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10 Things To Remember If You Love An Extrovert

10 Things To Remember If You Love An Extrovert

If you love an extrovert and happen to be a little introverted, or just a bit different, here are some pointers about what is going on. The first is that Carl Jung defined the introvert/extrovert difference as a spectrum of behaviors.

The introverts tend to be reflective, contemplative and are not great socializers nor conversationalists. At the other end of the spectrum, the extroverts are outgoing, gregarious, love company, and talking. They also tend to make quick decisions and thrive on immediate gratification.

The truth is that most people will display both tendencies (ambiversion) but one end of the spectrum usually dominates. Here are 10 points to remember about extroverts to help you understand them better.

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1. They know the value of a really good conversation

Come back extroverts – all is forgiven! In this day of Facebook and smartphones, nobody seems to be into real live conversations anymore. When you go to a restaurant with friends, people seem to be attached to their devices and so conversation suffers. Everyone is connected but nobody is talking anymore as the New York Times reports. Extroverts will usually put that right and get people talking, laughing and telling jokes. If you are a quiet type, just remember they are now performing a very useful social function!

2. They want their rewards now

The study of biological psychology is a fascinating one. The parts of their brains which govern the dopamine flow which controls reward, learning and how they respond to new situations seem to be more active. This is the main reason why they generally will want to get immediate gratification. An example would be the urge to spend a windfall on an outing or a holiday rather than save it up to buy a car or house later on. Now you understand why they are not great savers.

3. They know the limits of social media

Extroverts want to make real social contact and have a great time rather than slaving over a hot screen! An extrovert may have lots of friends on Facebook but cannot wait to have offline interaction.

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“Strangers are just friends I haven’t yet met.” – Carol Pinchefsky, writing in Forbes Magazine

They are also less likely to post sentimental stuff on their page. It is also interesting that they would rather share their joys about their relationship in a face-to-face situation. Researchers at Albright College, Pennsylvania found that those people who were more reliant on RCSE (Relationship Contingent Self-Esteem) were more likely to boast on Facebook about their relationships. They were also more likely to monitor their partner’s activity on social media.

4. They find it easier to move into the career fast lane

Being outgoing, charming and cheerful has enormous advantages in the workplace. The extrovert can really gain an advantage over shyer and more introverted colleagues, simply because they come across as being more assertive. Just think of networking inside and outside the office. In one interesting study chosen by the American Psychological Association, researchers found that these people could come across as being more competent. This was not always a reliable yardstick of their real competence, though.

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5. They love being in the spotlight

While shyer people like me will steer clear of the spotlight, the extrovert just basks in the attention and loves it. This also explains why many stars in media and entertainment happen to be extroverts. It also affects their choice of hobbies and their sports as they are always thirsty for adventure and new experiences. It is hard to imagine an extrovert being a stamp collector.

6. They tend to get bored easily

Many extroverts find that being in a quiet room with a book is not an ideal situation for them although they also need their quiet moments. They fail to see any advantages in being bored. They may have a short attention span and they usually need some external stimulus to keep their batteries charged. The upside of all this means they tend to be more innovative as they seek out new experiences. If you are an introvert, you may find that you have to negotiate some quiet time for yourself, at times.

7. They are more likely to live much longer

Extroverts may not know it but having such a wide social circle is one hell of an advantage when you want to live longer. If you are an extrovert, you have an enormous advantage over lonely people. You have a vast network of friends and acquaintances to call, in case of need. In fact you have a 50% greater chance of living longer than those poor lonely souls. There were 148 studies which involved over 300,000 people which showed this very clearly. Now, if you are committed to a long term relationship with your extrovert loved one, this is good to know!

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8. They are happier than most other people

“Extroverts are simply more cheerful and high-spirited,” – Paul Costa and Robert McCrae, researchers at the National Institute of Aging.

A new study shows that extroverts, regardless of their nationality or social and economic status are just happier all round the globe. Timothy Church, the author of this study, has said this is the first one in which personality traits seem to override cultural differences. Now if that happiness is infectious, you may be on to a good thing.

9. They comprise 75% of the US population

Yes, there are a lot of extroverts around, it seems. They also seem to get promoted to leadership roles, but they have to careful to let other team members and let quieter staff get a word in edgeways. In other words, it is better to take a back seat at times and let others contribute when the company is formulating new strategies. Some extroverts have to count to three to help them ‘dial it back’.

10. Compromise is the name of the game

If you love an extrovert, you may find that some reciprocal respect and compromise will work wonders for your relationship. You can reach agreement on what socializing you want to do as a couple. You can also negotiate what kind of quieter activities you want to do alone or as a couple. Introverts find socializing a drain on their energy while extroverts thrive on it. Once you both understand and appreciate where your energy is coming from, you will be able to learn and grow.

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on October 14, 2020

Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

Today didn’t turn out as you planned, but it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It simply means that you’re human, and you’re not bad just because you had a bad day.

“Not everyday is a good day but there is something good in every day.” -Alice Morse Earle

It’s not the end of the world when you find yourself thinking “I had a bad day,” but it can feel like it. You may have had plans that fell apart, experiences that set you back, and interactions that only did harm.

You may have started the day thinking you could take on it all, only to find you could hardly get out of bed. When you have a bad day, you can forget to look at the good.

Sometimes, self-care helps us to remember why we are worth it. It helps us to recharge and reset our mindset. It helps us to know that there are still options and that the day isn’t over yet.

Love yourself today, no matter how hard it’s been. That’s the way to find yourself amidst the hardships you have. That’s how you center yourself and regain focus and live a more meaningful life. Give yourself some credit and compassion.

Here are 7 ways to rebound from a bad day using self-compassion as a tool. If you had a bad day, these are for you!

1. Make a Gratitude List

In a study on gratitude, psychologists Dr. Robert A Emmons and Dr. Michael E. McCullough conducted an experiment where one group of people wrote out gratitude lists for ten weeks while another group wrote about irritations. The study found that the group that wrote about gratitude reported more optimistic mindsets in their lives[1].

Overall, having a gratitude list improved well-being and made one truly grateful by counting the blessings in their lives.

Write a list of what you are grateful for if you had a bad day. Make it as long as you like, but also remember to note why you’re grateful for each thing you write.

What has given you the most joy? What has set you up for better days? Keep a tally of triumphs in mind, especially when you do have the bad days.

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The day doesn’t define you, and you still have things of value that surround you. These could be material things, spiritual connections and experiences, relationships, basic needs, emotional and mental well-being, physical health, progress towards hopes and dreams, or simply being alive.

Here are some other simple ways to practice gratitude.

2. Write in a Journal

Journaling affects your overall mental health, which also affects physical health and aids in the management of stress, depression, anxiety, and more[2].

All you need is a pen and paper, or you could do an online, password-protected journal such as Penzu. The key is to get started and not pressure yourself on how polished or perfect it is. You don’t need to have prior experience to start journal writing. Just start.

Write out everything that is bothering you for 15 minutes. This helps with rumination, processing problems, and can even aid with brainstorming solutions.

However you approach it, you can find patterns of thinking that no longer serve you and start to transform your overall mental state. This will impact all areas of your life and is a great coping skill.

3. Meditate

Meditation can help you overcome negative thought patterns, worrying about the future, dwelling on the past, or struggling to overcome a bad day[3]. It shifts your mentality and helps you focus on the present or any one thing you truly want to focus on.

Here is an example of a meditation you can do:

Get into a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Rest your body, release tension, and unclench your jaw. Tighten and release each muscle group in a body scan for progressive muscle relaxation.

Focus on your breath, taking a few deep breaths. Let your belly expand when you breathe in for diaphragmatic breathing. Empty yourself completely of air, then return to normal breathing.

Next, focus on the idea of self-love and let it erase negative thoughts. Think about the ways you’ve been judging yourself, with the narratives coming up that your mind may create.

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Give yourself unconditional love and release judgment. Take your time meditating on this because you matter. This is particularly important if you had a bad day.

Check out this article for more on how to get started with a meditation practice.

4. Do Child’s Pose

Yoga Outlet says:

“Child’s Pose is a simple way to calm your mind, slow your breath, and restore a feeling of peace and safety. Practicing the pose before bedtime can help to release the worries of the day. Practicing in the morning can you help transition from sleeping to waking.”[4]

When you do Child’s Pose, it can be between difficult positions in yoga, or it can be anytime you feel you need a rest. It helps you recover from difficulties and relax the mind.

It also has the physical health benefits of elongating your back, opening your hips, and helping with digestion[5].

To do Child’s Pose, rest your buttocks back on your feet, knees on the floor. Elongate your body over your knees with both arms extended or tucked back, with head and neck resting on the floor[6].

Had a bad day? Try Child's Pose.

     

    Do this pose as a gift to yourself. You are allowing yourself to heal, rest, get time for yourself, recover, and recharge. When you’ve had a bad day, it’s there waiting for you.

    5. Try Positive Self-Talk

    Engage in positive self-talk. This is essentially choosing your thoughts.

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    When you have a negative thought, such as “I can’t do this,” replace it consciously with the thought “I can do this.” Give yourself positive affirmations to help with this.

    Negative self-talk fits into four general categories: personalizing or blaming yourself, magnifying or only focusing on the negative, catastrophizing or expecting the worst to happen, and polarizing or only seeing back and white[7].

    When you stop blaming yourself for everything and start focusing on the positive, expecting things to work out, and seeing the areas of grey in life, you reverse these negative mindsets and engage in positive self-talk.

    When you speak words of kindness to yourself, your brain responds with a more positive attitude. That attitude will affect everything you do. It’s how you take care of yourself if you had a bad day.

    Check in with yourself to know when you are having negative self-talk. Are you seeing patterns? When did they start to become a problem? Are you able to turn these thoughts around?

    6. Use Coping Skills and Take a Break

    Use your coping skills. This means not letting your thoughts take control of yourself.

    You can distract yourself and escape a bit. Do things you love. You can exercise, listen to music, dance, volunteer or help someone, be in nature, or read a book.

    It isn’t about repression. It’s about redirection. You can’t stay in thoughts that are no longer working for you.

    Sometimes, it’s okay to get out of your own way. Give yourself a break from the things going on in your head. You can always come back to a problem later. This may even help you figure out the best course of action as sometimes stepping away is the only way to see the solution.

    If you had a bad day, you may not feel like addressing what went wrong. You may need a break, so take one.

    7. If a Bad Day Turns Into Bad Days

    “I believe depression is legitimate. But I also believe that if you don’t exercise, eat nutritious food, get sunlight, get enough sleep, consume positive material, surround yourself with support, then you aren’t giving yourself a fighting chance.” –Jim Carrey

    If you’ve been feeling out of control, depressed, or unstable for more than a few weeks, it’s time to call a mental health professional. This is not because you have failed in any way. It’s because you are human, and you simply need help.

    You may not be able to quickly rebound from a bad day, and that’s fine. Feel what you feel, but don’t let it consume you.

    When you talk to a professional, share the techniques that you have already tried here and whether they were helpful. They may tell you additional ideas or gain insights from your struggles of not being able to rebound from a series of bad days.

    If you’re having more than just a bad day, they will want to know. If you don’t have the answers, that’s okay, too. You just need to try these tools and figure out how you’re feeling. That’s all that’s required of you.

    Keep taking care of yourself. Any progress is progress, no matter how small. Give yourself a chance to get better by reaching out.

    Final Thoughts

    If you had a bad day, don’t let it stop you.

    Know this: It’s okay not to be okay. You have a right to feel what you feel. But there is something you can do about it.

    You can invest in yourself via self-care.

    You are not alone in this. Everyone has bad days from time to time. You just need to know that you are the positive things you tell yourself.

    More Things You Can Do If You Had a Bad Day

    Featured photo credit: Anthony Tran via unsplash.com

    Reference

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