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Pain Is Inevitable. Suffering Is Optional

Pain Is Inevitable. Suffering Is Optional

Everyone goes through hard times. We all know that feeling, you’ve been made redundant, or someone close to you has died, or relationships break.

No matter what happens, there are bound to be times when we feel pain and suffering in life.

The difference between pain and suffering, though, is that with pain, we feel it immediately, sometimes intensely and then it naturally passes through us. Not so with suffering. When we suffer, we hold onto our pain for longer than necessary. We hold onto it because in a weird sort of way we enjoy the pain, because we’re lost in it, or even because we think we need it.

Suffering is the decision to keep eating the chocolate, even when we feel sick. Or to hold onto the jealousy we feel in our chests, instead of talking about the issue with our partner. It’s ignoring our true selves.

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Are you stuck in a cycle of suffering right now, and you want to get out?

Let go of the judgments around your pain.

You already feel bad. Worrying on top of this with the thought about how someone else might see you is a sure-fire way of holding onto that feeling for a lot longer than you need to. Bear in mind that we all do this at some point in time.

Some people set about organizing things at a fast pace, some just need to watch TV and snack all day long. Whatever it is you need to do, let yourself do it. And don’t torture yourself for it, either.

Give yourself permission to grieve.

Yes, we all feel pain. We all get rejected. We all lose someone. It’s a horrible fact of life. There’s a myth that constant positivity is possible just by changing your thoughts. It’s not. Phew. Now you can stop trying to be perfect – the pressure is off!

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Sometimes doing a simple body scan can release and move emotions in a gentle way. This mindfulness exercise always has me bawling within minutes if I feel like I need to cry, or shout, or laugh, but can’t quite express it any other way.

You’ve had a hard time, so cut yourself some slack.

Easy, don’t think it’s a big deal. If you think wanting to stay in bed all day for once and eat six chocolate bars is a big deal, that you will automatically become obese and depressed because of this one day where you needed some time out, you will not feel a lot better. So, cut yourself some slack – you’ve had a hard time. Maybe this is just what you need right now… and that’s ok.

If it’s the opposite: if you are suffering because you know deep down that you want to be out there experiencing the pain of running at 7 am, instead of the suffering that comes with procrastination, then don’t worry about it (but maybe do some exercise later!)

It’s normal to feel the pain you’re feeling.

Remember – most of all, that it is totally NORMAL to feel this pain you are feeling. Pain is a part of your workout and without it, you don’t get stronger. This is the same for creating art and devoting yourself to something or someone you love. It doesn’t mean you stop doing those things.

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If it’s really bad, knowing it’s normal doesn’t help. Just because a million people have been through it, and a million more are likely to, does not make it any less intoxicating, all-encompassing and, well, painful, in that moment you are feeling it. You are entitled to know that your pain is your own. And it is deep. No one else experiencing anything similar can take that away from you.

Relax, you have the choice.

Just relax! If you find yourself tensed up and in pain, there is nowhere for it to go. And there is also no way of you knowing what to do next. If you’re tensed up and stressed out, you can’t think clearly.

Relaxing doesn’t mean you can change the situation that brought you pain. But at least you have the choice to change what’s going on for you right now.

Life will always bring us pain, but we get to choose the type of pain we experience. Letting go of suffering means we can move through pain and maybe even one day feel something different. But for now, allowing yourself to feel the pain is enough.

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I hope this post has helped just a little bit, at least in seeing what pain and suffering really are, what to do about them. We all deal with pain in different ways. And when you’re in it, it’s like you can’t see the sun. But don’t worry – it will come up – it always does.

Featured photo credit: Picjumbo via picjumbo.com

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Daniel Owen van Dommelen

Coder, Director, Writer, Human

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Last Updated on November 4, 2020

15 Simple Ways To Make Self Improvement That Will Change Your Life

15 Simple Ways To Make Self Improvement That Will Change Your Life

Self-improvement doesn’t have to be big mind-blowing changes; it can actually be simple steps to improve upon what you already have to get you where you want to be.  However, what you will need is consistency, determination and wiliness to try some things that will stretch and challenge you.

Rather than setting your sights way off into the future, which leaves you feeling like you’ll never make it, you can start following these simple and effective self-improvement steps today.  So if you want to make an immediate impact on your life and are willing to take action, then keep reading— you’ll going to love these!

1. Be willing to work hard.

As with anything in life, if you want something, you’ve got to work hard to get it.  This doesn’t mean you burn the candle at both ends, leaving you exhausted and leaving your personal life in ruins.  It merely means that when you want something badly enough, you’ll put in the time to get there.  Action is what’s important here and the more ‘inspired’ the action is, the better the results in the end.

2. Make sure you have friends who you can talk to.

Sharing the load is important as with any self-improvement. If you can communicate with others and get feedback on how you are doing then that’s great.  We all need ‘cheerleaders’ in our corner to keep us going when times get hard, but you also need to have people who will tell you how it is even when you don’t want to hear it.  So make sure you have a good support network around you, especially those people whose opinions you respect.

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3. Adapt to your circumstances rather than over-thinking them.

Sometimes, we can hit a hard period. Perhaps you’ve lost your job or your partner has left you.  Instead of over analyzing the situation, learn to adapt to your circumstances and accept them as they are.  It’s not about making your circumstances into some kind of a drama; remember, what you focus on expands which means you’ll get more of it.  You then don’t become your problems and you’ll feel a lot less burdened by them.

4. Ensure that you use your time wisely.

Time is of the essence, some might say; whilst others will say that time is an illusion.  One thing we do know is that you have one life on this planet, so how you use that time is of the utmost importance.  So how can you use your time wisely? Only you know how to do that, but look at how you currently spend your days: do you sit working all day, get home, eat and then sit slumped in front of the TV for the rest of the evening?  Your time on this earth is precious, so isn’t it time to make use of the time you have left? Try something new, go for a walk, learn a new language or meditate but make sure it’s something you absolutely love.

5. Always be consistent.

A wonderful way to self-improvement is to make changes to how you do things.  For example, with your friends, are you always the unreliable one who bows out of an arrangement just before it happens? Or are you someone who starts a new exercise routine and then stops doing it 3 weeks into it?  Whatever it is and whatever you do, always be consistent. When you make a commitment, stick to it. It will improve your life immeasurably you’ll feel more confident and happier with yourself, especially because you’ll know that whatever you tackle, you’ll be able to consistently do it!

6. Go and find your happy place.

No, I’m not saying “place” as in popping to your local bar or restaurant and gorging yourself on your favorite drinks or food. What I’m saying is to find out what you love to do, what makes you happy and go there.  Your happy place is a place where you find peace, where you lose yourself and feel contented.  Meditation is a great way to find your happy place; it brings you back to you and ensures that you are always living in the present moment.

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7. Make sure you embrace all your emotions.

In life you are going to find that it throws you some difficult challenges, sometimes it will bring out your fears and lead you into uncertainty, and other times it will be joyful.  It’s important to embrace all emotions that come up in your life, embrace them wholeheartedly and understand why they are there and then let them go.  Try not to dismiss or resist them because remember “what you resist, persists,” so embrace them each and every time.

8. Always be prepared to step out of your comfort zone.

The idea of stepping out of your comfort zone for some people can leave you paralyzed with fear; however for any changing in your life, your comfort zone will always have to be stepped out of.  It doesn’t have to be something big, like doing a sky-dive or something just as crazy. However, it’s worthwhile to change something that you’d once have feared, like going to the cinema on your own or eating at a sushi restaurant when the thought of trying raw fish which would normally mean you running for the hills.

So try something new—it doesn’t have to be wacky, but it has to challenge you!

9. Be on hand to help others.

Whether it’s helping a stranger on the street or a family member or a friend helping someone else either in their time of need, lending a helping hand is a wonderful and simple self-improvement to make.  Giving to others is not only beneficial to those you are helping but also to yourself; it can give you a sense of purpose, of contribution and also takes your mind of your own troubles and worries.

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10. Live in the present moment.

A wonderful self-improvement tool is to live in the present moment, to live in the now.  It is within this moment that you’ll appreciate all that you have and see the beauty in the simplest of things.  Being mindful of your current circumstances and bringing your mind back to where it belongs will bring about a happier way of life instead of constant worry or stressing about the past or future—both of which do not exist. Only the present moment exists. When you get used to living that way, you’ll never want to go back!

11. Learn something new.

There is nothing so liberating as learning something new; it can lift both your confidence and self-esteem and give you a great reason to meet new people.  If you continually top up your brain activity by learning something new all the time, you’ll feel on top of your game and want to share the knowledge you have learned. There is nothing quite so empowering as learning a new tool in life that can either improve your circle of friends or raise confidence levels—or both!

Reading is also a great way to help you learn something new:

12. Exercise daily.

This seems an obvious one, but exercise is so important not only to your health but also to your spirit.  We all know that after exercise, the world can feel a brighter and more positive place, so why don’t we do it more often?  Exercise isn’t about getting the perfect body or losing weight; it’s more about feeling good inside and out!  With a healthy body comes a healthy mind—so start something today. Even if it’s just a daily walk, it’s better than staying on that couch, again.

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13. Go to new places, travel a bit.

I’m not saying go fly off to some far away distant forgotten land—although you can if you so wish. It’s more about going to new places and experiencing life outside of your own back yard.  Too many of us stay in one place too often. We only see the same people, the same streets and do the same things each and every day.  If you want to improve your life, get out there and see the world and what it can offer.  You can start by going to a town or city you’ve never been to in your own country and checking out the architecture, the landscapes and the people.  Anything new is good, so get out there!

14. Listen to uplifting music and dance.

If there’s one thing that can really improve your life and get you excited about it, it’s listening to great uplifting music and dancing.  When was the last time you really let go?  Let it all hang loose and got into a piece of music and let yourself go?  Dancing, like exercise, makes you feel great. It releases all kinds of emotions and can make you feel unbelievably good.  Self-improvement isn’t all about the serious stuff; it can be something as simple as finding new music, music that inspires you and makes you dance and have fun!

15. Get up earlier than normal.

This is the last one, and it’s last because it’s one of those self-improvement tips that we all know is a good thing, yet we seem to avoid it at all costs!  If you think about it, the earliest part of the day is when your brain is most active because it’s been turned off for the last 7 hours or so.  So don’t you think it’s best to get all those things above done in the morning?  Things like exercise, meditation and dancing, which can all be done in the first part of the day.  Take it from me: this early morning stuff can really get your day started with a bang!

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Featured photo credit: Laura Chouette via unsplash.com

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