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10 Habits You Need To Quit Today To Be More Sociable

10 Habits You Need To Quit Today To Be More Sociable

Bad social habits can interfere with your ability to develop relationships and engage in meaningful conversations with others. Be on the lookout for these bad habits so you can start to become more sociable today.

1. Complaining to Gain Sympathy

Complaining about how bad your life is or how unfair things are to gain other’s attention and sympathy, can backfire quickly. It might work in the short-term because people want to respond with kindness, but if it becomes a habit, you’re more likely to send people running in the other direction.

2. Focusing on Your Point of View Only

Focusing on what you’ve got to say without really hearing other points of view is a habit that will quickly annoy others. Truly listening to other points of view is at the heart of good communication.

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If you find yourself always thinking about what you’re going to say next, rather than hearing what others have to say, work on your communication skills. Become more sociable by asking follow-up questions or rephrasing what the other person has said before getting back to your point of view.

3. Listening Half-Heartedly

If you think you’re good at multi-tasking while you communicate, you might be surprised at how much you’re missing. It’s disrespectful to other people if you can’t put down your cell phone, pause the TV, or make eye contact when someone is talking with you.

Practice giving people your undivided attention whether you’re on the phone or talking to someone in person. Show that you value what they have to say and make a concerted effort to stop trying to multi-task while they’re talking.

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4. Taking the Wind out of People’s Sails

If you only point out the negative, people will quickly stop wanting to talk to you. It’s one thing to point out some potential negative aspects of a person’s choices, but it should be balanced with the positive points as well.

Whether you’ve got a friend who is dating someone new or a family member who has interviewed for a new job, avoid telling them all the reasons why they aren’t likely to be successful. If you want to be more sociable, offer support and be willing to cheer others on as they attempt to make their way through the world.

5. Attempting to Always Please Everyone

You can’t make everyone happy all the time so there’s no need to try. If you always try to do what others want, you’re actually likely to annoy people.

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Become more sociable by being willing to share your opinion in respectful ways. Avoid always answering questions with statements like, “I don’t care,” or “Whatever you want is fine.”

6. Arguing About Everything

Argumentative people quickly turn others off. Avoid constantly correcting people or debating with them. You don’t always have to agree with others and you don’t need to attempt to change their minds. Focus more on the relationship than trying to prove that you’re always right.

7. Talking About Yourself too Much

People will grow tired of hearing all about you if you don’t ever offer them a chance to talk about themselves. Ask questions about others and show a genuine interest in learning about their lives. Don’t allow yourself to keep the focus on you and everything happening in your world only.

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8. Gossiping About Everyone

If you gossip about everyone else, people will begin to avoid you. Smart people will recognize that they’re not immune to being a victim of your gossip.

Avoid spreading rumors or contributing to drama. Avoid talking about other people’s business and become more sociable by sharing ideas and experiences.

9. Bragging About Your Accomplishments

It’s okay to be proud of your accomplishments, but bragging about yourself isn’t an endearing way to attract people. Unless you’re at a job interview, there is no need to tell people how great you are.

10. Dealing with Anger Inappropriately

Whether you tend to yell and scream or simply cut people out of your life every time you feel angry, dealing with anger inappropriately can seriously limit your social life. Learn how to speak up and express yourself in an assertive manner. Asking for what you want is fine, but becoming demanding or hostile isn’t likely to win you any friendship awards.

More by this author

Amy Morin

A psychotherapist, psychology instructor, keynote speaker, and the author of the bestselling book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do

How to Think Positive Thoughts When Feeling Negative 10 Things To Remember When Everything Goes Wrong 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do 12 Ways To Improve Social Skills And Make You Sociable Anytime 6 Mistakes That Keep You Struggling in Life And Stuck

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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