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Last Updated on January 3, 2018

3 WARNING Signs of a Bad Friend

3 WARNING Signs of a Bad Friend

Once you hit 20-something and over, you reach a point where your time becomes your most precious asset. A bad friendship can drain our energy, so we seek to avoid them as much as possible. This manner of prioritization tends to put our relationships into prospective, by subconsciously implementing The Two Laws of Adult Friendship.

1. I will only spend time on/with subjects of obsession – Just like your obsession with running, painting, or growing your own tomatoes, most of us will only initiate friendships with those who make the most of our time.

2. I must recognize realistic variables – Yes, adult friendship is like a real life math problem—helping us set realistic expectations. Sometimes we want to be closer with others, but we foresee responsibilities that can get understandably in the way.

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What is the probability of Person X + (1 Husband + 2 Kids + 1 Kitten) /Full Time Job have of going out dancing with Person Y Friday night?

Somehow, you might find those few friends who get past this litmus test, but really aren’t worth the energy you are wasting on them. You might feel like a bad person when these types of thoughts start popping in your head. If this is a constant concern in the friendship, rest assured that it’s probably for the best. Here are the 3 facts to consider if you think someone is a bad friend.

Lack of Eye Contact

It says something about a person when they can’t look you in the eye. Having a bud that stares at you intensely is pretty creepy, but avoiding your gaze altogether is even worse: it’s a sign of lacking intimacy in the relationship.

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Take a notice of how many times your friend checks Facebook updates and tweets while you’re in the middle of a conversation. Or maybe there are more subtle instances, like avoiding eye contact while they breathlessly monologue in what’s supposed to be a shared dialogue. Paying attention to body language will trigger that they are being rude and should probably do a little listening, so they avoid your gaze out of selfishness.

An amigo who doesn’t value you enough to pay the slightest subconscious attention to your needs of communication isn’t a real friend to you.

Self-Centered Interaction

The strength of friendships is based on our interactions with one another. It’s about what you enjoy about them, and what they enjoy about you. That’s why you can spend hours with your closest friends while literally doing nothing; you’ve built companionship that doesn’t require more than the other’s best interest.

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Bad friends couldn’t care less about your well-being or interest, and this shows in the context of your interactions. They’ll hang out when it’s convenient for them or generally ask surface level questions, if they ask any at all. Getting to know you isn’t important—they just ind you a convenience for the moment.

Remember, a good friend will let you rant on a bad day, and an even better friend will tell you when to let something go without dismissing your feelings for the sake of their own good mood.

Seeking Validation

There is a 50/50 chance about how the last major sign will show up in a weak friendship. It’s a mystery as to why it doesn’t scream in the moment that this relationship might be toxic, but the fact is, those who are poor at maintaining friendships often know it. One of the few times they will look at us in the eye is when they admit “I’m a bad friend.”

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It’s not a statement that comes up once or twice when they admit to messing up. Toxic friends will keep telling you this just to hear you validate their behavior. We’ve all been guilty of doing it, so that the cycle continues on.

The other 50 percent might be so diluted by their selfishness, that they feel it’s OK to take you for granted. In either circumstance, the best way to be a real friend to a faux one is to tell them—in a loving way—that they suck.

Telling them that their behavior is OK isn’t going to help them or you; it will only make things worse. We will say something when friendships really matter to us, unless we are just as bad as they are. That’s the double-edged sword to this revelation. Recognizing these traits in others might be hard to admit, but it’s even harder to acknowledge that we might be the bad friend who needs to change.

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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