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17 Signs You Have The Coolest Mom In The World

17 Signs You Have The Coolest Mom In The World

I don’t know about you, but my mom is seriously one of the coolest people out there.

She’s always been there to make me laugh, wipe away my tears, and help me become the person I am today.

Is your mom super cool? Here are some signs that you are ridiculously lucky to have your mom around.

1. Your mom is one of your best friends.

She’s the first to know about everything new in your life, and you have regular hangouts. For example, my mom and I try to go out for sushi, and we even went on a double-feature mother-daughter date at the movies.

2. But your mom makes sure she puts her role as mother over her role as friend.

Even if you guys are BFFs, she is your mother before she’s your bud, and even if you don’t like it, she will make sure to put your best interests at heart. My mom makes it clear that she’s not only my friend and drinking buddy, but someone who will put me in my place when I need it.

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3. You can always count on your mom to be there to listen.

If you’re going through heartbreak or need advice, you call her up. She will listen, always, without judgment. (Thanks, Mom.)

4. Your mom is your biggest cheerleader.

My mom is always the one to encourage me and lift me up, no matter what.

Got a dream? You can bet your mom is there to support it, and she will constantly remind you that you need to chase it, even when you’re not so sure of it yourself.

5. You and your mom have the best inside jokes ever.

You’re constantly giggling to each other. In fact, it’s quite a trip watching you two interact on a day-to-day basis. My mom and I are constantly cracking each other up (we’re so dang hilarious).

6. You and your mom always stick together at family gatherings.

Who else is gonna keep you entertained while your great aunt Ethel talks about her cats? I always stick to my mom like glue at family gatherings so we can giggle at the weirdness of it all.

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7. Your mom always puts family first.

Even if she’s got an awesome career and social life, family always, always comes first. She was never late to pick you up from school because of a meeting, and she never forgot your birthday, because you were — and still are — the priority in her life.

8. Your mom always calls and asks how your life is — and she genuinely cares.

She needs to know how you’re doing on a regular basis, and if you say anything other than “I’m doing great,” she will try her hardest to rectify the situation.

9. Your mom always keeps a watchful eye. . . but she doesn’t hover.

You never feel smothered by her, but you know she’s always got one eye on you to make sure you’re on the right path. She tries to stay relatable and remember what it was like being your age.

10. Your mom lets you make mistakes, but she’s always there to help you get back on your feet.

My mom lets me go through heartbreak or fall on my face sometimes — and I know how hard it is for her to watch. But she knows that I need to make my own mistakes, and she’s always there to help me back up.

A cool mom knows that she can’t live your life for you, and she knows you’re going to date someone you shouldn’t, or hit a rough patch every now and then. But when you inevitably do, she is there to wipe away your tears.

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11. Your mom knows that she’s just an older, wiser kid at heart.

I still remember what my mom said to me before I left for college: “Here’s the most important piece of advice I can give you: if you get the spins after drinking too much, just bite your tongue and it will distract you.”

Cool moms don’t pretend like they’ve been chaste and perfect their whole life. A cool mom doesn’t play the “holier-than-thou” card, because she is human too, and she’s made the same mistakes you have. She knows that you’ll make them too, and she uses her wisdom to help you whenever you need it.

12. Everyone loves your mom.

Your friends totally want to hang out with your mom, and have suggested she come along on more than one occasion. My friends are currently begging me to invite my mom to my New Year’s party this year. I’m not kidding.

13. Because your mom is hilarious.

She totally knows what’s going on, and she’s struck the perfect balance of being “in” and still being a wise, strong woman. The result is a fabulous sense of humor.

14. Even when you’re mad at her, you still know how much you care about her.

If your mom is like mine, she drives you crazy sometimes, because she always has your best interests at heart, and that means you butt heads every now and then. But even when you do, you can’t possibly love her any less.

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15. Your answer to “Who’s your biggest hero?” is always “my mom.”

Stand aside, Wonder Woman. Mom rocks way more than you do.

I believe I’ve written quite a few essays over the years illustrating this very point.

16. You can’t imagine who you would be without your mom…

Your mom built such a strong foundation for you. It’s difficult to separate who you are as a person from who she helped you become as a person.

I try to picture my life without my mom, and I truly can’t.

17. …because your mom is one of the most important people in your world.

Because what you do without her?

Love you, Mom.

Featured photo credit: LuLu Taylor via flickr.com

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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