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7 Signs That Your Friends Are The Real Deal

7 Signs That Your Friends Are The Real Deal

We all have friends we hang out with every week or so, and maybe grab a cup of coffee with when our schedules line up. But if we are lucky, we also have friends who keep us updated on their daily digestive movements, come over uninvited on the weekends, and share pints of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream with us. Those friends are the ones you come to know as the real deal. Here are seven signs which show that you have true friends.

1. You feel completely comfortable around them.

    The phrase “pants optional” applies here. In fact, you could probably walk naked around your true friends and they wouldn’t even be confused. That’s just how comfortable you are with them. You’ll know you’ve got a real true friend when you feel almost the same ease with them that you do with your family. You feel as though you can say, do, or be anything around them without ever feeling awkward or judged. After all, a true friend accepts you in all your weirdness and even reciprocates it. Pants-less watching Disney throwbacks together? No problem, just as long as you remember to pass the ice cream back.

    2. You Know They’re Trustworthy.

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      Friends who are the real deal have seen you at your best but they’ve also seen you at your very worst. They have a photo album on their phone practically dedicated to that one time you mixed Vodka and Fireball, and that was only one of your many embarrassing nights they’ve witnessed. But even with all the potential blackmail they’ve collected over the years, you know they would never show it to a single soul if you didn’t want them to, and vice versa. I mean, they’ve had their nights, too. Still you just don’t show the pictures of those nights to others to prove it.

      3. You Can Communicate Telepathically .

        You know what they say: the friends who are telepathic together, stick together … or something like that. A true friend can read you like a book, regardless of your cover. They’ve observed all your social cues enough to know when it’s time for them to leave you alone or to get you the heck out of somewhere. All it takes is a glance and they’re there, coming up with some brilliant excuse to rescue you from your personal hell. The only problem is when they’re not physically there to pick up on your signals. That’s when you have to rely on their telepathic skills over text, sending them gibberish “help me” codes only they might understand.

        4. You Do Everything Together.

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          It’s not a “you braid my hair, I braid your hair” thing. It’s a “we do more together than most married couples” type thing. When you and a true friend are hanging out, it’s almost as if you two mold into one person. Their interests become your interests as well as the other way around. And even if you don’t like the same things, you find ways to compromise so both of you win.

          “Want to go to an art show?”, you ask. “Sure,” they reply and add: “Want to get El Pollo Loco after?”  “Yeah, why not.” And some day might ask: “Want to move in and never leave my side again?” And you’ll reply: “Thought you’d never ask.”

          A true friend is someone you can do everything with and never get tired, except when they overstay their welcome by eating your hidden stash of chocolate. Now that’s just plain rude.

          5. You Like and Dislike the Same People.

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            Have you ever liked a person’s character originally and then had a close friend tell you they didn’t like them? At first, you try and defend the reasons you like the other person while your friend lists all the reasons they don’t. Afterward, you start to question why you even like the person yourself, and then, all of a sudden, it happens. You’ve begun to dislike them as well. I’m not saying that a true friend will try to sway your opinions of people. In fact, it’s the opposite. You trust your close friend’s opinion so much that you’ve come to trust it as much as your own so when that joint intuition kicks in, you know that your friend is the real deal.

            6, You Realize They’re There For You No Matter What.

              On a more sentimental note, a true friend is there for you even in the worst of circumstances. They’re the ones comforting you after a break up, defending you when you’re being hit with criticism, running alongside you when your car’s about to be towed, and helping you get back on your feet when you trip and fall (while laughing hysterically of course). They’re your Superman when you don’t want to be saved but need to be rescued. And as cheesy as it sounds, they’re the ones you consider to be your future bridesmaid or best man because no day will ever be special without them by your side. Heck, you might as well marry them. They’re already a huge part of your life.

              7.  You Can’t Live With Them But Most Definitely Can’t Live Without Them.

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                No matter how close you are to a true friend, you both are going to have your days when neither of you can stand the other. It doesn’t matter how big or how small the circumstances surrounding the issue that caused such an apocalypse are. There will come a time when you and your true friend aren’t getting along. That being said, when a friend is the real deal, there is no cataclysmic happening that will ever be able to drive you two permanently apart.

                While you may be annoyed almost to the point of temporary loathing, you know this too shall pass, and soon enough, you and your friend will make up and be merry once again because you know your friendship is unbreakable. Again though, if they don’t learn to pass the ice cream or respect your chocolate drawer, things could turn ugly. Just saying.

                Featured photo credit: Adventure Time/hperticarati via flickr.com

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                Last Updated on July 8, 2020

                How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often

                How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often

                Do you say yes so often that you realize you aren’t really happy about this, wondering how to say no to people?

                For years, I was a serial people pleaser. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

                But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

                It took a long while but I learned the art of saying no. Saying ‘no’ meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. I started to manage my time more around my own needs and interests. When that happened, I became a lot happier. And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

                The Importance of Saying No

                When you learn the art of saying ‘no,’ you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

                In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

                Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey considered one of the most successful women in the world confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything. It was only when she realized that after years of struggling with saying no, I finally got to this question: “What do I want?”

                Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

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                Warren Buffett views no as essential to his success. He said,

                “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

                When I made ‘no’ a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

                How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

                It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say ‘no.’

                From an early age, we are conditioned to say ‘yes.’ We said yes probably hundreds of time in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work. We said yes get a promotion. We said yes to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

                We say yes because it feels better to help someone. We say yes because it can seem like the right thing to do. We say yes because we think that is key to success. And we say yes because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist like the boss.

                And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we feel guilty we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

                The message no matter where we turn is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

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                How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

                Deciding to add the word ‘no’ to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say ‘no’ but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of ‘no’ that you could finally create more time for things you care about. But let’s be honest, using the word ‘no’ doesn’t come easily for many people.

                The 3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

                1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

                Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time especially you haven’t done it much in the past will feel awkward.

                2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

                Remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it, who else knows about all of the demands on your time? No one. Only you are at the center of all of these requests. are the only one that understands what time you really have.

                3. Saying ‘No’ Means Saying ‘Yes’ to Something That Matters

                When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

                6 Ways to Start Saying No

                Incorporating that little word ‘no’ into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

                1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

                One of the biggest challenges to saying ‘no’ is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no reflect poorly on you?

                Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

                2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

                Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because FOMO even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

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                Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better.

                3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say ‘No’

                Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say ‘yes’ because we worry about how others will respond or the consequences of saying no or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose respect from others. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

                Keep in mind that saying ‘no’ can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way. You might disappoint someone initially but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to.

                4. When the Request Comes In, Sit on It

                Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

                Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time, or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say ‘no.’ There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

                5. Communicate Your ‘No’ with Transparency and Kindness

                When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

                Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

                A clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

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                6. Consider How to Use a Modified ‘No’

                If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” giving you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

                Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

                Final Thoughts

                Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

                Use the request as a fresh request to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself. If you are the one placing the demand on yourself, try to evaluate the demand as if it were coming from somewhere else.

                Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project but not by working all weekend. Or, tell someone in your family you can’t loan them money again because they never paid you back the last time. You’ll find yourself much happier.

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                Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

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