Advertising
Advertising

20 Things You Should Say To Make You More Likeable

20 Things You Should Say To Make You More Likeable

We communicate in verbal and non-verbal ways, and how we go about this can improve our sociability quotient and make us more likeable. Non-verbal ways include making eye contact, smiling and appearing approachable. When it comes to verbal communication, the following words or statements can have a big impact on how well you come across to others. Try to include these in your conversations and you’ll be making everybody’s party list.

1. You look well/pretty/amazing/relaxed…

Compliments are a great way to spread goodwill in the world. Do it when you mean it though, not just for the sake of it. You’ll brighten up someone else’s day and set yourself firmly within another person’s ‘likeability’ radar.

2. How can I help?

When you make others feel important you are instantly more likeable than someone who offers no value. Offering help shows that you have noticed a need and care enough to say something about it.

3. Thank you

Everyone likes to feel appreciated and these two little words can make a person feel that their effort was worthwhile.

4. Why not?

Be open minded and encourage creative, outside-the-box thinking. When we are non-judgemental, others feel more accepted and relaxed in our company. When we inspire others we instantly become more likeable. Sometimes we all need a nudge in the right direction.

Advertising

5. You can do it

Inspiring words can make the difference between success and failure. Encouragement is always welcome and raises how likeable you are. People who inspire others tend to be likeable, as they consider others and aren’t wrapped up in themselves.

6. I believe in you

We all have lapses in self-belief and knowing that someone else sees our potential and is rooting for us can motivate us to move forward. We find others more likeable when they make us feel good.

7. Here’s what’s happening

Feeling included is a basic human need. When someone keeps us informed we feel included, important and involved.

8. You’re welcome

When others perform an act of service and seem happy to do this, it can feel very validating to the person on the receiving end. Feeling welcome makes us feel included.

9. I’ll find out

Being helpful to others will always promote how likeable you are. Having a ‘can do’ attitude will get you far in life.

Advertising

10. How are you?

We all like it when someone shows a genuine interest in us and most people will respond favourably when asked how they are doing.

11. You did really well

A job well done feels even better when others notice and comment on our results. When others feel good about themselves in your company, you will be more likeable.

12. I enjoy your company

Said with sincerity, this sentence can have a big impact on another person and influence how likeable we are. We all like validation, and feeling accepted allows us to feel happy and shows that we are doing well on the social skills front.

13. What do you think about …?

We all like to be asked our opinion on various issues. It shows us that others care about our opinions and about what we want too.

14. Congratulations

Success in life isn’t quite the same if you have no one to share it with. When others congratulate you, you almost get to relive the great experience again and it feels good to know that others share in your happiness. Acknowledging other people’s victories increases how likeable you will be.

Advertising

15. I appreciate you

We all love appreciation. Positive acknowledgement from others feels good and lets us know that our efforts have not gone unnoticed.

16. Sorry

This little word can be tough to say sometimes but its impact can make all the difference. Realising when we are at fault and saying so shows that we can admit to our faults and nurtures respect in others. When you seem reasonable you are more likeable.

17. I miss you

Depending on the circumstances, “I miss you,” can be hard to say when we don’t want to seem vulnerable, but it can change the whole dynamic between two people in a positive way.

18. I understand

When you genuinely ‘get’ what another person is saying to you, it can be satisfying to know that you are both on the same wavelength. When someone connects with you on a deeper level they will find you more likeable.

19. I’m here for you no matter what

Knowing that someone else is there for us and isn’t just a ‘fair-weather’ friend can be one of the most important things in life. Feeling supported and unconditionally accepted is a real gift in a world that is full of fickle people.

Advertising

20. This too shall pass

We all need reassurance at times, and when life gets tough we need a reminder that one thing that is certain in life is change. Emotions can overwhelm us and these four words from another can help us to be less afraid and keep perspective.

 

Positive words don’t cost us anything but they can have a huge impact on others in a very positive way and make us more likeable and fun to be around. It seems a ‘no-brainer’ to use our words wisely to help us navigate successfully through life, forge happy satisfying relationships, feel empowered and connected with the world around us.

Featured photo credit: Phillip Stearns via farm6.staticflickr.com

More by this author

Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a Psychologist/CBT therapist who believes getting through life is easier with a robust sense of humour.

40 Ways to Find Peace of Mind and Inner Calm 15 Simple (And Practical) Ways to Overcome Depression Life Truths: 17 Universal Truths We All Share 7 Ways To Stop Yourself From Being A Slave to Your Emotions good partner 20 Ways To Recognize A Good Partner

Trending in Communication

1 Take Back Your Personal Power (Part 1) 2 Take Back Your Personal Power (Part 2) 3 When You Start to Let Go of Your Past, These 10 Things Will Happen 4 How to Learn to Let Go of What You Can’t Control 5 10 Simple Steps to Let Go of the Past

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 24, 2021

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

Advertising

At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

Advertising

1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

Advertising

How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

    Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

    Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

    6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

    If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

    Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

    Final Thoughts

    Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

    Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

    Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

    More Tips on How to Say No

    Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
    [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
    [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

    Read Next