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5 Ways To Deal With Difficult People

5 Ways To Deal With Difficult People

Nobody likes difficult people.vWe call them many things, including, “Rude customers”, “Annoying friends”, “Family who don’t understand you”, “Spoiled girlfriend,  “Arrogant boss”, to name a few.

It can be pretty aggravating and upsetting even when you encounter such people, especially when you didn’t do anything at all to deserve this rudeness.

It’s then easy to dwell in negative thinking, like, “What did I do to deserve this? Life is so unfair!” or “I hate him (or her)!” But that’s too easy. If you want a better way to deal with difficult people, put in the effort to rather use following 5 tips.

Remember, reacting in an average way is easy. Being difficult and also taking your problems out on others is also easy. Go the hard route for a better life.

1. Realize that they may be suffering and put yourself in their shoes

When you encounter a difficult person, try to put yourself in their shoes. Difficult people are only being difficult because they’re suffering.

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Instead of judging them, Listen to them. If you’re patient enough, listen to the difficult person’s problems after he’s done being difficult. If you’re not, then listen to your gut, instincts and what others have to say.

For example, your girlfriend or boyfriend may be acting difficult to you, but after listening, you may discover that they’re trying to get your attention because they really need you. They aren’t taking you for granted or intentionally being a brat.

The whole idea is to make sure that you don’t react impulsively on a negative level. Once you have a better understanding of where they’re coming from, you probably won’t feel so upset about them.

2. Realize they are not bad people, they are just difficult

I used to work in the service line in the nightlife industry before. And it was filled with difficult customers. It really made me miserable almost every working night as I had to deal with rude people all the time.

One night, my supervisor told me this, “These people are not bad people, rich and arrogant monsters, or your enemies. They’re just difficult customers.”

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That helped me a lot. It’s easy to ride the negative thought train and start getting paranoid. But don’t board that train. It’s just going to end up in a wreck. Difficult people are simply difficult people. With that in mind, find that one solution to deal with them.

E.g. I went from thinking, “This customer is so annoying! I wish I could punch him” to “This is just another difficult person. I’ll do my job the best way I can anyway.” See the difference?

3. Don’t react too fast. Be the bigger person.

You will most likely react negatively to a difficult person because you will talk back or even fight.

You’ve got to learn when to be quiet. It may sound like you’re giving in, but the whole idea here is to be the bigger person. The difficult one is long gone and far from being the bigger person.

This idea may sound counter-intuitive and hard, but nobody said being the bigger person is easy. 

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You take the reins inyour hands. People will respect you more that way. You’ll also grow as person a lot faster as you will know that you now will able to go through difficult times without causing any real trouble.

4. Focus intensely on being yourself so you don’t become like them

The last thing you want to happen is to become like them. The best revenge is always leading your own life and showing others how awesome and capable you are. Again, to react negatively and ultimately becoming difficult yourself is very easy. I doubt you want that.

So keep reflecting inwards instead. Think about how the situation can improve your life rather than how you can get back at them or make them suffer.

Difficult people may be difficult and annoying, but your life shouldn’t be made difficult because of them. Your life is your own

5. Know when to end the relationship entirely

There’re two schools of thought here.

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Sometimes, you should end the relationship with a difficult person because you owe it to yourself to live in a positive environment. A negative environment doesn’t do you any good and a positive one can transform your life for the better almost instantaneously.

There’s honestly no excuse to be in a negative environment filled with difficult people. You don’t need any of that nonsense!

Secondly, sometimes ending the relationship is better for both you and the difficult person in question.

I’ve personally fallen out with a few friends because I know they need it. I believe that they need to make their own mistakes in order to grow. To stick around and allow them to be difficult is simply allowing them to fuel their own negative energy and take those around them for granted. They’ll never learn that way.

So if you care enough, dump them. Walk away and let them grow. It’s for the best.

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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