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5 Traits That Make You Nice But Unsuccessful

5 Traits That Make You Nice But Unsuccessful

As we navigate daily life, it is innate to want others to like us. In order to achieve this goal, some people decide to become overly nice and attempt to please everyone they meet. Even in pop culture, many are more drawn towards movie heroes or novel protagonists who display benevolent and kind characteristics. Allow me to preface the article by stating that there is nothing wrong with being kind-hearted and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

However, there needs to be a balance of not being overly nice at your own personal expense. Instead of succeeding with your goals and getting ahead, being overly kind allows others to treat you like a doormat. There are a few traits that need to be identified and remedied to allow you to identify when you are being overly nice at your own expense.

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1. You find yourself compromising too much and don’t speak up.

In your group of friends or coworkers, do you find your voice often getting lost in the sea of voices? Are there ever times where you hide your true views or opinions because you know it will be the minority opinion?  When you censor your thoughts, you are cheating both yourself and others around you. You are being inauthentic in your social and professional circles.

If you are always seen as someone who agrees with everyone else or rarely speaks up, you are likely to be seen as someone who isn’t contributing to a group’s goals. According to Forbes, individuals who share their ideas more are seen as people who can spark discussion and group-think. In addition, you command more respect from colleagues for having the courage to voice opinion even if it’s not the most popular.

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2. You attempt to make sure everyone around you is happy.

At first this trait seems to paint a wonderful picture demonstrating your benevolent nature. Everyone should like the person who goes around making sure everyone in the group is happy. However, some may fall into the trap of obsessing over everyone’s satisfaction and perception. The fact is in both your business and social lives, you will learn that not everyone is going to be happy with your choices.

You will become known as a simple people-pleaser. People-pleasers also are known as unreliable because they tell people what they want to hear. One example of a successful individual who isn’t overly concerned with the sensitivity of his staff is Chef Gordon Ramsay. He runs a tight ship in the kitchen and is expected to be a vocal leader. When running the pass, he cares about getting the best out of his chefs and motivating through tough love, not coddling feelings.

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3. You place the needs of others before your own.

“Can you stay late to finish the project?” If you always answer yes to every request, you are putting yourself at an inconvenience. It could actually be counterproductive and show others that your time isn’t valuable. As Steve Jobs would exemplify, you need to spend your time and effort judiciously. Successful people know when to say no to projects or efforts unworthy of their skills or time.

4. You avoid conflict and remain on the sidelines

Anytime tempers flare or voices rise, are you always there to settle it? You need to begin to learn that it is not your responsibility to always be a peacemaker. Sure there are times to be diplomatic, but if you are always there to solve everything, you will be taken advantage of. Sometimes conflict and arguments are necessary to create productivity and negotiate compromises. As Martin Luther King Jr. demonstrated, the worst action during times of conflict that tests morals and values is to take no stance.

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5. You don’t use your authoritative voice.

If you find yourself in a leadership position or a role of authority, you find it difficult to speak with clarity and confidence. A leader who has an authoritative voice and defined goals is more respected than someone who shies away from responsibility. It is more respectable to set up boundaries and maintain frame with an authoritative voice.

Featured photo credit: Financial Times Photos via farm4.staticflickr.com

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Mark Ortega

Professor of English

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Last Updated on November 5, 2018

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

We’ve all got our enemies; people who take pleasure in causing us pain and misery. Sometimes, the development of an enemy is due to certain differences in your characters and events have led to that. Other times, some people end up hating you for apparently no reason at all.

Regardless of how you got this enemy, as opposed to the paradigm of fighting fire with fire, consider the following reasons and see why you should actually appreciate your enemies. This article will show you not only how to not be bothered by your enemies, but how to actually foster love for them.

Read on to learn the secret.

1. It’s a practical lesson in anger management

To be honest, your enemies are the best people to help you understand your sense of anger management. When it might be true that your enemies have a way of bringing out the worst in you as regards anger, it is also true that they can help you in your quest to have that anger managed. You can’t get truly angry at someone you love and it is only in that time when you get truly annoyed that you learn how to manage it.

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Anger management is more effective when it is in practice and not in theory

Your enemies are like the therapists who you need, but actually don’t want. Inasmuch as you might want to hate them, they provide you an opportunity to control the anger impulse that you have.

2. It’s an opportunity for healthy competition

You might not know it, but your enemies make for great rivals as they help harness the competitor in you (sometimes, you might not even know or bee conversant with this competitive side until you come across an adversary). You get the right motivation to compete and this can go a long way to spur you to victory.

However, while doing so, it is also essential that you remember not to become a worse version of yourself while competing. Working against an adversary is tricky, and you need to ensure that you don’t cause harm to yourself or your morals in the process. Healthy competition is all you need to get out of this.

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3. Their negative comments can help you make a breakthrough

It is true that your enemies never really have much good to say about you. However, in as much as they might be talking out of a place of hate, there might be some truth to what they’re saying.

To wit, whenever you hear something mean or nasty from an enemy, you might want to take a step back and evaluate yourself. There is a chance that what this enemy is saying is true and coming to face that fact is a major step in helping you to become a better person overall. This is another testament to the fact that enemies can be therapists in their own way.

4. Enemies can also be powerful allies

Loving your enemies can also mean making an effort to interact and make peace with them. In the end, if you are able to establish some common ground and patch things up, you’ll have succeeded in making another friend. And who doesn’t need friends?

This can also help you in working with people in the long run. You get to hone your inter-personal skills, and that can be a big plus to your ledger.

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5. It gives you the ability to realize positivity

In a multitude of negativity, a speck of positivity always seems to find its way through.

Sometimes, a knowledge of the fact that you have enemies will also help you to focus on the many positives and good things that are in your life. A lot of times, we neglect what really matters in life. This can be due to being overly concerned with the enemies we have.

However, it is also possible for this acknowledgement to spur you to take a step back and appreciate the goo things (and people who surround you).

6. There might just be a misunderstanding

Sometimes, the reason why you have an enemy might be something very innocuous. You might not have known the cause of this fractured relationship and your enemy will help complete the picture.

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Simply approaching them will help you to understand the reason for the fracture. This, in turn, can help you to work towards healing your relationship moving forward. Misunderstandings happen, and you need to be able to work around them.

7. You learn to appreciate love as well

A constant reminder of the fact that there are enemies will also help you not to take those who love you for granted. Love and hate are two opposing emotions and it is possible for one to momentarily overshadow the other.

However, while you’ll always have enemies, there will also always be people who love you. These people need to be appreciated for what they do for you. Never let the hate projected to you from your enemies take the place of that.

8. Do you really need the hate?

The truth is that enemies bring only toxic emotions and generate bad reactions from you. If you’re truly to live a prosperous life, you can’t really be carrying all this baggage around.

Hate is bad and you should try all you can to get rid of it. It is a well-known fact that nobody can get really far in life while carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Well, hate is the biggest form of emotional baggage there is.

Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com

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