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How to Have More Entertaining Conversations

How to Have More Entertaining Conversations

What if I told you that some of the best conversation exchanges are about things that never occurred and never will?

Say hello to the hypothetical statement – or hypotheticals as I affectionately refer to them. Probably the most entertaining type of statement in the conversation universe. A single hypothetical can launch a conversation into a world of fictional fun.

I was sitting in a coffee shop writing and someone came over and asked if the comfy chair next to me was available. I didn’t feel like talking because I was engrossed in my writing, but after I told him it was free, he sat down, got comfortable, and said, “If I start snoring loudly, just kick me.”

We both laughed. I responded, “I’ve got some ice left in my cup I could pour on you if that would work better.” He laughed again, and I went about my work. Either of us could have continued a conversation very naturally from there if we wanted, all about an imaginary event — falling asleep and snoring in a chair! There was nothing glamorous about the event either – but simply discussing the hypothetical possibility, within the context of a coffee shop – was very funny.

Hypothetical statements don’t require the imagination of an artist or the wit of a playwright. Many are quite simple and quick. Check out the following example:

“I’m going for a run, although I’ll probably faint in this heat.”

You could have just told your wife, “I’m going for a run,” but that wouldn’t be entertaining, would it? Adding some hypothetical scenario takes it to a whole new level. You could have added any number of hypotheticals about possibly being bitten by the neighbor’s vicious dog, chased by cops, etc.

Look at the World Without Hypothetical Statements

To quickly illustrate the power and range of hypotheticals, let’s look at some real examples WITHOUT and WITH a hypothetical component.

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Obviously, you weren’t privy to the actual conversation, but my hope is you can imagine how B-O-R-I-N-G some of these statements are without hypotheticals and how they completely transform the instant the hypothetical is added:

Without Hypothetical: Yeah, I was going to call you this morning to see if you were coming in.

With Hypothetical:Yeah, I was going to call you this morning to see if you were coming in. I wanted to make sure you weren’t stuck in a ditch or something.

Without Hypothetical:

JACK: I’m so glad they finally built the café down here.

JILL: Yeah, before this I was eating fast food every day.

With Hypothetical:

JACK: I’m so glad they finally built the café down here.

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JILL: Yeah, before this I was eating fast food every day. I must have gained like twenty pounds!

Without Hypothetical: I have to go give that presentation now.

With Hypothetical:I have to go give that presentation now. Anyone want to come see me embarrass myself?

The Hypothetical and the Exception

Hypotheticals often come in the form of an exception. Check out this example:

Your friend mentions the topic of making beer.

YOU: I’ve always wanted to have a home brewery in my basement. That would so cool! Except I’d probably end up throwing most of it out!

FRIEND: Maybe you should have a bakery instead. I think you would like making sweets even more than beer. Except you would probably end up eating everything before you had a chance to sell it!

What Might be a Possible Explanation?

The hypothetical can take the form of a playful explanation for why some event or behavior occurred.

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For example, you are leaving a neighborhood party when someone comments about your five-year-old.

FRIEND: Your son has been so good this whole time.

YOU: Thanks. It worked out well.

The conversation could end there. Or you could add a playful reason as to why your son behaved so well.

YOU: Thanks! We got lucky. Someone probably snuck him a few beers from the fridge.

Check out another example:

Your friends are talking about hair loss.

YOU: Yeah, it sucks, I’m sure I’ll be bald in about two years.

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FRIEND: Really, you look like you still have all your hair.

YOU: Yeah, well, not really.

Or you could also provide a hypothetical reason.

YOU: That’s because I’m wearing a toupee – a really good one. I glued it down.

The Almost Realm

Many great hypothetical statements exist in the realm of the “Almost” did/said/happened. This is often more interesting than the literal truth. It’s a very important technique in telling stories as well.

For a simple, but effective example, imagine someone asking: “How’d the event go?”

You reply “It was fun…the tent almost collapsed…but overall, it was a good time.” Or “It was fun…nothing burned down, so that was good.”

This gives the other person something else to connect to. “Well, I’m glad nothing burned down! That wouldn’t be good.”

Hypotheticals require a little imagination and a playfulness, which isn’t easy to replicate when you’re by yourself.  Regardless, it’s a habit that doesn’t come easily unless you make some effort. See if you can finish the following statements with a hypothetical statement:

  1. My team is playing tonight, if they ______, I’ll ________.
  2. I can’t stand mushrooms…if _________.
  3. Your beard is getting really long, you could ________.

A lot of times, just forcing yourself to add a “if…  it could…. it should… it would have… it might… I’ll probably… ” can help trigger some imaginative, entertaining statements!

More by this author

Gregory Peart

Gregory is the author of The Conversation Code: How to Upgrade Your Social Skills and Your Life. He regularly teaches adult social skills classes.

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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