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How to Negotiate in Difficult Situations and Still Get What You Want

How to Negotiate in Difficult Situations and Still Get What You Want

Sometimes getting what you want or need is a matter of saying the right things to the right people at the right time. We usually think of negotiation as a means to secure a desirable salary, settle a conflict, or close a deal. Negotiation is more than just getting what you want.

Negotiation is a nuanced art form with many possible outcomes. In some forms of negotiation, there is no clear winner. When you understand different types of negotiations, you can work to find the best possible solutions for your situation. You will also be able to identify which negotiation strategies are being used so that you can redirect outcomes that may not be favorable.

When you know how to negotiate, you gain a competitive edge.

Studies suggest that about 87% of people dislike going through the salary negotiation process.[1] There’s also a gender gap in negotiations–31% of women say that they are uncomfortable with salary negotiations, and 23% of men dislike the process.[2] Disdain for the negotiation process is one of the many factors that contributes to the gender pay gap.[3] Learning how to come up with solutions that work for all parties is a gift that translates into greater success for all people involved in the process.

Can you identify the negotiation technique?

As much as we may feel like we are imposing on others when we enter into a negotiation, being forthright about your needs up front can save you a lot of heartache and loss. Ideally, all of our solutions would be win-win, but if you’ve ever gotten the raw end of a deal, you know that this is not how all negotiations work. There are several possible outcomes for any negotiation.[4]

Win-win: co-create for the result so that both parties can benefit from it

The most desirable negotiations provide positive outcomes for all groups involved. In a win-win negotiation, parties collaborate and co-create desirable results.

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For this collaborative approach to work, both parties must have the intention of creating something that works best for everyone involved. When you see a win-win outcome, it is almost always because both parties shared information openly and worked together to overcome obstacles.

When you have to negotiate for a salary at a new job, hopefully the intention is to create value for you and the business. You want to be compensated so that you can perform effectively, and they want to give you a fair amount so that you will be satisfied in your job.

Win-lose: one gains more than the other because of limited resources

A win-lose result is almost guaranteed when there are a fixed number of resources and two parties are forced to compete for them. This type of negotiation is often referred to as “zero-sum” since there are a finite amount of resources available, and one party’s gain directly translates into a loss for the other party. Persuasion and manipulation, withholding information, and threatening with force are a few of the markers of a win-lose situation.

To visualize how a win-lose result looks in the real world, think of dividing a pizza between two people. The fairest distribution would be to divide the pizza in half. If one person takes an additional slice, the other person is guaranteed to get less. The dining partners have engaged in a form of win-lose negotiation.

Lose-lose: both lose but one tries to lose less compared to the other one

When two negotiating parties are unable to reach a reasonable agreement, they may work to undermine the needs of one another. The outcomes of this type of arrangement are never good.

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Unfortunately, we often see this type of interaction during divorce proceedings. Since both parties may come to the negotiations feeling hurt, the chances of one or both parties actively working to cause harm to each other are high. This is not to say that all divorces lead to lose-lose negotiations–only that emotional factors and complex personal matters could make a positive outcome more difficult.[5]

Multi-party: more than one party is involved in making a decision

Multi-party negotiations are among the most complex.[6] They typically involve several large entities with varied interests. We see these types of agreements play out throughout history and in the news today. The Geneva Conventions[7] and the Paris Climate Agreement[8] are two famous examples of multi-party negotiations.

These complex negotiations are not limited to multi-national agreements, however. When relatives negotiate to settle a contested estate after a family member has passed away, legal representation may be called in to ensure that the needs, desires, and perspectives of all parties are considered while respecting the wishes of the deceased individual.[9] When multiple parties are involved, it can be difficult to give everyone what they want, but it is still possible to have a positive outcome.

Five killer tips to have a successful negotiation

1. Establish your goals and write them down.

Think about what aspects of the deal are non-negotiable and what you could give up if you needed to compromise.[10] In the course of negotiation, you can keep yourself from getting too far off-track by referring to your original intention.

Having a clear grasp on what you hope to accomplish is a good practice for any type of negotiation, but it is critical when you are dealing with emotional issues. Remember that lose-lose outcomes are predicated on having a negative view of the opponent. When an opponent makes an unreasonable demand, pause and revisit your goals before you react.

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2. Understand your opponent’s position.

You can make a more compelling argument and increase the chances of having a win-win outcome if you grasp your opponent’s position. Sometimes you’ll have to read between the lines to do this. Take time to listen to their needs and try to cooperate with them so that both of you come out ahead. The bullish, take-no-prisoners negotiation model is no longer the preferred means of striking a deal.[11] “You get more flies with honey,” as the old saying goes.

When you ask for a raise, listen to the rationale that your boss provides for countering your offer. Maybe your boss thinks you are a great employee, but bad economic conditions are affecting the company’s profit margins. Since your boss has indicated that there are finite resources available, you are entering a win-lose negotiation. You may decide that you will need to find a new job based on this information. You could also negotiate for a slightly lower raise and ask to follow up with your boss in a few months. Either way, by understanding the other person’s position, you can come up with a solution that maximizes a positive outcome, even though one of you will have to make a concession.

3. Do your research and identify the approach to use.

Regardless of the negotiating environment, understand the precedents for what you are asking and how cultural differences could influence outcomes.

In salary negotiations, this means that you’ll need to know what someone with your qualifications makes in the position in question. Most of this information can be found online through sites like Glassdoor.

Doing your research can prevent you from asking for something that might seem inappropriate or rude to a foreign entity. What cultural values can you bring into the negotiation?[12] Company culture can also influence your approach. If you know that the boss values humility, don’t start the conversation by bragging about all of your accomplishments. Research can help you set the tone for how you will interact with the other person.

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4. Aim high (or low), but be reasonable.

Use research to inform the baseline of your negotiation. When you make your case, ask for more than you expect to get, so that you and your opponent have room to maneuver. If you ask for the moon, though, you can come off looking unprofessional.

Imagine you are interested in buying a house listed for $300,000. After doing some research on the market and assessing the property, you determine that it needs $20,000 in repairs before it is livable. The seller has already likely set the list price high. You can make a counter offer of $250,000 citing the repair needs and other factors from your research. The homeowner may accept the $250,000, or they may counter again. All of this is great because you are in a dialogue with one another. If both parties are honest, then this could be a win-win situation. If you asked to have the $300,000 home for $50,000, there would be no negotiation because you were unreasonable.[13]

5. Focus on the problem.

Staying on message is essential when you enter into any type of negotiation. In business, it is a good idea not to take things too personally, and in your personal life, sometimes conflict resolution requires a degree of objectivity.[14]

During a multi-party negotiation, it is easy to become so entangled in various needs that you forget why you are negotiating in the first place. For example, if you are working with two other businesses to fix the asphalt in your shared parking lot, you can enter a minefield of conflicting interests. Maybe most of the problem area is located in front of one business, but it was caused by a tree that another business owner feels is essential for aesthetic purposes. Pursue a collaborative tone in these interactions so that you can all come to a mutually beneficial agreement.

You can’t win if you don’t play.

For many of us, the idea of asking for more in a salary negotiation, a business deal, or in personal disputes can feel daunting. If you never have the courage to speak up, you’ll remain at a disadvantage. Meekness in business and in life are almost never rewarded. There are ways to assert your needs respectfully so that all parties experience some benefit. Give negotiation a try. You may surprise yourself with the results of your efforts.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] Forbes: Why Negotiators Still Aren’t ‘Getting To Yes’
[2] Career Geek: Understand Salary Negotiation By Understanding These Negotiation Statistics
[3] Monster: How Salary Negotiation Contributes to the Wage Gap
[4] Management Study HQ: Approaches to Negotiation
[5] Divorce Magazine.com: Emotional Issues and Negotiation Skills
[6] Simplicible: 7 Types of Negotiation and 1 Big Myth
[7] Wikipedia: Geneva Conventions
[8] United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change: The Paris Agreement
[9] Instructables: How to Divide the Estate Happily and Fairly
[10] Ed Broddow: Keynotes and Seminars on Negotiation: Ten Tips for Negotiating in 2017
[11] Forbes: 7 Negotiation Tips for Success
[12] Negotiation Space: How well do you understand the other party?
[13] Nightingale Conant: Ask for more than you expect to get
[14] Negotiation Space: Focus on what is important

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Angelina Phebus

Writer, Yoga Instructor (RYT 200)

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Last Updated on December 10, 2019

How to Stay Motivated and Reach Your Big Goals in Life

How to Stay Motivated and Reach Your Big Goals in Life

It is hardly a secret that the key to successfully accomplishing one goal after another is staying motivated. There are, of course, tasks which successful people may not like at all, yet they find motivation to complete them because they recognize how each particular task serves a greater goal.

So how to stay motivated most of the time? Here are 5 simple yet effective ways on how to stay motivated and get what you want:

1. Find Your Good Reasons

Anything you do, no matter how simple, has a number of good reasons behind it.

You may not be able to find good reasons to do some tasks at first but, if you take just a few moments to analyze them, you will easily spot something good. We also have many tasks which don’t need any reasoning at all – we’ve been doing them for so long that they feel natural.

If you’re ever stuck with some tasks you hate and there seems to be no motivation to complete it whatsoever, here’s what you need to do: find your good reasons.

Even when you set goals, there needs to be reasons behind these goals. They may not be obvious, but stay at it until you see some, as this will bring your motivation back and will help you finish the task.

Some ideas for what a good reason can be:

  • A material reward – quite often, you will get paid for doing something you normally don’t like doing at all.
  • Personal gain – you will learn something new or will perhaps improve yourself in a certain way.
  • A feeling of accomplishment – at least you’ll be able to walk away feeling great about finding the motivation and courage to complete such a tedious task.
  • A step closer to your bigger goal – even the biggest accomplishments in history have started small and relied on simple and far less pleasant tasks than you might be working on. Every task you complete brings you closer to the ultimate goal, and acknowledging this always feels good.

2. Make It Fun

When it comes to motivation, attitude is everything. Different people may have completely opposite feelings towards the same task: some will hate it, others will love it.

Why do you think this happens? It’s simple: some of us find ways to make any task interesting and fun to do!

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Take sports for example. Visiting your local gym daily for a half-an-hour workout session sounds rather boring to some. Yet many others love the idea!

They like exercising not only because they recognize the good reasons behind it, but simply because it’s fun! At certain time of their daily schedule, they find going to gym to be the best thing to do, simply because nothing else will fit their time and lifestyle so perfectly.

Depending on how you look at it, you can have fun doing just about anything! Just look for ways of having fun, and you’ll find them!

A simple approach is to start working on any task by asking yourself a few questions:

  • How can I enjoy this task?
  • What can I do to make this task fun for myself and possibly for others?
  • How can I make this work the best part of my day?

As long as you learn to have the definite expectation of any task being potentially enjoyable, you will start to feel motivated.

Some of you will probably think of a thing or two which are valid exceptions from this statement, like something you always hate doing no matter how hard you try making it fun. You’re probably right, and that’s why I don’t claim everything to be fun.

However, most tasks have a great potential of being enjoyable, and so looking for ways to have fun while working is definitely a good habit to acquire.

3. Change Your Approach And Don’t Give Up

When something doesn’t feel right, it’s always a good time to take a moment and look for a different approach for the task.

You may be doing everything correctly and most efficiently, but such approach isn’t necessarily the most motivating one. Quite often, you can find a number of obvious tweaks to your current approach which will both change your experience and open up new possibilities.

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That’s why saying “one way or another” is so common — if you really want to accomplish your goal, there is always a way; and most likely, there’s more than one way.

If a certain approach doesn’t work for you, find another one, and keep trying until you find the one which will both keep you motivated and get you the desired results.

Some people think that trying a different approach means giving up. They take pride in being really stubborn and refusing to try any other options on their way towards the goal.

My opinion on this is that the power of focus is great, but you should be focusing on your goal, and not limiting your options by focusing on just one way to accomplish it it.

4. Recognize Your Progress

Everything you may be working on can be easily split into smaller parts and stages. For most goals, it is quite natural to split the process of accomplishing them into smaller tasks and milestones. There are a few reasons behind doing this, and one of them is tracking your progress.

We track our progress automatically with most activities. But to stay motivated, you need to recognize your progress, not merely track it.

Here’s how tracking and recognizing your progress is different:

Tracking is merely taking a note of having reached a certain stage in your process. Recognizing is taking time to look at a bigger picture and realize where exactly you are, and how much more you have left to do.

For example, if you’re going to read a book, always start by going through the contents table. Getting familiar with chapter titles and memorizing their total number will make it easier for you to recognize your progress as you read. Confirming how many pages your book has before starting it is also a good idea.

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You see, reading any book you will be automatically looking at page numbers and chapter titles, but without knowing the total number of pages, this information will have little meaning.

Somehow, it is human nature to always want things to happen in short term or even at once. Even though we split complex tasks into simpler actions, we don’t quite feel the satisfaction until all is done and the task is fully complete.

For many scenarios though, the task is so vast that such approach will drain all the motivation out of you long before you have a chance to reach your goal. That’s why it is important to always take small steps and recognize the positive different and progress made. This is how your motivation can sustain in long term.

5. Reward Yourself

This is a trick everyone likes: rewarding yourself is always pleasant. This is also one of the easiest and at the same time most powerful ways to stay motivated!

Feeling down about doing something? Dread the idea of working on some task? Hate the whole idea of working? You’re not alone.

Right from the beginning, agree on some deliverables which will justify yourself getting rewarded. As soon as you get one of the agreed results, take time to reward yourself in some way.

For some tasks, just taking a break and relaxing for a few minutes will do.

For others, you may want to get a fresh cup of coffee and even treat yourself a dessert.

For even bigger and more demanding tasks, reward yourself by doing something even more enjoyable, like going to a cinema or taking a trip to some place nice, or even buying yourself something.

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Your progress may not seem to others like anything worth celebrating but, take time and do it anyway! It is your task and your reward, so any ways to stay motivated are good.

The more you reward yourself for the honestly made progress, the more motivated you will feel about reaching new milestones, thus finally accomplishing your goal.

Mix and Match

Now that you have these five ways of staying motivated, it is a good moment to give you the key to them all: mix and match!

Pick one of the techniques and apply it to your situation. If it doesn’t work, or if you simply want to get more motivated, try another technique right way. Mix different approaches and match them to your task for the best results.

Just think about it: Finding good reasons to work on your task is bound to helping you feel better; and identifying ways to make it fun will help you enjoy the task even more.

Or, if you plan a few points for easier tracking of your progress and on top of that, agree on rewarding yourself as you go; this will make you feel most motivated about anything you have to work through.

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Featured photo credit: Lucas Lenzi via unsplash.com

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