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6 Skills Your Parents Have That You Don’t

6 Skills Your Parents Have That You Don’t

Frustrating, isn’t it? When your parents tell you how to do things. I mean, you’re an adult, not a child. You don’t need them to tell you what to do, or how to do it.

After all, they’re a different generation and a lot has changed since they were in the prime of their lives. They didn’t grow up with the internet. Things moved at a different pace when they were young. What could they possibly know that you don’t?

Well, it turns out, there are a couple of things they’re better at than we are – Just because they’re from a different generation.

Here’s 6 skills your parents have that you don’t:

1. Patience.

Our parents required patience for many things, because the world moved more slowly. They had to wait for letters to bring news from loved ones, they had to wait to move up in the company they worked for, and they had to wait until they saved up to buy a car.

Fast food wasn’t as prevalent, so they didn’t have a fast food mentality. They knew that good things came to those who waited.

Consequently, patience is one of the skills your parents have learned during their lifetime.

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    2. Gratitude.

    Our parents did not expect to have the perfect home, or the perfect job, or the perfect lifestyle. At least, not in the beginning.

    They expected to work hard to achieve those things, and strove to make the best of what they had in the meantime.

    Rather than growing up in an environment of plenty, they grew up knowing they had to work hard for things. Knowing they had to make do.

    Consequently, they were grateful for the job they had, grateful for the home they lived in, and grateful for the life they lived.

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      3. Respect.

      Our parents grew up knowing they had to demonstrate respect for other people.

      They didn’t wait for the other person to earn that respect. They just knew everyone deserved to be treated well.

      Today, we have to work hard to earn the respect of others, and it can be an ongoing cycle. Each new manager, supervisor, or CEO requires us to prove ourselves all over again.

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      If we all just treated each other with respect automatically, we’d save a lot of time and effort trying to prove our worth.

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        4. Optimism.

        Let’s face it, our parents went through some pretty tough times. They experienced things we haven’t seen, and hopefully will never see.

        Things like the Civil Rights Movementrations, and Vietnam.

        These were times of incredible change and hardship, and yet our parents remained optimistic. They knew life would get better.

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          5. Social grace.

          Just as our parents grew up knowing to respect others, they also knew social grace.

          Social grace are the skills used to interact politely in society. They include fashion, deportment, etiquette and manners. They’re like life’s little instruction manual.

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          Men learned how to woo a woman, and women learned how to respond.

          Our parents knew they had to display manners, and behave appropriately. Social grace was valued by society, and the consequences of not displaying it would mean being cast out.

          So they practice and polished the skill of social grace.

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            6. Resourcefulness.

            Our parents had to learn to be resourceful. They had to learn how to make chocolate cake without eggs during wartime, and make do with what what available (there was far less choice, even a decade ago).

            This encouraged resourcefulness.

            If the toaster broke, they fixed it. If they needed a new outfit, they made one. If they were hungry, they cooked a meal – from scratch.

            If they didn’t know how, they asked someone who did, and they learned.

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            That’s being resourceful. And it’s a skill we’re losing because we don’t use it so much. But we should.

            If we were resourceful, we’d work out how to fix that difficult situation at work. If we were resourceful, we’d tell our kids unique stories, rather than putting them in front of the television. If we were resourceful we’d make up fabulous games, rather than relying on the latest app.

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              So there you have it, six skills your parents have that you don’t. You might not think they’re important, but they are.

              A society that is less optimistic, less respectful and less patient is less enjoyable for all of us. So make an effort to brush up on these skills.

              You’ll stand out from the crowd as someone with strong values.

              And you’ll be able to grow old gracefully, just as your parents are.

              Featured photo credit: StevePB via pixabay.com

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              Cate Scolnik

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              Last Updated on May 21, 2019

              How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

              How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

              For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

              If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

              Example 1

              You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

              You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

              In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

              Example 2

              You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

              People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

              You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

              Example 3

              You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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              The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

              Example 4

              You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

              Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

              If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

              Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

              • Understand your own communication style
              • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
              • Communicate with precision and care
              • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

              1. Understand Your Communication Style

              To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

              In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

              Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

              2. Learn Others Communication Styles

              Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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              If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

              “How do you prefer to receive information?”

              This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

              To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

              3. Exercise Precision and Care

              A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

              On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

              Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

              I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

              I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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              In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

              The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

              Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

              4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

              Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

              In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

              “Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

              Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

              Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

              It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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              It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

              It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

              Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

              Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

              The Bottom Line

              When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

              I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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              Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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