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20 Things You Should Say To Make You More Likeable

20 Things You Should Say To Make You More Likeable

We communicate in verbal and non-verbal ways, and how we go about this can improve our sociability quotient and make us more likeable. Non-verbal ways include making eye contact, smiling and appearing approachable. When it comes to verbal communication, the following words or statements can have a big impact on how well you come across to others. Try to include these in your conversations and you’ll be making everybody’s party list.

1. You look well/pretty/amazing/relaxed…

Compliments are a great way to spread goodwill in the world. Do it when you mean it though, not just for the sake of it. You’ll brighten up someone else’s day and set yourself firmly within another person’s ‘likeability’ radar.

2. How can I help?

When you make others feel important you are instantly more likeable than someone who offers no value. Offering help shows that you have noticed a need and care enough to say something about it.

3. Thank you

Everyone likes to feel appreciated and these two little words can make a person feel that their effort was worthwhile.

4. Why not?

Be open minded and encourage creative, outside-the-box thinking. When we are non-judgemental, others feel more accepted and relaxed in our company. When we inspire others we instantly become more likeable. Sometimes we all need a nudge in the right direction.

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5. You can do it

Inspiring words can make the difference between success and failure. Encouragement is always welcome and raises how likeable you are. People who inspire others tend to be likeable, as they consider others and aren’t wrapped up in themselves.

6. I believe in you

We all have lapses in self-belief and knowing that someone else sees our potential and is rooting for us can motivate us to move forward. We find others more likeable when they make us feel good.

7. Here’s what’s happening

Feeling included is a basic human need. When someone keeps us informed we feel included, important and involved.

8. You’re welcome

When others perform an act of service and seem happy to do this, it can feel very validating to the person on the receiving end. Feeling welcome makes us feel included.

9. I’ll find out

Being helpful to others will always promote how likeable you are. Having a ‘can do’ attitude will get you far in life.

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10. How are you?

We all like it when someone shows a genuine interest in us and most people will respond favourably when asked how they are doing.

11. You did really well

A job well done feels even better when others notice and comment on our results. When others feel good about themselves in your company, you will be more likeable.

12. I enjoy your company

Said with sincerity, this sentence can have a big impact on another person and influence how likeable we are. We all like validation, and feeling accepted allows us to feel happy and shows that we are doing well on the social skills front.

13. What do you think about …?

We all like to be asked our opinion on various issues. It shows us that others care about our opinions and about what we want too.

14. Congratulations

Success in life isn’t quite the same if you have no one to share it with. When others congratulate you, you almost get to relive the great experience again and it feels good to know that others share in your happiness. Acknowledging other people’s victories increases how likeable you will be.

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15. I appreciate you

We all love appreciation. Positive acknowledgement from others feels good and lets us know that our efforts have not gone unnoticed.

16. Sorry

This little word can be tough to say sometimes but its impact can make all the difference. Realising when we are at fault and saying so shows that we can admit to our faults and nurtures respect in others. When you seem reasonable you are more likeable.

17. I miss you

Depending on the circumstances, “I miss you,” can be hard to say when we don’t want to seem vulnerable, but it can change the whole dynamic between two people in a positive way.

18. I understand

When you genuinely ‘get’ what another person is saying to you, it can be satisfying to know that you are both on the same wavelength. When someone connects with you on a deeper level they will find you more likeable.

19. I’m here for you no matter what

Knowing that someone else is there for us and isn’t just a ‘fair-weather’ friend can be one of the most important things in life. Feeling supported and unconditionally accepted is a real gift in a world that is full of fickle people.

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20. This too shall pass

We all need reassurance at times, and when life gets tough we need a reminder that one thing that is certain in life is change. Emotions can overwhelm us and these four words from another can help us to be less afraid and keep perspective.

 

Positive words don’t cost us anything but they can have a huge impact on others in a very positive way and make us more likeable and fun to be around. It seems a ‘no-brainer’ to use our words wisely to help us navigate successfully through life, forge happy satisfying relationships, feel empowered and connected with the world around us.

Featured photo credit: Phillip Stearns via farm6.staticflickr.com

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Mandy Kloppers

Counsellor

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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