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How to Have More Entertaining Conversations

How to Have More Entertaining Conversations

What if I told you that some of the best conversation exchanges are about things that never occurred and never will?

Say hello to the hypothetical statement – or hypotheticals as I affectionately refer to them. Probably the most entertaining type of statement in the conversation universe. A single hypothetical can launch a conversation into a world of fictional fun.

I was sitting in a coffee shop writing and someone came over and asked if the comfy chair next to me was available. I didn’t feel like talking because I was engrossed in my writing, but after I told him it was free, he sat down, got comfortable, and said, “If I start snoring loudly, just kick me.”

We both laughed. I responded, “I’ve got some ice left in my cup I could pour on you if that would work better.” He laughed again, and I went about my work. Either of us could have continued a conversation very naturally from there if we wanted, all about an imaginary event — falling asleep and snoring in a chair! There was nothing glamorous about the event either – but simply discussing the hypothetical possibility, within the context of a coffee shop – was very funny.

Hypothetical statements don’t require the imagination of an artist or the wit of a playwright. Many are quite simple and quick. Check out the following example:

“I’m going for a run, although I’ll probably faint in this heat.”

You could have just told your wife, “I’m going for a run,” but that wouldn’t be entertaining, would it? Adding some hypothetical scenario takes it to a whole new level. You could have added any number of hypotheticals about possibly being bitten by the neighbor’s vicious dog, chased by cops, etc.

Look at the World Without Hypothetical Statements

To quickly illustrate the power and range of hypotheticals, let’s look at some real examples WITHOUT and WITH a hypothetical component.

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Obviously, you weren’t privy to the actual conversation, but my hope is you can imagine how B-O-R-I-N-G some of these statements are without hypotheticals and how they completely transform the instant the hypothetical is added:

Without Hypothetical: Yeah, I was going to call you this morning to see if you were coming in.

With Hypothetical:Yeah, I was going to call you this morning to see if you were coming in. I wanted to make sure you weren’t stuck in a ditch or something.

Without Hypothetical:

JACK: I’m so glad they finally built the café down here.

JILL: Yeah, before this I was eating fast food every day.

With Hypothetical:

JACK: I’m so glad they finally built the café down here.

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JILL: Yeah, before this I was eating fast food every day. I must have gained like twenty pounds!

Without Hypothetical: I have to go give that presentation now.

With Hypothetical:I have to go give that presentation now. Anyone want to come see me embarrass myself?

The Hypothetical and the Exception

Hypotheticals often come in the form of an exception. Check out this example:

Your friend mentions the topic of making beer.

YOU: I’ve always wanted to have a home brewery in my basement. That would so cool! Except I’d probably end up throwing most of it out!

FRIEND: Maybe you should have a bakery instead. I think you would like making sweets even more than beer. Except you would probably end up eating everything before you had a chance to sell it!

What Might be a Possible Explanation?

The hypothetical can take the form of a playful explanation for why some event or behavior occurred.

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For example, you are leaving a neighborhood party when someone comments about your five-year-old.

FRIEND: Your son has been so good this whole time.

YOU: Thanks. It worked out well.

The conversation could end there. Or you could add a playful reason as to why your son behaved so well.

YOU: Thanks! We got lucky. Someone probably snuck him a few beers from the fridge.

Check out another example:

Your friends are talking about hair loss.

YOU: Yeah, it sucks, I’m sure I’ll be bald in about two years.

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FRIEND: Really, you look like you still have all your hair.

YOU: Yeah, well, not really.

Or you could also provide a hypothetical reason.

YOU: That’s because I’m wearing a toupee – a really good one. I glued it down.

The Almost Realm

Many great hypothetical statements exist in the realm of the “Almost” did/said/happened. This is often more interesting than the literal truth. It’s a very important technique in telling stories as well.

For a simple, but effective example, imagine someone asking: “How’d the event go?”

You reply “It was fun…the tent almost collapsed…but overall, it was a good time.” Or “It was fun…nothing burned down, so that was good.”

This gives the other person something else to connect to. “Well, I’m glad nothing burned down! That wouldn’t be good.”

Hypotheticals require a little imagination and a playfulness, which isn’t easy to replicate when you’re by yourself.  Regardless, it’s a habit that doesn’t come easily unless you make some effort. See if you can finish the following statements with a hypothetical statement:

  1. My team is playing tonight, if they ______, I’ll ________.
  2. I can’t stand mushrooms…if _________.
  3. Your beard is getting really long, you could ________.

A lot of times, just forcing yourself to add a “if…  it could…. it should… it would have… it might… I’ll probably… ” can help trigger some imaginative, entertaining statements!

More by this author

Gregory Peart

Gregory is the author of The Conversation Code: How to Upgrade Your Social Skills and Your Life. He regularly teaches adult social skills classes.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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