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7 Reasons Your Relationship Is Not Healthy

7 Reasons Your Relationship Is Not Healthy

When it comes to developing a solid foundation in your relationship, it’s important for you to be aware of certain things that can weaken this process. Establishing a healthy and long-lasting connection between you and your partner is the key to building a solid foundation.

Below I will share with you 7 reasons your relationship may not be healthy. I will help educate you and give you deeper insight into why these specific reasons weaken your foundation. Finally, I will give you some practical steps to re-establish your foundation.

1. Resentment starts to build a wall between you and your partner.

 

Young couple on a sofa after a row argument

    Resentment is the strong bitterness you feel when someone does something wrong to you. Do you have resentment building in your relationship? Having resentment in your relationship builds a huge wall right in between you and your partner. As the years go on, the bigger the wall of resentment will become. With this big wall, how can love possibly grow? It would be near to impossible to love your partner if you viewed them in a negative light.

    Do you experience negative feelings whenever your partner does something? Or how about getting into an argument and bringing up the past? If you answer, “Yes,” to both of these questions, you have resentment in your relationship. The key to letting go of resentment is to learn how to forgive your partner. We are all human and make mistakes. Now is the time to decide to forgive your partner for their mistakes. If you are committed to developing a healthy and long lasting connecting with your partner, you must let go of resentment.

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    2. Airing out your dirty laundry.

     

    laundry

      What does it mean when you air out your dirty laundry? Take a moment and reflect on the picture above. You see that there are adult pants, kid pants, and socks. Whoever put their laundry out felt that it was okay for others to see it. Use this analogy when it comes to a relationship. I have met some couples who felt that it was okay to air their problems out in public. These problems can include the physical, financial, emotional or psychological.

      A relationship starts to become unhealthy when you talk about private issues out in public—whether it be with your friends, family, co-workers, or even acquaintances. When you are in a committed relationship, you must always be a united front. No matter what issues you are experiencing in your relationship, it must always stay between the two of you.

      When you air out your dirty laundry for the public to see, it can become very embarrassing to you or your partner. When you put down your partner in front of others, you are embarrassing them. This act does nothing but destroy your relationship. Be consciously aware when you talk to others about your partner. When you do talk to others, always shed positive light about them. If you are experiencing some tough times in your relationship, this does not give you the “green light” to talk badly about your partner. This is when you need to have open and honest communication between the two of you. If it seems like you need a third party, seek a professional. There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a relationship counselor or a therapist. This can only help bring wisdom to your relationship.

      3. Looking at society’s standard of what a relationship should be like.

       

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        Unplug from society every once in a while and plug into your mind. We live in a society that is filled with so many distractions and noise. It seems like we are constantly plugging into the latest trend, what’s on television and what others are talking about. When it comes to your relationship, all this noise can really affect your connection with your partner in a negative way. Our society sets a standard for how we are supposed to have a relationship. Whether it be how you should dress, how you should act, or what you should do when you get into an argument. Following society’s standard can have a huge impact on your relationship. This impact causes you to lose touch with who you truly are and what kind of relationship you want.

        It’s important for you and your partner to decide between each other what kind of relationship you want to have. Women today are under a lot of pressure with their looks and appearance. Men are experiencing pressure on what it takes to be a “true man.” Living in a society where it seems like sex is everywhere, you must set the standard for your relationship. Decide between the two of you how you want to experience a loving and committed relationship.

        4. Bringing up the past whenever you get into arguments.

        bigstock-Couple-Having-Argument-At-Home-16858187

          “Stop living in the past. The only thing we should do about what happened yesterday is to learn from it. Yesterday, good or bad, is history. Tomorrow is a dream, a hope, a passion. Don’t let your history destroy your dream.” — Edwin Mamerto

          Some of my clients experience this in their relationship. It’s important that you are consciously aware of when you bring up the past during the present. When this happens, it not only hurts your partner, but also builds a wall between the two of you. When a couple experiences an argument, it’s easy to bring up the past. When a person is upset and/or hurt in a relationship, there is a high possibility that their past experiences are coming up. Whether it be their childhood, a traumatic situation or something that happened between the couple that causes one person to bring up emotions of hurt, pain and frustration. A relationship can never develop when the past is constantly being mentioned. How can you and your partner possibly deepen the connection between the two of you when the past keeps coming up?

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          When you are experiencing emotions of pain, hurt and frustration from the past, it’s important for you to be aware of this. It’s even more important to not throw these emotions at your partner whenever you are in an argument. This causes your partner to become defensive and distance themself from you. You and your partner will be making mistakes along the way and it’s important for the two of you to work through these mistakes so you can both move forward and develop your relationship. Learn to forgive your partner and have an open discussion about your past and why you bring it up.

          5. Not knowing when to “turn it off.”

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            It’s all about balance when it comes to work and personal time. A lot of people have difficulty turning “off” from work when they get home. This can really affect your relationship.

            If you allow yourself to continue to think about work when you’re with your partner, your relationship is not healthy. When you spend time with your partner, be with your partner. How can you possibly spend quality time with them when your mind is still at work? Allow yourself to disconnect from your job and connect with your partner. If you want to develop your relationship, it’s important to learn when to “turn it off”.

            6. When financial stress is constant.

            financial-steps-for-couples

              The number one cause of stress in a relationship is financial stress. When you find yourself arguing about finances on a consistent basis with your partner, you are experiencing financial stress. This stress can affect every aspect of your relationship. Whether it be in the bedroom, what you can buy, or lack of trust. Financial stress leads to an unhealthy relationship. You are constantly worrying about what you can buy or not trusting your partner.

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              The solution to financial stress is to be on the same page with your finances. Make sure you are able to have an open discussion and communicate in a way that is both productive and respectful.

              7. Lack of openness and communication in the bedroom.

              857302-couple-and-bed-and-no-sleep

                One aspect of being in a monogamous and committed relationship is being sexually involved with your partner. If it seems like you are avoiding the topic of sex in your relationship and just going through with the process of sex, this is an issue that needs to be addressed. It’s important for you and your partner to openly discuss what you like and what you don’t like. Your relationship becomes unhealthy when it seems like it’s only a one way street, or you are giving of yourself without receiving anything. There’s a balance to be achieved. When you don’t feel open enough to talk about sex in your relationship, it’s a sign that this topic needs to be discussed.

                I highly suggest reading the book Mars and Venus In The Bedroom, by John Gray. He shares wisdom on the difference between men and women and how to approach your partner so that you can  have an open and honest discussion about sex without feeling personal and defensive. How can you possibly please your partner when you don’t know what they want and vice versa? Open communication is important in every aspect of your relationship.

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                Tiffany Mason

                Tiffany is a life coach empowering women to unleash their feminine essence & design a meaningful life & marriage.

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                Last Updated on February 11, 2021

                Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

                Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

                How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

                Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

                The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

                Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

                Perceptual Barrier

                The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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                The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

                The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

                Attitudinal Barrier

                Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

                The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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                The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

                Language Barrier

                This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

                The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

                The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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                Emotional Barrier

                Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

                The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

                The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

                Cultural Barrier

                Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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                The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

                The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

                Gender Barrier

                Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

                The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

                The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

                And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

                Reference

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