–are they achievable? If you are off course, it’s time for a change. If you are not moving forward and making progress, it’s time for a change.

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    In life, there’s no such thing as neutrality–you’re either moving forward or you are moving backward. Time constantly moves forward and if you are standing still, you are actually losing ground. No matter your age or stage in life– there is always room for improvement.

    “You’re never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.” ~C. S. Lewis

    The second sign that you are due for a change is the occurrence of major life events in which change is forced upon you. Getting married, starting a new job, being promoted, ending a relationship, becoming a parenting or relocating are all prime opportunities to completely overhaul your life.

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    When these major shifts occur in your life–you have to shift with them. You can’t have a single mentality and have a successful marriage. You can’t remain selfish and irresponsible, and raise a healthy, well-adjusted child. You can’t be promoted to a supervisory position and keep the same subordinate attitude. Each level of success requires something different from you.

    Aronld in Predator

      Consider, for a moment, Arnold Schwarzenegger. People may have different opinions about his character and some of his life choices, but he is a master at reinventing himself. He achieved the ultimate success as a professional body builder by earning the title “Mr. Universe” three times. He then earned a tremendous amount of fame and fortune in the entertainment industry making action/adventure films. And in his latest role, he served two terms as the Governor of California. He succeeded as a professional body builder, a film star and a politician. Each role required massive amounts of change, commitment, strength and hard work.

      And if Arnold can do it…so can you!

      Featured photo credit: BK via flickr.com

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