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7 Reasons Your Relationship Is Not Healthy

7 Reasons Your Relationship Is Not Healthy

When it comes to developing a solid foundation in your relationship, it’s important for you to be aware of certain things that can weaken this process. Establishing a healthy and long-lasting connection between you and your partner is the key to building a solid foundation.

Below I will share with you 7 reasons your relationship may not be healthy. I will help educate you and give you deeper insight into why these specific reasons weaken your foundation. Finally, I will give you some practical steps to re-establish your foundation.

1. Resentment starts to build a wall between you and your partner.

 

Young couple on a sofa after a row argument

    Resentment is the strong bitterness you feel when someone does something wrong to you. Do you have resentment building in your relationship? Having resentment in your relationship builds a huge wall right in between you and your partner. As the years go on, the bigger the wall of resentment will become. With this big wall, how can love possibly grow? It would be near to impossible to love your partner if you viewed them in a negative light.

    Do you experience negative feelings whenever your partner does something? Or how about getting into an argument and bringing up the past? If you answer, “Yes,” to both of these questions, you have resentment in your relationship. The key to letting go of resentment is to learn how to forgive your partner. We are all human and make mistakes. Now is the time to decide to forgive your partner for their mistakes. If you are committed to developing a healthy and long lasting connecting with your partner, you must let go of resentment.

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    2. Airing out your dirty laundry.

     

    laundry

      What does it mean when you air out your dirty laundry? Take a moment and reflect on the picture above. You see that there are adult pants, kid pants, and socks. Whoever put their laundry out felt that it was okay for others to see it. Use this analogy when it comes to a relationship. I have met some couples who felt that it was okay to air their problems out in public. These problems can include the physical, financial, emotional or psychological.

      A relationship starts to become unhealthy when you talk about private issues out in public—whether it be with your friends, family, co-workers, or even acquaintances. When you are in a committed relationship, you must always be a united front. No matter what issues you are experiencing in your relationship, it must always stay between the two of you.

      When you air out your dirty laundry for the public to see, it can become very embarrassing to you or your partner. When you put down your partner in front of others, you are embarrassing them. This act does nothing but destroy your relationship. Be consciously aware when you talk to others about your partner. When you do talk to others, always shed positive light about them. If you are experiencing some tough times in your relationship, this does not give you the “green light” to talk badly about your partner. This is when you need to have open and honest communication between the two of you. If it seems like you need a third party, seek a professional. There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a relationship counselor or a therapist. This can only help bring wisdom to your relationship.

      3. Looking at society’s standard of what a relationship should be like.

       

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      busy-times-square-photo-New-York-City-_smgpx10001x15658x18270ef3a

        Unplug from society every once in a while and plug into your mind. We live in a society that is filled with so many distractions and noise. It seems like we are constantly plugging into the latest trend, what’s on television and what others are talking about. When it comes to your relationship, all this noise can really affect your connection with your partner in a negative way. Our society sets a standard for how we are supposed to have a relationship. Whether it be how you should dress, how you should act, or what you should do when you get into an argument. Following society’s standard can have a huge impact on your relationship. This impact causes you to lose touch with who you truly are and what kind of relationship you want.

        It’s important for you and your partner to decide between each other what kind of relationship you want to have. Women today are under a lot of pressure with their looks and appearance. Men are experiencing pressure on what it takes to be a “true man.” Living in a society where it seems like sex is everywhere, you must set the standard for your relationship. Decide between the two of you how you want to experience a loving and committed relationship.

        4. Bringing up the past whenever you get into arguments.

        bigstock-Couple-Having-Argument-At-Home-16858187

          “Stop living in the past. The only thing we should do about what happened yesterday is to learn from it. Yesterday, good or bad, is history. Tomorrow is a dream, a hope, a passion. Don’t let your history destroy your dream.” — Edwin Mamerto

          Some of my clients experience this in their relationship. It’s important that you are consciously aware of when you bring up the past during the present. When this happens, it not only hurts your partner, but also builds a wall between the two of you. When a couple experiences an argument, it’s easy to bring up the past. When a person is upset and/or hurt in a relationship, there is a high possibility that their past experiences are coming up. Whether it be their childhood, a traumatic situation or something that happened between the couple that causes one person to bring up emotions of hurt, pain and frustration. A relationship can never develop when the past is constantly being mentioned. How can you and your partner possibly deepen the connection between the two of you when the past keeps coming up?

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          When you are experiencing emotions of pain, hurt and frustration from the past, it’s important for you to be aware of this. It’s even more important to not throw these emotions at your partner whenever you are in an argument. This causes your partner to become defensive and distance themself from you. You and your partner will be making mistakes along the way and it’s important for the two of you to work through these mistakes so you can both move forward and develop your relationship. Learn to forgive your partner and have an open discussion about your past and why you bring it up.

          5. Not knowing when to “turn it off.”

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            It’s all about balance when it comes to work and personal time. A lot of people have difficulty turning “off” from work when they get home. This can really affect your relationship.

            If you allow yourself to continue to think about work when you’re with your partner, your relationship is not healthy. When you spend time with your partner, be with your partner. How can you possibly spend quality time with them when your mind is still at work? Allow yourself to disconnect from your job and connect with your partner. If you want to develop your relationship, it’s important to learn when to “turn it off”.

            6. When financial stress is constant.

            financial-steps-for-couples

              The number one cause of stress in a relationship is financial stress. When you find yourself arguing about finances on a consistent basis with your partner, you are experiencing financial stress. This stress can affect every aspect of your relationship. Whether it be in the bedroom, what you can buy, or lack of trust. Financial stress leads to an unhealthy relationship. You are constantly worrying about what you can buy or not trusting your partner.

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              The solution to financial stress is to be on the same page with your finances. Make sure you are able to have an open discussion and communicate in a way that is both productive and respectful.

              7. Lack of openness and communication in the bedroom.

              857302-couple-and-bed-and-no-sleep

                One aspect of being in a monogamous and committed relationship is being sexually involved with your partner. If it seems like you are avoiding the topic of sex in your relationship and just going through with the process of sex, this is an issue that needs to be addressed. It’s important for you and your partner to openly discuss what you like and what you don’t like. Your relationship becomes unhealthy when it seems like it’s only a one way street, or you are giving of yourself without receiving anything. There’s a balance to be achieved. When you don’t feel open enough to talk about sex in your relationship, it’s a sign that this topic needs to be discussed.

                I highly suggest reading the book Mars and Venus In The Bedroom, by John Gray. He shares wisdom on the difference between men and women and how to approach your partner so that you can  have an open and honest discussion about sex without feeling personal and defensive. How can you possibly please your partner when you don’t know what they want and vice versa? Open communication is important in every aspect of your relationship.

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                Tiffany Mason

                Tiffany is a life coach empowering women to unleash their feminine essence & design a meaningful life & marriage.

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                Last Updated on July 3, 2020

                30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

                30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

                In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

                1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

                Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

                2. Focus on your breath

                Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

                3. Get organized and purge old items

                A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

                4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

                Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

                5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

                Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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                6. Smile more

                Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

                7. Don’t worry about the future

                As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

                8. Eat real food

                The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

                9. Choose being happy over being right

                Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

                10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

                Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

                11. Make use of filtering features on social media

                You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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                12. Get comfortable with silence

                When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

                13. Listen to understand, not to respond

                So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

                14. Put your troubles in a bubble

                Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

                15. Speak more slowly

                Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

                16. Don’t procrastinate

                Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

                17. Buy a coloring book

                Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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                18. Prioritize yourself

                You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

                19. Forgive others

                Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

                20. Check your expectations

                Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

                21. Engage in active play

                Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

                22. Stop criticizing yourself

                The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

                23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

                Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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                24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

                Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

                25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

                Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

                26. Manage your money

                Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

                27. Stop trying to control everything

                Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

                28. Practice affirmations

                Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

                29. Get up before sunrise

                Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

                30. Be yourself

                Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

                Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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