Advertising
Advertising

Pain Is Inevitable. Suffering Is Optional

Pain Is Inevitable. Suffering Is Optional

Everyone goes through hard times. We all know that feeling, you’ve been made redundant, or someone close to you has died, or relationships break.

No matter what happens, there are bound to be times when we feel pain and suffering in life.

The difference between pain and suffering, though, is that with pain, we feel it immediately, sometimes intensely and then it naturally passes through us. Not so with suffering. When we suffer, we hold onto our pain for longer than necessary. We hold onto it because in a weird sort of way we enjoy the pain, because we’re lost in it, or even because we think we need it.

Suffering is the decision to keep eating the chocolate, even when we feel sick. Or to hold onto the jealousy we feel in our chests, instead of talking about the issue with our partner. It’s ignoring our true selves.

Advertising

Are you stuck in a cycle of suffering right now, and you want to get out?

Let go of the judgments around your pain.

You already feel bad. Worrying on top of this with the thought about how someone else might see you is a sure-fire way of holding onto that feeling for a lot longer than you need to. Bear in mind that we all do this at some point in time.

Some people set about organizing things at a fast pace, some just need to watch TV and snack all day long. Whatever it is you need to do, let yourself do it. And don’t torture yourself for it, either.

Give yourself permission to grieve.

Yes, we all feel pain. We all get rejected. We all lose someone. It’s a horrible fact of life. There’s a myth that constant positivity is possible just by changing your thoughts. It’s not. Phew. Now you can stop trying to be perfect – the pressure is off!

Advertising

Sometimes doing a simple body scan can release and move emotions in a gentle way. This mindfulness exercise always has me bawling within minutes if I feel like I need to cry, or shout, or laugh, but can’t quite express it any other way.

You’ve had a hard time, so cut yourself some slack.

Easy, don’t think it’s a big deal. If you think wanting to stay in bed all day for once and eat six chocolate bars is a big deal, that you will automatically become obese and depressed because of this one day where you needed some time out, you will not feel a lot better. So, cut yourself some slack – you’ve had a hard time. Maybe this is just what you need right now… and that’s ok.

If it’s the opposite: if you are suffering because you know deep down that you want to be out there experiencing the pain of running at 7 am, instead of the suffering that comes with procrastination, then don’t worry about it (but maybe do some exercise later!)

It’s normal to feel the pain you’re feeling.

Remember – most of all, that it is totally NORMAL to feel this pain you are feeling. Pain is a part of your workout and without it, you don’t get stronger. This is the same for creating art and devoting yourself to something or someone you love. It doesn’t mean you stop doing those things.

Advertising

If it’s really bad, knowing it’s normal doesn’t help. Just because a million people have been through it, and a million more are likely to, does not make it any less intoxicating, all-encompassing and, well, painful, in that moment you are feeling it. You are entitled to know that your pain is your own. And it is deep. No one else experiencing anything similar can take that away from you.

Relax, you have the choice.

Just relax! If you find yourself tensed up and in pain, there is nowhere for it to go. And there is also no way of you knowing what to do next. If you’re tensed up and stressed out, you can’t think clearly.

Relaxing doesn’t mean you can change the situation that brought you pain. But at least you have the choice to change what’s going on for you right now.

Life will always bring us pain, but we get to choose the type of pain we experience. Letting go of suffering means we can move through pain and maybe even one day feel something different. But for now, allowing yourself to feel the pain is enough.

Advertising

I hope this post has helped just a little bit, at least in seeing what pain and suffering really are, what to do about them. We all deal with pain in different ways. And when you’re in it, it’s like you can’t see the sun. But don’t worry – it will come up – it always does.

Featured photo credit: Picjumbo via picjumbo.com

More by this author

Daniel Owen van Dommelen

Coder, Director, Writer, Human

Science Says Piano Players’ Brains Are Very Different From Everybody Else’s The 6 Leadership Styles That All Successful Leaders Use We’re Born To Want To Put Things Off But Here’s What You Can Do To Get Over It Library Extension: Chrome Extension That Gets You The Book You Want On Amazon For Free Science Explains Why Early Birds Have Better Mental Health Than Night Owls

Trending in Communication

1 What’s the Easiest Language to Learn for English Speakers? 2 Need Morning Motivation? 30 Routines to Help You Start Afresh 3 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit 4 How to Practice Positive Thinking And Change Your Life 5 12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

Advertising

2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

Advertising

Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

Advertising

Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

Advertising

Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

More About Finding Yourself

Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

Read Next