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10 Hacks to Communicate with Geeks

10 Hacks to Communicate with Geeks

I have some good news. You don’t have to learn Klingon, write in code, or reset a secret password to communicate with geeks. Geeks represent many different types of people–video gamers, computer scientists, science fiction bookworms, theater geeks, mathematicians, and engineers. The list goes on. With such a diverse group, it can be difficult to know what to talk about. Often, geeks can feel just as awkward as you might.

When approaching a geek, you don’t have to be afraid. They won’t bite and they won’t transport you into a world so foreign that you’ll never be able to escape. Although, they’ll gladly take you there if you’d like.

Here are 10 hacks to effectively communicate with geeks.

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1. Don’t disturb the geek

Geeks love to engulf themselves in their work. While they may be interested in talking with you at some point, it’s best to let the geeks finish their work. At least let them notice you before you barge in and start talking at them. Respect the geek domain and respect the geeks when they are in their domain.

2. Find something geeky to talk about

The easiest way to relate to geeks is to speak their language. If a geek is into computers, ask a question about a computer problem you’re having! They love to talk about things they really know well. Often, you can’t get them to stop talking once they feel comfortable opening up to someone who is interested in learning about their favorite topics. Do a little research about a topic you know they will enjoy talking about.

3. Be absolutely clear about what you want

Typically, geeks don’t enjoy making small talk or beating around the bush. When approaching a geek for advice, get to the point. You will save yourself a lot of awkward conversation. Set clear expectations about the result you want to achieve, instead of focusing on the process to get there. Let the geek help you with what he or she does best.

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4. Don’t talk at the geek to fill in gaps in conversation

Geeks can be overwhelmed with too much chit chat. They aren’t interested in talking about life just to talk about life. They want to get to the root of the conversation. If there is an awkward silence, the geek is most likely formulating a calculated response to such a vague question. “Does not compute” plays over and over in a geek’s head.

5. Respect the geek’s valuable time

Geeks love to spend time doing what they love. Even though it may not make sense to what they enjoy spending time doing, respect that it takes time to do it. Don’t assume that geeks are doing busy work to pass the time. Geeks are smart people but it can still take a lot effort to solve the problems at hand. It may come easy to them, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t take effort to do it.

6. Approach the geek with caution

Don’t barge into a geek’s domain. They aren’t typically excited to see you when they are in their geek worlds. They don’t want to be excitedly tapped on the shoulder or talked over. Allow the geek to approach you when he or she is ready. Let the geek come to you and make eye contact. They don’t like to be abruptly interrupted, because it takes their attention away from their valuable work.

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7. Request the geek’s unique expertise

Geeks love to help when they can! Often, it’s surprising to geeks when other people are genuinely interested in what they do. They love when they are asked to help someone solve a problem. Geeks are often great problem solvers who will do anything to find the answer. They want to help but just need know exactly what the problem is.

8. Be prepared to listen to geek language

Even though geeks love to help, they might assume that you know they language they speak.  To an outsider, some of the language may be boring or uninteresting. To a geek, it’s like reciting a Shakespearean sonnet. Ask questions to clarity but remember that they aren’t speaking in a secret language or code.

9. Respect the geek’s space

Don’t start messing with the geek’s toys, computers, notes, books, etc. There is a reason they are placed the way they are and it’s not something that’s “cute”. Geeks are passionate about what they own and what they love to do. They aren’t stuck in their childhood or have attachment issues. Some just enjoy building models and strategically placing action figures all over the house. It brings them great joy. Don’t mess with their joy.

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10. Treat them as people, not as foreign aliens from a galaxy far, far away

Many geeks like to escape to fantasy worlds and are enthralled by these worlds, sometimes to a fault. Deep down though, geeks are people just like anyone else. They want to be treated and respected as people. They may have a roundabout way of expressing their needs, but they definitely don’t like being treated as if they are, indeed, foreign.

The next time you want to communicate with a geek, remember these 10 tips as you approach a geek in his or her domain. You don’t have to figure out their secret code to get their attention. They are people first, and their unique geekiness is another awesome part of who they are.

Just remember to proceed with caution as you enter into that realm of uniqueness.

Featured photo credit: speak talk microphone tincan can/Ryan McGuire via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on January 24, 2021

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

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At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

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1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

    Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

    Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

    6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

    If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

    Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

    Final Thoughts

    Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

    Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

    Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

    More Tips on How to Say No

    Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
    [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
    [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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