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10 Signs That They’re Toxic Persons, Even Though You Don’t Feel Like It

10 Signs That They’re Toxic Persons, Even Though You Don’t Feel Like It

They’re Controlling

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    A sizable indicator that someone is a toxic person is if they are overly controlling. Though many of us have controlling tendencies, there’s a difference between someone who likes things tidy and someone who tries to manipulate the people close to them. If you feel somebody trying to pull your strings the person in question is probably not the best for you.

    They’re Jealous

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      Another way someone can be a toxic force in your life is by being constantly jealous of your accomplishments. The people you are closest to in life should be overjoyed each time you succeed, so if you feel like you can never share good news with this person that should be a red flag.

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      They Lie

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        Unsurprisingly, toxic persons are often frequent liars. Whether this person is telling large or little lies, it doesn’t matter. If you frequently catch someone lying to others, there’s a strong chance they are also lying to you. People who have the greatest positive effect on us are people we can trust, so keeping someone who is dishonest around will inevitably be a drain on you.

        They Play The Victim

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          Another way toxic persons can be harmful is by always playing the victim. Although these people may be convincing as to why a situation is far worse for them, if someone constantly claims to be the worst affected by life it can be a sign they are not good for you. Someone who is toxic will consistently ask others to give more than they themselves are willing to give.

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          They Gossip

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            Another hallmark of toxic persons is a zest for gossip that’s a little too strong. Not only does overly frequent gossip show that someone will rarely converse with you about things of substance, gossip is also usually fiction. If you are constantly around someone who’s a constant gossip it is likely they have the same lack of respect for you. Not only that, only talking about other people is tiresome and boring in the long run, so you are probably better off without them.

            They’re Greedy

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              Another way toxic persons negatively affect our lives is by being greedy. If someone close to you only has regard for what they gain in every situation, you are likely the one who will be constantly shortchanged. This might not bug you at first, but over time, getting the short end of the stick will take its toll.

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              They Always Come First

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                In a similar way, toxic persons usually only consider themselves. If the person in question never seems to find time for you (but you are constantly willing to help them), it’s a huge indicator that their time is more important to them. Another way someone only considers themselves is with a lack of concern for your well-being. If you frequently check in on them to see how they’re doing, but they show little to no regard for your state of wellness, it’s likely an unhealthy situation.

                They’re Negative

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                  Being overly negative and judgmental is another way toxic persons give themselves away. No matter what you try and do with this person, it will always be less than what they wanted. Especially when unforeseeable problems arise, this person will complain to no end, let it completely ruin their day, and predictably blame you too. No matter how well an evening goes, it will always be too busy, too expensive, too much traffic, not enough fun, or not exciting enough. When you find someone’s negativity consistently interferes with your ability to have a good time, it’s likely time to move on.

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                  They’re Arrogant

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                    Similarly, toxic persons are often also very arrogant. They will see themselves as the smartest person in the room, and the only person capable of carrying out tasks. Perhaps their constant negativity stems from this arrogance, as it seems they always know the “right” way to do things. A person can only handle so much ego, so if you find yourself consistently put down next to this person, chances are they are an overall negative force for you.

                    They’re Always Right

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                      Finally, toxic persons frequently try to dominate every conversation. Since they think they are the smartest person in the room, everyone else must be wrong. With toxic persons, small, humorous conversations will quickly escalate into violent arguments. You can also forget about them ever considering your point of view since their point of view is fact. When somebody sees a conversation as a challenge they must win it’s nearly impossible to have a healthy relationship. In this way, moving on from friends who are toxic is crucial in life to feel self-assured, free, and capable.

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                      Alicia Prince

                      A writer, filmmaker, and artist who shares about lifestyle tips and inspirations on Lifehack.

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                      Last Updated on January 15, 2021

                      7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

                      7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

                      The popular idiomatic saying that “actions speak louder than words” has been around for centuries, but even to this day, most people struggle with at least one area of nonverbal communication. Consequently, many of us aspire to have more confident body language but don’t have the knowledge and tools necessary to change what are largely unconscious behaviors.

                      Given that others’ perceptions of our competence and confidence are predominantly influenced by what we do with our faces and bodies, it’s important to develop greater self-awareness and consciously practice better posture, stance, eye contact, facial expressions, hand movements, and other aspects of body language.

                      Posture

                      First things first: how is your posture? Let’s start with a quick self-assessment of your body.

                      • Are your shoulders slumped over or rolled back in an upright posture?
                      • When you stand up, do you evenly distribute your weight or lean excessively to one side?
                      • Does your natural stance place your feet relatively shoulder-width apart or are your feet and legs close together in a closed-off position?
                      • When you sit, does your lower back protrude out in a slumped position or maintain a straight, spine-friendly posture in your seat?

                      All of these are important considerations to make when evaluating and improving your posture and stance, which will lead to more confident body language over time. If you routinely struggle with maintaining good posture, consider buying a posture trainer/corrector, consulting a chiropractor or physical therapist, stretching daily, and strengthening both your core and back muscles.

                      Facial Expressions

                      Are you prone to any of the following in personal or professional settings?

                      • Bruxism (tight, clenched jaw or grinding teeth)
                      • Frowning and/or furrowing brows
                      • Avoiding direct eye contact and/or staring at the ground

                      If you answered “yes” to any of these, then let’s start by examining various ways in which you can project confident body language through your facial expressions.

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                      1. Understand How Others Perceive Your Facial Expressions

                      A December 2020 study by UC Berkeley and Google researchers utilized a deep neural network to analyze facial expressions in six million YouTube clips representing people from over 140 countries. The study found that, despite socio-cultural differences, people around the world tended to use about 70% of the same facial expressions in response to different emotional stimuli and situations.[1]

                      The study’s researchers also published a fascinating interactive map to demonstrate how their machine learning technology assessed various facial expressions and determined subtle differences in emotional responses.

                      This study highlights the social importance of facial expressions because whether or not we’re consciously aware of them—by gazing into a mirror or your screen on a video conferencing platform—how we present our faces to others can have tremendous impacts on their perceptions of us, our confidence, and our emotional states. This awareness is the essential first step towards

                      2. Relax Your Face

                      New research on bruxism and facial tension found the stresses and anxieties of Covid-19 lockdowns led to considerable increases in orofacial pain, jaw-clenching, and teeth grinding, particularly among women.[2]

                      The National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research estimates that more than 10 million Americans alone have temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ syndrome), and facial tension can lead to other complications such as insomnia, wrinkles, dry skin, and dark, puffy bags under your eyes.[3])

                      To avoid these unpleasant outcomes, start practicing progressive muscle relaxation techniques and taking breaks more frequently throughout the day to moderate facial tension.[4] You should also try out some biofeedback techniques to enhance your awareness of involuntary bodily processes like facial tension and achieve more confident body language as a result.[5]

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                      3. Improve Your Eye Contact

                      Did you know there’s an entire subfield of kinesic communication research dedicated to eye movements and behaviors called oculesics?[6] It refers to various communication behaviors including direct eye contact, averting one’s gaze, pupil dilation/constriction, and even frequency of blinking. All of these qualities can shape how other people perceive you, which means that eye contact is yet another area of nonverbal body language that we should be more mindful of in social interactions.

                      The ideal type (direct/indirect) and duration of eye contact depends on a variety of factors, such as cultural setting, differences in power/authority/age between the parties involved, and communication context. Research has shown that differences in the effects of eye contact are particularly prominent when comparing East Asian and Western European/North American cultures.[7]

                      To improve your eye contact with others, strive to maintain consistent contact for at least 3 to 4 seconds at a time, consciously consider where you’re looking while listening to someone else, and practice eye contact as much as possible (as strange as this may seem in the beginning, it’s the best way to improve).

                      3. Smile More

                      There are many benefits to smiling and laughing, and when it comes to working on more confident body language, this is an area that should be fun, low-stakes, and relatively stress-free.

                      Smiling is associated with the “happiness chemical” dopamine and the mood-stabilizing hormone, serotonin. Many empirical studies have shown that smiling generally leads to positive outcomes for the person smiling, and further research has shown that smiling can influence listeners’ perceptions of our confidence and trustworthiness as well.

                      4. Hand Gestures

                      Similar to facial expressions and posture, what you do with your hands while speaking or listening in a conversation can significantly influence others’ perceptions of you in positive or negative ways.

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                      It’s undoubtedly challenging to consciously account for all of your nonverbal signals while simultaneously trying to stay engaged with the verbal part of the discussion, but putting in the effort to develop more bodily awareness now will make it much easier to unconsciously project more confident body language later on.

                      5. Enhance Your Handshake

                      In the article, “An Anthropology of the Handshake,” University of Copenhagen social anthropology professor Bjarke Oxlund assessed the future of handshaking in wake of the Covid-19 pandemic:[8]

                      “Handshakes not only vary in function and meaning but do so according to social context, situation and scale. . . a public discussion should ensue on the advantages and disadvantages of holding on to the tradition of shaking hands as the conventional gesture of greeting and leave-taking in a variety of circumstances.”

                      It’s too early to determine some of the ways in which Covid-19 has permanently changed our social norms and professional etiquette standards, but it’s reasonable to assume that handshaking may retain its importance in American society even after this pandemic. To practice more confident body language in the meantime, the video on the science of the perfect handshake below explains what you need to know.

                      6. Complement Your Verbals With Hand Gestures

                      As you know by now, confident communication involves so much more than simply smiling more or sounding like you know what you’re talking about. What you do with your hands can be particularly influential in how others perceive you, whether you’re fidgeting with an object, clenching your fists, hiding your hands in your pockets, or calmly gesturing to emphasize important points you’re discussing.

                      Social psychology researchers have found that “iconic gestures”—hand movements that appear to be meaningfully related to the speaker’s verbal content—can have profound impacts on listeners’ information retention. In other words, people are more likely to engage with you and remember more of what you said when you speak with complementary hand gestures instead of just your voice.[9]

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                      Further research on hand gestures has shown that even your choice of the left or right hand for gesturing can influence your ability to clearly convey information to listeners, which supports the notion that more confident body language is readily achievable through greater self-awareness and deliberate nonverbal actions.[10]

                      Final Takeaways

                      Developing better posture, enhancing your facial expressiveness, and practicing hand gestures can vastly improve your communication with other people. At first, it will be challenging to consciously practice nonverbal behaviors that many of us are accustomed to performing daily without thinking about them.

                      If you ever feel discouraged, however, remember that there’s no downside to consistently putting in just a little more time and effort to increase your bodily awareness. With the tips and strategies above, you’ll be well on your way to embracing more confident body language and amplifying others’ perceptions of you in no time.

                      More Tips on How to Develop a Confident Body Language

                      Featured photo credit: Maria Lupan via unsplash.com

                      Reference

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