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11 Things You Don’t Need To Worry About

11 Things You Don’t Need To Worry About

Worrying is the worst. Here are 11 things not to worry about, so you can spend your time doing better things.

1. What People Think Of You

The other morning I woke up and thought about whether my best friend’s girlfriend likes me after what I said the night before about Irish goodbyes. I’m for them and she’s totally against them. I wondered if what I’d said made her think less of me. But then I realized that I was wasting my time. I like her, and that’s all that matters—if she doesn’t like me, that’s her problem. Because my best friend isn’t going to stop liking me, even if his girlfriend does.

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2. Dying

All forms of life die. There’s no way around it. The best thing to do is figure out how to live exactly the way you want. Try to imagine that today is your last day alive. What would you do differently?

3. The future and the past

This one is hard for me. There’s so much unknown out there, and anything can happen, right? Well, here’s another way of thinking about it: everything that happens happens exactly the way it was supposed to happen. So whatever happened in the past was meant to happen that way, and same goes for whatever happens in the future.

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4. Other people’s drama

I have a friend who’s always breaking up with her boyfriend. I used to be there for her, but after the third of fourth time, I realized that she was only bringing me down with her whenever she worried about what to do next. Now, if she and her boo are “breaking up,” I wish her luck and get back to work.

5. Keeping up with trends

Between planned obsolescence, high fashion, and the Internet, I’m pretty much never totally up on the trends. That’s cool with me—by buying quality, fine things, and cultivating my taste based on classic styles from the past, I feel good knowing that what always looks good is better than the flavor of the week.

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6. Your to-do list

Attack it one at a time, try not to procrastinate, and see that list shrink. Whenever you start to worry about it, act on it and see your worry disappear.

7. Your mistakes

Worse things have happened. And after they do you can only learn from them. I believe it was Samuel Beckett who said: “Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” And look at him—he won the Nobel Prize.

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8. Your appearance

You can’t change your appearance unless you have a lot of money, and then you still may not look better. Everyone always wants to be sexier and more beautiful. But we can’t all be runway models. Instead, get used to feeling comfortable with who you are. Admitting your deficiencies or the truth to yourself will help. And if saying them aloud doesn’t work, you can always try writing it down on paper.

9. Work

You should be working in a job that doesn’t make you miserable. Sure, there may be people who annoy you, but unless you actively hate yourself for working there, you shouldn’t worry. Try to deal with those people one-on-one by telling them what you want to see resolved. Then work hard, and if you really hate it so much, don’t worry about it; just quit and find something new. You’d be surprised how necessity and desperation can work in your favor to help you get a new job fast.

10. Money

Yes you need it. But while it’s nice to have, most of us can make do with less. Live your life so that you can reflect on the great times you had, and don’t worry about spending that extra few dollars on the meal you really want when you go out to dinner—just enjoy it. That said, you can’t party all the time, so make sure you have some money stashed away for a rainy day.

11. Your Decisions

You try to make the right decisions and most of the time you do. But sometimes the worry creeps into your head that maybe you’re making the wrong ones. Don’t despair. See number 7 and remember that you’re only young once.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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