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7 Reasons Your Relationship Is Not Healthy

7 Reasons Your Relationship Is Not Healthy

When it comes to developing a solid foundation in your relationship, it’s important for you to be aware of certain things that can weaken this process. Establishing a healthy and long-lasting connection between you and your partner is the key to building a solid foundation.

Below I will share with you 7 reasons your relationship may not be healthy. I will help educate you and give you deeper insight into why these specific reasons weaken your foundation. Finally, I will give you some practical steps to re-establish your foundation.

1. Resentment starts to build a wall between you and your partner.

 

Young couple on a sofa after a row argument

    Resentment is the strong bitterness you feel when someone does something wrong to you. Do you have resentment building in your relationship? Having resentment in your relationship builds a huge wall right in between you and your partner. As the years go on, the bigger the wall of resentment will become. With this big wall, how can love possibly grow? It would be near to impossible to love your partner if you viewed them in a negative light.

    Do you experience negative feelings whenever your partner does something? Or how about getting into an argument and bringing up the past? If you answer, “Yes,” to both of these questions, you have resentment in your relationship. The key to letting go of resentment is to learn how to forgive your partner. We are all human and make mistakes. Now is the time to decide to forgive your partner for their mistakes. If you are committed to developing a healthy and long lasting connecting with your partner, you must let go of resentment.

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    2. Airing out your dirty laundry.

     

    laundry

      What does it mean when you air out your dirty laundry? Take a moment and reflect on the picture above. You see that there are adult pants, kid pants, and socks. Whoever put their laundry out felt that it was okay for others to see it. Use this analogy when it comes to a relationship. I have met some couples who felt that it was okay to air their problems out in public. These problems can include the physical, financial, emotional or psychological.

      A relationship starts to become unhealthy when you talk about private issues out in public—whether it be with your friends, family, co-workers, or even acquaintances. When you are in a committed relationship, you must always be a united front. No matter what issues you are experiencing in your relationship, it must always stay between the two of you.

      When you air out your dirty laundry for the public to see, it can become very embarrassing to you or your partner. When you put down your partner in front of others, you are embarrassing them. This act does nothing but destroy your relationship. Be consciously aware when you talk to others about your partner. When you do talk to others, always shed positive light about them. If you are experiencing some tough times in your relationship, this does not give you the “green light” to talk badly about your partner. This is when you need to have open and honest communication between the two of you. If it seems like you need a third party, seek a professional. There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a relationship counselor or a therapist. This can only help bring wisdom to your relationship.

      3. Looking at society’s standard of what a relationship should be like.

       

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        Unplug from society every once in a while and plug into your mind. We live in a society that is filled with so many distractions and noise. It seems like we are constantly plugging into the latest trend, what’s on television and what others are talking about. When it comes to your relationship, all this noise can really affect your connection with your partner in a negative way. Our society sets a standard for how we are supposed to have a relationship. Whether it be how you should dress, how you should act, or what you should do when you get into an argument. Following society’s standard can have a huge impact on your relationship. This impact causes you to lose touch with who you truly are and what kind of relationship you want.

        It’s important for you and your partner to decide between each other what kind of relationship you want to have. Women today are under a lot of pressure with their looks and appearance. Men are experiencing pressure on what it takes to be a “true man.” Living in a society where it seems like sex is everywhere, you must set the standard for your relationship. Decide between the two of you how you want to experience a loving and committed relationship.

        4. Bringing up the past whenever you get into arguments.

        bigstock-Couple-Having-Argument-At-Home-16858187

          “Stop living in the past. The only thing we should do about what happened yesterday is to learn from it. Yesterday, good or bad, is history. Tomorrow is a dream, a hope, a passion. Don’t let your history destroy your dream.” — Edwin Mamerto

          Some of my clients experience this in their relationship. It’s important that you are consciously aware of when you bring up the past during the present. When this happens, it not only hurts your partner, but also builds a wall between the two of you. When a couple experiences an argument, it’s easy to bring up the past. When a person is upset and/or hurt in a relationship, there is a high possibility that their past experiences are coming up. Whether it be their childhood, a traumatic situation or something that happened between the couple that causes one person to bring up emotions of hurt, pain and frustration. A relationship can never develop when the past is constantly being mentioned. How can you and your partner possibly deepen the connection between the two of you when the past keeps coming up?

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          When you are experiencing emotions of pain, hurt and frustration from the past, it’s important for you to be aware of this. It’s even more important to not throw these emotions at your partner whenever you are in an argument. This causes your partner to become defensive and distance themself from you. You and your partner will be making mistakes along the way and it’s important for the two of you to work through these mistakes so you can both move forward and develop your relationship. Learn to forgive your partner and have an open discussion about your past and why you bring it up.

          5. Not knowing when to “turn it off.”

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            It’s all about balance when it comes to work and personal time. A lot of people have difficulty turning “off” from work when they get home. This can really affect your relationship.

            If you allow yourself to continue to think about work when you’re with your partner, your relationship is not healthy. When you spend time with your partner, be with your partner. How can you possibly spend quality time with them when your mind is still at work? Allow yourself to disconnect from your job and connect with your partner. If you want to develop your relationship, it’s important to learn when to “turn it off”.

            6. When financial stress is constant.

            financial-steps-for-couples

              The number one cause of stress in a relationship is financial stress. When you find yourself arguing about finances on a consistent basis with your partner, you are experiencing financial stress. This stress can affect every aspect of your relationship. Whether it be in the bedroom, what you can buy, or lack of trust. Financial stress leads to an unhealthy relationship. You are constantly worrying about what you can buy or not trusting your partner.

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              The solution to financial stress is to be on the same page with your finances. Make sure you are able to have an open discussion and communicate in a way that is both productive and respectful.

              7. Lack of openness and communication in the bedroom.

              857302-couple-and-bed-and-no-sleep

                One aspect of being in a monogamous and committed relationship is being sexually involved with your partner. If it seems like you are avoiding the topic of sex in your relationship and just going through with the process of sex, this is an issue that needs to be addressed. It’s important for you and your partner to openly discuss what you like and what you don’t like. Your relationship becomes unhealthy when it seems like it’s only a one way street, or you are giving of yourself without receiving anything. There’s a balance to be achieved. When you don’t feel open enough to talk about sex in your relationship, it’s a sign that this topic needs to be discussed.

                I highly suggest reading the book Mars and Venus In The Bedroom, by John Gray. He shares wisdom on the difference between men and women and how to approach your partner so that you can  have an open and honest discussion about sex without feeling personal and defensive. How can you possibly please your partner when you don’t know what they want and vice versa? Open communication is important in every aspect of your relationship.

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                Tiffany Mason

                Tiffany is a life coach empowering women to unleash their feminine essence & design a meaningful life & marriage.

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                Last Updated on March 25, 2020

                How to Crush Your Lack of Motivation and Always Stay Motivated

                How to Crush Your Lack of Motivation and Always Stay Motivated

                How many times have you not achieved your goals and let yourself down due to your lack of motivation? When you’re not wallowing in sadness and self-pity, you are too busy procrastinating till you can’t anymore and before you know it, you are part of vicious cycle of anxiety and stress.

                Whether it’s losing weight or bringing your business to fruition – motivation is essential for growth and success in every sphere of our lives.

                That said, it is not easy staying motivated. In order to constantly stay motivated, you need to take ownership of your life and consciously make efforts in that direction.

                Well, it’s never too late to take matters in your hands and change the course of your life. Here are 11 effective ways to crush your lack of motivation and always stay motivated:

                1. Write Your Goals

                The power of writing goals down has always been underestimated. Why write when you can remember, right? Wrong.

                Our thoughts are all over the place and the first step to achieve your goals is to organize your thoughts. So, write your goals down, however big or small they might be. Make them as specific as possible and assign deadlines to each of them.

                As you write them down and revisit them regularly, they get further drilled in your head, taking you closer to your goals. Doing this small exercise helps you to remain focused, motivated and lets you track your progress with ease.

                Start today – take to your laptop or a diary and get down to writing what you wish to achieve in life.

                2. Beat Procrastination

                Your lack of motivation and procrastination go hand in hand. Every time you procrastinate, your motivation levels take a greater hit. The only way to bring an end to this loop is to stop procrastinating.

                Next time you find yourself putting off something for ‘later’, stop and assess the reasons behind it. Get to the root of the cause and eliminate it in order to overcome this poor habit of procrastinating which is sabotaging your life and mental health.

                Take a look at this guide and learn how to beat procrastination:

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                What Is Procrastination (And the Complete Guide to Stop Procrastinating)

                When you finally overcome procrastination, you will realize the positive impact it has on your mood and motivation levels.

                3. Celebrate Small Wins

                In the quest to achieve the bigger goals in life, we often forget to celebrate the smaller wins along the way. An achievement is an achievement – be it big or small, it deserves to be acknowledged and celebrated.

                Finished a project on time? Reward yourself. Managed to run on the treadmill for a good one hour? Pat yourself on the back. Found time to meditate? Celebrate it.

                It is these small achievements that reinstate that we are on the right path and take us one step closer to the bigger goals.

                So, get into the habit of recognizing and appreciating small wins. You will be surprised to see how this practice helps you stay motivated.

                4. Practice Gratitude

                It’s easier to whine about what we don’t have rather than counting our blessings. Isn’t it?

                Making gratefulness a part of your life is a very important step to retain high motivational levels. It revitalizes our spirits and renews our enthusiasm for life.

                So, how do you practice gratitude? For starters, keep a gratitude journal to jot down what you are grateful for, express your gratitude to people you love and spread positivity wherever you go. If you need some inspiration to be thankful for, here it is:

                60 Things To Be Thankful For In Life

                By doing so, you begin to focus more on what you have rather than what you don’t and that is a great start to stay motivated.

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                5. Be Optimistic

                Life is not always hunky dory. There will be bad days when things aren’t going in your favor, when you feel lost and all you want to do is give up.

                At such times, instead of letting negativity take over your life, adopt an optimistic approach to life. Quit overthinking, ask the right questions and focus on finding solutions.

                Yes, there will be hurdles along the way but if you hang on to positive affirmations and hopes, the journey will be a lot smoother. So, with every passing day, sow the seeds of positivity and you are sure to build a positive environment around you.

                6. Don’t Dwell on the Past

                A lot of times, our lack of motivation stems from the habit of dwelling on the past. This gives rise to fear and regrets, preventing us from making progress in the present day.

                Dwelling on the past is nothing but a waste of time. Understand that the past is long gone, and you cannot do anything to change that.

                What you can do is make your present day worthwhile. Instead of looking back and having regrets, learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself and move on.

                So, the next time you find your mind wandering off to the past, be determined to change the way you think and consciously concentrate on living in the present. This guide can help you:

                10 Simple Steps To Let Go Of The Past

                7. Face your Fears

                You can never find motivation where there is fear. Identify the fear that is pulling you back and tackle it.

                If you don’t face your fear head on, you cannot expect to conquer it and renew your motivation.

                Ask yourself: What is stopping you? What are you scared of?

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                Once you accept your fear, you can work on an action plan and think of solutions to overcome it. This article will give you some effective tips on conquering your fears:

                How to Overcome Your Irrational Fears (That Stop You from Succeeding)

                Seek external help if required but don’t choose to turn a blind eye over your fears – it will only aggravate matters.

                8. Visualize your Success

                You must have heard the famous quote, ‘see it to believe it’. That is exactly what visualization is about.

                One of the most effective self-motivation techniques, visualizing the process to your desired outcome helps you move in a positive direction and achieve your goal.

                Close your eyes and focus all your energies on the minutest of details that will take you where you want to reach. Doing this exercise everyday inspires you to keep going and not lose hope. The vision of attaining success will drive you to do better while instilling belief and confidence.

                9. Find Inspiration

                Can’t seem to find inspiration inwards? Don’t panic. There are plenty of external sources to gain inspiration from.

                From motivational books and quotes to speeches, films and apps – it is a good idea to take help from motivational material to rekindle your spirits and regain your motivation.

                Everyone is wired differently. For instance, a self-help book might work for your friend, but it might do nothing to move you. So, find what inspires you and turn to it when you are in desperate need for motivation.

                Finding inspiration externally fills you with hope and sometimes that is all you need.

                10. Enjoy Downtime

                You are clearly exhausted with all the running you’re doing in life. So much, that you don’t even have time to stop and think what’s causing you so much unhappiness. All you know is that you are lacking motivation and everyday seems to have become a struggle.

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                Now, that’s certainly not how you should live the rest of your life.

                You need to schedule downtime for yourself, relax and give your mind and body some rest. Take a vacation, indulge in hobbies, meet some friends, put your hair down and stop with all the overthinking. It is important to do things that make you happy in order to think clearly and stay motivated.

                11. Meditate Regularly

                Meditation lets you take control of your mind. It improves focus and concentration while helping you relax.

                Whenever you have had a tough day or find your thoughts going places, the best way to calm yourself down is by closing your eyes and meditating. It helps you to remove all the unnecessary frills in life and keeps you on the right track.

                Include meditation in your daily schedule and you are sure to see an improvement in your productivity and motivation.

                The Bottom Line

                Practicing these simple exercises isn’t the tough part, what’s tough is religiously doing them every day.

                However, don’t expect to get rid of your lack of motivation overnight. There will still be days when you will be low on energy but by making these conscious efforts to stay motivated, you are sure to see a vast change in your perspective and your response to bad days.

                So, start today and be committed to making a positive change in your life.

                More Tips About Staying Motivated

                Featured photo credit: Sonnie Hiles via unsplash.com

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