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10 Things To Remember If You Love An Extrovert

10 Things To Remember If You Love An Extrovert

If you love an extrovert and happen to be a little introverted, or just a bit different, here are some pointers about what is going on. The first is that Carl Jung defined the introvert/extrovert difference as a spectrum of behaviors.

The introverts tend to be reflective, contemplative and are not great socializers nor conversationalists. At the other end of the spectrum, the extroverts are outgoing, gregarious, love company, and talking. They also tend to make quick decisions and thrive on immediate gratification.

The truth is that most people will display both tendencies (ambiversion) but one end of the spectrum usually dominates. Here are 10 points to remember about extroverts to help you understand them better.

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1. They know the value of a really good conversation

Come back extroverts – all is forgiven! In this day of Facebook and smartphones, nobody seems to be into real live conversations anymore. When you go to a restaurant with friends, people seem to be attached to their devices and so conversation suffers. Everyone is connected but nobody is talking anymore as the New York Times reports. Extroverts will usually put that right and get people talking, laughing and telling jokes. If you are a quiet type, just remember they are now performing a very useful social function!

2. They want their rewards now

The study of biological psychology is a fascinating one. The parts of their brains which govern the dopamine flow which controls reward, learning and how they respond to new situations seem to be more active. This is the main reason why they generally will want to get immediate gratification. An example would be the urge to spend a windfall on an outing or a holiday rather than save it up to buy a car or house later on. Now you understand why they are not great savers.

3. They know the limits of social media

Extroverts want to make real social contact and have a great time rather than slaving over a hot screen! An extrovert may have lots of friends on Facebook but cannot wait to have offline interaction.

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“Strangers are just friends I haven’t yet met.” – Carol Pinchefsky, writing in Forbes Magazine

They are also less likely to post sentimental stuff on their page. It is also interesting that they would rather share their joys about their relationship in a face-to-face situation. Researchers at Albright College, Pennsylvania found that those people who were more reliant on RCSE (Relationship Contingent Self-Esteem) were more likely to boast on Facebook about their relationships. They were also more likely to monitor their partner’s activity on social media.

4. They find it easier to move into the career fast lane

Being outgoing, charming and cheerful has enormous advantages in the workplace. The extrovert can really gain an advantage over shyer and more introverted colleagues, simply because they come across as being more assertive. Just think of networking inside and outside the office. In one interesting study chosen by the American Psychological Association, researchers found that these people could come across as being more competent. This was not always a reliable yardstick of their real competence, though.

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5. They love being in the spotlight

While shyer people like me will steer clear of the spotlight, the extrovert just basks in the attention and loves it. This also explains why many stars in media and entertainment happen to be extroverts. It also affects their choice of hobbies and their sports as they are always thirsty for adventure and new experiences. It is hard to imagine an extrovert being a stamp collector.

6. They tend to get bored easily

Many extroverts find that being in a quiet room with a book is not an ideal situation for them although they also need their quiet moments. They fail to see any advantages in being bored. They may have a short attention span and they usually need some external stimulus to keep their batteries charged. The upside of all this means they tend to be more innovative as they seek out new experiences. If you are an introvert, you may find that you have to negotiate some quiet time for yourself, at times.

7. They are more likely to live much longer

Extroverts may not know it but having such a wide social circle is one hell of an advantage when you want to live longer. If you are an extrovert, you have an enormous advantage over lonely people. You have a vast network of friends and acquaintances to call, in case of need. In fact you have a 50% greater chance of living longer than those poor lonely souls. There were 148 studies which involved over 300,000 people which showed this very clearly. Now, if you are committed to a long term relationship with your extrovert loved one, this is good to know!

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8. They are happier than most other people

“Extroverts are simply more cheerful and high-spirited,” – Paul Costa and Robert McCrae, researchers at the National Institute of Aging.

A new study shows that extroverts, regardless of their nationality or social and economic status are just happier all round the globe. Timothy Church, the author of this study, has said this is the first one in which personality traits seem to override cultural differences. Now if that happiness is infectious, you may be on to a good thing.

9. They comprise 75% of the US population

Yes, there are a lot of extroverts around, it seems. They also seem to get promoted to leadership roles, but they have to careful to let other team members and let quieter staff get a word in edgeways. In other words, it is better to take a back seat at times and let others contribute when the company is formulating new strategies. Some extroverts have to count to three to help them ‘dial it back’.

10. Compromise is the name of the game

If you love an extrovert, you may find that some reciprocal respect and compromise will work wonders for your relationship. You can reach agreement on what socializing you want to do as a couple. You can also negotiate what kind of quieter activities you want to do alone or as a couple. Introverts find socializing a drain on their energy while extroverts thrive on it. Once you both understand and appreciate where your energy is coming from, you will be able to learn and grow.

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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