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10 Things You Cared about Growing up 10 Years Ago but Don’t Now

10 Things You Cared about Growing up 10 Years Ago but Don’t Now

Ahh, young adulthood—full of changes, inquiries and experiences. We all turn out differently, but there are some common “coming of age” themes in most of our lives. Check out these ten things that most of us worried about at some time or another, and be thankful for the wisdom and reassurance that comes with experience!

1. You wanted to be doing what the “cool kids” were doing.

There was a group of “those kids” in everybody’s lives growing up. It doesn’t matter if, ten years ago, you were in middle school, high school, college or already starting your first grad job—there’s a clique everywhere you look. For some reason, they set the standard for what was cool and for an even stranger reason, we all listened.

2. You wondered if you’d ever meet ‘the one.”

Chances are, you’ve now met “the one,” or one of them, or you’re just happily living your life and not letting it be ruled by your relationship status. Either way, hopefully you’ve learned to love yourself and know that your self worth isn’t determined by a big, white, Cinderella wedding.

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3. You needed to know if you were “normal.”

You are. What’s “normal,” anyway? Whenever anybody says to me, “I’d give anything to go back to my teenage years” I think, “really?” I, for one, am thrilled to have moved past the raging hormones and constant self doubt that growing up brings.

4. You were worried about saying / doing / wearing the “right” thing.

See above: “what’s normal, anyway?” The right thing and not following it could be ammunition against you in your younger years. Now you’re free to nerd out to whatever you’re passionate about and not give a flying saucer over who cares.

5. You longed to get your parents off your back.

…and move out, be free to “LIVE MY OWN LIFE FOR ONCE MUM, GOD!” Now you’d trade in your mortgage stress and kids’ school fees for five minutes of adolescent freedom. It’s all worth it though, right?

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6. You weren’t sure if you were on track with other people of your age/ gender/ peer group.

You were, but that didn’t stop you from obsessing over the things that felt so secret and weird that you’d die if anybody else found out. Somewhere on the path to adulthood, the track meandered off in several different directions, and we all stopped worrying about extreme conformity.

7. You cared what your Myspace profile said about you.

Now, it’s all about Facebook / Twitter / Your Wellness Blog / what that picture of your dinner says about you! I kid, but hopefully for most of us, there’s less pressure to manage our online presence in a “how cool am I!” kind of way. I do feel for today’s teens, growing up in a world completely saturated with online social sharing.

8. You listened to what your “frenemies” said about you.

We’ve all been there with the toxic relationships and BFFs that actually weren’t. As you got older, you realized the benefit of healthy relationships and (hopefully) ditched those out to sabotage you.

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9. You didn’t know what you were going to do with your life.

Ten years ago, the idea that your interests, skills and talents might change was a foreign one. You needed to know how your life was going to play out and what you were going to “be” when you grew up. Now, you’re too busy living, changing and adapting. One of the best things about maturing is realizing that life is what you make it. Fancy a career change? Go for it—the world is your oyster!

10. You wanted to know “what it all meant.”

Young adulthood is full of new experiences and one of the things that makes us human is trying to make sense of those experiences. You may have been worried that everything had to have a significant meaning or be an indicator of your future. Now, you’re more happy to go with the flow and recognize that, sometimes, a new idea is just that—it doesn’t have to reshape the fiber of your very being!

Here’s to growing up, fond memories and living with hindsight. What changes do you think will take place for you in the next ten years? What do you worry about now that you secretly suspect will just be another phase?

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Featured photo credit: Picjumbo via picjumbo.com

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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