Advertising

Last Updated on July 15, 2021

11 Relationship Goals Happy Couples Have

Advertising
11 Relationship Goals Happy Couples Have

Happy couples don’t just magically happen. It takes a lot more work than simply walking down the aisle, saying vows, and making googly eyes at each other because once the excitement of the wedding and the honeymoon is over, comes the real work.

Creating relationship goals that you, as a couple, can aspire to, sets you up as a team right from the get-go. Being a team—a partnership—provides each of you with a safety net. You have each others’ backs so that you don’t fall, and if you do, there’s someone to catch you before you get too hurt.

Relationship goals are beneficial because you have an aim—something to work for that will enhance your partnership.[1] By having goals, you know when you reach them, when you fall short, and why. Goals keep you working—not working for me, me, me, but working for us, us, us.

Below, I’ve listed some note-worthy goals to make your relationship happy, friendly, and solid.

1. Go Through the Rough Patches as Allies

Let’s face it, all couples go through hard times. But having a goal right from the beginning that you’ll be there for each other, not only during the fun and happy times but especially through the most challenging times, increases your chances of making it through.

Set up a goal for those prickly times. Make it so that when the bad times hit, you pull closer together, not farther apart. Discuss this prior to the hiccups. It’s like having the fire extinguisher ready before the fire, not after the fire burns down the house.

According to Karensuestudios, “the key to setting goals, is to set attainable goals. You start small and work your way up.”[2]

2. Become the Best Versions of Yourselves, Together!

Being in a relationship can become its own comfort zone. The things you used to do while dating may fall by the wayside. Maybe you stop caring about your appearance, or you start taking each other for granted. You both stop growing as individuals and as a couple. This can easily create a rut.

Just because you’re with someone who loves you for who you are, that doesn’t mean you stop evolving. Never allow yourself to stop growing. The show must go on—you must go on. Keep learning, expanding, and reaching for higher ground. Doing this will keep you more interested in life, not to mention more interesting to your partner. This is how cracks in the marriage are avoided.

“A healthy relationship is kind of like a trinity, two individuals create something deeper and better than themselves, yet they are still themselves. For a relationship to grow, you must also grow as an individual and not lose yourself. This can be really hard for mothers. They can get so caught up in work, husband, children, that they don’t know who they are anymore” —Silouan Green

Advertising

If you each become the best version of yourself, your partnership becomes the best version of itself!

3. Be Each Others’ Cheerleaders

There is no room for jealousy in a relationship. Sometimes, couples can be competitive, especially if they have high-powered jobs. Or there may exist some ulterior motives for why one partner might not want the other one to succeed.

Supporting each others’ dreams and goals is essential to a marriage’s longevity. Be happy for each other. Root for each other when needed. That makes your partner feel supported, and it will encourage them even more. If each partner is happy, they are more likely to work on maintaining a happy union.

4. Dedicate Time to Each Other

When there are copious responsibilities to attend to, it’s easy to put your partner on the back burner. After all, you live together—you “see” each other all the time. You might think, “It’s okay. I’ll talk to them later, or tomorrow. No biggie.” But it is a biggie.

Relationships need tending to. Your time together needs to be prioritized. If not, it’s too easy for other things to take its place. People can feel ignored and lonely in marriage.

Dedicating time to each other is extremely important. It is how you stay connected—how you stay current in each other’s lives. Neglecting your partner because there are more “important” things to do will not keep your partnership grounded and solid.

5. Speak Well and Respectfully of Each Other

I’ve listened to many couples speak ill about their partner. You would think they’re talking about their arch-nemesis, instead of their honey. What happened? This is the person to whom you made googly eyes, remember?

Talking about your partner’s flaws and painting them in a bad light is never productive. In fact, the person listening will not forget how bad your spouse is. so, the next time they see you together, they may think, “Poor Mirna. There’s that monster she married.”

Having arguments is normal, but try to fix them between the two of you. Don’t drag others into the mix. Talking badly and disrespectfully of each other simply leaves a bad taste in other people’s mouths, not to mention yours!

6. Learn Each Others’ Love Language and Speak it

We all love in different ways, and we all like to be shown love differently. That’s why it’s important to sit down with your partner and find out how they want to be shown love.

Advertising

For instance, my husband taking my Jeep and filling it up is an act of service, which is a love language I really appreciate.[3] While I love the flowers he sometimes brings home, they’re not as exciting to me as having my car gassed up and ready to go. Some people are touchy, feely, while others love to be told they are loved in words.

Make it a goal to find out what your partner’s love language is, then show them you love them in a way that will make them feel even more loved.

7. Try New Things Together

Be on the lookout to explore new territory. It doesn’t have to be mind-blowing, it just has to be new.

My husband and I work out regularly, but I’m always searching for new things. So, this past Sunday, I said, “We’re not doing our regular workout today!” My husband just stared at me wide-eyed (he doesn’t like change), but I don’t care. I said, “Today, we’re trying a Bollywood workout. Let’s go!” I found a workout on YouTube, and for the next 30 minutes, we huffed and puffed, jumped and danced, and had a great time. After it was over, he turned to me and said, “Boy, that was hard and fun.”

My son and his wife did something similar—rollerskating. To take the edge off the day-to-day grind, they decided to try rollerskating. Now they make it a date night every Monday night. They’re exercising, dancing, and sharing a new experience. Together!

According to Maggie Peikon,[4]

“Enhancing experiences that already make you happy by putting a new spin on them is another way to try something “new” in a less intimidating form. Switching things up can help to keep you inspired and motivated. Because, let’s be honest, it can be quite dull and uneventful following the same monotonous routine day in and day out.”

8. Fulfill Your Vows and Commitment to Each Other

Wedding vows can be beautiful and moving. But what happens after the wedding is over, after the excitement wears off, and you’re now not dancing at your own wedding party, but living a regular life?

Vows and commitments are important. As your marriage ages, things can get stale. The promise, “I will love you for always, and treat you like a Queen,” are just words recited on a special day. It’s the follow-through that’s important.

According to the article, 5 Ways Your Wedding Vows Will Save Your Marriage,[5]

Advertising

“But wedding vows force us to rethink what is important and what we value. Vows force us to recognize that we need to appreciate each other on a regular basis. Wedding vows let couples hear why they are chosen and fulfill their need to feel wanted and appreciated. Vows such as “Your creativity and talent inspire me,” tell our partners what is important to them. One of our favorite quotes comes from Mother Teresa, ‘There is greater hunger in the world for appreciation than for bread.’ Writing vows that cement why you want and appreciate your partner can help reinforce what’s important to you.”

Make sure that the vows you made on your special day are the ones you’re living in your married life.

9. Prioritize Each Other

Being in a relationship doesn’t always guarantee that you’re always going to be present and engaging. Today’s busy schedules often prevent that, but you must prioritize your partner.

How do you do that? By actively doing things for each other. Clean up and do the dishes after dinner. Surprise them by cooking their favorite meal. Turn down the bed at night while they’re busy putting the kids to bed, etc. You get the picture. Come up with ways you can surprise your partner by doing little things. Make it a habit.

According to Elizabeth Burke,[6]

“We all have to-do lists that seem to never end. These can be task and errand oriented, like picking up dry cleaning and going grocery shopping. There’s goal-oriented lists, like getting a promotion at work or running a marathon. And even people-oriented lists like taking care of yourself and making sure you’re happy and doing the same for your partner. With all that we have to accomplish, it can be difficult to prioritize. There are certain things that take priority, but ask yourself – where does your relationship fall on that list? Of course taking care of yourself is the most important thing. Outside of that, if your relationship isn’t even at the top, there can be consequences.”

10. Keep the Romance Alive

When you’re dating, you come up with the most amazing romantic things to do for your partner—watching sunsets, flowers, love letters, etc. But something goes awry along the way. Maybe it’s the work schedule, the familiarity, the kids, the dog, the family, etc. Whatever it is, it makes you forget that you’re lovers. But that’s exactly what you are: Lovers! And lovers need romance.

Romance is just as important 10 years post marriage, as it was while you were courting. Why? Because after being married for a while, the struggle is real. Life can step in many times with problems that need to be solved. Romance is needed more than ever to bring some heart and soul when things get a little rough.

As Carina Wolff said, “Just because you’ve finally settled into the comfortable stages of a relationship doesn’t mean it’s time to stop putting in an effort to keep things exciting.”[7]

Note: Being romantic doesn’t mean expensive. It can just be the two of you spending time together sharing your dreams and aspirations; planning a trip, taking walks in a garden, a candlelight dinner, or just dinner together while talking about your day.

Advertising

11. Spend Time Together and Apart

In a marriage, spending time together is extremely important, but it’s just as important as spending time apart. You may be in love, but you’re not glued at the hip. Your partner cannot be everything to you. They cannot provide everything you need. That’s too big a burden.

Expand your relationship with other people–family members, friends, acquaintances at the gym, etc. Expand your circle. Your partner, of course, will continue to be your priority. But you can still enjoy different hobbies, different experiences, and different people. Then, come home and share everything with your honey. As you expand, so will your relationship.

“No one can be everything to anyone. In other words, it’s healthy to have more than one person you can open up to, depend on, and have fun with. So, if your partner is the only person who fills those needs for you, we’d recommend you try to expand your social group.”[8]

Final Thoughts

Relationship goals are important because they give us something to shoot for. The health of a relationship depends on the love and effort poured into it. The more you work on it, the greater the rewards.

Goals give you a target—something to aim for—that will strengthen your relationship. When you reach your goals, you know you’re on the right path, and when you don’t, find out what can be done to get you back on track.

Relationship goals keep you working as a team—a team that feels united, strong, secure, and loving.

What are some of your relationship goals? See if you can’t define those and implement them into your relationship.

Featured photo credit: Scott Broome via unsplash.com

Reference

More by this author

Rossana Snee

Rossana is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. She aspires to motivate, to inspire, and to awaken your best self!

Why Spending Time With Your Family Is Important (And How To Do So) Parallel Parenting vs Co-Parenting: How To Know Which Is Best For You? 11 Relationship Goals Happy Couples Have I Hate My Wife – Why a Husband Would Resent His Spouse Why You Feel Lonely In Your Marriage And How To Deal With It

Trending in Relationships

1 Why Your Lover Doesn’t Want Your Advice, but Your Validation 2 8 Signs That Your Current Relationship Has No Future 3 10 Signs You Are in a Codependent Relationship (And What To Do About It) 4 11 Relationship Goals Happy Couples Have 5 Is Living Together Before Marriage Good or Bad?

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 5, 2022

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

Advertising
How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

Advertising

Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

Advertising

Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

Advertising

When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

Advertising

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

Advertising

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next