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Do All Men Cheat and Why Do They Cheat on Their Loved One?

Do All Men Cheat and Why Do They Cheat on Their Loved One?

Every man cheats. This seems to be the common assumption in our minds, especially ladies. Men are not trustworthy, they are easily tempted, and they have commitment issues.

Say your husband often comes home late and explains as “I have to work”, or you catch your boyfriend looking at some other girl’s profiles, do you associate these actions with cheating?

Yes, men do cheat but not all of them. (And women do cheat too) And it’s not always because they don’t love their significant others anymore. So why do guys cheat? There are more reasons as to why they cheat on their loved once.

The reasons why men cheat may come as a surprise.

    Before I explain anything, you must understand that relationships and emotional feelings are psychological drives. There’s a constant vibration of hormones or chemical substances within the body when the opposite sex is close by, and often it is unfortunate that women around men isn’t their loved ones. However, this doesn’t stop those chemical vibrations within the body. So what happens next? They are tempted. And of course, they may cheat if tempted beyond their capabilities.

    While today’s research confirms an estimate of 25-75% of married men cheating on their loved ones, it reveals that not all men cheat. It also exposes hidden facts about the reasons why men engage in this act of infidelity. Most of these reasons may shock you and here are some psychological evidences to explain the reasons you thought why men cheat.

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    1. Some men actually cheat to save their marriages.

    Many people believes most cheating men are unhappy with their marriages, but this is just a myth. A study by Rutgers University reveals almost 56% of cheating men claims to be happy with their marriages, and in fact, they aren’t looking for a way to opt out of it or will they allow anything to threaten their marriages.

    Because most men have challenges solving their relationship problems, they believe another woman may just satisfy their thirst for sexual urge so they go for it. They feel they can live happily with their wives, without longing for anything that displeases her; but they simply leave the real issue unaddressed.

    2. They lack discipline but they still love their wives.

    You may be wrong if you believe men cheats because they don’t love their wives. Cheating has nothing to do with love. In fact, it has everything to do with discipline. It’s not love that stimulates hormonal vibrations within the body, but sight and touch do. It takes discipline and self-control for a man to overcome the alluring beauty, soft touch and romantic voice of his colleague or female friend. These, of course, must initiate the chemical substances within his body and makes him want to make advancements just to calm this urge down.

    3. Most of them cheat because they are sexually active.

    I believe you understand what I mean. A common infidelity incidence with my age-long friend Amanda reveals that sexually active men who gains praises from their wives for their sexual strength believes as long as they can satisfy their wives and act normal at home, it doesn’t matter if they cheat, and of course, it won’t cause a problem with their marriages either.

    “Despite all the information about his cheating habit, I was waiting for a time he’ll tell me he can’t have a time with me or he is too tired to make love to me to confirm he was actually cheating, but that time was forever,” said Amanda. If you’re actually waiting for him to show you the signs like Amanda, unfortunately, you may just wait forever.

    4. They don’t want to be over-demanding for sex.

    Tonny once told me, “Lily, sometimes I don’t just want my wife to think I’m overly demanding for sex, so I take a chance out.” But what Tonny never told me is if his wife actually complained about his sex habits. That’s what I guessed though!

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    Most men don’t want their wives to find out their weaknesses and use against them. They cheat because they want to avoid being helpless when their wives takes advantage of their weaknesses.

    5. Being overly confident of a relationship can lead to cheating too.

    Have you ever said to someone you won’t leave them no matter what? So what happened next? I guess he was the one who cheated on you?

    Jim was a childhood friend who I spent most of my times with until after our college years. I said secret prayers everyday for God to give him the courage to walk up to me and say these three golden words — I love you. Have you had such feelings before? Have you been so tempted as a woman to the point where the only thing stopping you from taking the initiative to confess your love for him is just your feminine ego? Yes, that was me.

    You can imagine the joy when he finally walked up to me and said secretly…Lily, I love you. I felt butterflies hovering all over the inside of me and I could not hold my confession back. The feelings were so strong that I couldn’t think of a future without Jim. But my over-confidence made him took away the love I prayed secretly for. Even when I caught him cheating, it took him a long time to apologize because he felt I can’t do anything. I waited for him…I was waiting just for his apologies and rushing back into his arms.

    But it was too late, we both lost the love we nursed from childhood because of our over-confidence.

    When you look at infidelity, it’s a serious problem that can tear beautiful relationships apart in just a moment, and once this betrayal of trust is noticed, it could hardly be built back. So, it is very important to know when a man is cheating on you.

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    So, how can I spot a cheating man?

    Understand the cheating phenomenon

    You need to understand showers of love and cheers don’t mean he isn’t a cheat. When men cheat, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. They simply lack self-discipline or control.

    Stop looking for signs or waiting for his misbehavior

    Most cheating men aren’t spotted because what we believe as the reasons for cheating are just myths. One of the surest ways to save your marriage is to understand the cheating phenomenon. The subject of cheating is to be studied and understood and not merely looking for signs or misbehavior. One major problem with spotting cheating men is, “you can hardly get them when they already know you’re looking for misbehavior and or faulty signs because they are smart”.

    But, what can I do about this?

    You must first change the mindset that a cheating man doesn’t love you.

    Because he does really and truly love you. Learn to understand the psychology of cheating and endeavors to play your role as a woman to both being friendly and accommodating.

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    Take responsibility for your contributions in his cheating habit fast and make things right.

    No one is beyond redemption especially if you love them so, you must learn to forgive when they sincerely apologize for their misdeeds.

    Expect him to change but not so fast.

    He will not become a saint at dawn and along the way you have a big role to play in rehabilitating him but keeping your eyes open for changes along the process.

    Finally, know when to walk away.

    If he doesn’t change after all your efforts, understand it’s time to move on because you deserve to be happy and loved.

    Featured photo credit: Flaticon via flaticon.com

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    MICHAEL LILY

    Writer/entrepreneural development specialist

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    Published on May 4, 2021

    How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

    How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

    They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

    In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

    How to Spot Fake People?

    When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

    Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

    1. Full of Themselves

    Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

    Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

    2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

    Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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    It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

    3. Zero Self-Reflection

    To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

    Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

    4. Unrealistic Perceptions

    Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

    A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

    5. Love Attention

    As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

    6. People Pleaser

    Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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    Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

    7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

    Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

    8. Crappy friend

    Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

    It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

    The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

    How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

    It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

    There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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    1. Boundaries

    Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

    2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

    Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

    3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

    If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

    4. Ask for Advice

    If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

    Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

    5. Dig Deeper

    Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

    Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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    6. Practice Self-Care!

    Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

    Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

    Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

    Final Thoughts

    Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

    We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

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    Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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