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7 Sentences That Will Stress Out Your Staff (and What to Say Instead)

7 Sentences That Will Stress Out Your Staff (and What to Say Instead)

Workplace stress is a common problem, but as a manager, you can reduce the likelihood of your employees suffering from stress simply by changing the way you communicate.

The stress response is a reaction to an external cue—you can “talk” your employees’ stress responses into overdrive if you communicate a certain way. It is surprisingly common for bosses to use inflammatory language that sets the stress response up automatically. On the other hand, if you’re careful about the way you word things, your employees’ responses to work pressures are more likely to be positive and measured.

Here are seven things you should stop saying to your staff, and some better sentences to use instead to encourage calmness and productivity.

1. “I don’t want to worry you, but…”

This is surely one of the most cortisol-producing phrases in the English language. This sentence releases so many stress chemicals it should be banned from all workplaces. You’ve already set your employee up to worry by suggesting there may be something to be concerned about.

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Say this instead: This sort of sentence is usually used to introduce a fear, rather than a certainty, that something may be about to go wrong. It is best not to mention worry at all. Instead, ask a question to check whether your fears may be justified. Eg. “Mike, did you double-check the figures on that spreadsheet?”

2. “We need to talk…”

This is another of those really unhelpful introductions that sets an employee on edge for no reason. If you say this to a staff member, they will immediately start asking themselves “About what? What have I done? Am I going to get in trouble?” Leaving an employee feeling worried and confused is not the way to get the best out of them, nor to make them improve.

Say this instead: Instead of dancing around the subject with ambiguous phrases, introduce the topic at hand immediately before asking to sit down and talk it over. Make sure the employee knows they are not in trouble and point out the scale of the problem. If there is only one thing that they are being pulled up on, then say so, so they don’t get stressed out for no reason. Eg. “Michelle, I liked this morning’s presentation overall, but there was one thing I think you could do better. Can we talk it through now?”

3. “I have some terrible news.”

There is no need to get your staff worked up over announcements and changes, even if they may seem to be negative. Using this sort of language can unnecessarily panic employees, leaving them feeling resourceless. Stating that something is “terrible” is a very black and white way of thinking, and suggests that there are no silver linings at all.

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Say this instead: Let your staff decide for themselves what to make of news by giving them the facts, rather than deciding for them how they should feel. Be neutral with your language when announcing something that may be challenging. Eg. “I have an announcement from Head Office.”

4. “I don’t have time for this.”

If one of your staff members wants to talk to you, or needs you to sort out an issue, it is very discouraging to be told you don’t have the time. You may well be busy, but listening to employee’s concerns is an important part of a manager’s job too. Don’t leave your staff members feeling like they can’t count on your support.

Say this instead: Give your employees a sense that you are willing to listen. Don’t brush them off with an “We’ll talk about it later.” Give them a supportive message and a specific time when you’ll be free. Eg. “I want to give your concerns my full attention. Can you come to my office to discuss this at 3pm?”

5. “What’s wrong with you?”

When an employee is struggling, it can be frustrating for all involved. But using phrases that attack individuals is really unhelpful and can make employees defensive and stressed out. Sentences such as these make employees feel like you are making an attack on their personality. This should be avoided at all costs.

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Say this instead: Don’t use language that suggests there is something wrong with an employee intrinsically. Use phrases that suggest that their application is the issue here. Be specific about what has gone wrong, so that you are not calling their whole skill-set or performance into question. Eg. “Andrew, you have miscalculated this column of numbers.”

6. “You need to…”

This is one of those seemingly innocent phrases that can actually put employees’ backs up and make them feel like you’re suggesting you are better than them. If staff think they are being talked down to, or ordered around, they may become defensive. Being too rigid in how you ask employees to do things can make them feel trapped and stressed out.

Say this instead: Make your employees feel trusted, and like you are giving them guidelines rather than dictating to them. Allow your staff members some personal agency by telling them what needs doing and suggesting resources rather than prescribing your way of doing things. Eg. “Susan, please could you write this month’s meeting agenda? There’s a template on the intranet that may be helpful.”

7. “You’re much better at this than Maria is.”

It is great to make employees feel valued, and to give them positive feedback, but this shouldn’t be done at the expense of other employees. Telling one worker they are better than another will make them both lose confidence in their team members and also make them worry about trusting you. If you’re able to put down a co-worker behind his or her back, when might they suffer the same fate?

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Say this instead: Keep your grievances about other employees private. These should be addressed with the individual concerned at an appropriate time. If you want to compliment an employee, that’s wonderful, but do so by acknowledging their individual strengths, rather than comparing them to someone else. Eg. “You’re so good at replying to customer queries, Tim. I really like how you manage to be succinct, yet thorough.”

Featured photo credit: xiaming via flickr.com

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Last Updated on June 13, 2019

How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

Think you have a boring life?

The definition of boring is dull or not interesting. Maybe you’ve been doing the same thing and living the same life for too long, or maybe your daily routine is limiting your growth and happiness. Whatever your reason is, the following list of 20 things can definitely make any day more interesting. Some of them are silly, while some are more meaningful, so hopefully just reading the list makes your life less boring and sparks your creativity.

Let’s dive in the list to quit your boring life and start living an interesting (and meaning) one!

1. Channel Your 7-Year-Old Self

What would he or she want to do right now? Color? Paint? Run around outside? Play dress up? Eat with your hands? Play that instrument hiding in the back of your closet that you haven’t touched in years?

Just because you’re a grown up doesn’t mean any of this stuff will be less enjoyable than you remember it. Give yourself permission to play.

2. Go Play with Kids

Speaking of little kids, if you have your own or access to any (in a non-creepy way, like they’re your niece or your best friend’s kid, you get the idea) go play with them!

They didn’t create an entire show called Kids Say The Darndest Things because kids aren’t hilarious. They also keep things so simple, and we can really stand to be reminded of this and stop allowing ourselves to get bogged down in boring details.

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3. Order a Hot Dog

While you’re eating it, Google: “What’s in a hot dog?” You decide whether or not you want to finish it.

4. For the Ladies: Wear Your Sexiest Lingerie Under Your Work Clothes

Your “little secret” will leave you feeling anything but boring all day!

5. Play Cell Phone Roulette

You’ll need at least one buddy for this. Scroll through the contacts in your phone, stop on a random one and call the person.

You could spark an incredible catch up session or be incredibly awkward. Neither are boring.

6. Fill out a Pack of Thank-You Cards

Give them to random people who probably don’t get thanked too often for doing what they do ever day.

Ideas: police officers, librarians, servers, baristas, cab drivers, sanitation workers, teachers, people behind any check out counter, receptionists, your friends, the guy at the falafel stand, etc.

7. Sign up for a Class in Something You’ve “Always Wanted to Do”, or Something That Makes You Really Uncomfortable

Ideas: pole dancing, salsa lessons, improv, pottery, cooking, knitting (yup, there are classes for this, too!), karate, boxing, something techy like the workshops they run in Apple stores, get Rosetta Stone and learn that language you’ve always wanted to speak, etc.

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What’s good about joining an interest class is that you will also meet new people!

8. Interview Your Grandparents About Their Lives

You can bet they’ve had some crazy experiences you probably never knew about.

9. Get up on Stage at an Open Mic Night

Whether you’re funny or not, get up on stage and just talk funny. And if you’re not, memorize a few of your favorite jokes and tell those!

10. Do Something for Someone Else That You Wish Someone Would Do for You

We all have a few ideas on this list. I promise you will feel amazing after and anything but bored.

11. Start a DIY Project in Your Home

It doesn’t have to be super complicated. If you need ideas, there’re plenty on Pinterest. Or you can also check out these 30 Awesome DIY Projects that You’ve Never Heard of.

12. Plan a Weekend Trip or an All-Out Vacation

This will give you something to look forward to.

Even if you don’t have the time or money to go on a vacation, plan for a staycation, which is same fun and relaxing!

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13. People Watch

Find a bench in a crowded area (centers of transportation like airports, bus stops and train stations are great for this!) and just observe.

People are infinitely interesting.

14. Eat Something You’ve Never Eaten Before

Bonus points if it’s a random fruit or veggie.

15. Dance

You can get your friends together for a night on the town or just pull up a video on YouTube and bust a move from your own living room.

If you’re feeling extra brave, you can even dance in public and get other people involved.

16. Go to YOUTUBE and Search “Funny Pets” or “Funny Babies”

This is also a great quickie ab workout as you will be laughing hysterically.

17. Pick up a Book and Start Reading

Check out the NY Times Best Sellers lists and grab a new book you can get lost in.

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18. Step Away from the Computer and Go Get Some Time with People You Care About in Real Life

Facebook stalking doesn’t count as real social interaction. You can even share this post with your friends and vote on which one you’d like to do together!

19. Check out a Museum You’ve Never Been to Before

OK, depending on your interests, this one might actually be boring. If you love learning, art or different cultures though, this one is for you!

20. Write a List of Things You Desire and Truly Want

This is a great way to help you figure out the real reason why you’re feeling bored about your life. Maybe you haven’t really done things that you truly enjoy? Maybe what you’ve wanted to do all the time has been left behind?

Think about the list of things you really want to do, and ask yourself why you aren’t doing these things (yet). Then start taking your first step to make what you want happen.

Now go make your life interesting and live your dream life!

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Featured photo credit: Kev Costello via unsplash.com

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