My Soul Mate causes me considerable discomfort. He sees the beauty of my soul but he also sees the ugly small fears of my ego. He knows me intimately and despite or because of this he loves me. He holds me accountable to be my best self. This is incredibly valuable but he is not just a hall monitor of my soul. He protects and provides for my soul and he does the same for my heart and my more corporeal needs. He is my Soul Mate, play mate and so much more. I am the same for him. Here are some things I have finally understood after finding my Soul Mate. I hope you will too.
1. You Don’t Have To Lie Anymore
When you meet your Soul Mate you finally understand the most valuable lesson in life. You no longer need to lie about who you are. This can be a painful realization. Your lies can be prettier than your truth. A soulmate says “show me your uglies” and though they may not like the lies you’ve told yourself and others – they stick around and help you restore authenticity. The little lies may be pretty but the authentic you is stunning both to your soulmate and the world.
In my life I have made some pretty difficult decisions and some enormous mistakes. I have hidden past embarrassments, lied to myself about my own personal foibles and lied to others about my short-comings. Meeting my Soul Mate released the demons. Will the real me please stand up? Yes, with pride.
2. You Learn About New Ways To Have Fun
When your Soul Mate walks, runs or falls into your life suddenly you have a lot more fun. You do things you never thought you could do. You take up skiing, you learn to speak German, you read to each other in bed – and you laugh during sex. Things that are fun – are a lot more fun. Things you thought you could not enjoy – become enjoyable. Your Soul Mate is your play mate.
3. You Find Meaning In The Mundane
You are folding laundry with your Soul Mate and your eyes meet his. He is there and you are there. In that moment there is magic. You realize that the best moment of your life may be when he is holding one end of the sheet and you are holding the other. It’s like the dogs eating spaghetti in Lady & The Tramp.
4. You May Be Out Of Sync
You and you Soul Mate may not always be in sync. I have had moments where I have felt incredibly connected to him and he has been thinking about hockey. I have come to understand through my Soul Mate that it is okay if we are having different experiences at different times. This is your Soul Mate – he’ll stick around: you’ll get another shot at this kind of moment. It’s also funny in retrospect. I am gazing at him with love and longing and he is coming to grips with The Canucks decision to trade Luongo.
When you meet your Soul Mate you realize that there are indescribable things that make them perfect for you. You may not go sailing with your Soul Mate but you sure do like the cut of their jib. There is something about their toed-in walk, the width of their shoulders, the curve of their neck, their gummy smile, their unibrow, their lispy talk, the callouses on their hands… There are things that you find absolutely irresistible about them that probably wouldn’t be listed together on the top ten list of any other person in the world but they really do it for you.
5. You’re There When They’re Down
Your Soul Mate is having a bad day. A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. When you have a Soul Mate you finally realize that you need to do what they need to help them – not what you would like to do. You listen. You don’t talk. You don’t make things better. You understand. You wait until the dust has settled and bring on the chips, the haagen daz, the foot massage. You do what is needed because you understand this is one of the days your Soul Mate needs to release the poison before you help heal the wound.
6. You Read Their Mind
Your Soul Mate sends out waves that only you pick up on. You sense, from across a crowded room, that they need to be extricated from a dire conversation with a dour companion. You burst into laughter with them as they merely think a funny thought. You nod your head in agreement as they lift an eyebrow in response to an irrational proclamation. In short – you have a Soul Code with your Soul Mate.
7. You Make Your Soul Mate Better
It is a popular idea, a sweet idea, that your Soul Mate accepts you as you are. Well, I don’t know about you but I have some pretty ugly scars and I don’t mean my stretch marks. So does my Soul Mate. It is my job and it is his job to say hey, you have a little scar tissue built up here and you are using it as an excuse to behave in a very unflattering way.
Take my stretch marks. My stretch marks are no reason whatsoever to prevent me from swimming with my son. My lack of facility with numbers does not allow me to be a bad bookkeeper. A frustrating day at work does give my Soul Mate a free pass for the grouchies when he walks in the door. We make each other better by acknowledging that each of us can be or do better. It does not mean we love less or are not accepting our Soul Mate. We accept and expect the best of them and offer the best of ourselves.
8. Your Heart Goes Boom When Your Soul Mate Is In The Room
Zing go the strings of your heart. Over and over again. My husband is my Soul Mate and he takes my breath away. He can also make me supernaturally enraged but that’s another story for another article. Getting back to the taking my breath away part. He does. It’s not any one of the innumerable things about him that makes my heart skip a beat it’s the all of him. In his entirety, in an inexplicable way… he is it for me. No one can compete.
9. Your Soul Mate Is A Surprise
Your Soul Mate may not be who you thought he would be. I thought my soul mate would be an Atticus Finch type and we’d live a child-free life on Park Avenue, read the New York Times in our matching pajamas in bed. Imagine my surprise when I met my lumberjack of a husband and went to live in his off the grid cabin in the woods. Then at the ripe old age of 44 I and the lumberjack (who is 50) have a baby. Surprise! He doesn’t even wear pajamas but he does make a mean cup of coffee and it’s certainly a pleasure to watch him chop wood without a shirt on. Lumberjacks stay pretty fit from all that chopping wood and hauling water.
10. Your Soul Mate Is Not You
When you finally meet your Soul Mate you understand that the love your your life, the mate for your soul, does not have to be just like you. It’s not important that you share a sense of humour, read the same books or hold the same opinions. You may not. What you do have is the spark that comes from divergent ways of seeing the world. This is not opposites attracting but finding the piece of the puzzle that fits.
It doesn’t mean you were not complete prior to meeting your Soul Mate – it means that your Soul Mate gives you the strength or ability to be more with the goods you were given. It’s like an upgrade – suddenly the you machine runs much better. Your brain expands when you’re with your Soul Mate. You are able to see life in an entirely new way. It is because you are so close and have such respect for one another that you can see the world through their eyes.
11. You Trust Your Soul Mate
Your Soul Mate can be trusted with your secrets, your fears and the keys to your car. There is never a moment of doubt. Your Soul Mate is safe as houses. The older you grow the more you realize that most people are fighting for themselves. Expect your Soul Mate. Your Soul Mate is also fighting for you and he is the one you completely trust.
12. You Feel At Home
Speaking of houses…your Soul Mate is your home base. Whether you are living in a cabin in the woods, a penthouse on Park Avenue or a house in the suburbs you are finally and inextricably home. Your Soul Mate is your own personal feeling of home.
13. You Are Free
Your Soul Mate doesn’t mind if you leave for a while. If you have to travel for work or you need to be alone for a day or two your Soul Mate can let you have that freedom. A Soul Mate understands that something stronger than physical presence tethers your souls together. When your Soul Mate is free… you are free.