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10 Things Highly Personable People Do Differently

10 Things Highly Personable People Do Differently

Some people are just natural-born “people-magnets,” right? Sure, there could be some truth to that because there is a genetic component to our personalities. But a lot of our social behaviors are learned. And the good news is you can always learn new and better behaviors – it’s never too late! Here are 10 things highly personable people do differently:

1. They listen. And I mean REALLY listen.

I teach communication classes for a living. And one of the things I constantly stress is hearing and listening are not the same thing. Hearing is the physiological process of sound waves hitting your ear drum. But listening is actually an active process (we call it “active listening”). It takes work. You have to pay attention, focus, rephrase, ask questions, and remember information – just for starters. However, being a good listener is about much more than remembering what someone said. Listening is a relationship tool, and highly personable people know this. It gives the other person a message about whether you care or not.

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2. They use verbal feedback.

Highly personable people give verbal cues to express they are listening. They say things like “Wow!” or “that’s really interesting” or “amazing!” Expressions of positive words show other people they are definitely being paid attention to. It makes other people feel important.

3. They show empathy.

Many people confuse empathy with sympathy. Sympathy is feeling sorry for another person, whereas empathy is “putting yourself in another person’s shoes” and really trying to identify with his/her experience. When someone doesn’t show empathy for others, it doesn’t make them feel good. Highly empathetic people show genuine concern for everyone.

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4. They ask questions and encourage others to elaborate.

I’m sure we’ve all come home from work or school and had someone ask us how our day was. And if we reply, “Oh it was fine.” And the other person says, “Cool” and then goes on doing whatever he or she was doing, it doesn’t make us think he or she cared enough to ask more. When people ask us questions and want to hear more about us, we like it.

5. Their body language says they care.

Even if people use verbal feedback and ask questions, if they don’t show they really care, then people won’t believe them. Nonverbal communication accounts for about 90% of the meaning of a message. So keep it positive – have direct eye contact, tilt your head (this is a sign of empathy), and minimize distractions (such as your phone).

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6. They remember things about you.

My dad was a very successful dentist. And do you know why? I’m not sure it had anything to do with his skill in dentistry (although I’m sure it was good). He was successful because people liked him. He always took the time to talk to his patients on a personal level. He asked things like, “How is little Ricky doing in school?” or, “How was your vacation to Hawaii?” In other words, he remembered the details of his patients’ lives. And because he did that, they liked him and kept coming back.

7. They use your name when speaking to you.

Directly acknowledging people makes them feel like real human beings. Anyone who has ever been a server or a bartender in a restaurant knows this. There is a big difference between someone saying “Miss! Can I have another drink?” and “Excuse me, Karen? May I please have a refill on my drink? Thank you!” Using people’s names makes them think they are special in your eyes.

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8. They use touch to convey interest.

Touch can convey many things, but interest and connectedness are two of the big ones. Granted, not everyone is comfortable with touch. But a small and brief touch on the arm or shoulder says “I’m with you.” Highly personable people use this technique, and it usually works.

9. They smile, laugh and talk about positive things.

No one likes to be around a “Debbie Downer.” When someone is always complaining or simply exudes negative energy, most people try to avoid him or her. Personable people find humor in life. They are happy – or at least they give off the impression the are happy. They talk about the good stuff going on in their lives, not the negativity. They keep it happy.

10. They make everyone feel good.

Because highly personable people keep it happy, everyone feels good around them! Unlike the “Debbie Downers,” they exude positive energy and literally draw people to them like a magnet. That kind of energy is like a drug to many people – the more they feel it, the more they want to be around it.

If you see a theme here – you’re right. Highly personable people make others feel good! They make others feel important! They keep it positive and happy! It’s actually pretty simple. So if you know someone who might need to brush up on their people skills, try sharing some of these suggestions with them.

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Carol Morgan

Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.

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Last Updated on November 4, 2020

15 Simple Ways To Make Self Improvement That Will Change Your Life

15 Simple Ways To Make Self Improvement That Will Change Your Life

Self-improvement doesn’t have to be big mind-blowing changes; it can actually be simple steps to improve upon what you already have to get you where you want to be.  However, what you will need is consistency, determination and wiliness to try some things that will stretch and challenge you.

Rather than setting your sights way off into the future, which leaves you feeling like you’ll never make it, you can start following these simple and effective self-improvement steps today.  So if you want to make an immediate impact on your life and are willing to take action, then keep reading— you’ll going to love these!

1. Be willing to work hard.

As with anything in life, if you want something, you’ve got to work hard to get it.  This doesn’t mean you burn the candle at both ends, leaving you exhausted and leaving your personal life in ruins.  It merely means that when you want something badly enough, you’ll put in the time to get there.  Action is what’s important here and the more ‘inspired’ the action is, the better the results in the end.

2. Make sure you have friends who you can talk to.

Sharing the load is important as with any self-improvement. If you can communicate with others and get feedback on how you are doing then that’s great.  We all need ‘cheerleaders’ in our corner to keep us going when times get hard, but you also need to have people who will tell you how it is even when you don’t want to hear it.  So make sure you have a good support network around you, especially those people whose opinions you respect.

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3. Adapt to your circumstances rather than over-thinking them.

Sometimes, we can hit a hard period. Perhaps you’ve lost your job or your partner has left you.  Instead of over analyzing the situation, learn to adapt to your circumstances and accept them as they are.  It’s not about making your circumstances into some kind of a drama; remember, what you focus on expands which means you’ll get more of it.  You then don’t become your problems and you’ll feel a lot less burdened by them.

4. Ensure that you use your time wisely.

Time is of the essence, some might say; whilst others will say that time is an illusion.  One thing we do know is that you have one life on this planet, so how you use that time is of the utmost importance.  So how can you use your time wisely? Only you know how to do that, but look at how you currently spend your days: do you sit working all day, get home, eat and then sit slumped in front of the TV for the rest of the evening?  Your time on this earth is precious, so isn’t it time to make use of the time you have left? Try something new, go for a walk, learn a new language or meditate but make sure it’s something you absolutely love.

5. Always be consistent.

A wonderful way to self-improvement is to make changes to how you do things.  For example, with your friends, are you always the unreliable one who bows out of an arrangement just before it happens? Or are you someone who starts a new exercise routine and then stops doing it 3 weeks into it?  Whatever it is and whatever you do, always be consistent. When you make a commitment, stick to it. It will improve your life immeasurably you’ll feel more confident and happier with yourself, especially because you’ll know that whatever you tackle, you’ll be able to consistently do it!

6. Go and find your happy place.

No, I’m not saying “place” as in popping to your local bar or restaurant and gorging yourself on your favorite drinks or food. What I’m saying is to find out what you love to do, what makes you happy and go there.  Your happy place is a place where you find peace, where you lose yourself and feel contented.  Meditation is a great way to find your happy place; it brings you back to you and ensures that you are always living in the present moment.

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7. Make sure you embrace all your emotions.

In life you are going to find that it throws you some difficult challenges, sometimes it will bring out your fears and lead you into uncertainty, and other times it will be joyful.  It’s important to embrace all emotions that come up in your life, embrace them wholeheartedly and understand why they are there and then let them go.  Try not to dismiss or resist them because remember “what you resist, persists,” so embrace them each and every time.

8. Always be prepared to step out of your comfort zone.

The idea of stepping out of your comfort zone for some people can leave you paralyzed with fear; however for any changing in your life, your comfort zone will always have to be stepped out of.  It doesn’t have to be something big, like doing a sky-dive or something just as crazy. However, it’s worthwhile to change something that you’d once have feared, like going to the cinema on your own or eating at a sushi restaurant when the thought of trying raw fish which would normally mean you running for the hills.

So try something new—it doesn’t have to be wacky, but it has to challenge you!

9. Be on hand to help others.

Whether it’s helping a stranger on the street or a family member or a friend helping someone else either in their time of need, lending a helping hand is a wonderful and simple self-improvement to make.  Giving to others is not only beneficial to those you are helping but also to yourself; it can give you a sense of purpose, of contribution and also takes your mind of your own troubles and worries.

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10. Live in the present moment.

A wonderful self-improvement tool is to live in the present moment, to live in the now.  It is within this moment that you’ll appreciate all that you have and see the beauty in the simplest of things.  Being mindful of your current circumstances and bringing your mind back to where it belongs will bring about a happier way of life instead of constant worry or stressing about the past or future—both of which do not exist. Only the present moment exists. When you get used to living that way, you’ll never want to go back!

11. Learn something new.

There is nothing so liberating as learning something new; it can lift both your confidence and self-esteem and give you a great reason to meet new people.  If you continually top up your brain activity by learning something new all the time, you’ll feel on top of your game and want to share the knowledge you have learned. There is nothing quite so empowering as learning a new tool in life that can either improve your circle of friends or raise confidence levels—or both!

Reading is also a great way to help you learn something new:

12. Exercise daily.

This seems an obvious one, but exercise is so important not only to your health but also to your spirit.  We all know that after exercise, the world can feel a brighter and more positive place, so why don’t we do it more often?  Exercise isn’t about getting the perfect body or losing weight; it’s more about feeling good inside and out!  With a healthy body comes a healthy mind—so start something today. Even if it’s just a daily walk, it’s better than staying on that couch, again.

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13. Go to new places, travel a bit.

I’m not saying go fly off to some far away distant forgotten land—although you can if you so wish. It’s more about going to new places and experiencing life outside of your own back yard.  Too many of us stay in one place too often. We only see the same people, the same streets and do the same things each and every day.  If you want to improve your life, get out there and see the world and what it can offer.  You can start by going to a town or city you’ve never been to in your own country and checking out the architecture, the landscapes and the people.  Anything new is good, so get out there!

14. Listen to uplifting music and dance.

If there’s one thing that can really improve your life and get you excited about it, it’s listening to great uplifting music and dancing.  When was the last time you really let go?  Let it all hang loose and got into a piece of music and let yourself go?  Dancing, like exercise, makes you feel great. It releases all kinds of emotions and can make you feel unbelievably good.  Self-improvement isn’t all about the serious stuff; it can be something as simple as finding new music, music that inspires you and makes you dance and have fun!

15. Get up earlier than normal.

This is the last one, and it’s last because it’s one of those self-improvement tips that we all know is a good thing, yet we seem to avoid it at all costs!  If you think about it, the earliest part of the day is when your brain is most active because it’s been turned off for the last 7 hours or so.  So don’t you think it’s best to get all those things above done in the morning?  Things like exercise, meditation and dancing, which can all be done in the first part of the day.  Take it from me: this early morning stuff can really get your day started with a bang!

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Featured photo credit: Laura Chouette via unsplash.com

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