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Pain Is Inevitable. Suffering Is Optional

Pain Is Inevitable. Suffering Is Optional

Everyone goes through hard times. We all know that feeling, you’ve been made redundant, or someone close to you has died, or relationships break.

No matter what happens, there are bound to be times when we feel pain and suffering in life.

The difference between pain and suffering, though, is that with pain, we feel it immediately, sometimes intensely and then it naturally passes through us. Not so with suffering. When we suffer, we hold onto our pain for longer than necessary. We hold onto it because in a weird sort of way we enjoy the pain, because we’re lost in it, or even because we think we need it.

Suffering is the decision to keep eating the chocolate, even when we feel sick. Or to hold onto the jealousy we feel in our chests, instead of talking about the issue with our partner. It’s ignoring our true selves.

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Are you stuck in a cycle of suffering right now, and you want to get out?

Let go of the judgments around your pain.

You already feel bad. Worrying on top of this with the thought about how someone else might see you is a sure-fire way of holding onto that feeling for a lot longer than you need to. Bear in mind that we all do this at some point in time.

Some people set about organizing things at a fast pace, some just need to watch TV and snack all day long. Whatever it is you need to do, let yourself do it. And don’t torture yourself for it, either.

Give yourself permission to grieve.

Yes, we all feel pain. We all get rejected. We all lose someone. It’s a horrible fact of life. There’s a myth that constant positivity is possible just by changing your thoughts. It’s not. Phew. Now you can stop trying to be perfect – the pressure is off!

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Sometimes doing a simple body scan can release and move emotions in a gentle way. This mindfulness exercise always has me bawling within minutes if I feel like I need to cry, or shout, or laugh, but can’t quite express it any other way.

You’ve had a hard time, so cut yourself some slack.

Easy, don’t think it’s a big deal. If you think wanting to stay in bed all day for once and eat six chocolate bars is a big deal, that you will automatically become obese and depressed because of this one day where you needed some time out, you will not feel a lot better. So, cut yourself some slack – you’ve had a hard time. Maybe this is just what you need right now… and that’s ok.

If it’s the opposite: if you are suffering because you know deep down that you want to be out there experiencing the pain of running at 7 am, instead of the suffering that comes with procrastination, then don’t worry about it (but maybe do some exercise later!)

It’s normal to feel the pain you’re feeling.

Remember – most of all, that it is totally NORMAL to feel this pain you are feeling. Pain is a part of your workout and without it, you don’t get stronger. This is the same for creating art and devoting yourself to something or someone you love. It doesn’t mean you stop doing those things.

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If it’s really bad, knowing it’s normal doesn’t help. Just because a million people have been through it, and a million more are likely to, does not make it any less intoxicating, all-encompassing and, well, painful, in that moment you are feeling it. You are entitled to know that your pain is your own. And it is deep. No one else experiencing anything similar can take that away from you.

Relax, you have the choice.

Just relax! If you find yourself tensed up and in pain, there is nowhere for it to go. And there is also no way of you knowing what to do next. If you’re tensed up and stressed out, you can’t think clearly.

Relaxing doesn’t mean you can change the situation that brought you pain. But at least you have the choice to change what’s going on for you right now.

Life will always bring us pain, but we get to choose the type of pain we experience. Letting go of suffering means we can move through pain and maybe even one day feel something different. But for now, allowing yourself to feel the pain is enough.

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I hope this post has helped just a little bit, at least in seeing what pain and suffering really are, what to do about them. We all deal with pain in different ways. And when you’re in it, it’s like you can’t see the sun. But don’t worry – it will come up – it always does.

Featured photo credit: Picjumbo via picjumbo.com

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Daniel Owen van Dommelen

Coder, Director, Writer, Human

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Last Updated on July 18, 2019

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

1. They Manage Their Expectations

They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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4. They’re Not Materialistic

There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

5. They Don’t Dwell

They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

6. They Care About Themselves First

They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

7. They Enjoy the Little Things

They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

8. They Can Adapt

They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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9. They Experiment

They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

10. They Take Their Time

They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

11. They Employ Different Perspectives

They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

12. They Seek to Learn

Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

13. They Always Have a Plan

They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

14. They Give Respect to Get It

They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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15. They Consider Every Opportunity

They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

16. They Always Seek to Improve

Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

18. They Live in the Moment

They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

19. They Say Yes

Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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20. They’re Self-Aware

Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

Final Thoughts

The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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