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10 Things To Remember When Your Friendship Has Lasted For 10 Years

10 Things To Remember When Your Friendship Has Lasted For 10 Years

“Best Friends for Life,” is a term that is used so loosely but it rarely happens in real life. If you have a friendship that has lasted for more than 10 years then that’s something you should be proud of. Many friendships tend be over after a certain period in your life, like high school or college. You find that it is difficult to keep in touch once you’ve move on to the next chapter of your life.

If you are one of the lucky few to have a friendship that has lasted for 10 years, then here are 10 things you should remember about your friendship:

1. They Know What You like

10 years is a long time. In that time, your friend will certainly know what you like. More importantly, they’ll respect your hobbies and your interests. The best thing is, if they do find your hobby or interest a little unusual, then you’re sure to encounter some friendly banter.

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2. They Know What You Don’t like

Similar to the last point, if you have been friends for 10 years, not only will they know what you like, but they will also know what you don’t like. The beautiful thing about friendship is that there is a finely tuned balance between respect and banter. If they see something that you don’t like, always remember that they’ll tease you for it.

3. They Are Always There At Your Beck And Call

In a friendship that has lasted for this long, you’ll come to realise that you really don’t need to ask permission for anything. If you need advice, a helpful hand, or you just want to talk to someone, you know where there are.

4. They Accept You As You Are.

Acceptance of a person is not just about knowing a person’s likes and dislikes. There’s more to it than that. By being accepted for who you are, you don’t need to pretend to be someone else. Many people who try to make friends pretend to be someone else so that they can fit in. With your 10 year friendship, you will come to realise that you can be proud of who you are and you don’t need to change anything about you.

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5. You Always Remember The First Time You Guys Met

A friendship that has lasted this long doesn’t usually require much effort. In fact, you may have notice that your friendship feels so natural. Because of that, you will look back on the day you guys first met and realise that your friendship really did come from nowhere.

6. You Have 10 Years Worth Of Stuff To Talk About

When you guys hang out, you really don’t need to worry about what you have to say. That is because you have more than 10 years worth of stuff to talk about. Believe me, you can reminisce about old times whenever you feel like it. They’re called good times for a reason!

7. You’ve Lasted 10 Years For A Reason

Most friendships only last for a certain period in your life. You’ll have friends during high school, college or University, but once that finishes, you’ll tend to lose contact pretty quickly and will only tend to get together during special occasions. But with your friendship, it has lasted for 10 years for a reason.  Just hold that thought.

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8. You Will Always Forget About Your Arguments Or Indifferences

With any relationship that has lasted for 10 years, you’re bound to have differences and even have some arguments, and the same goes for your friendship. You will have times when you can’t stand each other, but you tend to forget about it pretty quickly. It’s strange, but it’s true.

9. They Are Always By Your Side

If your friend is aware that you like a certain someone, then you can sure that they will always try and put a good word in for you whenever they meet that special person that you like. The same goes for when they see someone they don’t like. They will stick up for you, no matter what. There’s a very good reason for this – your friend, who has been by your side for 10 years, will always want you to be happy.

10. There Will Be An End To Your Friendship

Like with everything in life, there will come a time where your friendship will come to an end. This could be for whatever reason. It could be a new job, moving house or settling down to start a family. Sure you may be contact, but your new life will slowly take over. So whatever happens, make the most of your friendship. You never know what’s round the corner.

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Featured photo credit: Lisa Runnels via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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