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10 Things You Can Do If You Feel Lack Of Support

10 Things You Can Do If You Feel Lack Of Support

At some point, everyone feels like they aren’t getting enough support. Whether it’s support from their friends, from their family, or from someone whose opinion really, really counts (Generally they don’t. More on this momentarily.), lack of support can be a devastating feeling. The urge to scream, “You don’t understand what I’m doing/feeling/going through!” can be absolutely overwhelming. Luckily for us, there are ways to counter this tendency. These 10 things you can do if you feel lack of support will not only help you achieve more and feel better, but can also help you communicate your needs and goals better.

1) Expand your support network.

Networking Tips For People Who Hate Networking

    Sometimes we make the mistake of trying to seek help from people who don’t know the first thing about what we’re trying to do. This leads to a situation where neither side feels good about the outcome. Going to the same friends to address the same basic problems can be just as bad. In these situations, a change of perspective might be needed. If you’re a writer, you should seek out other writers who don’t have a vested interest in you to discuss your problem with. The same goes if you’re a carpenter, a lawyer, or a computer programmer. This can put you on the right track and help you gain some new friends at the same time!

    2) Sharpen your own coping skills.

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    This is NOT what coping looks like.

      This is the OPPOSITE of what coping looks like.

      Think for a second about how you deal with disappointment. Do you take it on the chin, or does it send you running into your bedroom with a “migraine” that lasts three days? If it’s the latter, you probably need to develop some better coping skills. Maybe you need to be a little more physical, by punching a soft pile of pillows, for example. (It is definitely not recommended that you take your frustrations out physically on the object of your frustrations. This is a great way to land in jail.) You can also try meditation, deep breathing, or walking. Sometimes we just need a little distance to reflect on a situation before we can find the best way around it.

      3) Try keeping a journal.

      Lack of support often comes from lack of effective communication. Write down what’s frustrating you and why you feel like you aren’t getting the support you need. Then try writing down possible solutions, such as: “Talked to Mitch about my worries about the wedding. He doesn’t like my fiancee, so he was pretty unsympathetic. Maybe talk to Trish or Richard instead.” If nothing else, the act of writing it down will eliminate some of the immediacy of the problem, letting you look at it more calmly.

      4) Analyze the reason you don’t feel supported.

      Most people have pretty rigid conceptual models of what can and cannot be done, and they tend to look at anything that crosses these boundaries askance. Are you trying to do something so far out of the ordinary that most people cannot comprehend it? Or are you simply asking for too much from the people around you? You can’t expect everyone else to take care of your business while you chase a dream. If you’re trying to do this, then you need to start giving back before you can expect any support in return.

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      5) Keep it simple.

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        Lack of support often equals lack of communication. The other person just doesn’t “get it.” If you’re describing your great new invention in terms that would make Tesla blink and ask for clarification, the reason they don’t get it is likely that you’re overcomplicating the matter. “This device will make bread hot and crispy at extremely high temperatures extremely rapidly” is a poor way to say what you really mean. “This will toast bread in 2.5 seconds.”

        6) Listen to what you’re told.

        It’s entirely possible that you already have the information you need to make a decision, but you aren’t listening because it’s contrary to what you want to accomplish. If enough people tell you the same thing, it’s time to stop and mull it over. Chances are, they are speaking from experience that they are trying to help you benefit from.

        7) Ask yourself if your goal is really attainable.

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        quote-Bruce-Lee-a-goal-is-not-always-meant-to-89079

          The hardest thing in life to hear is, “You’ll never ___________ because ___________.” However, if you are told this, stop and think. Are you trying to do something that goes beyond the norm but you can realistically expect to achieve, or are you trying to do something utterly preposterous, like become a neurosurgeon even though you have palsy in your hands? Sometimes we have to switch directions or settle for something less. In this case, it’s not that your friends and family don’t support you, but they are being more realistic about how far you can go than you are.

          8) Try to understand why they don’t support you.

          Sometimes people say one thing, only to have someone hear something entirely different. This is where establishing a dialogue comes in. Getting to understand where the other person is coming from is a key factor in learning what you can do to obtain their support. This requires some empathy and maybe even a little salesmanship, but it’s well worth it in the end, and will strengthen your relationship, too.

          9) Ask yourself what you would tell you if you were them.

          quote-Bruce-Lee-mistakes-are-always-forgivable-if-one-has-332

            One of the most difficult things to admit is that we all sometimes give good advice, but are rubbish about taking it. Put yourself in the other person’s position and ask yourself, “If I saw So-and-so doing this, would I support him/her or warn against it?” This may not be a fun way to understand others, but it can help you see the issue from the other side.

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            10) Change your approach, your goals, your behavior, or all three.

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              No one wants to hang around with a self-aggrandizing jerk. If you come off as arrogant, if your goal is set too high for even gods to achieve reasonably, or if you demand support and assistance instead of asking for it, it is past time to make some changes. People appreciate being asked for help, but no one likes to have their help simply assumed. Understanding how, when, and who to approach for help is important to getting the support you need to achieve your goals!

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              Last Updated on May 28, 2020

              10 Success Principles for Living Your Dream Life

              10 Success Principles for Living Your Dream Life

              Are you stressed out and overwhelmed, wishing you had more time to do the things that really matter? Are you ready to do something better, something special in your life or your career?

              You were born with a gift that no one else in the world can express like you. When you dance to your own music, you naturally develop your innate abilities and excel in work and life. You are a total rock star. But when you live someone else’s idea of who you should be, it throws off your groove.

              Many people—maybe you—stopped following their dreams way too early in life because their talents were ignored, minimized, or shamed. They didn’t have the chops to win an American Idol competition or nab an Olympic gold medal, so they stopped expressing their inborn gifts altogether.

              You don’t need to be an award winner to rock your life. Living your dream life is about discovering your superpowers and feeling vibrant and joyful when you use them. It’s about owning what makes you unique and finding like-minded people to support you.

              Here are 10 success principles to help you live a rich and rewarding life on your terms that have worked with thousands of people in my workshops and will work for you, too.

              1. Get a Hobby to Move Closer to Your Dreams

              If you never became a professional dancer or a world-renowned author, it does NOT mean you should stop dancing or writing! These activities make you come alive, even if you “only” do them as favorite pastimes.

              Engaging in a hobby is one of the most important success principles you can follow to move closer to your dreams.

              When you try something creative for the first time or in a long while, you begin to see opportunities at work and in life that you were unaware of before. You also feel happier and more energized, according to a recent study from New Zealand.[1]

              Some of my most burned-out executive clients reinvigorated their careers by discovering a creative outlet that refueled them after the workday ended. Research at San Francisco State University shows that having a hobby lowers stress and helps you succeed at work.[2]

              So, give yourself permission to try new things and revisit old passions you gave up long ago. Setting aside just one hour a week for personal exploration can significantly change your life.

              Who knows? Your creative outlet could transform into a thriving business or lead to a new profession down the road.

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              2. Focus on Your Strengths, Not Your Weaknesses

              Did you know that you are more likely to succeed when you develop your natural strengths rather than work on your weaknesses? The problem is that you probably don’t know where your true talents lie.

              Here are a few options to help you discover your unique strengths. You can:

              • Take the VIA Character Strengths Survey[3]
              • Try Gallup’s CliftonStrengths Assessment[4]
              • Answer a few Superpower Questions

              Once you understand what makes you tick, you can use these skills at work and your personal life to get more done in less time. If you boost your unique abilities through practice and study, you can accelerate your career and become a leader in a field that matters to you. It’s worth investing in yourself this way.

              3. Jumping off a Cliff is NOT Required

              Here’s the deal: most people are too afraid to change. When participants first come to my workshops, they tell me they have mouths to feed, bills to pay, and fear that if they follow their dreams, someone will get hurt.

              The old saying “leap and the net shall appear” does not comfort them. Because they are hesitant to plunge into the unknown, they believe their only option is to stay put where they are in life. Can you relate?

              You do not have to sacrifice the life you have now to start a new one. I was a psychology professor by day and singer by night for years before I transitioned into a full-time music career.

              Just take a little time out each week to do what enlivens you through a hobby, volunteer work, etc. Get a feel for it.

              Is it what you really want? If so, increase the time you spend doing it and make the transition when the time feels right.

              4. Give Your Inner Critic Some Love

              The main culprit that keeps you from stepping outside your comfort zone and getting the life of your dreams is KCRP or K-CRAP – the radio station that plays 24/7 in your head. The moment you try to do something interesting with your life it slaps you down with such chart-topping killer hooks as “Who do you think you are?” and “You’ll never be good enough!”.

              Have you ever noticed that KCRP’s mean-spirited DJ sounds like your parents, teachers, bosses, and other authority figures who shut you down creatively? These folks don’t need to stifle you any longer (although they often still do) because your inner critic does it for them. That keeps you stuck in a rut.

              To break free, try thinking of this DJ as a gruff old grandfather who gives you crap to keep you safe. Remember, this grumpy grandpa is woefully out of touch with the times. So, his stern opinions don’t really matter much, do they? Give him a pat on the back for his good intentions, and put your focus back on what makes you come alive.

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              This success principle will give you the courage to venture into the unknown where you can dance to the beat of your own drummer.

              5. Embrace Your Inner Weirdo

              Many of us don’t go after our dreams because we’re afraid folks will find out how odd or strange we are. But our little eccentricities often turn out to be our greatest strengths. Yes, it’s good to be quirky.

              Odds are, you lost track of your true passions and talents before you were even old enough to know you were getting off-track. You became slowly “adulterated” by learning to:

              • Take on family roles that don’t match who you really are.
              • Spit back what teachers taught you in school rather than risk getting bad grades for being original.
              • Hide parts of yourself that don’t seem acceptable to certain social groups.

              The price for fitting in is that you may wind up leading a life that doesn’t fit you all that well. Your true calling becomes clear when you embrace what makes you different from others and allow yourself to stand out from the crowd, even if it feels awkward.

              Often, the very qualities you view as your flaws are your greatest gifts.

              6. See the Bigger Picture to Find Your True Calling

              I cannot stress the importance of this success principle enough. Your true calling is right in front of you. But you may miss it because you’re looking for it in the wrong place.

              To “see” it clearly, try widening your point of view.

              Case in point: Maria felt she needed to retire early from being a police detective, so she could travel abroad. I encouraged Maria to think of ways that she could continue to serve as a law enforcer (a career she loved) and travel overseas at the same time.

              A few months later, Maria landed a job with the United Nations in Bosnia training the local police force to understand and embrace human rights procedures.

              Like Maria, you are an everyday rock star capable of accomplishing greater things than you can imagine. Is what you’re looking for right in front of you, too? Do you have an inkling of what it may be?

              Look beyond your day-to-day activities, your current job, and even the town you live in. View your life from an eagle’s perspective and be open to new possibilities.

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              7. Try a Little Wish-List Magic

              Pretend I’m your fairy godmother and I give you permission right now to be your most magnificent self. What kind of life would be music to your ears? It doesn’t matter whether it seems unattainable or even downright crazy. Write it down on a wish list.

              Get quiet. Be honest. Think big.

              What would you like your career, your relationships, your health, your finances, and your spiritual life to be like? Jot down enough details so that your wishes seem tangible to you. Then, look at this list every morning before you start your day and every night before you go to sleep.

              Sounds silly? It’s not. It works! Permitting yourself to daydream about a rich and fulfilling life is the first step to manifesting it.

              8. Take Breaks to Get Clues About Your Ideal Future

              Did you know that working straight through to a deadline leads to diminishing returns? Research shows that taking a break for 15 minutes every 75 to 90 minutes can help you recharge, refresh your focus, and get more done in less time.[5]

              Wait, it gets better! A Stanford study shows that walking increases your creative output increases by 60 percent. Doing repetitive activities such as walking, running, riding your bike, swimming, and sweeping allow solutions to problems to pop into your mind out of nowhere.[6]

              What does this success principle have to do with creating your dream life?

              These mini-breaks allow you to get vital clues for what to do next to attain your ideal future. Plus, you won’t waste precious time and energy getting lost in other people’s agendas.

              9. Take Action on Your Inspired Ideas

              Once an inspired thought pops into your mind, take action.

              This is one of the most powerful success principles for turning your dreams into reality; the sooner the better. Whatever it is—from calling an old friend to taking a new route home—be sure to do it!

              Pay attention to your oddball hunches. You need to go after what you want, not just dream about it. As comedian Jim Carrey warns,

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              “You can’t just visualize and go eat a sandwich.”

              10. Count Your Rockstar Moments

              Still not sure you have what it takes to get your dream life? This final success principle is guaranteed to help.

              Make a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished. As you read back through it, put a star next to each item, and let it sink in.

              You’ll be pleasantly surprised by how good you’ll feel about yourself afterward. You’ll also see how effective you’ve been in the past at getting what you want. You’ve succeeded before, you can succeed again.

              You already rock. You just need to own it. Trust me, you’ve got this!

              Final Thoughts

              Eleanor Roosevelt said,

              “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

              Following these success principles will help you find the time and energy to do the things that really matter and live with clear intention.

              By spending just one hour a week doing something you love, focusing on your strengths and achievements, embracing what makes you different, and acting on inspired ideas, you can create a life that is a perfect fit for you, step-by-step.

              If you don’t have a clue about what your dream life could look like yet, don’t worry. Your heart knows. It has been “talking” to you for a long time. It’s just being muffled by KCRP, buried under a lot of “shoulds” and fear.

              This article can also help you figure out the life you truly want to live: How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up.

              Stand still, get quiet, and listen. It’s constantly telling you what you need to do to realize your own rockstar potential. It may be just a whisper now, but the more you pay attention to it, the louder it will get, and the easier it will be to follow.

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              Featured photo credit: Rahul Dey via unsplash.com

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