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11 Tips That Help Couples Keep Growing In A Relationship

11 Tips That Help Couples Keep Growing In A Relationship

My wife and I turned the flame of our burgeoning relationship into a raging blaze on an epic three and a half month, 8,000 mile motorcycle trip. The result, over 17 years of marriage and eight kids! It’s been a magical journey, but nothing about it has been easy. It has taken work and more than a few difficult days to make life a joyful adventure.

I wanted to share a few of the lessons we have learned on keeping a relationship growing, more often than not, the hard way. We’ve thrown things, we’ve yelled, we’ve wanted to quit, we’ve wallowed in the distance of anger, yet we’ve persevered and learned to grow a relationship that is as deep as it is wide.

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Here are ten thoughts on growing in a relationship:

  1. You don’t have to settle. You can grow your relationship and make it something that continually enhances your life. A good relationship is like anything you love, you must be committed to learning, to growing, and always looking to improve. When you feel like you’ve settled, you need to act, or else that settling becomes a chasm of stagnation or worse.
  2. Arguing is good. Many studies show that couples who argue have healthier relationships. It took a while to learn this in our relationship. For so long I saw arguments as a failure, but the truth is that they are necessary components of a healthy relationship. To argue well, i.e. when the sparks are done flying you can actually talk, means you must respect each other and the relationship enough to fight for it.
  3. Say you are sorry, and own it. When an argument goes bad, just walk away. Then when you can own your part in the debacle, return and say you are sorry. Expect nothing in return. This kind of unconditional response to adversity is a sure sign to your loved one that your relationship is more than skin deep.
  4. Make time to talk about your relationship. Schedule time where you give each other an opportunity to talk about the relationship without judgement or animosity. And by “talk about your relationship”, I mean treat your relationship like a third person. Are we talking enough, are their unresolved issues, etc.
  5. Remind yourself often of why you fell in love in the first place. Look at old pictures, tell old stories, remember those first magnetic embers of love. We aren’t just who we are in this moment, we are a culmination of the past, the present, and the future. Use the victories and lessons of the past as fuel for future growth.
  6. Share small adventures. Our lives can get so busy we begin to forget about small pleasures. Go for walks, shopping together, coffee, whatever. When life has consumed us, even a short pleasure can seem like a walk on the beach.
  7. Spend time totally focused on your partner. Massage them until your fingers cramp up, listen and don’t talk, go with them on an errand they could do alone, write them a poem or love letter like you did when you were falling in love. Pray for them. Focusing on them will make the relationship stronger.
  8. Schedule space for each other. You need space to grow. A suffocating relationship kills growth. We need freedom in the safety of a commitment. A strong relationship is one that is conscious of this space. Here is some good insight into a fully conscious relationship from www.mindbodygreen.com.
  9. Keep track of your growth. Set goals for the relationship and keep track of them. Growing a relationship is like anything else of value, you need to plan, set goals, work, and review.
  10. A healthy relationship is two individuals working together. A healthy relationship is kind of like a trinity, two individuals create something deeper and better than themselves, yet they are still themselves. For a relationship to grow, you must also grow as an individual and not lose yourself. This can be really hard for mothers. They can get so caught up in work, husband, children, that they don’t know who they are anymore. Make sure you help her with that.

After 17 years of marriage, I can honestly say that the most exciting part of our relationship is what lies ahead. We made it through the incredibly hard process of learning to grow together and now the future seems filled with possibilities even as our kids grow and we age. Life is about living. Living is about growth. Any healthy relationship makes you better, it encourages you to grow, it is there for you when you stumble and falter.

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A relationship is hard work, but if you commit yourself to planting the seeds of growth, you will see something beautiful you could never imagine alone.

One more thing. As I was finishing up this article I asked my wife to take a look. She couldn’t believe I’d left out a key, monumentally important thought, so here is a bonus point for you all!

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11. Morning Sex! Like anything else, work on it, make it a priority, and it only gets better and grows! There is no better way to leave behind the night’s worries and start the day with a full head of steam!

Featured photo credit: Bruna + Rafael by danielmviero.com via creativecommons.org

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Last Updated on September 20, 2018

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

4. What are my goals in life?

Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

6. What do I not like to do?

An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

“What do I want to do with my life?”

So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

Reference

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