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Be Yourself Instead of Trying To Impress Others. People Will Judge You Anyway

Be Yourself Instead of Trying To Impress Others. People Will Judge You Anyway

Every day, we dive headfirst into our schools, workplaces and the first thing we do is to surround ourselves with people.

We gossip about the latest trends. We discuss about the newest classes our kids are taking.

“Oh, Alex started playing the piano last week, how is George?” “Same old, same old, just going to that Arts class I’ve told you before. He’s now drawing …”

We talk about the game the night before – “Man, he was so close from scoring that jumper, I’m telling you. That would’ve been a winner for sure.” “Nah, they have no chance unless they trade…”

We stopped being “I”.

Humans are social creatures. The number of people who can survive without communicating and interacting with each other is slim to none. However, just because we tend to form, or join groups of people that we enjoy being with, it doesn’t mean it should be our whole purpose of living. There are times when we would ponder upon our purpose and reason for doing the things we are doing right now. We would wonder:

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“Why am I applying to this firm?”

“Why am I joining this team?

Or even,

“Why am I wearing this outfit?”

When we couldn’t come up with a satisfactory answer, we would shake our head furiously to ignore and cast it to the back of our minds. Yet we must understand that no matter how hard we try to avoid thinking about it, one day the truth will come back and bite you.

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The fact is, we try so hard to merge into a group, a community that when we sense that something we do would create or increase harmony, we would do it without questioning it. We try so hard to impress the people around us that we barricaded our own wants and desires. We stopped being “I” to make sure “we” are happy. But am “I” really happy?

Accept that we can’t control others’ opinions.

First and foremost, ask yourself: even if you are doing every single thing to make sure the people around you are happy, does that mean they won’t think otherwise? It might hurt to know, but people are easily swayed and judgmental. Your 120% might come across as a lack of effort to your boss. Your application to Penn might not be sufficient to get you a compliment from your parents because they went to Harvard. On the contrary, a design you drew up in 5 minutes might come across as a lifesaver to your classmate. A few words of encouragement might make your sister’s day.

Humans are versatile. They fluctuate. Trying to satisfy and impress everyone is the job of Sisyphus – a futile and fruitless one. Instead, accept that we simply can’t control opinions of others, work on the things we can actually control, such as the time and effort you pay in a job.

Just leave the rest be, and you’ll feel much freer.

Discover who “you” are.

This is easier said than done. As a child, I stumbled around, following my parents’ advice word to word. I learned piano because “it would be good for me”. I chose my high school because my counselor and teacher said it was academically competitive and had an accepting and warm student community. “You would like it there,” they said.

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But we are not kids anymore.

When we were younger, we had the excuse of saying “we don’t know as much as the adults” – even though it was a weak one anyway. Now that we have grown up, we are responsible for our own choices and decisions. We have the ability to differentiate between things we like and things we don’t. We have the freedom to choose the things we enjoy doing. Don’t waste it. Take this chance to discover what you like. If you have no idea – try. Try new things. Rediscover old hobbies. I dropped piano when I was 15. I picked it up again recently because I realized the only reason I didn’t like it was because it was not something I chose on my own accord. I hope, with all sincerity, that you can find out who you are as well through this slow process of trying out different things.

Be yourself and love yourself.

The last step is perhaps the most difficult part because of how we are raised. We were taught to be selfless, to put others’ needs before our own. Being selfish is a crime, a sin.

It is not wrong. But it is not entirely right either.

Here is a simple analogy. Your family shares a television. Everyone would watch it at the same time. Therefore, to be fair, one person gets to decide what the family watches for the day, and the next person will decide the next day. Would you give up your right to decide what to watch to make your family happier?

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There is no right or wrong answer. But remember: it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to root for yourself sometimes. Because how are you going to love someone if you don’t love yourself?

There is no one as important as yourself.

Yes, humans are social creatures. There is no denying that. But don’t get sucked into the never-ending loop of satisfying and impressing others and ignoring yourself. Gently, gradually, let yourself remind you that there is no one as important as yourself.

Featured photo credit: Picjumbo via Picjumbo.com

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Eamon Suen

Student, The Hong Kong University of Science and Technology

Life Is Not Supposed To Be Fair, We’re Supposed to Learn To Live With It If You Want To Be Successful, You May Need To Cut Off Something From Life The Earlier You Understand These Truths Of Happiness The Better Accept Where You Are And Happiness Is At Your Fingertips Your New Habits Will Stick With These 5 Killer Strategies

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Last Updated on February 19, 2020

15 Positive Thinking Books You Need for a Happy Life

15 Positive Thinking Books You Need for a Happy Life

Books give us the opportunity to live vicariously through the lives of people with greater wisdom than ourselves. They stimulate our brains and help us not only solve the problems we struggle with, but also motivate and inspire us with new ideas.

One of the great things about people who think positively and live happy lives is that they love to help others do the same. There are countless positive-thinking books and these 15 are a great way to help you start living a happy life.

1. Man’s Search For Meaning by Victor E. Frankl

mans search for meaning

    This book goes through the horrific struggle of Viktor Frankl who survived holocaust concentration camps. The only thing that kept him going was his idea that everything, even the worst of human suffering, had to have meaning. If you’re struggling through anything in your life, I guarantee the words of Viktor will give you courage to press on and find happiness.

    2. Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

    tuesday with morrie

       

      What is life’s greatest lesson? Morrie, a retired professor with a fatal disease, opts to use his predicament to share that message as opposed to just giving up and dying. Following the last few months of Morrie’s life will help you realize what is truly important in life.

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      3. The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch

      Lecture_Book

        Similar to Tuesdays with Morrie, Randy is a college professor who finds he has a fatal disease with only a few months to live. It is customary for professors at his university (Carnegie Mellon) to give a final lecture with the basis of ‘what wisdom would you impart to a large group of people if it was your last chance?’ Randy stays incredibly positive throughout and even keeps the lecture humorous and entertaining. Amidst it all, his wisdom is a powerful reminder about how to live a happy, full life.

        4. Earning Freedom by Michael Santos

        earning freedom

          Michael Santos was sentenced to 45 years is prison for selling drugs. During his term he fought hard to earn a masters degree and half of a doctorate (halted by the warden) while writing numerous books educating students about the criminal justice system. This book provides a fascinating window into his entire sentence (released in 2012) and how a positive attitude and strong work ethic got him through it. If he found happiness in prison through positive thinking, we can do it anywhere.

          If you don’t have the attention span to finish a long book, the following quick reads are shorter but just as powerful.

          5. The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper

          little engine that could

            This book has shaped childrens’ minds for years. It illustrates the undeniable fact that when you think positively and believe in yourself, you can accomplish extraordinary things.

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            6. The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein

            The_Giving_Tree

              Happiness is found in giving. What does it mean to love someone? What would you sacrifice for someone you love? This children’s book teaches a valuable lesson about unconditional love and what it truly means to be happy.

              7. The Dash by Linda Ellis and Mac Anderson

              the dash

                “When your life is over, everything you did will be represented by a single dash between two dates—what will that dash mean for the people you have known and loved?” (Linda Ellis) We don’t choose a lot of things about our life – parents, birthplace, etc. – but we can choose what that dash between those two dates means. This short book will give you a great perspective on making your life worthwhile.

                8. As a Man Thinketh by James Allen

                As-a-Man-Thinketh

                  “The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state… Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.” (James Allen) This book might be short, but it is jam-packed with statements that will make you stop and think. We truly become what we think we are. Negative thoughts affect us more than we know. Positive thinking = happy life.

                  9. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald  Miller

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                  a-million-miles-in-a-thousand-years

                    You are the author of your story. No matter how boring or dull your life has been, you can always turn it around. Donald was in a rut in his life. He had no desire to get out of bed and found himself questioning the meaning of life. Eventually he realized he wasn’t a slave to a pre-written script. He used that mindset to turn around his thoughts, actions, and life. When the closing credits roll on the story of your life, what will people say? Never forget that you have the power to push your limits and live an interesting, happy life.

                    10. The Traveler’s Gift by Andy Andrews

                    travelersgift

                      The Traveler’s Gift is a fictional story about a man who is overwhelmed with life and finds himself thrown into numerous true events from history – including Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. He interacts and learns important life lessons from seven different experiences. The book is full of ways to think more positively and find more success in life.

                      11. David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell

                      david and goliath

                        Malcolm Gladwell motivates you to challenge your preconceptions of underdogs and misfits in this thought-provoking book. When you break down the facts in the story of David and Goliath from the Bible, you find that David really wasn’t an underdog at all – he was the one with the advantage. This book outlines story after story after story of people who were at a disadvantage and learned to find the strength in their weakness.

                        12. How Will You Measure Your Life by Clayton M. Christensen

                        how will you measure

                          How would you feel if you got to the end of your life only to realize you had been measuring success wrong? Clayton provides a mass amount of wisdom and advice on how to live a life you won’t regret.

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                          13. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff by Richard Carlson

                          Dont_Sweat_Small_Stuff

                            The small things we worry about every day may not seem like a big deal, but they wear us down slowly and stop us from living up to our full potential. Learn how to get rid of those worries and negative thoughts and live a happier life.

                            14. Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

                            mere christianity

                              C.S. Lewis, who used to be an Atheist, explains how he came to find meaning in life through Christianity. He breaks down all the reasons we doubt and falter in life and how living the principles of Christianity fixes our weaknesses. Lewis is famous for his deep, thought-provoking quotes and this book is no exception.

                              15. Bushido: The Way of the Samurai by Tsunetomo Yamamoto

                              bushido

                                Bushido is based on the Hagakure, a document that served as the basis for samurai warrior behavior. The document’s purpose was to shape the mind and the spirit of the samurai warrior.

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                                Featured photo credit: Annie Spratt via unsplash.com

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