Advertising
Advertising

5 Traits That Make You Nice But Unsuccessful

5 Traits That Make You Nice But Unsuccessful

As we navigate daily life, it is innate to want others to like us. In order to achieve this goal, some people decide to become overly nice and attempt to please everyone they meet. Even in pop culture, many are more drawn towards movie heroes or novel protagonists who display benevolent and kind characteristics. Allow me to preface the article by stating that there is nothing wrong with being kind-hearted and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

However, there needs to be a balance of not being overly nice at your own personal expense. Instead of succeeding with your goals and getting ahead, being overly kind allows others to treat you like a doormat. There are a few traits that need to be identified and remedied to allow you to identify when you are being overly nice at your own expense.

Advertising

1. You find yourself compromising too much and don’t speak up.

In your group of friends or coworkers, do you find your voice often getting lost in the sea of voices? Are there ever times where you hide your true views or opinions because you know it will be the minority opinion?  When you censor your thoughts, you are cheating both yourself and others around you. You are being inauthentic in your social and professional circles.

If you are always seen as someone who agrees with everyone else or rarely speaks up, you are likely to be seen as someone who isn’t contributing to a group’s goals. According to Forbes, individuals who share their ideas more are seen as people who can spark discussion and group-think. In addition, you command more respect from colleagues for having the courage to voice opinion even if it’s not the most popular.

Advertising

2. You attempt to make sure everyone around you is happy.

At first this trait seems to paint a wonderful picture demonstrating your benevolent nature. Everyone should like the person who goes around making sure everyone in the group is happy. However, some may fall into the trap of obsessing over everyone’s satisfaction and perception. The fact is in both your business and social lives, you will learn that not everyone is going to be happy with your choices.

You will become known as a simple people-pleaser. People-pleasers also are known as unreliable because they tell people what they want to hear. One example of a successful individual who isn’t overly concerned with the sensitivity of his staff is Chef Gordon Ramsay. He runs a tight ship in the kitchen and is expected to be a vocal leader. When running the pass, he cares about getting the best out of his chefs and motivating through tough love, not coddling feelings.

Advertising

3. You place the needs of others before your own.

“Can you stay late to finish the project?” If you always answer yes to every request, you are putting yourself at an inconvenience. It could actually be counterproductive and show others that your time isn’t valuable. As Steve Jobs would exemplify, you need to spend your time and effort judiciously. Successful people know when to say no to projects or efforts unworthy of their skills or time.

4. You avoid conflict and remain on the sidelines

Anytime tempers flare or voices rise, are you always there to settle it? You need to begin to learn that it is not your responsibility to always be a peacemaker. Sure there are times to be diplomatic, but if you are always there to solve everything, you will be taken advantage of. Sometimes conflict and arguments are necessary to create productivity and negotiate compromises. As Martin Luther King Jr. demonstrated, the worst action during times of conflict that tests morals and values is to take no stance.

Advertising

5. You don’t use your authoritative voice.

If you find yourself in a leadership position or a role of authority, you find it difficult to speak with clarity and confidence. A leader who has an authoritative voice and defined goals is more respected than someone who shies away from responsibility. It is more respectable to set up boundaries and maintain frame with an authoritative voice.

Featured photo credit: Financial Times Photos via farm4.staticflickr.com

More by this author

Mark Ortega

Professor of English

10 Things Only People Who Seldom Get Angry Would Understand 5 Traits That Make You Nice But Unsuccessful

Trending in Communication

1 7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life 2 10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On 3 What Is Your Destiny in Life? How to Mindfully Achieve Your Purpose 4 7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck 5 10 Things You Can Do Now to Change Your Life Forever

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

Advertising

2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

Advertising

These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

Advertising

You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

Advertising

7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next