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15 Relationship Lessons That Ted Mosby Taught Us

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15 Relationship Lessons That Ted Mosby Taught Us

Oh, Ted Mosby. From stolen blue French horns to bad shellfish puns, you have taught us so much. How I Met Your Mother may have ended this year (sad face), but the good ol’ Ted’s lessons will always stick with me.

After all, Ted took years to find “The One,” and often made some humorous mistakes along the way. But he never let his belief in love fade, and he finally found the one who loved him for the punny, slightly stuck-up, lovable grammar nazi he is.

Here’s what Schmosby taught us about love.

1. Don’t judge your loved ones based on their past.

Because this was college Ted:

Ted1

    2. After all, no matter where we are in life, everyone has one of those moments sometimes…

    …you know, the “two F” moments.

    Ted2

      3. And sometimes, those moments can make us lose sight of who we are for a second.

      Or just make us into a flaky, somewhat frightening creature, like the authoritative-cool-guy professor.

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      Ted3

        4. But we all make mistakes.

        Because sometimes, they’re necessary.

        Ted4

          5. And after those mistakes, we might doubt our ability to find love.

          And we may or may not react like this:

          Ted5

            6. What we don’t realize at the time is that those moments can often lead us to the best things in life.

            If Ted hadn’t hit a major breaking point, Marshall never would have told Ted that he doesn’t really have a bacon allergy, and then he never would have tried bacon.

            Ted6

              Enough said.

              7. And sometimes, what we think is an unbearable moment in our life can actually become something we are grateful for in the future.

              Originally, Ted would not walk 500 miles…

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              Ted7

                But then…

                Ted7 2

                  8. But seriously, a lot of Ted’s mistakes have taught us a lot…like when you should say “I love you.”

                  For example, saying it on the night after you meet someone…

                  Ted8

                    …may lead to this reaction:

                    Ted8 2

                      9. But he also taught us to love deeply and without fear.

                      Ted9

                        10. Because it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

                        Ted10

                          11. But never let that love turn you into a doormat.

                          If someone totally screws you over, tell them off, Ted-style:

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                          Ted11

                            Burn.

                            12. Because after all, you’ve got a lot to offer, and you shouldn’t be afraid to say it.

                            When someone says, “Everyone thinks they’re a good kisser,” you say:

                            Ted12

                              13. You deserve someone who appreciates you for who you are.

                              A perfect person doesn’t exist. A perfect person for you…that’s a different story.

                              Ted13

                                (And Ted has plenty of quirks.)

                                Ted14

                                  14. And that person will understand you through and through.

                                  That person will know to read between the lines.

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                                  Ted15

                                    …in fact, they may read between the lines too much.

                                    Ted16

                                      15. Hold out until you find your lobster.

                                      And when you do find your Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz, celebrate.**

                                      Ted17

                                        **I am probably the only supporter of the original HIMYM ending, but for those of you who aren’t, you’re welcome. ;)

                                        Featured photo credit: m__ervi via flickr.com

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                                        Last Updated on November 18, 2021

                                        10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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                                        10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

                                        We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

                                        A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

                                        So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

                                        • honest
                                        • reliable
                                        • competent
                                        • kind and compassionate
                                        • capable of taking the blame
                                        • able to persevere
                                        • modest and humble
                                        • pacific and can control anger.

                                        The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

                                        1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

                                        All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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                                        But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

                                        2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

                                        How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

                                        I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

                                        “The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

                                        Abigail Van Buren

                                        3. How does this person take the blame?

                                        Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

                                        4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

                                        You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

                                        5. Read their emails.

                                        Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

                                        • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
                                        • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
                                        • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
                                        • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
                                        • Too many question marks can show anger
                                        • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

                                        6. Watch out for the show offs.

                                        Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

                                        7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

                                        A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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                                        Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

                                        8. Their empathy score is high.

                                        Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

                                        People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

                                        9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

                                        We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

                                        “One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

                                        Stendhal

                                         10. Avoid toxic people.

                                        These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

                                        • Envy or jealousy
                                        • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
                                        • Complaining about their own lack of success
                                        • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
                                        • Obsession with themselves and their problems

                                        Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

                                        Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

                                        Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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