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Be Yourself Instead of Trying To Impress Others. People Will Judge You Anyway

Be Yourself Instead of Trying To Impress Others. People Will Judge You Anyway

Every day, we dive headfirst into our schools, workplaces and the first thing we do is to surround ourselves with people.

We gossip about the latest trends. We discuss about the newest classes our kids are taking.

“Oh, Alex started playing the piano last week, how is George?” “Same old, same old, just going to that Arts class I’ve told you before. He’s now drawing …”

We talk about the game the night before – “Man, he was so close from scoring that jumper, I’m telling you. That would’ve been a winner for sure.” “Nah, they have no chance unless they trade…”

We stopped being “I”.

Humans are social creatures. The number of people who can survive without communicating and interacting with each other is slim to none. However, just because we tend to form, or join groups of people that we enjoy being with, it doesn’t mean it should be our whole purpose of living. There are times when we would ponder upon our purpose and reason for doing the things we are doing right now. We would wonder:

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“Why am I applying to this firm?”

“Why am I joining this team?

Or even,

“Why am I wearing this outfit?”

When we couldn’t come up with a satisfactory answer, we would shake our head furiously to ignore and cast it to the back of our minds. Yet we must understand that no matter how hard we try to avoid thinking about it, one day the truth will come back and bite you.

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The fact is, we try so hard to merge into a group, a community that when we sense that something we do would create or increase harmony, we would do it without questioning it. We try so hard to impress the people around us that we barricaded our own wants and desires. We stopped being “I” to make sure “we” are happy. But am “I” really happy?

Accept that we can’t control others’ opinions.

First and foremost, ask yourself: even if you are doing every single thing to make sure the people around you are happy, does that mean they won’t think otherwise? It might hurt to know, but people are easily swayed and judgmental. Your 120% might come across as a lack of effort to your boss. Your application to Penn might not be sufficient to get you a compliment from your parents because they went to Harvard. On the contrary, a design you drew up in 5 minutes might come across as a lifesaver to your classmate. A few words of encouragement might make your sister’s day.

Humans are versatile. They fluctuate. Trying to satisfy and impress everyone is the job of Sisyphus – a futile and fruitless one. Instead, accept that we simply can’t control opinions of others, work on the things we can actually control, such as the time and effort you pay in a job.

Just leave the rest be, and you’ll feel much freer.

Discover who “you” are.

This is easier said than done. As a child, I stumbled around, following my parents’ advice word to word. I learned piano because “it would be good for me”. I chose my high school because my counselor and teacher said it was academically competitive and had an accepting and warm student community. “You would like it there,” they said.

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But we are not kids anymore.

When we were younger, we had the excuse of saying “we don’t know as much as the adults” – even though it was a weak one anyway. Now that we have grown up, we are responsible for our own choices and decisions. We have the ability to differentiate between things we like and things we don’t. We have the freedom to choose the things we enjoy doing. Don’t waste it. Take this chance to discover what you like. If you have no idea – try. Try new things. Rediscover old hobbies. I dropped piano when I was 15. I picked it up again recently because I realized the only reason I didn’t like it was because it was not something I chose on my own accord. I hope, with all sincerity, that you can find out who you are as well through this slow process of trying out different things.

Be yourself and love yourself.

The last step is perhaps the most difficult part because of how we are raised. We were taught to be selfless, to put others’ needs before our own. Being selfish is a crime, a sin.

It is not wrong. But it is not entirely right either.

Here is a simple analogy. Your family shares a television. Everyone would watch it at the same time. Therefore, to be fair, one person gets to decide what the family watches for the day, and the next person will decide the next day. Would you give up your right to decide what to watch to make your family happier?

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There is no right or wrong answer. But remember: it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to root for yourself sometimes. Because how are you going to love someone if you don’t love yourself?

There is no one as important as yourself.

Yes, humans are social creatures. There is no denying that. But don’t get sucked into the never-ending loop of satisfying and impressing others and ignoring yourself. Gently, gradually, let yourself remind you that there is no one as important as yourself.

Featured photo credit: Picjumbo via Picjumbo.com

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Eamon Suen

Student, The Hong Kong University of Science and Technology

Life Is Not Supposed To Be Fair, We’re Supposed to Learn To Live With It If You Want To Be Successful, You May Need To Cut Off Something From Life The Earlier You Understand These Truths Of Happiness The Better Accept Where You Are And Happiness Is At Your Fingertips Your New Habits Will Stick With These 5 Killer Strategies

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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