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15 Relationship Lessons That Ted Mosby Taught Us

15 Relationship Lessons That Ted Mosby Taught Us

Oh, Ted Mosby. From stolen blue French horns to bad shellfish puns, you have taught us so much. How I Met Your Mother may have ended this year (sad face), but the good ol’ Ted’s lessons will always stick with me.

After all, Ted took years to find “The One,” and often made some humorous mistakes along the way. But he never let his belief in love fade, and he finally found the one who loved him for the punny, slightly stuck-up, lovable grammar nazi he is.

Here’s what Schmosby taught us about love.

1. Don’t judge your loved ones based on their past.

Because this was college Ted:

Ted1

    2. After all, no matter where we are in life, everyone has one of those moments sometimes…

    …you know, the “two F” moments.

    Ted2

      3. And sometimes, those moments can make us lose sight of who we are for a second.

      Or just make us into a flaky, somewhat frightening creature, like the authoritative-cool-guy professor.

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      Ted3

        4. But we all make mistakes.

        Because sometimes, they’re necessary.

        Ted4

          5. And after those mistakes, we might doubt our ability to find love.

          And we may or may not react like this:

          Ted5

            6. What we don’t realize at the time is that those moments can often lead us to the best things in life.

            If Ted hadn’t hit a major breaking point, Marshall never would have told Ted that he doesn’t really have a bacon allergy, and then he never would have tried bacon.

            Ted6

              Enough said.

              7. And sometimes, what we think is an unbearable moment in our life can actually become something we are grateful for in the future.

              Originally, Ted would not walk 500 miles…

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              Ted7

                But then…

                Ted7 2

                  8. But seriously, a lot of Ted’s mistakes have taught us a lot…like when you should say “I love you.”

                  For example, saying it on the night after you meet someone…

                  Ted8

                    …may lead to this reaction:

                    Ted8 2

                      9. But he also taught us to love deeply and without fear.

                      Ted9

                        10. Because it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

                        Ted10

                          11. But never let that love turn you into a doormat.

                          If someone totally screws you over, tell them off, Ted-style:

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                          Ted11

                            Burn.

                            12. Because after all, you’ve got a lot to offer, and you shouldn’t be afraid to say it.

                            When someone says, “Everyone thinks they’re a good kisser,” you say:

                            Ted12

                              13. You deserve someone who appreciates you for who you are.

                              A perfect person doesn’t exist. A perfect person for you…that’s a different story.

                              Ted13

                                (And Ted has plenty of quirks.)

                                Ted14

                                  14. And that person will understand you through and through.

                                  That person will know to read between the lines.

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                                  Ted15

                                    …in fact, they may read between the lines too much.

                                    Ted16

                                      15. Hold out until you find your lobster.

                                      And when you do find your Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz, celebrate.**

                                      Ted17

                                        **I am probably the only supporter of the original HIMYM ending, but for those of you who aren’t, you’re welcome. ;)

                                        Featured photo credit: m__ervi via flickr.com

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                                        Last Updated on February 21, 2019

                                        The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

                                        The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

                                        In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

                                        Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

                                        Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

                                        Conflicts are literally everywhere.

                                        Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

                                        Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

                                        Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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                                        Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

                                        Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

                                        Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

                                        The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

                                        Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

                                        Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

                                        How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

                                        Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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                                        Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

                                        Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

                                        How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

                                        Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

                                        Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

                                        Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

                                        How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

                                        Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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                                        Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

                                        Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

                                        How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

                                        Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

                                        Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

                                        Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

                                        How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

                                        Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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                                        Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

                                        Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

                                        How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

                                        Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

                                        Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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