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20 Things You Should Say To Make You More Likeable

20 Things You Should Say To Make You More Likeable

We communicate in verbal and non-verbal ways, and how we go about this can improve our sociability quotient and make us more likeable. Non-verbal ways include making eye contact, smiling and appearing approachable. When it comes to verbal communication, the following words or statements can have a big impact on how well you come across to others. Try to include these in your conversations and you’ll be making everybody’s party list.

1. You look well/pretty/amazing/relaxed…

Compliments are a great way to spread goodwill in the world. Do it when you mean it though, not just for the sake of it. You’ll brighten up someone else’s day and set yourself firmly within another person’s ‘likeability’ radar.

2. How can I help?

When you make others feel important you are instantly more likeable than someone who offers no value. Offering help shows that you have noticed a need and care enough to say something about it.

3. Thank you

Everyone likes to feel appreciated and these two little words can make a person feel that their effort was worthwhile.

4. Why not?

Be open minded and encourage creative, outside-the-box thinking. When we are non-judgemental, others feel more accepted and relaxed in our company. When we inspire others we instantly become more likeable. Sometimes we all need a nudge in the right direction.

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5. You can do it

Inspiring words can make the difference between success and failure. Encouragement is always welcome and raises how likeable you are. People who inspire others tend to be likeable, as they consider others and aren’t wrapped up in themselves.

6. I believe in you

We all have lapses in self-belief and knowing that someone else sees our potential and is rooting for us can motivate us to move forward. We find others more likeable when they make us feel good.

7. Here’s what’s happening

Feeling included is a basic human need. When someone keeps us informed we feel included, important and involved.

8. You’re welcome

When others perform an act of service and seem happy to do this, it can feel very validating to the person on the receiving end. Feeling welcome makes us feel included.

9. I’ll find out

Being helpful to others will always promote how likeable you are. Having a ‘can do’ attitude will get you far in life.

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10. How are you?

We all like it when someone shows a genuine interest in us and most people will respond favourably when asked how they are doing.

11. You did really well

A job well done feels even better when others notice and comment on our results. When others feel good about themselves in your company, you will be more likeable.

12. I enjoy your company

Said with sincerity, this sentence can have a big impact on another person and influence how likeable we are. We all like validation, and feeling accepted allows us to feel happy and shows that we are doing well on the social skills front.

13. What do you think about …?

We all like to be asked our opinion on various issues. It shows us that others care about our opinions and about what we want too.

14. Congratulations

Success in life isn’t quite the same if you have no one to share it with. When others congratulate you, you almost get to relive the great experience again and it feels good to know that others share in your happiness. Acknowledging other people’s victories increases how likeable you will be.

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15. I appreciate you

We all love appreciation. Positive acknowledgement from others feels good and lets us know that our efforts have not gone unnoticed.

16. Sorry

This little word can be tough to say sometimes but its impact can make all the difference. Realising when we are at fault and saying so shows that we can admit to our faults and nurtures respect in others. When you seem reasonable you are more likeable.

17. I miss you

Depending on the circumstances, “I miss you,” can be hard to say when we don’t want to seem vulnerable, but it can change the whole dynamic between two people in a positive way.

18. I understand

When you genuinely ‘get’ what another person is saying to you, it can be satisfying to know that you are both on the same wavelength. When someone connects with you on a deeper level they will find you more likeable.

19. I’m here for you no matter what

Knowing that someone else is there for us and isn’t just a ‘fair-weather’ friend can be one of the most important things in life. Feeling supported and unconditionally accepted is a real gift in a world that is full of fickle people.

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20. This too shall pass

We all need reassurance at times, and when life gets tough we need a reminder that one thing that is certain in life is change. Emotions can overwhelm us and these four words from another can help us to be less afraid and keep perspective.

 

Positive words don’t cost us anything but they can have a huge impact on others in a very positive way and make us more likeable and fun to be around. It seems a ‘no-brainer’ to use our words wisely to help us navigate successfully through life, forge happy satisfying relationships, feel empowered and connected with the world around us.

Featured photo credit: Phillip Stearns via farm6.staticflickr.com

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Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a Psychologist/CBT therapist who believes getting through life is easier with a robust sense of humour.

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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