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Anxiety Isn’t About Worrying Too Much, But Caring Too Much

Anxiety Isn’t About Worrying Too Much, But Caring Too Much

Are you the family worrier? The one who analyses every situation and measures all its innumerable outcomes? Do you find it difficult to say no to people? Are you anal about people not texting back? Do you think people don’t like you, and that all your relationships are simply doomed to fail? Do you imagine scenarios of loss and death? Do you have a hard time trying to let go of things?

If you have answered yes to more than three questions, chances are that you might be suffering from a form of anxiety disorder. And to those who pooh-pooh at anxiety, remember that it is much more than just worrying…

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1. Anxiety is the pursuit of perfection.

There’s a difference in wanting to be perfect at something, and wanting to be viewed as perfect. People with anxiety have a compulsion not only to do things perfectly but more importantly, they have a need to be thought of as perfect.[1] They want everyone to think of them as these beautiful overachievers who have so much in life – and when this doesn’t happen, they enter a cycle of negativity and vicious self-castigation. Every time you find yourself thinking that you will never be good enough, change the statement to you are good enough

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2. Anxiety is caring, a little too much.

We all love various people in our lives to varying degrees. Sometimes though, when our love enters the stifling territory in that we are smothering the other person with our love, concern and over-care – it makes us anxious. We want our loved one to be happy, to be safe and to thrive without harm. We do what we can to achieve this, many a time earning the resentment of the very person we are trying to “love”. Our extreme emotions can lead us to become overanxious and overzealous about the object of our affections and so we imagine drastic scenarios in which that person is hurt, harmed or even dead and start working up ourselves into a state of anxious frenzy or a panic attack.[2] The next time you are smothering someone with love, take a conscious step back. Notice your mistake, and ease yourself back a bit – everything will be okay is your mantra.

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3. Anxiety is trying to control things because we feel a spiraling loss of control ourselves.

Having anxiety is like being on a superfast train to nowhere. The thoughts and the regrets pile one on top of the other, turning the mind into mush and sending the heart into palpitations galore. We feel like everything in our life is falling to pieces and try as we might, we cannot sort through it all. Which is why people with anxiety tend to come across as control freaks. They keep the reins tight because if they lose it, they lose it epic.[3] Meditation comes in handy – just five minutes of steady in and out breathing can help you weather the storm much better.

4. Anxiety is being restless day and night.

Imagine having a mind in which thoughts run rampant like meteor showers. You are thinking about this and that, worrying about everything A to Z in your life and trying to reach a calm and restful place in the head. This continuous on-the-edge feeling is one of the main characteristics of anxiety.[4]. One of the best strategies to deal with the times you cannot sit still or keep your thoughts from racing is to go for a run…

Remember that anxiety means stress and too much stress can run you down, mentally and physically. Along with keeping up a good eating and exercising routine, seek professional help whenever you feel that your mind has become an anxious muddle.

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Reference

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Rima Pundir

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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