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Do This One Thing To Comfort Your Overwhelming Negativity

Do This One Thing To Comfort Your Overwhelming Negativity

We all know that feeling when you have a problem in your life and nothing seems like you can solve it. Whether you’ve tried something a million times and it isn’t working, or you’ve even tried just once, the negative voices in your mind can shoot you down and sabotage your success. Basically, you feel awful. It may feel strange, but perhaps you should try the following suggestions.

Talk to yourself and face your very deep and true self

Yes, really, talking to yourself can have real positive effects on your life and help you to get out of that cycle of negativity (maybe just make sure there’s no one around while you’re trying this out).

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As well as hearing new messages you hadn’t heard before from others, talking to yourself gives you time to listen to yourself – really listen. How often do we take the time to do that? This is important, because we don’t get the best out of life until we are fully connected to ourselves.

This might feel strange and even a little scary at first, if you’re not used to it. An easy way to find out what is going on for you is to start by asking yourself, “What do I need right now?” or “Hello me, what’s up?”

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Hearing that answer can get you connected to yourself in a wonderful way, and the more connected we are, the more we know how to be in the world, and what our next move should be.

If you are really wound up about something and need a way of letting go, you could try talking non-stop to yourself. Just let the words flow until you feel something shift. In the book, The Valkyries[1] by Paolo Coehlo, this talking to yourself without thinking is called channeling. It is a way of getting in touch with yourself, and, for the more religious of you, the universe, God, or whatever.

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Either way, it’s a good stress release. It allows you to shift the negative energy cycle you’ve got going on so you can begin focusing on what you actually want to be doing.

Repetition of mantras can also be a great way of resetting your head space if you had a bad start to your day or something unexpected threw you off course.

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Talk to others in your head

When talking to others in our head, we basically end up using the linguistic part of our brains, as well as the interactive part of our brains that we would use if someone were actually there. This shows how powerful this practice can be, as there has been a long history of people in times of great difficulty hearing a little voice of advice in their darkest hour.[2]

This sometimes can occur naturally when asking yourself a question (as we see in Eat, Pray, Love), or something that you can begin to consciously practice in order to find the answers you need.

If there is a friend in your life that can help you with a problem, imagine having them by your side. I have a friend who is very wise, and when I am unsure of something, I will ask myself, “what would he do? What would he tell me?” Of course you can really call these people who are close to you, and feel them rooting for you. Hear their advice. This advice may well be your own inner knowing that you couldn’t hear underneath all of the negative chatter.  The answer I hear back is always right.

So there you have it. I hope that this little tip will help you to get some clarity in your life. Hearing what you have to say is the first step to knowing what you have to say is of importance. From there, you can find your way to the next best step to take for you, and then the next, without struggling and trying so hard or swimming against the stream. Find out what’s really going on behind all this negativity and you will have the key to your future.

Reference

[1]Paolo Coehlo: The Valkyries 
[2]The New Yorker: The Voices In Our Head

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Daniel Owen van Dommelen

Coder, Director, Writer, Human

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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