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10 Signs That They’re Toxic Persons, Even Though You Don’t Feel Like It

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10 Signs That They’re Toxic Persons, Even Though You Don’t Feel Like It

They’re Controlling

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    A sizable indicator that someone is a toxic person is if they are overly controlling. Though many of us have controlling tendencies, there’s a difference between someone who likes things tidy and someone who tries to manipulate the people close to them. If you feel somebody trying to pull your strings the person in question is probably not the best for you.

    They’re Jealous

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      Another way someone can be a toxic force in your life is by being constantly jealous of your accomplishments. The people you are closest to in life should be overjoyed each time you succeed, so if you feel like you can never share good news with this person that should be a red flag.

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      They Lie

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        Unsurprisingly, toxic persons are often frequent liars. Whether this person is telling large or little lies, it doesn’t matter. If you frequently catch someone lying to others, there’s a strong chance they are also lying to you. People who have the greatest positive effect on us are people we can trust, so keeping someone who is dishonest around will inevitably be a drain on you.

        They Play The Victim

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          Another way toxic persons can be harmful is by always playing the victim. Although these people may be convincing as to why a situation is far worse for them, if someone constantly claims to be the worst affected by life it can be a sign they are not good for you. Someone who is toxic will consistently ask others to give more than they themselves are willing to give.

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          They Gossip

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            Another hallmark of toxic persons is a zest for gossip that’s a little too strong. Not only does overly frequent gossip show that someone will rarely converse with you about things of substance, gossip is also usually fiction. If you are constantly around someone who’s a constant gossip it is likely they have the same lack of respect for you. Not only that, only talking about other people is tiresome and boring in the long run, so you are probably better off without them.

            They’re Greedy

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              Another way toxic persons negatively affect our lives is by being greedy. If someone close to you only has regard for what they gain in every situation, you are likely the one who will be constantly shortchanged. This might not bug you at first, but over time, getting the short end of the stick will take its toll.

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              They Always Come First

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                In a similar way, toxic persons usually only consider themselves. If the person in question never seems to find time for you (but you are constantly willing to help them), it’s a huge indicator that their time is more important to them. Another way someone only considers themselves is with a lack of concern for your well-being. If you frequently check in on them to see how they’re doing, but they show little to no regard for your state of wellness, it’s likely an unhealthy situation.

                They’re Negative

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                  Being overly negative and judgmental is another way toxic persons give themselves away. No matter what you try and do with this person, it will always be less than what they wanted. Especially when unforeseeable problems arise, this person will complain to no end, let it completely ruin their day, and predictably blame you too. No matter how well an evening goes, it will always be too busy, too expensive, too much traffic, not enough fun, or not exciting enough. When you find someone’s negativity consistently interferes with your ability to have a good time, it’s likely time to move on.

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                  They’re Arrogant

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                    Similarly, toxic persons are often also very arrogant. They will see themselves as the smartest person in the room, and the only person capable of carrying out tasks. Perhaps their constant negativity stems from this arrogance, as it seems they always know the “right” way to do things. A person can only handle so much ego, so if you find yourself consistently put down next to this person, chances are they are an overall negative force for you.

                    They’re Always Right

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                      Finally, toxic persons frequently try to dominate every conversation. Since they think they are the smartest person in the room, everyone else must be wrong. With toxic persons, small, humorous conversations will quickly escalate into violent arguments. You can also forget about them ever considering your point of view since their point of view is fact. When somebody sees a conversation as a challenge they must win it’s nearly impossible to have a healthy relationship. In this way, moving on from friends who are toxic is crucial in life to feel self-assured, free, and capable.

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                      Alicia Prince

                      A writer, filmmaker, and artist who shares about lifestyle tips and inspirations on Lifehack.

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                      Last Updated on November 18, 2021

                      10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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                      10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

                      We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

                      A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

                      So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

                      • honest
                      • reliable
                      • competent
                      • kind and compassionate
                      • capable of taking the blame
                      • able to persevere
                      • modest and humble
                      • pacific and can control anger.

                      The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

                      1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

                      All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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                      But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

                      2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

                      How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

                      I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

                      “The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

                      Abigail Van Buren

                      3. How does this person take the blame?

                      Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

                      4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

                      You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

                      5. Read their emails.

                      Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

                      • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
                      • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
                      • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
                      • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
                      • Too many question marks can show anger
                      • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

                      6. Watch out for the show offs.

                      Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

                      7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

                      A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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                      Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

                      8. Their empathy score is high.

                      Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

                      People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

                      9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

                      We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

                      “One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

                      Stendhal

                       10. Avoid toxic people.

                      These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

                      • Envy or jealousy
                      • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
                      • Complaining about their own lack of success
                      • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
                      • Obsession with themselves and their problems

                      Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

                      Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

                      Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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