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10 Things You Can Do If You Feel Lack Of Support

10 Things You Can Do If You Feel Lack Of Support

At some point, everyone feels like they aren’t getting enough support. Whether it’s support from their friends, from their family, or from someone whose opinion really, really counts (Generally they don’t. More on this momentarily.), lack of support can be a devastating feeling. The urge to scream, “You don’t understand what I’m doing/feeling/going through!” can be absolutely overwhelming. Luckily for us, there are ways to counter this tendency. These 10 things you can do if you feel lack of support will not only help you achieve more and feel better, but can also help you communicate your needs and goals better.

1) Expand your support network.

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    Sometimes we make the mistake of trying to seek help from people who don’t know the first thing about what we’re trying to do. This leads to a situation where neither side feels good about the outcome. Going to the same friends to address the same basic problems can be just as bad. In these situations, a change of perspective might be needed. If you’re a writer, you should seek out other writers who don’t have a vested interest in you to discuss your problem with. The same goes if you’re a carpenter, a lawyer, or a computer programmer. This can put you on the right track and help you gain some new friends at the same time!

    2) Sharpen your own coping skills.

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    This is NOT what coping looks like.

      This is the OPPOSITE of what coping looks like.

      Think for a second about how you deal with disappointment. Do you take it on the chin, or does it send you running into your bedroom with a “migraine” that lasts three days? If it’s the latter, you probably need to develop some better coping skills. Maybe you need to be a little more physical, by punching a soft pile of pillows, for example. (It is definitely not recommended that you take your frustrations out physically on the object of your frustrations. This is a great way to land in jail.) You can also try meditation, deep breathing, or walking. Sometimes we just need a little distance to reflect on a situation before we can find the best way around it.

      3) Try keeping a journal.

      Lack of support often comes from lack of effective communication. Write down what’s frustrating you and why you feel like you aren’t getting the support you need. Then try writing down possible solutions, such as: “Talked to Mitch about my worries about the wedding. He doesn’t like my fiancee, so he was pretty unsympathetic. Maybe talk to Trish or Richard instead.” If nothing else, the act of writing it down will eliminate some of the immediacy of the problem, letting you look at it more calmly.

      4) Analyze the reason you don’t feel supported.

      Most people have pretty rigid conceptual models of what can and cannot be done, and they tend to look at anything that crosses these boundaries askance. Are you trying to do something so far out of the ordinary that most people cannot comprehend it? Or are you simply asking for too much from the people around you? You can’t expect everyone else to take care of your business while you chase a dream. If you’re trying to do this, then you need to start giving back before you can expect any support in return.

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      5) Keep it simple.

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        Lack of support often equals lack of communication. The other person just doesn’t “get it.” If you’re describing your great new invention in terms that would make Tesla blink and ask for clarification, the reason they don’t get it is likely that you’re overcomplicating the matter. “This device will make bread hot and crispy at extremely high temperatures extremely rapidly” is a poor way to say what you really mean. “This will toast bread in 2.5 seconds.”

        6) Listen to what you’re told.

        It’s entirely possible that you already have the information you need to make a decision, but you aren’t listening because it’s contrary to what you want to accomplish. If enough people tell you the same thing, it’s time to stop and mull it over. Chances are, they are speaking from experience that they are trying to help you benefit from.

        7) Ask yourself if your goal is really attainable.

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        quote-Bruce-Lee-a-goal-is-not-always-meant-to-89079

          The hardest thing in life to hear is, “You’ll never ___________ because ___________.” However, if you are told this, stop and think. Are you trying to do something that goes beyond the norm but you can realistically expect to achieve, or are you trying to do something utterly preposterous, like become a neurosurgeon even though you have palsy in your hands? Sometimes we have to switch directions or settle for something less. In this case, it’s not that your friends and family don’t support you, but they are being more realistic about how far you can go than you are.

          8) Try to understand why they don’t support you.

          Sometimes people say one thing, only to have someone hear something entirely different. This is where establishing a dialogue comes in. Getting to understand where the other person is coming from is a key factor in learning what you can do to obtain their support. This requires some empathy and maybe even a little salesmanship, but it’s well worth it in the end, and will strengthen your relationship, too.

          9) Ask yourself what you would tell you if you were them.

          quote-Bruce-Lee-mistakes-are-always-forgivable-if-one-has-332

            One of the most difficult things to admit is that we all sometimes give good advice, but are rubbish about taking it. Put yourself in the other person’s position and ask yourself, “If I saw So-and-so doing this, would I support him/her or warn against it?” This may not be a fun way to understand others, but it can help you see the issue from the other side.

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            10) Change your approach, your goals, your behavior, or all three.

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              No one wants to hang around with a self-aggrandizing jerk. If you come off as arrogant, if your goal is set too high for even gods to achieve reasonably, or if you demand support and assistance instead of asking for it, it is past time to make some changes. People appreciate being asked for help, but no one likes to have their help simply assumed. Understanding how, when, and who to approach for help is important to getting the support you need to achieve your goals!

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              Last Updated on August 16, 2018

              10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

              10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

              The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

              In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

              Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

              1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

              What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

              Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

              2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

              Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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              How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

              Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

              Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

              3. Get comfortable with discomfort

              One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

              Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

              4. See failure as a teacher

              Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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              Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

              Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

              10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

              5. Take baby steps

              Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

              Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

              Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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              The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

              6. Hang out with risk takers

              There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

              Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

              7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

              Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

              Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

              8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

              What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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              9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

              Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

              If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

              10. Focus on the fun

              Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

              Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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