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5 Common Misconceptions About Love

5 Common Misconceptions About Love

We all think we know what love is, but when times get rocky and relationships get rough, the gaps in our knowledge can become crippling. Don’t fall for these five common mistakes.

1. Love is a 50/50 partnership

Many people view love as a two-way street, with each person receiving affection in proportion to what’s been given out. It’s true that love often breeds love in return, but expecting a measured response for each gesture of affection is unrealistic. Worse, it leads to score keeping and the constant feeling that one is doing either too much or too little.

The reality is more like a series of candles, each lighting the others. Some candles are large, some are small. One person’s 80% may glow dimmer than someone else’s 20%. Sometimes we pour love in a constant stream toward someone who is not yet able to give it back. Try to give 60%, 70%, or even 100% in every relationship you are part of. You never know which candle may be just a few seconds away from sparking.

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2. Loving someone means never letting go

We all make sacrifices for the people we love, but there’s a big difference between changing your plans for someone else’s benefit and allowing yourself to be swallowed up in self-destructive behaviors that benefit no one.

Remember that sacrifice is about exchanging something of worth for an outcome we value even more. Like a chess player giving up a pawn in order to advance his queen, we let go of our own desires in order to improve the well-being of those we love. If our selfless gestures fail to achieve this goal, they cease being sacrifices and become waste.

You never have to stop caring about someone. But sometimes, for your own safety and sanity, it’s important to step away, regain perspective, and create an environment that allows everyone to grow.

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    3. Being loved cures loneliness

    No one likes to feel alone. Feelings of isolation can become crippling, like an all-consuming whirlwind that funnels into a black pit of despair. When you’re trapped in that pit, it’s easy to feel that if someone – anyone – would just care about you, things would get better.

    The truth is that people do care. They just haven’t figured out how to say it in a way that gets past the whirlwind. They want to help, but they can’t. No amount of love poured in from outside can fill up the aching chasm of loneliness.

    Fortunately, there is hope. Often the chasm can be filled from the inside – not by being loved, but by loving other people. Reach out, be honest, share what you are feeling and express your sincere desire for the welfare of others. You may be surprised at what happens next.

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    4. True love knows no bounds

    It’s not easy to be trapped between the people you care about and the choice you know is right. Many of us have stood in that difficult place and listened with heavy hearts to the inevitable words: “If you really loved me, you would do what I ask.”

    Loving someone doesn’t mean giving them everything they want. One of the most difficult, empowering, and life-changing expressions of love is the willingness to say no.

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      5. Love is blind

      Love isn’t about pretending not to notice problems. It’s about seeing problems, understanding them, and forging onward despite them. It’s about seeing people for who they are and who they can become. It’s about acknowledging imperfections and choosing not to make a fuss about them.

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      When problems arise, don’t ignore them. Instead have the courage to say, “This sucks, but we can fix it.” Try to view your loved ones as partners in the search for a solution, and not as the source of the problem.

      Love is not blind. Love sees, and it makes us feel safe to be seen.

      Featured photo credit: taliesin via morguefile.com

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      Last Updated on January 21, 2020

      How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

      How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

      If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

      Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

      So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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      1. Listen

      Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

      2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

      Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

      “Why do you want to do that?”

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      “What makes you so excited about it?”

      “How long has that been your dream?”

      You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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      3. Encourage

      This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

      4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

      After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

      5. Dream

      This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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      6. Ask How You Can Help

      Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

      7. Follow Up

      Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

      Final Thoughts

      By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

      Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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      Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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