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Key Questions: Why Not Me? The Healthy Alternative

Key Questions: Why Not Me? The Healthy Alternative

Why me? We all ask ourselves this question at some point. Life is like a beautiful but blemished creature, not perfect, but still you don’t want to look away. We human kind seemingly only see the blemishes at times.

When the trying and misunderstood troubles swell like the menacing clouds of great storms we seldom recognize the life, the growth that comes after the storm subsides. Instead we shake our heads and ask ourselves why me? The questions that we ask ourselves determine how we will perform during our various tests. So the next time you wonder “why” instead wonder “why not me?”.

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Overcoming selfishness has Lasting Rewards.

When we wonder why the fates, or the universe, or karma, or God or whoever else could possibly allow misfortune into our paths has chosen us, we show how crippled we are with entitlement. In America especially we as a people have glaring entitlement issues. This “why me” type of question sheds light on that truth even when we alone in ourselves know it. What makes us so much better than anyone else that we believe bad things should not happen to us?

Instead of adopting selfishness in our life’s philosophy we can change our key questions that we ask ourselves simply by asking “why not me?” My son was diagnosed with autism and when I asked myself that question “why not me?”, I began to deal with the disorder properly. I started seeing autism as a formidable foe that another family may not been able to handle. A formidable foe but not a stumbling block.

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Why not me? Why can’t I conquer this challenge? Why can’t my son achieve greatness? Why can’t I learn to see autism as a blessing? Why isn’t autism a gift? Remove selfishness from every equation and suddenly our negatives become our positives.

The Question “Why Me” Makes Us Consider Our Lives In The Worst Way.

Misfortune visits everyone. Difficulties in life do not respect your person or bank account or heritage they just come to everyone. At one time or another, you will face aspects of life that you do not want to face.

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The sooner we realize that we will inevitably be confronted with pain, loss, and discouraging, sometimes unbelievable circumstances of all shapes and sizes the better. The key questions we choose in our lives, will either help us to deal with that sobering idea much better or lead us into a self deprecating world view.
When we ask “Why me?” We have to answer the question. Whether consciously or true or unconsciously and false, we will start to find our own faults that we plug into our “reasons” for why generally negatively viewed occurrences have occurred in our lives.

For example, that parents whose children suffer from varying disorders often believe their child have these disorders because of their own life decisions but that is often times not the case.

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We must guard ourselves from falling victim to the blame and guilt-ridden game. No one is perfect, but that doesn’t mean that those faults in turn evolve into the negatives our lives face in the future. When we ask “Why me?” the answers eventually become “…because of me.”

The Wisdom of Solomon

Let us be reminded of what wise Solomon taught. “But time and chance happeneth to them all.” Solomons lesson remains true not just with parents but with everyone else as well. Time and chance make the decisions not our superstitious doubts, or our fears, or our failures.

When we let go of our selfishness by asking ourselves key questions like “Why not me?”, we embark down the path of solutions. Once we realize that bad happens to every single person without rhyme or reason, then avoiding self-deprication and selfish question like “Why me?”, makes sense. If we reject that notion, then the path of selfishness and problems grooves deeper.

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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